Does He Listen???

Truly amazes me when we are born... how we are all raised... how we all decide to listen... who it is we seek in tough times--when we are out of the house, "grown-up" and moving on. When things are going great-- who do we thank... and who do we run and tell? It still, no matter what, depends on BIG TIME, how you are raised to find out the tiniest bit less confusing way-- of the fact that it is Jesus Christ, who died on the Cross for us-- to wipe away our sins... make us right in God's eyes... that we turn to HIM.. talk to HIM... pray to HIM... and yes.. HE MORE THAN LISTENS...

I had to take a long route. Not raised anything. Never knowing a thing about Jesus... other than one time... glancing at a portion of the movie-- that made my mother cry somehow-- and it was "Jesus of Nazareth." Now.. was I ever explained to what that was all about, for the portion I saw... or why the heck my mom, of all mom's would cry?? No. So, I shrugged that right off. But I still... somehow grew up with a pretty darn sensitive, loving heart... even growing up in a family that went thru some rocky times. The times where you begin to chose which parent.. because one decided to be with another for some time. Granted... thru perfect tough times that hit.. they are still together.. and I still think Jesus is working on my parents hearts-- to give their lives over to Him. Til then, I just keep praying.

But as a young married person... who just got married to get out of where I was.. and to perhaps start the family I always wanted to have... it sure isn't brilliant to say those vows-- mind you even at the courthouse.. if you lived in a family that had a tough marriage-- and then for some odd reason you couldn't announce YOU were getting married. That was a bad start. But I can look back today and see how Jesus worked thru it all-- thru my own free will choosing.. in such amazing ways.

Does He listen? He does. Does He do whatever we ask? No. Lord, if that were to happen, this world would have been destroyed so much long ago... and heck I might not even be here typing. He has His plans mastered... it is up to us to reach for Him... for Him to keep unfolding them... and when we make mistakes... we will more than learn whether it is after we find Him.. and look back just amazed at how HE IS THERE---ALL THE TIME.... we just didn't let our hearts open up and let Him in to recognize it... to be able to listen to HIM. He listens to us ALL THE TIME. He throws us hints, and kind signs... we have to be willing to receive them... and my whole life growing up-- I never knew OF Him.. but when I heard some about Him--in my early twenties... I easily rejected that-- once I was hurt. But it isn't Jesus who hurts us. We are all sinners-- we all fall short of His Glory.. I just didn't know that then... and didn't know that for almost a decade after my ex first cheated on me... but I can turn back today, and see all God still was working on with me... even when I was shutting Him out.

It came down to my first brain surgery--- I still didn't know Him... didn't accept Him... but my meds had me flying prior-- as for this one we found out always makes me basically drunk when I take it. So.. while I was drunk on it.. somewhere I shouldn't have been... I bought I gold cross. It was a week before my 1st brain surgery. Almost like God just told me something. Something bigger was coming. And that was true.

I had never taken it off... I felt almost like the cross got me thru. Not like Jesus did yet... something sure was connecting with it though. I kept touching it. Thru all I was going thru-- having to raise my kid on my own, while having seizures, alone. Then my ex was able to come stay with us from where he was stationed-- to help me heal-- for 2 weeks.

Fast forward.... as you all know... when I got to Texas, 4 days after, he beat me. That cross grew more important to me than ever. The gentleman I saw that dealt with my case on the Army base was also a Christian... the first one to introduce me to Veggie Tales for my daughter. He had such a heart about the case-- and I could see it was because he was living for Jesus...

When I finally got back to Phoenix... it was in those rough times... but also good times... that I realized I needed more than a person to talk to. More than human advice. I could sit and listen to my family slam my ex if that is what people feel are healing-- but that isn't it. I began to really learn that talking to God was the route I had to try to find. Even during the tough days of when I was popping pills... HE would understand what I was saying. HE listened to my every cry... even if it was one without tears. He scooped me up as His baby-- thru it all... listening to my unhappy points... and listening to my gleeful points. That is what is awesome about Jesus... He loves to hear it all. Most of us have friends or family that can only deal with the gleeful part... but don't get into the tough stuff... cause then we have a lot of walk-aways. I found so much ease and comfort thru the fact that He never walks away... He only has amazing plans... as we keep trusting Him... and talking with Him...AS HE ALWAYS LISTENS...

That must be why He blessed me with a husband that is so Christ-like. Who listens to everything. Asks about it all.... just is amazing. How Christ-Like are you today? I just know I just keep trying to be more and more like Him... never will be... but always trying to be closer. He has seen me thru so much... and still is... I love to try to help others know that HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR THEM... ALL THE TIME... LISTENING... AND DOES ANSWER PRAYERS....

May not be in our timing... and perfect liking at the time prayed for... but we will be able to look back and thank Him so much.... for doing it HIS WAY... or honestly... it is just a highway to hell if we don't accept Him... and it is living hell if we don't accept it His Way... as tough as it may seem at times.

I Love you all... you all bring so much joy into my life... I am off to my prayer answered in HIS TIMING... on the 17th... to have my MEG test done... so my 3rd brain surgery can move forward!! AMEN!! HE WORKS WONDERS!!!!

In His Love,

Heather/Hetty

@AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures @fillmyvoid

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Forgiveness with God's help

Forgiveness is amazing... as we listen to God's perfect timing... the Holy Spirit leads us.... love all... yet trust still has time to take--- while still loving them... boundaries for your faith's safety-- put up armor... yet love all...

October-ALWAYS-my Savior-my SAVE-YOUR

All I can say... is a BIG AMEN!! Jesus Christ saved me when He died on the Cross for us all over 2000 years ago... but October seems to be an amazing, blessed month for me--thru HIM!!

He saved me in 2002, back when I didn't know Him. My ex beat me. I can go a little more in depth on this Blog, as for I was entitled this day to write one... and this is the day our Savior SAVED me from death in 2003. I feel He needs a little more in depth detail to tell all HOW AMAZING HE IS.

I went thru my first brain surgery August 7th, 2002. Was quite painful... and stressful. As for #1 I didn't know Jesus. #2 my husband then, ex now... and I really had a very tough relationship. Had since the get-go in 1996... but worsened as for he was so angry my illness interrupted his schooling. Wasn't my goal. We got pregnant in 2000--- and my seizures which used to be controlled, just skyrocketed. Now granted, we got pregnant, the night we were kindly planning another divorce. I looked at it as a reason to stay together-- he was so angry, as for he was stuck. And was in another relationship he had to break.

Had my brain surgery in 2002, because my seizures just would not be controlled by anything. Tried everything you can name. And ones that even thru me into a psych ward back in Alabama in 2001, as for they didn't know how to handle all that change from pregnancy there. I will say, changing meds back and forth does not make you the most pleasant being, seizing left and right doesn't help... while raising a baby while exhausted all by yourself, because your other half is stationed elsewhere... mind you are never able to talk, as for he was having another grand time with another woman as well. So, after my 1st brain surgery... he was given a couple weeks to come out to help take care of our baby, while I healed. Was just a living nightmare. #1 He had never been around her--so he didn't know how. #2 He had such little care for my pain, that checking on me was more than a task. #3 Began true thoughts of despair of what was going on--he had so much pinned up anger. But a couple weeks after, he went back to Texas where he was stationed. Allowed my time of rent to be lived out thru September in AZ-very gladly. Mind you.. I still didn't know Jesus. I just talked to myself--whatever "god" might be out there on rights and wrongs. We had already been thru so much I haven't listed on this part...such as adultery, many break-ups etc.. that this was just getting to be wearing. Especially when trying to recover, and raise this kid. But when time came-- Tory (my daughter) and I, got on the plane-- flew out to Texas. There, within 20 minutes he was saying such evil words-- like "if you don't like it here--you can go back, but Tory will stay...." WOW!!! Never expected. But we pressed on from Austin to Killeen. And wow... he just grew snappier. I know I wasn't perfect. But in the past days, there used to be this comforter in him. It was distinguished. Even after-mind you not quite two months after my brain surgery. And our beautiful kid-finally together. No.. did nothing. His anger grew more violent. This coming from the one who thru all this Jesus stuff in my face in 1996-unexpectedly. Took up to the fourth day that we were there- that I was sitting there in our living room- finally had an apartment... got our kid down late... it was 11 pm that I was emotional. Hoping he'd be his old self and come hold me, say we will all get thru it. I was sitting there listening to my good ol' Counting Crow's- and missed Phoenix and family. And he just looked at me in disgust and said he wasn't dealing with it-all I do is complain. WOW... I hadn't even said anything... just wanted a loving touching hand.. and anger grew and grew.. then he got louder.. and I had to remind him we have a child... he was so aggressive, that I told him I was taking the bedroom he could take the couch if he couldn't talk--he busted thru that bedroom door--knocked me down... pinned me down, and began the bruising on me from there. Was a nightmare!! We had no phone!!! The neighbor was Army too--and wouldn't let me turn him in...get help... I had to wait til the next day... to get down to the base to find a phone. Had to sleep with my car keys--as much as I REALLY SLEPT!!

AND WOW!! That is where God works. I was bawling with Tory in my arms on a calling card to a dear friend-AFAR--what to do?? And an Army Chaplain walked by--stopped watching me bawl--asking HOW HE COULD HELP!!??? So many on lunch breaks, and off to meetings, etc.. many just don't have time today--we are all just so booked, but this soul felt Jesus speak to him... the #1 I was in despair, #2 I needed some nudge to Jesus....

We tried counseling very short term thru him, as for my ex would not accept the fact that he beat me--even with the social services having taken pictures to prove it. My daughter and I up for hours for that--on base--and the Police Department. She was shaken... I sure was too. The despair of it was, as much as I love my family, they would not believe me--that he beat me, and he was kicked out of the apartment. So hard to deal with tragic reality. So between it all--it began a severe feeling of despair and loneliness- as for I still did not know Jesus yet. So who to pray to??

I talked to lawyers, to neighbors, on the phone to whom is my dear dear husband today... my neurologist-Dr. Drazkowski-(I still see and thank Jesus for today).... looking for answers. Just hadn't found one true answer yet... as for I began to reach for my Phenobarbital-seizure medication, take extra to ease and numb pain. Would pound a great handful fly in my car up to Austin--the city. I loved it-I love cities. And I had a family friend there we'd visit. He could see there wasn't something the same about me. Took several visits... and invited my now husband down to visit in Dec of 2002. Asking a neighbor to watch Tory---NIGHTMARE. #1 I felt it was all wrong somehow-- and was just in despair from all I was going thru... #2 popped sooo many of my pills surprised I am typing... but-- it led my family friend (my dad's best friend from high school-Bill) to call my parents and say "GET OUT HERE NOW---SHE NEEDS YOU!!" And they were on the first flight finally... as for it was a blessing--cause my ex picked up our kid--wasn't supposed to--and found which hospital I was at-even though he wasn't supposed to have Tory-nor be near me. Shoved me there inside the hospital in front of our one year old---led me to calling cops... but in perfect timing--praise God-- my parents walked in that hospital door-- and we all left... and came back to Arizona. My ex just dropped it all. As for he was off to Iraq... and just was about hurting... control. God was working....
This is what leads up to October 19th... A day I will never in my life forget, no regret, now. All the year of 2003 I had been searching for Jesus FINALLY in my life. Even while higher than a kite---HE INVITES ALL IN. And the Holy Spirit can still get thru to you!! I was trying to be hard hearted at first--but wow!! Just started to grasp me with amazement!!! Started dating my now amazing husband Christian Siebens, from afar....he was in Seattle. And Tory and I moved into our own little one bedroom apartment--she had the bedroom--I slept on the floor of the living room--with a TV no cable for her--and a lamp--no shade. Most awesome time of my life to be honest!!! I had off and on periods of popping way too many pills-was seeing an amazing psychiatrist for that at Mayo-Dr. Hanson-then later up thru today is amazing Dr. Stonnington. In July-then September of that year began seeing an AMAZING psychologist for people with seizures, strokes, etc... Dr. Sari Roth-Roemer--blessing and a half--who has helped me become so much of who I am today!!
I had been silent the whole time attending my church-Cornerstone Christian Fellowship, Chandler, AZ--but one day--in July of 2003, bit tipsy on too many pills again-at a church service-something spoke to me BIG. And made me look FINALLY for just ONE person to talk to--vent to. Ask questions about life, Jesus, what to do. And there was this lady I had seen almost every Sunday sitting pretty still as everyone was leaving--and I just chose her to reach to...my very dear friend and neighbor Karen. I reached to her BIG that night. Granted pretty tipsy, so God knows she was wondering what is up with this girl.. but she sure listened and reached out!!! And we kept in contact thru the year--she was like another counselor for me!! On biblical grounds. I truly today thank Jesus for her--she has helped me in so many ways-be a good mom, get thru hard points, she was my maid of honor. I am so blessed.

Had several overdosing stays in the hospital that year... but October 19th---why the date of this Blog meant so much to me is amazing---I argued on the phone with my ex on the 18th... and that argument just hurt. I had been saving my Phenobarbital pills--not taking them since August because I "hated" them. But not flushing them either in case of a "rainy" day. That argument felt like it was pouring. Denying he beat me--after apologizing a couple weeks prior. So psychologically confusing. So the next day... I popped half of my storage in the AM--went the the gym with my kid and friend, and his autistic kid. Hyper-drive started to kick in---walking straight lines weren't happening. Then.. began to feel the bit of downfall.. took it all.... 10,000 mg's... granted my body had grown pretty tolerant over the year. But I shouldn't be here typing. Led to us at the mall... me shopping like a bandit--for things I couldn't afford--and still have today to never forget. But it finally hit me--when I thought if I popped the ending of that bottle--I could just quickly go to sleep without feeling any type of fear first---I was wrong. And God gave me the feeling of regret--and fear. And I fortunately had my neurologists cell on program--like God knew this would occur. I hit the button in tears and asked what to do (best I could speak)---and he said to get there NOW. And sadly--I didn't just ask my friend to take us from the mall to that ER (30 miles)... no. I packed my kiddo up in my car... and said follow me to pack for my stay. And FLEW down the 40 mph street doing 80!!! TALK ABOUT JESUS' hand on us the WHOLE WAY...

My friend got us a sitter... and called my mom... and took me up to Mayo. And on the way--I remember nothing. I only remember when I got there--and they STAT put tube down me to pump my stomach-- just before I went into coma-- I asked Him to somehow give me another chance...and following--when I woke up in a room--I was still coming down off a high dose...but something still began to feel different. And I was still tipsy enough to not be embarrassed to call Karen, let her know how dumb I was--how amazing Jesus was. She was up in SECONDS!! That was when I was amazed at Christian friends who are there for you thru EVERYTHING!! She even had one of our very dear pastors come up to pray for me!! WOW--I had never been so touched in my life... that awesome Pastor Tom Stone was the same one who came to pray for me for my second brain surgery too... awesome friends thru Jesus I was learning!! WOW!!

And it all put me ONE FIRE FOR HIM!! I jumped in the Bible---and was amazed at how He spoke, and speaks to US. HE IS OUR SAVIOR ALL THE TIME!!! We have to see that!!

And I am still sitting here typing, blogging, tweeting, Facebooking, SKYPE'ing,, ning'ing, Lord... etc.. reaching now out to others... with epilepsy, domestic violence, depression, overdosage, suicide, etc... Most of all... those searching for Jesus. He has done nothing but brought so much good into my life... I learned so much thru it all---we need to forgive ourselves--knowing HE FORGIVES US FIRST!! (learned that thru my Bible study teacher Amy!! AMEN!!) And we need to forgive others... or we can't live a good life. I learned seizures worsen with me without forgiving others. Took me 4 years to forgive my ex--but it was an amazing feeling when I did.

He has brought so much joy and good thru all the tough times--as I found Him, trusted Him, walked tightly with knowing He has plans, and will not turn on me!! EVER!! And He hasn't -- has turned all this yuck into so much good-- and able to use so much I learned for His Glory!


With that... I have great news of my daughter being adopted by my husband-Christian Siebens @flyingchristian  --whom she has always seen as her daddy-this coming year (2009) ...and my 3rd brain surgery will be to come (was in 2010-another big thing God has got me thru and still gets me thru since that 3rd awake brain surgery)--to lessen medications!! He works wonders... even thru all the tough--leads to amazing good!!! We took the day my ex beat me and married that day (October 6th) in 2007---so it would always be a blissful day--not one to mourn over. And I always send my docs cards on Oct 19th--for helping thru Jesus to save my life!! (and I always buy a Starbucks cup--and my daughter clothes from Gymboree (different store now that she is a teen!) --as for that is what I did higher than I kite--I do it sane with happiness now!!)

Know you are wanted and loved by so many!! Jesus #1---family and friends and ME #2---never doubt that!! Jesus is always my Savior--your Savior-- always there to be our SAVE-YOUR :) Know that!! No matter what you are going thru or HOW you are going thru it--HE WILL GET YOU THRU IT--as you whisper to Him for His mercy and help!!!

In His Love,

Hetty Siebens



@AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures

My very first verse I opened to on my OWN when I really turned to Him after I exited Mayo Hospital---ALIVE!!!
Romans 4:18-19 AND...
Romans 4:20-22
Abraham NEVER wavered believing God's promise. In Fact, His faith grew STRONGER and in this he brought glory to God. He was absolutely convinced that God was able to do anything He promised. And because of Abraham's faith, God declared him to be righteous.
WOW!!!!

John 1:1-5 In the beginning the Word already existed. He was with God, and He was God. He was in the beginning with God. He created everything there is. Nothing exists that He didn't make. Life itself was in Him, and this life gives light to everyone. The light shines thru the darkness, and the darkness can never distinguish it.

Galatians 1:4 He died for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
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My Apologies Begin Here Before Anyone Else from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Doesn't matter how...

We find Jesus----JUST AS LONG AS WE DO IN TIME!!!! And when we do--we grow close to Him, learn what wrongs we have done, ask for forgiveness, though He forgives us the moment we accept Him... learn that we are really forgiven--so forgive ourselves along with anyone else who has hurt us. Leap into His Word--He so will talk to us--guide us as we soak up His Word. Grow close to other Christian friends to hold us strong in our faith--for us to lean on--as for once we accept Him we are new people cleansed in His love and grace. We are to stick with others to build our faith... and when we learn more.. have others that don't know Him, lean on us... but we don't turn to them for advice. We need advice thru HIM. Be yoked with believers... friends with non-believers, but allowing THEM to lean on us.... so we don't turn back to the way we were...

I have lived that life... the "were" life. The tough marriage. The failed marriage. The one where I married him unconsciously thinking that I could run off--build the family that my family was far from when growing up. Happy, loving, sentimental, four kids, about each other---mind you I didn't know Jesus. Well, that failed miserably. The moment he cheated on me within our first year of marriage---I became my dad. Don't you all find yourselves saying parts of your parents you will never be like? Mine was #1 Mom---I will NEVER get married at 19 like you did--not til at least 25!! WRONG---19!!! #2 I would NEVER cheat on my spouse--never be like my dad--I had to counsel my mother when my father cheated on my mom--I didn't think it hurt me then--Lord did it ever backfire years later!! And the moment my ex cheated.. I was on search for the next man-- didn't faze me. Searching selfishly for what I wanted to fill my void.

Thru it all... I am still blessed today-- moment thru all hard circumstances-- near death experience.. that brought me to Jesus-- has done nothing but bring Amazing Love for Jesus into my life... and He brought me amazing family!! Never have had such hard times feel so glorious as I look back on them!!

Have patience in your hard times.. look to Jesus.. HE MORE THAN SEES YOU THRU--WITH AWESOME PLANS. He is ONE TRUE GOD OF ALL-- and never NEVER LETS YOU DOWN. May not answer your prayers on YOUR TIME. Or the way exactly YOU WANT--but when you look back in time-- you can almost ALWAYS SEE WHY, bow down, and thank Him for holding you thru it all-- and giving you the strength to get thru it all- in His timing. THAT IS THE RIGHT TIMING!!!

Life without knowing Him was so empty now that I look back-- but I also can look back and see His footprints all over my life-- trying to get my attention so many times, so kindly... gently... Is He doing that with you today?? Worth every moment to ask any questions-- search for why He is tapping on your shoulder. I am only here to type this, as for He has plans for me-- and such a heart to keep me here!!

Love you all so much thru Jesus!!

In His Grip,

Hetty @AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures

Psalm 16:2
I said to the LORD, "You are my Master! All the good things I have come from You!"

Psalm 18:30-31
As for God, His way is perfect. All the LORD's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection.
For who is God except the LORD? Who but our God is a solid ROCK?

Psalm 33:20-21
We depend on the LORD alone to save us. Only He can help us, protecting us like a shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice, for we are trusting in His Holy name.

Psalm 120:1 I took my troubles to the LORD; I cried out to Him, and He answered my prayer.

http://manyepilepsycures.blogspot.com
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http://epilepsycures.ning.com

Transparency-God's workings!

Transparency ... SUCH A GIFT Jesus can bless us with----IF WE ACCEPT IT!!!

We have, yes the choice of hiding everything, or things we think that will make people run... think that we are somehow an alien or devil ridden or just weird... or we can be open with all that is going on in our life- knowing God turns all trials, health issues, work failings, money issues, marriage failings, rapings, beatings.... gosh etc.... He can turn it ALL for His Glory--- as we seek HIM--HIS help-- Trust Him... look to Him to help us thru it all-- knowing HE WILL SEE US THRU-- or we can be the type to take all control. But I say good luck. I tried that before I knew Jesus... and Lord, I can now compare the two-- BIG day and night.

I have personally been able to take many "bad" stuff and "hard" stuff... and use it to help others. See the light there is hidden in it all. As we walk close with Christ. When my ex beat me October 6, 2002... I could have been the type to yap and yell and rage on about it to the world... including (right now) our daughter.... but I didn't. I first-- because of that-- ran to find Jesus. AMEN!! Second, knew if my little one ever heard about that-- even in her very tiny years-- it would mentally affect her for years to come. Divorce-- even when the child doesn't know that other half well, is hard enough. I had parents that shared way too much info on their tragic marriage with me when I was small--that is where you live and learn comes in handy. Thru my close walk with Jesus since I found Him in 2003... it took me 3 more years to forgive my ex--- but it sure felt awesome when I did. And thru that.... he came into Tory's life for almost 2 years... with me being cordial, working with him and his military schedule. With faith-GOD WORKS WONDERS. He wasn't happy that Tory never saw him as dad few times she saw him. Well, my husband today has raised her since she was 2... he is her dad. I can't twist her arm. He has to earn it. Just as we have to call to Christ-our Father... "be my Dad!!! My Savior!! My Everything.!!!" That is what my husband is to Tory. Always there for her. Not one who might call once every 3 or so weeks. Imagine is Jesus was only around THAT MUCH??? WOW!!! How would life be?? We would be really sinking!! Jesus saw the actions... and my ex decided to give her to my husband for adoption.. I signed the papers day before our anniversary... so it is almost complete... what an anniversary gift from Jesus. And I will say--it is when we walk tight with Him, and don't waver. Don't snap. Don't let anger overflow our love for Jesus and all people. Because still today-my ex and I can still have a decent conversation, when we need to talk. So things work out amazing--when we hold on tight to Jesus--thru YEARS of a trial--or just days or months of one--HE GETS US THRU!!!! No pill will. No other "god". Nothing--but faith and prayer to Jesus, as you trust Him, and walk with Him tight--trying to be more and more like Him. Talk about an amazing God...WOW!! He has worked wonders in my life---and keeps working more. Setting up my 3rd brain surgery. That I know He is ready to control my seizures--thru faith. I love Him so much. He just amazes me--thru every great day, and hard day...know HE LOVE YOU EVERYDAY...
Sharing these stories... I am one very open soul.... I take all I go thru--and share it with all. I have come across so many I have been able to help because my mouth is so BIG.. about my illnesses, my faith, my ex, my life change today. Hiding all you go thru, doesn't help the one that could benefit GREATLY from your amazing faith, and knowledge of what issues you endure--yet still have faith!! Still are uplifting and loving. Not bitter, or angry. You can hold your hand out with the knowledge that will touch ones heart FOREVER. My MOUTH, ME, I am very transparent and open. Here for all... come to me on @EpilepsyCures and @AliveinMe on twitter.com
or http://epilepsycures.ning.com
or http://www.facebook.com/AliveinMe
or http://www.YouTube.com/Hetty4Christ

A few I'd love to see you at!! You all are blessings to me!!!!!

In His Grip,

Heather (Hetty) Siebens

The glory of God, and, as our only means to glorifying Him, the salvation of human souls, is the real business of life.
~C.S. Lewis

Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills, as I have found out long ago.
~C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite books, yes it is: from 1955--- Harold and the Purple Crayon By Crockett Johnson :)

Found TRUE LOVE

How can I break this down....

I grew up knowing nothing. In a town-that if anyone knew anything about Jesus-they sure were quiet. Only time I ever heard a thing about this "Guy" (aside from His name in vane in my family) was that show Jesus of Nazareth. I was about seven...and clueless...but it sure drew tears.
Kept living life...I was an epileptic my whole life. As a child I was a gymnast-a competitor...and in my heart...I would talk to "someone" just didn't know who. Had dreams-talking to "someone" about them...not sure who...
My parents marriage got so rocky as they lived for money and their names to be high up in the town we lived in..President of this and that...that of coarse led to women wanting my dad for material reasons...and he folded. And with my dad cheating on my mom started a whole new relationship between her and I...I was basically her counselor. She and I were always close. But she needed someone to confide in...and she did it with me, the daughter of both the parents. Which I didn''t think hurt then...but sure affected me later.
When I was 18-we had made our 4th move in last two yrs of my high school yrs. I was in New Bern, NC. I was insane there...was not the place for me. Some southern drawl I didn't understand...then people lectured me on this weird church stuff...not where I come from!! We don't have to do this church stuff-I'd tell em.....while I was there, I met my 1st husband-lengthier marriage by God-not by choice. We just jumped into marriage knowing each other 3mos. He was a marine. We wound up moving to California (probably half the reason I married him) But we had fuzzy feelings. Then when we got there in Cali-this is all 1996-he decided to press this Jesus stuff He had never spoken to me about-ever. At first I rejected it hard!!! Almost left him even...but then something tugged me. Half the reason was-everyone at my work, when I'd go to them asking them to back me up for me to leave him, couldn't-they were total Jesus Freaks! :) So on the side, I was learning from a friend a little...and started to go to my husbands church...but it wasn't but about a month into my attempt in my walking to learn more-that he cheated on me. After what I lived thru with my parents as a child...I had no forgiveness...nor did I have Jesus in my life yet-so didn't have it thru Him either...I was out of there...began 1 of my several move outs and to another state from him. We filed 3 times, 4th was our final in 2006. But God still has reasons for everything-during our breakups he showed me that I wasn't to be with other people-literally BIG signs of rolling my car three times, only breaking my marriage finger. Flat tires the night one was going to propose. Countless number of relationships-- searching to fill that void--somewhere around 15 in like an off an on 2 years. God sadly blesses me with an amazing memory-perhaps to know never to do all that again--turn TO HIM, now that I KNOW!! But He always is there...even when we aren't looking for Him.
My husband then, and I tried one last time-after another big break up-to patch it up back in 2000. He had feelings that I owed him-even though we both were so equal in hurting the other...finally got to a point his temper was just too much-and we discussed it-he said he couldn't handle being with me anymore and was seeing someone else...I was all okay...at least he told me...almost before. So we decided to go out-eat dinner-drink a bottle of wine (which was the first time I ever did with him) and talk about who gets what. We were laughing about it all in the end-back at our apartment...which lead to the married couple's last time....except even that night something felt and showed me-it was going to be more than that last night...
Within 5 days I found out that was the night that got me pregnant. He was so angry-wanted to abort it. I-not into Jesus-still felt it was a gift from God. We somehow stuck it out. But my seizures got worse...and it thru his schooling off. He didn't have time to take care of me...and when I had our baby Tory-he couldn't take care of us both...so Tory and I went back to AZ where my family was-to find a good neurologist. There I was set to go thru my first brain surgery Aug 7, 2002, and my husband had joined the Army so we could have the insurance for it. I made it thru that-no seizures!!! We had such marital strife and sinning all along. 
We moved to Killeen, TX, where he was stationed. Four days after...he beat me with our baby asleep. Thank God for the Army...they kicked him out...took pics and records..I thought I was loosing my mind though...I was so lonely. I had nobody there. My family would not believe me-they can't deal with stress...so I had to pretend he lived there and we were happy and I wasn't abused. Thank God for my neurologist in AZ at Mayo-he stayed in touch. I told him what was going on to watch my seizures...and also this new problem that came on...overdosing with Phenobarbital-antiseizure med-to numb pain. I was so alone-listened to sad sad music, bawling with whatever amount of the pills and soda. Tears were uncountable. Finally...visiting a friend in Austin..we hit the ER 2 times...then they suggested I stay with them that night...but I said I felt soooo much better-when I could in reality, barely say those words. I got into my car...blared my sad Matchbox twenty song "Hand me Down" stopped at a Jack in the Box for a BIG Dr. Pepper...then aggressively took off...on repeat..on the 35...bawling-saw the rest of the bottle of my pills...while crying about how hopeless life is..picked it up and slid every last one that wasn't in me already, in me...downing with that Dr. Pepper...dropping 7...that upset me...took little time to realize...that if I didn't see an ER or H sign asap I wouldn't be around...somehow God provided that...somehow...and ripped my car over all these curbs into it. Going thru my first stomach pump. My parents were called by the family friend that I had seen and jumped on the first flight to come get Tory and I...there was God's hands at work there....
They were upset..but so loving. It was from that point on it was battle time. I didn't have them as the mom and dad I could talk about the beating with...upset them too much. Couldn't talk about my new addiction when I'd get upset and stressed over this divorce-he left Tory and I with nothing. I couldn't hold a job with my addiction issues...I found my church one day-when I was blasted...God called to me with that purple sign that said Cornerstone. I knew that was the only way I'd find hope. I started going...every Sunday...but I swear he always spoke directly at me...convicted me of so much! God answered so many little and big prayers in that tiny walk...beginning of learning...but I was still in a battle...wound up overdosing in June of 2003-more battle on line with my ex who was in Iraq-(gift from God to separate us that far-even though that was tough) The docs tried to change my medication-I really wanted Phenobarb out of my life-took about 12 days..at home reading to my 2 yr old on my lap on the floor...HUGE grand mal seizure...threw up everywhere...was out for 3 hrs-bonked my head on the tile. When I woke my baby was still standing there-2 1/2 hrs past her bed time-bawling her eyes out-pointing at me-saying "mama mama" ...ugh!! talk about tears...I barely could talk...
It took several more times of overdosing/hospitalizations after being put back on Phenobarbital (weekly, hand given-but stored by me) ...and one final time-in October of 2003-that I almost lost my life to...that Jesus saved me from death...heard tiny prayers...saw the little walk I was trying to walk...He needed to have me have more than a wake up call... HE SAVED ME FROM DEATH, on a major overdose. As I whispered His name, before I hit coma and they were pumping my stomach-HE SAVED ME BIG--more than 2nd chances. I lived to tell.
And I am blessed. Just following is when the love of my life-Christian-was shocked and amazed...over that yr...I as this new Christian on fire for Jesus...got him who grew up with Christ...ON FIRE!! And we dated the way God wanted us to! As my divorce was still going thru...God had that take time...and I look and see why now...it took about 4 yrs for me to really forgive my ex for beating me. It hurt me so bad emotionally...caused so much anguish-with seizures and overdosing...but with that overdosing...I have to look back and thank Jesus for it all...for I found Him...and it led me to going thru a second brain surgery-that was amazing!!! Following Him...in prayer-the second one was almost painless...which was a SHOCK-cause it was so much more complicated than the first!! The day after I got out...I was at Bible study!! AMEN!!!! I didn't get out of the house the first one for about a month!
With this walk came forgiveness...and when I felt God tug on me to do that....and I did forgive my ex for all he did to me-while also apologizing for what I also put him thru...God made me feel so awesome inside...like He gives you a new heart. And mine on fire for Him! Did it have aching times, yes. seizing a month after my second brain surgery hurt...but He has reasons for everything. I have been on a health struggle since 2000...and worsened since 2005. If I went down my list-you'd wonder how I still type! hahaha!! But the cool thing is...is that-no matter how many times I go to the hospital, and for what...He is there, holding me the whole time...
I have numerous health issues if anyone ever wants to talk-I am open! We are so blessed. Even thru battles of trials, came blessings! My ex has surrendered rights to Tory-our kid, and given my husband ability thru that to adopt. He has raised her as her dad since she was two. And a successful 3rd brain surgery-cured my Epilepsy...they did it while I was AWAKE. God was more than there! And amazing people-near and far from Twitter were also there thru it all! I love you all so much!! My precious hubby updated it all on http://manyepilepsycures.blogspot.com
I was able to enjoy life, working out, many sports I loved but couldn't do with Epilepsy holding me back. 
But, I am on pause for the moment again, being tested for numerous illnesses that ate my nerves/muscles up so quickly-and out of no where. But I know He always sees me thru... and has amazing plans-as I walk with Him and trust Him.
God has amazing reasons for everything...even when it is a battle with health. It somehow is a light-not only in my life, but in others too. I am able to share His awesome love and Word thru these struggles and how awesome He works thru them! Never would regret a moment of it...


Blessings to you...

Hetty Siebens  @AliveinMe

Jeremiah 17:15 Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.


2 Corinthians 12: 8-9 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me.

1 Peter 5: 6-7 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you. Give ALL your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you!

Precious one-Forever

For my dear precious hubby....

Blessings!!!

Blessings are amazing...and all of you are sure BIG BLESSINGS!!

Blessings can sure be hidden when we don't open are heart to them surrounding us. Even during hard trials...there are such amazing blessings that occur thru them. We just have to recognize them...and be gracious and thankful. Sometimes that can be so tough.

It has been a tough few months for me...with my child MIA with my ex over the summer...from lack of communication. But I had to put my trust in Christ...no human power. And He saw us thru. Not only that...but He also blessed Tory and our family with my ex deciding to back out...to do what is best for Tory. Yes, part selfish for money...but also realizes who she sees as her dad from lack of being there...psychologically it is best for our child...and in time she can make her own decisions. But her dad is here in our home...has been for her since she was 2. So even thru those tough days in the summer...with faith and trust..Jesus more than blessed us and Tory.

As well as health....we have to rely on Christ. We never know why..it is all going on. When it will all stop. But we know He ALWAYS has us in HIS HANDS as we love and trust Him...He never lets us down. So even seizure after seizure...turning into more health issues I keep having over and over...which is lack of ability to walk...lift arms...that hit again last weekend. I was scared. It hits....but it hit HARD. But He saw me thru. Even with my nurse snapping at me with little care...I praise Jesus for my neurologist who called me back. He has a heart of GOLD. And will re run blood work AGAIN. I have a real fun system that doesn't absorb vitamins well...so if I lack several and haven't had them infused lately...I fall to pieces. And it very much handicaps me. So...we will see. I take so many meds for my seizures right now until surgery is done...that those don't help. They just add to it...but I try my best...to keep up on them..and always see that light Christ has for me thru all of this...to share with others.

As for the hardest part..I clammed up for sometime do to family issues. My brother's sociopathic problems. My parents just take him in again...and don't understand tough love. And he has been this way...since childhood. He needs to learn..hard...that WE WILL BE THERE..once he himself..goes and gets help...and stops using everyone. Using every drug..but if one keeps coddling him...he will never get better. And then they have no right to complain for all he has taken from them...so...it is tough..if there is one in my family who uses their heart...it has always been me. One who is the one ALWAYS THERE...loving..in all times. But I am shut out now due to tough love. And I pray that he will get help...and they all will re-love me when they understand why I am doing this. All I want is for my brother to get better...I have been in very similar shoes. So it hurts when someone you love dearly...is just hurting not only themselves...but everyone you love around you. He has so much potential.

I know God will see it all thru...Christ has worked wonders in my life. That is proof He can and WILL in ALL lives...who are ready for Him to!! Just reach out to Him...ask Him into your life...and WOW...you will watch amazing changes to come over the years of your walk with Him! Just amazes me every day...HE NEVER GIVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE...but sure blesses us A TON!

And I am blessed to know all of you!!

So glad to be back up...ALIVE IN HIM...AS HE IS ME...On Twitter..Walking better...typing more!! And my mouth is a go!!

God bless you all!! Tweet me!!

((HUGS)) from me thru Christ!

In HIs Love,

Heather (Hetty) Siebens

@AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures

http://www.epilepsycures.ning.com
http://www.youtube.com/Hetty4Christ
http://www.facebook.com/Hetty4Christ
http://www.causes.com/epilepsycures
SKYPE AliveinMe
Google hcbenz777

Blessings!!

Guard your heart...

Such an amazing verse that so many take in different views.

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

But really, what does that mean to you? If I had read this before I came to Christ...I would be saying "THIS HEART IS MINE..YOU WILL NOT HURT ANYMORE...I HAVE CONTROL OF IT ALL..MY TRUST IS IN NO ONE BUT ME..." that is just a tiny bit of past thought. Back when my ex announced his cheating on me...I guarded my heart for years and years to come...not letting it be open to him, to people, to myself, most of all...to our Lord and Savior...Jesus Christ.

I have learned over the years thru big mistakes of my own, how we are all sinners. Didn't have to read that in the Bible to realize that. Sure, they are all equal in God's eyes, but at times, don't you feel like what you've done, or a friend, or family member...repeatedly, seems to be a "higher" up sin in ranking for God? Seems like a larger checkmark on the chalkboard for someone should happen from Christ sometimes...but He doesn't judge...as we shouldn't, as for we should be more and more Christ-Like.

But it hurts when loved ones hurt us. When they don't follow thru. When they lie. When they don't communicate with their children in divorces...just move on. There is so much pain...and we always seem to want to point a finger somewhere. Instead of understanding...we have been there too. We have hurt people as well. We have hurt Christ...but He so forgives us every moment as His children. Why can't we be more like Him? Why do we have to get hit hard to realize WOW...I was warned that person would hurt me...because they are going thru tough times, or on drugs, or abused, confused, not into Christ, etc....We seem to have to also go thru something "hands on" even when we get pre-warnings from others who know what the outcome may be with certain choices. But we have to live and learn. We have to, yes, guard our hearts...but for those who we love, our family, friends, Christ-sisters and brothers, etc..but when anyone..family or not, come in and shake you...YOU GUARD THAT HEART FULL OF FAITH AND LOVE FOR OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST...and you don't let Satan work thru someone to knock the amazing plans Christ has for you...onto a longer misguided road. You love ALL thru Christ--for Christ. But you do not let anyone take HIM OUT OF YOUR HEART...to affect your life, your family, YOUR FAITH!

So my initial thought on guarding my heart was very selfish and out of bounds. But we all do it...when we have to guard it for our love for Christ...as we give our hearts to Him. He is our life, our everything...never let anyone lead you astray!

Colossians 2: 8
Don't let anyone lead you astray with empty philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the evil powers of this world, and not from Christ.

God bless you all...I am so blessed to be connected with each and everyone of you!



Blessing and Love thru Christ,

Hetty Siebens

http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe
http://www.twitter.com/EpilepsyCures
http://www.causes.com/epilepsycures
http://www.youtube.com/Hetty4Christ

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways ACKNOWLEDGE HIM, and He will make your paths straight.

Together We WILL BE...

Life can be frustrating
Life can seem wrong
Life can feel daunting
Life's troubles seem long

Life with you is reassuring
Life with you there's no fight
Life with you is quite soothing
Life with you there's no plight

Together life's better,
no..together life's great,
for together we see the very true souls,
not just the ordinary states.

So one day you and I WILL be,
no, one day, we will all be THREE,
and the future will hold such promises,
promises that are meant to be.

I love you my dear Christian,
you're my best friend in this life,
I'll be with you always dear love,
until were with Jesus-with no more strife.

Love you,

Love,
Hetty

I wrote this for I knew who was my husband to be back- July 8, 2004...GOD WORKS WONDERS THRU OUR TRUST AND LOVE AND OBEDIENCE TO OUR MAKER!! ;) I am so blessed to be with Christian...whom my daughter sees as Daddy...and I know who God planned for me. AMEN!! He works wonders...always know that!

@AliveinMe

Then, Than, Love

Did you ever think that we would ever be more than acquaintances back in our trial times? More then, than a friend? More then, than an in and out lover? More then, than a problem solver? More then, than an advice giver? More then, than a favor provider? More then, than a get away couple? More then, than a dream team? More then, than sorrow candidates? More then, than poignant people in pity? More then, than two with no rules? More then, than lies and no truths? More then, than ends with no future beginnings--beginnings with tragic ends? More then, than love extends to others on the face of this earth?
For some reason, love holds us up strong, walks with us...through good and bad, happy and sad, rough or smooth road, holds us up entirely to be together...for me...for you. Love.

I am no longer lost, I am found by you, by your heart...

Please, stay with us, stay by me. Love has found us, and won't fall from us...keep me in your heart no matter where you are. You are always, always in mine!

I love you!

Love,
Hetty

Written to my boyfriend then...hubby today...Christian...@flyingchristian wrote this to him 7/10/04 knowing God would have us marry one day!! :) AMEN!

Praise Jesus for Him!!

I love you Christian...

Blessings to you all!!!

In His Love,

Heather

1 John 4:19 We love each other as a result of HIS loving US FIRST.

This man was my rock...

All I can say is, life had been frustrating. You see it and ask God...why was I born? You go from this you go to that. All so negative, all so wrong. You run into good just to be hit with bad. It continues for time. Time, time that feels like it will run on and on like a clock that won't die. You then look at yourself, in disgrace in remorse and ask "Won't it get better, won't my life change?" You then think it won't, you look down at your feet, you cry like a child, a child that got beat. You then contemplate how to do it and if you are strong enough. Strong enough to carry out the task. The task to leave all others and the trials you did not defeat. You don't talk to others about your issues on life. You just judge them yourself and live in denial. You let the problems get worse, you plan to quit life in a while. Now people keep asking what is the matter with me. Why are they caring now, just let me be. For I am unworthy for anyone's love, for anyone's trust. I haven't made life change. And a complete change in me is a must. Then this wonderful man had entered my life. He had entered it happily though my life caused so much strife. He stuck with me through all of my pain. All of my issues that you would think I was insane. No, this man was caring, this man was my rock. Caused me to get better, caused others to talk. About how I got better, about how I could smile. They were quite shocked, they hadn't seen that in a while. I am so worthy to be happy in life, for now I know how to...to be Christians wife. (HAPPY!)

I wrote this to my dear hubby today...boyfriend back then...on 6/19/04 Vented a bit about what I had gone thru---after ex beat me, overdosing, until coma...almost death hits...but Christ had plans! And we are such an amazing....happily married couple today...PRAISE JESUS!

Love you,

Love,
Hetty

Jeremiah 17:15 Heal me,O LORD,and I shall be healed;save me,and I shall be saved,for You are my praise.

Let's Grow Old...

I've got great dedication
to the best man there is
life sure seems it's ending
on a vast burning bridge


For it just may seem impossible
but you need to hold on tight
that bridge that feels it's coming down
could be the one that gives you light!


Just look beyond all your problems
look toward the coming years
for I'm tired of waiting for flawlessness
continuing that would cause me tears


The world is full of emptiness
if it doesn't contain love
It captured us and held us close
we were guided from Above


We all need to learn love
need to learn to receive
for if our love doesn't contain both
our life together will not breathe


We need passion
We need faith
We need commitment
but for God's precious sake...


We need each other's hand
down every winding road
life's weather can get harsh
and fearful stories could be told


We have to stay strong
don't collapse, do not fold
for you and I are worth it all
we're both fearless, we're both bold


So much in my life, broke my heart
but meeting you, put me back at start
a new breath of life,starts a new way of living
full of sweet love and excitement we are giving


So hold on tight with me now
For I can't wait to mold
you quench my thirst as we are young
We'll hold strong while we grow old



God bless your soul dear Christian...my sweet husband Jesus blessed me with!!! I thank Him every day for you!!



Wrote this 7/12/04....we married thru His plans our obedience 10/06/07



I am so blessed!!



God bless you all...


In His Love,


Heather Siebens


Colossians 3:14 And the MOST important piece of clothing you must wear is LOVE. LOVE is what binds us all together in perfect harmony.

Trusting our Father

My precious child and her father....thanks to our FATHER!!!


Romans 8:14-17 For ALL who are led by the Spirit of God are sons (children) of God. For if you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons (children), by whom we cry, Abba! Father! The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that WE ARE CHILDREN OF GOD, and if children, then heirs-heirs of God AND fellow heirs WITH CHRIST, provided we SUFFER WITH HIM in order that we may ALSO BE GLORIFIED WITH HIM!!!


All I can say is AMEN!!

I am sure not the only one in dire need of Him...to trust Him. This past week has been an intense prayer week. I have had some really rough roads...reminding me all about FAITH, FORGIVENESS, TRUST, LOVE, PRAISE----in ALL circumstances.


When you fear your daughter is MIA by your ex---tears flow like no tomorrow. Illness I have kicks in harder than it is daily with extra stress...more seizures hit. But do I shake my fist in anger? Do I hold it against Jesus? NO. I have seen His true beauty...His reasons in EVERYTHING that has hit my life personally. I pray BIG TIME. Am I perfect? Oh so far from it. Only Christ is! You can ask my dear friend Pat B...as I vent to his amazing soul thru it all...how I do feel at the time it all hits. I throw on some anger music--in all honesty to help get it out of me. But our AMAZING LORD works thru EVERYTHING. And captures me in every verse--to love thy enemies. Pray for them. Faith, Hope and Love...greatest of these is LOVE. Love--for everyone is so important thru our Savior...LOVE FOR HIM IS THE MOST IMPORTANT. He saved us on Calvary...AMEN...yesterday, today...saves us tomorrow...always loves US.

Christ watches over us every moment every second. He never forgets a moment of your life...I am so grateful...as for I try to reach out and pray for so many...but I am not God. I cannot be all places like Jesus---and that IS TRULY AMAZING.


My home church I attend--first one--and one I found Christ--has, as many know from my flooding prayers--a precious 5 yr old child-Kate McRae- that just went thru intense brain surgery yesterday. My faith, personally is very strong there...no, I have never had cancer--but I can't name off all my illnesses. Starting with brain surgery twice...opened 4 times...getting ready for a 3rd brain surgery (6 openings) for epilepsy. My precious daughter has it too. So when this all came up-I fled to our church for our amazing prayer and discussion there. And, me of all people was the first one bawling. Not out of fear--yes, I wish I could take it from this precious girl--but I also know HOW AMAZING CHRIST IS THRU PRAYER!! He is always amazing...but I can truly compare one surgery-when not into Him...and the other COMPLETELY INTO HIM...huge difference. WHAT A MIGHTY GOD!!! He holds us in the palm of His hands--complete comfort! So if anyone wishes to call me the prayer-aholic...feel free...I take it with Grace and Joy with my Savior!


I am one very transparent soul. One thing I refuse to change.


Revelation 4:11 "You are worthy, O Lord our God, to receive glory, and honor and power. For You created EVERYTHING, and it is for Your pleasure that they exist and and were created."


Revelation 22:13 "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End."


He--thru everything deserves all our glory, honor praise...as for He created us with such amazing plans--as we seek Him--grow closer, cling tight--they unfold more and more!! And I am so thankful that I ever found Him! We are all beautiful/handsome thru Him inside (important!) and out!


We ALL have such struggles...seek Him. Be sure to pray. Be sure to have others pray for you. If you feel you need any help...seek that...He is beside you thru it all---this I truly know---as His hands hold us so tight! Go to your churches counselor or Pastor-friends in the church. Knock on my twitter door for some prayer---PLEASE. I truly feel it is a gift He does give me--to reach out to others in prayer. Please connect with @worldprayr for postings of prayer there too! God is SO AMAZING...no prayer is too minor...too small. He gives us all....only what we can handle--AMEN.


Psalm 34:4,6 I prayed to the LORD, and He answerd me, freeing me from all my fears.


I cried out to the LORD in my suffering, and He heard me. He set me free from all my fears.


We are FREE....of fear thru HIM....FREE as an AMAZING COUNTRY-AMERICA'S Birthday of FREEDOM TODAY!!! All thru Christ!! Are you ready to be free??? Let it all go....give it all to Him...talk with Pastors, believers in Christ....dig in His Word with prayer...and He WILL SET YOU FREE!! John 8:32 "And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will SET YOU FREE."


Give it all to Christ....if you haven't asked Him into your life...do so TODAY...this day of freedom...ask Him simply...."I am clueless. I am a sinner.(WE ALL ARE) I haven't been living my life the way I should nor I want...I have this void that still has to be filled...nothing else fills it...Jesus--come into my life-forgive me...fill my void...guide me...mold me...clean my slate of sins-walk me down the road YOU have had planned for me. I love You. In Jesus Name...Amen."


I love you all so dearly...I am so blessed. I truly thank God everyday for all I've gone thru to find Him...for my amazing family....for the strength only HE gives me in all my weakness. I praise Him for it all. I truly thank Him for you all!


In His Amazing Love,


Heather Siebens


http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe


http://www.facebook.com/Hetty4Christ


PLEASE KEEP UPDATED AND PRAY BIG FOR KATE ON:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate/journal


And keep checking my site or http://www.twitter.com/brianwurzell

http://www.livestream.com/brianwurzell amazing updates---prayers--check here!!

CURE

Cure

Life sure can get complex,

if you just let it so.

With every wilting flower,

a healthy one will grow.

It started out so simple

just one pill led to two;

but with age seizures angered

and I didn't know what to do.

They changed so fiercely overnight,

I dared not to tell a soul.

I just played pretend they didn't exist;

prayed I wouldn't pay a toll.

Then, with a gift from God came happiness,

everything felt just right!

Then came a twist, a jab, of hopelessness!

It's now hard to sleep at night.

For what was managed then, grew and grew.

Not one in that town could believe -

that the dilemmas with me are for real, are true.

So with all of that - my child and I had to leave.

What may have seemed atrocious

what may have seemed unjust;

all happened for a purpose

this happened, now I must

I must be honest

I must be well

I must be focused

Dear God I'll tell . . .

I'll tell You how shocking life can be!

I'll tell you I'm tired, no energy!

Seizures aren't controlled by medication for me;

They're controlled by the faith in our Lord, I NOW see!

Faith in Christ is the actual cure;

even when I must take pills.

Cause with all my problems and issues I endure;

with His love there's no trial, mountain, no hills!

So I praise Him today with all my heart,

my heart has so much to give!

Without Him I'm not sure where I'd be

He's shown me all more reason to live!

True Love thru Christ

by Christian Siebens @flyingchristian



He wrote this-a slip in of amazing words in the handout for our wedding.


Here it is:



We have all heard 1 Corinthians 1-13., but do we truly understand what it means? This passage gives the most complete description of love in the Bible. It sows us that love needs to be the one thing in life we seek more than anything else. For without it, whatever we do or say really has no lasting value. Compare the love described in the Bible with superficial love found in this world.


God says love should be directed towards others...
The world says love should be directed toward ourselves

God says love is patient love is kind...
The world says love satisfies your immediate needs

God says love is never jealous or envious...
The world says love isn't necessary to make people respect you

God says love is never rude...
The world says love lets you act as you please

God says love does not demand its own way...
The world says love gets in the way of what is in it for me

God says love is not irritable and holds no grudges...
The world says love takes a backseat when it comes to taking revenge

God says love rejoices in truth...
The world says love doesn't understand or ignores evil

God says love is loyal...
The world says love should be self serving


God's TRUE LOVE is a natural outflow of His presence in our lives. Seek Him. He will strengthen you and give you true peace. If we do this our relationship with Him and with each other will never be the same again!


The most important piece of clothing you MUST wear is love. Love is what binds us together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes only from Christ rule your hearts.

Colossians 3:14-15


It is our prayer as we begin our life together that God's love abides in us all and flows throughout our lives.


We love you,
Christian and Heather

God WILL see you thru EVERYTHING

We have all been thru SOOOO much....
but do you know that HE IS RIGHT THERE-the whole time for you? Great portions of my friends do...but when I hit rock bottom, near death-I had very little clue.

We still have so much to live for-even on these painful....tragic days-that we sit and ask Jesus WHY??? But He has reasons for everything-and as you pull tight to Him...and not run off with another crowd in doubt-His amazing plans WILL BEGIN TO UNFOLD. Granted...they aren't always what we were praying for, as for He knows what is absolutely best for us-will not hurt nor forsake us. This I truly know after doubting and running away from Him for years...til it all came down to SINK OR SWIM OR JUST COME TO ME!!!! And I very much-on deaths door-totally gave Him my everything....

Has everything been perfect...no-as for nothing is except Him. And He is working thru us to be more like Him. And He sure gets better every year with me-taming me...with every issue I've had to face-I hold His hand tight!! He never let's go.

I have friends that are so distant-and their lives feel so out of control. Mine may have a health battle-but I have so much love and stability from so many-that the moment I ever let go of Him..that would be gone. He completely yokes us with amazing souls who have awesome faith in Him-to help us each grow-knowing none of us are alone-and success thru Him is such a powerful ability. All you need is to follow Him, love Him, share Him, lean on Him....walk His walk...and He has many successful plans in all different ways for each of us.

I've been able to use my epilepsy as a positive-and help so many with it and other conditions...reach out to Him-some knew Him..some didn't. Help them grow-knowing He will use it all for His glory. My husband and brother are wise souls in this business world that are teaming up, with others of different faith, in love, and still sharing His Word while working so hard! I commend them!! Just amazing!!

Have a friend that went thru alcoholism...lives at our church for our program there-and AA and also married to one (mind you, who also just went thru brain surgery for epilepsy-whooo!!) also goes to Al-anon meetings. AMAZING LADY! God guided us together thru one of my closest friends who has helped me grow with our Lord over the years. She stepped up to her after service for prayer for her husbands brain surgery-mind you-who she stepped up to was there for my whole 2nd brain surgery. So she asked if she could share her number with me-ran me down that service-and since then-we have been also growing together thru the Lord. Amazing how He works!! Even in hard times-you totally see the light!

My friend Jason Mitchener-I can't lay out the medical story-go to his site to see-but know how on fire he is for our awesome God....EVERY TIME I SEE HIM IN PERSON!! He has a heart filled with Jesus' love-no matter the circumstance-I love to visit him-he has truly touched my life. visit http://www.jasonmitchener.com go to his biography.


You all are such inspirations thru Jesus to me...and I truly thank Him for you all.

I placed that poll next to this just to see where the struggles are...I have had so many-and praise Jesus starting with my ex beating me-that I ran to find Him. Even when we know Him we struggle...always feel free to twitter me prayers!! He very much hears us...ALL THE TIME!


God Bless You ALL!



In His Grip,



Hetty

Philippians 1:21-22 For to me, living is for Christ, and dying is even better. Yet if I live, that means fruitful service for Christ. I really don't know which is better.

Philippians 3:13-14 No Dear Brothers and Sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing;Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, thru Christ Jesus, is calling us up to Heaven.

1 Peter 3:14 But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don't be afraid and don't worry.

Ps-Picture of my brother Troy-on the left-and my hubby Christian on the right. ;)

If Today Was YOUR Last Day???

If today was your last day & tomorrow was too late-could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past? Donate every dime you had? Would you call those friends you've never seen? Reminisce old memories? Would you forgive your enemies? ~Nickelback

We never know what tomorrow holds...which is why we are to live in Christ's light...loving all-at all times...even in tough circumstances...knowing HE WILL SEE US THRU.

Have I always? Do I always? No. But thru all circumstances I have been thru...not sure if tomorrow truly would come-but Christ had plans for me...and kept me...I do my all in all to always love all..forgive those who hurt me...love them...ask for forgiveness-show all how much they impact my life...in all different areas of life. My friends thru Jesus-who share faith-help me keep my faith...and my focus on Him...growing spiritually. My doctors-who Jesus guided me to-help me fight for wellness...and a way to live for Him in an eager manner. I thank my neurologist so much for somehow hearing Jesus talk to him...giving him such patience thru seizures, overdosing, surgeries...and more to come...I've had doctor's wipe their hands...he doesn't. My AMAZING family-my parents...not into Jesus...but I JUST RECEIVED AN E-MAIL LAST NIGHT from my DAD on Jesus-is "He truly God?" I was so thrilled not only cause he was reading that...but he was sharing the fact he was reading it WITH ME. Takes a lot of pride to be knocked down to do that. My daughter who is an amazing reason I went searching for Jesus. She has a heart of gold like Him...I thank Him every day for her...as for I wouldn't have searched for Him without her. My AMAZING husband...Christian...many of you know...who loves-in all circumstances. All I pulled, went thru, am going thru....he still loves me. And he saw me in the days when I'd be driving-blasted out of my mind on Phenobarbital-numbing pain-trying to find Jesus. He is one to give many thanks to thru Christ...as for why I was determined to get well. And with my seizures-still am. And my ex husband...we went thru so much hard times-adultery, domestic violence just after my first brain surgery-but Jesus gave us amazing time-to muddle thru it-yes, divorce-but before that ever came-He made sure we would forgive each other-not just for Him, for us, but for our child's sake.

And Jesus...with all I put HIM thru...before I searched for Him...back when I rejected Him...He saved me so many times...but when on the bed in the ER...not sure IF I'd wake-after stomach pumping..He WOKE ME UP. Not just from coma...but from being dead to this world-needing His bread of life, not pills...and HE SAVED ME.

These are a few reasons why...in all times-I try to pour out as much love as Christ pours out-which will never happen...but even a brink of it feels so amazing. Life isn't about money, jobs, houses, fame, popularity-it is about LOVE and what you can do with your love thru Christ-for others.

Simple to say...I love you all...am so blessed...and if I am not here tomorrow...want you all to know that..we never know. If I am unable to type after my 3rd brain surgery-remember-I'd still be typing prayers and love to you all...thru Jesus!

God bless you all...and I truly THANK YOU ALL for YOUR AMAZING LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP...when I pour tears of joy...you've done God's work!

In HIS AMAZING LOVE,

Hetty

Colossians 3:14 And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is LOVE. LOVE is what binds us all together in PERFECT HARMONY.