tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65484486722307769772024-02-20T02:24:16.360-08:00AliveinMe-Living4ChristJesus, is my One true North~Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.comBlogger183125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-83819998930249248642019-11-14T20:56:00.000-08:002019-11-14T20:57:56.717-08:00Whose Timing<div style="text-align: center;">
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Following Tonic Clonic Seizures and CPR<br />
9/16/16</div>
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I wasn't sure after the beginning of this nightmare if I was ready- really ready for Heaven as my mind, body, spirit felt- or if it is an amazing trick of the brain. Either way, the second part of the beginning of this nightmare was completely held in Christ's hands. As we're all other parts, but this particular part had no fight with Satan in it.... Even during the fact my body was completely shutting down.</div>
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I will never know how to explain this. I am still trying to explain it to family so I can hear myself explain it to me. Most everyone knows my crazy history. Fearless Heather. Epileptic Heather. 3 brain surgery Heather- excited to have them. Extreme body pain Heather from the 3rd brain surgery. Artist Heather. Many hats, many others. But I am one the one in a million never stressed, one in a billion never worried Heather, just how my brain is mapped out. But I went into a total uncontrollable freak out session over my brain just totally jumbled. Unable to speak, to explain. </div>
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My brain started to "closing time" around 2pm in our pool with my daughter. Just all of a sudden everything she was saying was so very slow, like she was high. So I was so confused if it was my brain or her. Cause she doesn't do bad things, my brain flips though. Never like this. So I text my husband a million times to get out there to see that ASAP so I could find out. I also text my brother to come out as well. I needed people to study and tell me if somehow Tory was truly a teenager acting up, or if my brain was going down, like I thought. And as I was in the pool.</div>
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They came out. Christian came in the pool. Immediately her odd actions stopped, but I looked up to my brother and he was trying to explain to me what I text to him and nothing was making sense, then no one did. Then this awful worry tone and cry started as I turned to my husband screeching "I have to get out, I have to get out!!!" I crawled out, then all over the patio saying things that made zero sense. I would grab my brothers leg, then aggressively crawl away howling for help. I was up against our wall bawling as my breath was leaving. My husband and brother held me asking me questions. I couldn't talk. Understood a portion of their words-when they were saying to take you to the ER I freaked our making a loud high pitch noise from my throat while spinning my left hand round and round hoping they'd unsterdand siren for ambulance. They called 911.</div>
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I fell into my brothers lap as my husband talked with 911. I thought I was speaking soft, calm, logical words to him. As my body was shutting down my mind, heart, soul knew where I was going. I was at such peace. My brother kept holding tight and so worried. I kept "speaking" to him. Telling him how special he has always been to me, how much he has coming in life yet, my life was complete having him along our ride. I then wanted my baby Tory by me and I explained to her in my jibberish language how my life changed the moment I knew about her to come in my life, how strong she made me, how much she had to live for in the way her heart wishes, and I love her always. I felt two tears drop on my right arm from brother-to me it felt like he was confirming he understands, he is with me and Jesus, he will be ok. I was at peace as my heart slowed down and I stopped breathing. I was looking at the beauty of love in family and preparing to enter Heaven when all of a sudden I woke up, heart started. As I opened my eyes to my precious husband giving me mouth to mouth. I was so touched, amazed yet confused and almost saddened my "Home" was not going to be pain, seizure, illness free in Heaven. I was going to have a harder fight.</div>
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Right now, still no one has a positive on what caused all of this. No one knows if these convulsions are completely done, or just temporarily calmed from an injection I had to have today.</div>
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I've had over 30 convulsions a day and some awful endless post ictal status. Couldn't speak forever. Some seizures would paralyze my legs and arms completely. Alter focus ability. Just wild ride. We are still figuring everything out and praying the hours it stayed away after an injection today, that it has just ended. </div>
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I mostly pray my babies all come out un damaged from all of this. My friends and family just have beautiful hearts, and I know Jesus hears you all to be able to keep afloat.</div>
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I know we each have our timing in life from God. So I'll never know if I was supposed to go to Heaven Saturday but human power got in the way. Or if He gave us these brains to know to do things to keep our loved ones as long as we know how thru His guidance until His true time comes. I don't know, but as tragic as it all seems, that early on part still blows me away when I think of it-just amazed me.</div>
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Love you Christian, Tory, Troy, Mom, Dad, Steward, Linda, Grams and on and on all, family and amazing friends..... Blessed I am.</div>
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In His Love,</div>
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Heather (Hetty) Siebens</div>
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Acts 1:7</div>
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He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or seasons that the father has fixed by his own authority."</div>
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Ecclesiastes 3:2</div>
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A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted.</div>
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Job 14:5</div>
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You have decided the length of our lives.</div>
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You know how many months we will live,</div>
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And we are not given a minute longer.</div>
Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-39695747920198386562019-06-29T01:05:00.000-07:002019-06-29T01:05:24.801-07:00Moment of Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Beautiful pictures.</div>
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But also a very very sensitive subject on why I don't understand. Abortion. There is no pro-choice. Pro-Life. It's either slaughter a defenseless human being , or fight for their right to live.</div>
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I was such a non follower of Christ at the time. I had zero care how people personally felt about aborting their babies. I had a very very close friend that went thru it. Meant basically zero to me because it was never in my "plans' to ever go thru any of it myself to make a choice per se, or even be pregnant for that matter. But I did get pregnant the night my ex husband (now) and I were AGAIN trying to plan our <b>divorce</b> in a kind manner over wine. That wine led to beautifully more- that angel in above pics. The night it happened I KNEW I GOT PREGNANT- how.... other than God, I can't tell you... I will never know- it was amazing. my ex was not happy. He had plans of his own. When I tested about a week later that wasn't what he was looking for. "Christian belief" grown and taught husband of mine- who was leaving me again for cheating, again- wanting to wipe clean this slate that is above in this picture above. Me, I grew up in a very zero religious family- sinful family...zero "God" in our family ...Jesus was only known as a cuss word-and the night it happened God made me feel it somehow-made me know it and love the feeling. I couldn't even fathom for some reason abortion for me. Not even conversation of it or thinking it. I could feel her the moment- The <b><u>second</u></b> she was in me. I told that "husband" to continue divorce and I'd be ok. I was strong and healthy then- I would need zero. He/she in me would be just fine and would need/want zero from him-please continue divorce and his new found love. He began talking to his southern root family-especially his sister and lectures came to him about responsibility, etc. </div>
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I will never get it. I had zero faith. But it's like God held Tory so tight thru me. I went from zero care on abortion to not understanding how anyone can because this little girl in me, thru the years, helped me find Jesus. Helped me combat my epilepsy -helped me find my amazing husband today who is her real true daddy today from 2 yr/ old on. My horse rider. My angel. My Jesus praiser before I was. She went thru so much I couldn't fathom thinking the beauty of that angel not being here then, or now. How my ex can just sign papers so I can have all custody- so he still, later basically aborted her to marry and move on, have 2 more kids.(crazy part he was into child pornography ending of our marriage) I just don't understand the human brain, and mine is all messed up. Cut out 3 times for seizures my whole life. But I couldn't let go of her then, believer or non believer- or later- believer or non believer. She is just an angel to me- no matter what. She is so many reasons He brought me to earth-I am so grateful for.</div>
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So- I love all people who go thru all-different paths. I get it. Been thru different sides-I just get God and His beauty and reasons behind of bringing gifts to us-without my angel I'm not sure who I'd be. I feel like I'd be so empty and soulless. She has brought so much good to my life that defeated my bad and to God, I am so grateful. To her, I am so thankful. My angel Tory. My dear husband today Christian - thank you for striving and taking over.... thanking for being real. My ex... I am happy you have a new wife and children today- but it is sad what you would have killed when you look at that beauty above in that picture. That I cannot fathom.</div>
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Psalm 139: 13-16</div>
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<span class="text Ps-139-13" id="en-NLT-16229" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-139-13" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">and knit me together in my mother’s womb.</span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Ps-139-14" id="en-NLT-16230" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">14 </span>Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-139-14" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.</span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Ps-139-15" id="en-NLT-16231" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">15 </span>You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-139-15" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.</span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Ps-139-16" id="en-NLT-16232" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">16 </span>You saw me before I was born.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-139-16" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">Every day of my life was recorded in your book.</span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Ps-139-16" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">Every moment was laid out</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-139-16" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">before a single day had passed.</span></span></div>
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<span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="text Ps-139-16" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">My Angel below and my husband that raised her, her daddy. Thank you Christian-we love you Tory. Our little family. </span></span></div>
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<br />Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-48528227617479356592019-02-04T19:16:00.000-08:002019-02-04T19:16:11.902-08:00A True New Life <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Montana</div>
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Why Montana soooo many ask???!!!! There are a couple reasons.....</div>
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1)When I was a little kid and lived in Steamboat Springs CO we vacationed in Big Sky</div>
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2)There was this beautiful movie that reminded me of one of my pastors daughters (still alive) fighting cancer-but Heaven to her she would say was Montana-had wide open spaces-beautiful lakes and mountains. And here we have it!!!!</div>
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My husband is kinda in his own heaven because this town is a lot like where he grew up a few states over....MN! I grew up in AZ and snooty big cities or slow southern living. You just wouldn't think I was the one who not only chose the state, cold weather AGAIN, small town, sweet log house--and I never even watched Little House on the Prairie.</div>
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What makes me happy is how thrilled my hubby is. That completes me. We are in some perfect sync. Joy we both do have or will both have. After all 3 brain surgeries all he has been is my rock-has taken care of me left, right, forward, backward. Strokes the the same- suicide, right there. He is LOVE. And never gives up and we know how to find each other and love.</div>
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What makes this so difficult is I can't quite enjoy with him or as much as him right now as for higher altitude in many seizure patients is difficult as for it makes it very difficult to breathe, sleep, causes auras, seizures etc....</div>
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I am also a very delay EVERY TIME we move with my emotions. Otherwise you would not believe I had ANY!!! Delayed emotion me finally cries from everyone I hugged goodbye in Phoenix NOW...days ago. Make sense??? No...but yes... My poor hubby has to work, unpack and comfort all at the same time. Drama me. He probably wants to get me a 4th brain surgery-one that will "quiet me down. 😉 He is my hero. But I definitely wasn't a laid out plan for him. He is an angel.</div>
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So to see how happy he is in this home, makes me feel like I am in heaven...I cannot wait to breath---then decorate---then see all of this town with him...which by the way is basically Bozeman, MT.</div>
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Cannot wait to meet some people out there. this place does seem very kind!!!</div>
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I am so tired, to all I forgot to say, apologies-I'm exhausted !!!</div>
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Much love in HIM!!!</div>
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Hetty</div>
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I love the two of you so much</div>
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My angel Tory to the left</div>
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hubby Christian in the middle</div>
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Me Hetty to the right</div>
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Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0Belgrade, MT 59714, USA45.9674002 -111.1566913000000345.2609517 -112.44758480000003 46.6738487 -109.86579780000004tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-56179770248496087472016-10-13T23:51:00.000-07:002016-10-14T00:02:43.484-07:00Report All <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Our race, location, sex, age, language we speak doesn't make a difference. Not one of us should go thru any form of abuse and not report it. Not find safety. Not one of us should read what people are posting and truly think NO ONE will listen to us. That just is not true. We may not all have parents that do. And police get drowned with work. Some may come across totally questioning the case to make people who are lying run, or weak shell up. But we have to be stronger and push the case forward as far as we insist it to go. I guarantee with that strength they have no choice. They didn't with me. And I am clueless at it all. But 2 months after my 1st brain surgery my ex husband beat me. Our 1st night in out apartment in TX. My baby girl just was put to sleep. That made a huge difference in how he ever had a chance to beat me. In our arguments prior my baby girl, I was always strong and able just to leave to a friends house. Never took note of his inclining temperament. But after brain surgery and I have my baby girl-I had a lot to live for, responsible for. But I had to keep quiet as much as possible thru the beating and after. For my angel. Put me in a vulnerable spot. I had to protect her more than anyone. That morning I dropped him at his Army base knowing I would not pick him up. I was able thru the Army to have him legally pulled from the apartment. I had pictures taken there of the bruises by a social worker-who also took me and my daughter to the police to file charges and have pictures taken. Social workers are not only on Army bases that can help-they are state/city wide to help all who go thru these things. Help find places if need be etc- it's just taking that step and it's uncomfortable and hard. </div>
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That was 14 years ago. We are so blessed today. My husband today took over when she was so young and I went thru 2 more brain surgeries-but so simple when I compare it all. </div>
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Little girls when they tell you-believe them. Give them ways to tell you early on cause you have no idea what even your dear neighbors teen kid has wrong. Can't just trust. We went thru that in the 80's in a sweet small town. Everyone knew each other. Teen boy next door was the brother of a boy my age and little sister he would torment who was several years younger than me. He molested me giving me a "shoulder" ride. And showed me and his little sister his parts. I snagged her and ran to my mom. These type of people need to be locked up. His siblings were good kids. </div>
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He even called her on the phone-it freaked her out so bad she came running to me screaming "Hetty, Hetty...." I was what!?? "Some guy called wanting to talk about sex!!" Now to me this sweet girl had a lisping issue I was trying to make it out, cause she was so frantic-and I was only 8. I thought it was checks for the parents-then the past dawned on me-I knew it was the oldest brother and sex. </div>
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I knew about private parts-what not to touch or see, or have touched. I was blessed I could relay this to her. These things are a big issue that need to be known. Addressed. And comfortably with your parents.</div>
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As well as peer pressure. Amazing what boys send my sweet 15 1/2 yr old girl. Today, kids love to text. Have to really keep your eyes open or you can lose your angelic daughter. Boys just want naked pics, like they are adult men. Just ludicrous. It starts here. We have to help them know how loved they are, even if it means "cleaning" up their phones. </div>
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I don't believe in #whywomendontreport</div>
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#whywomenwontreport etc etc<br />
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There were moments I thought I was, truly alone. I had to make big choices. But today, thru it all, I found my faith in #Jesus , my daughter has her perfect daddy, my ex signed her over to me in 2009 completely after 2 years of showing his face here and there. Gave me time to get thru the pain of it all-and truly forgive him. Best day. </div>
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Many won't agree with this... but I'd be happy to talk.</div>
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Blessings to you,</div>
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Heather (aka Hetty)</div>
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Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised.</div>
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Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was absolutely convinced that God was able to do anything He promised. And because of Abraham's faith, God declared him to be righteous. </div>
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Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-79557632935780757012016-09-18T17:24:00.001-07:002016-09-18T17:24:33.464-07:00Hits Just Keep On Coming<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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Truly thought I was going to Heaven this time around. I thought I was to go. It all started up on another intense psychosis/vision like round. I was standing at my bedside putting my wedding ring back on from my hospital bag while smiling a funky smile that began to go crooked. Then my body stiffened and was shaking tightly standing up, unable to move at all. My husband ran over and had to lift me like a board-straight everything-jerking. He laid me down as it all continued. Back arched, I made loud noises as I started to exit and go limp. Silent there I all of a sudden took a deep breath, looked at my husband and began to slowly talk saying Gooood bye, Gooood bye.... then conversed in complete english with him. Telling him "Jesus has come for me. You will be ok. It is finally my time. Tory loves you so much. You will do so good. <b><u>PROMISE me you'll take good care of Tory!!!</u></b> <i>I need to hear it before I go, so I know everyone will be ok!!</i> <b><i><u>Oh my gosh, Tory, I need to say good bye to her! Go wake her up, I need to see her, hug her before I go! NOW!!!! </u></i></b>(he didn't -knew I would be ok) Okay... then I guess you'll have to tell her. I love her. It's going to be ok now. I'll be waiting for you all. <u>oh, Jesus is here.... Jesus just hugged you. I'm going. It's ok. I'll always love you. Good bye. </u></div>
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Then I went out. My heart began to slow in beats, breathing less. Until BAM!!!! I just sat UP RIGHT- eyes open!! In<b> tears of joy</b>!!! I was seeing Heaven- people in Heaven greeting me that I knew, missed and loved so much!!! I first shouted out- "<b>There is Jason!!!! With no wheelchair!</b>!! (Jason Mitchener) Oh my gosh!!! Then to my right- my breath taken, tears of joy- <b>there is little Nickybear </b>waiting for me-he knew me!!!<b> My grandpa and grandma Botts!!! Barbara and Thelma</b>... <b>everyone is here.... THERE IS JESUS!!!!!</b> I was taken over in tears of joy. Going on about the beauty and love. Then announcing how I am really going, not to be scared, I convulsed some on the bed- losing my hearing at that point, my chest beats slowing, pounding, and breathing going- I knew I was going. My husband got alert when I was gasping for air. He aroused me running his hands across my face and chest and my breathing came back without CPR. Even with all that beauty. He definitely had different plans. And me taking the "medical" CBD marijuana is just not made for my resected, malformed brain. I am seizure controlled without it, would like to stay that way.</div>
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Odd part about this round of convulsions is in between them, I'd have almost personal, hysteric delusions. I'd turn my head after a convulsion toward my husband or brother, and just start laughing over whatever my brain could barely think of- hysterically. Uncontrollably. Actually at least made this round a tad bit simpler to deal with. I am the Entertainer, says Billy Joel. </div>
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From this above to this below, to above again, and below again --as the "medical" CBD Marijuana worked it "wonders" for my body pain. I think my brain has to be taken into some consideration that things just do not route thru it normally, at all. I have had 3 brain resections for epilepsy. It is not of usual shape. All MRI's look odd, all EEG's look odd-especially if a neurologist knew nothing of my past. Here is what was going on in between after I took a dose of my medical CBD Thursday to calm some of the body pain down from convulsing.</div>
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Thankfully, I only had one small convulsion this morning. I think it is all fading finally. I wasn't sure for a while there. It is so far looking like me and CBD don't get along. That is what I took the day in the pool about an hour prior. That is what I took Thursday about an hour prior to the hit. Just wild. God has a reason for everything. I cling to Him.</div>
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Much love and thanks to all for their love and support.</div>
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In His Love,</div>
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Heather J Siebens (Hetty)</div>
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1 Corinthians 2:9</div>
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"No eye has seen, no ear has heard,</div>
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and no mind has imagined</div>
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what God has prepared</div>
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for those who love Him."</div>
Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com6Gilbert, AZ33.369531277912913 -111.7749023437533.157175777912911 -112.09762584375 33.581886777912914 -111.45217884375tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-10381223471849712262016-07-19T03:10:00.000-07:002016-07-19T03:10:04.749-07:00I forget I am Yours<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-GLHBdnQGfbs/V435Qi4Us7I/AAAAAAABPak/sNTvIY4cSHo/s640/blogger-image-1427876919.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-GLHBdnQGfbs/V435Qi4Us7I/AAAAAAABPak/sNTvIY4cSHo/s640/blogger-image-1427876919.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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</div>When you've been sick basically your whole life, been thru 3 brain surgeries, 7 openings, one surgery done awake that we all thought was a calling from God- but only got more unwell from that point on, how do you ever begin to see straight again? Have the unbelievable faith you had from just prior 2nd brain surgery on, seeing all His purposes and doors open and shut-how do you regain that trust and faith-true and strong again.? Because I think I can actually say I am lost. Ever since my 3rd awake brain surgery, I've just spiraled down and down until I was flat on my face and just can't see straight anymore. I can reach out and help others, but when things turn to me, conversation is done. Not just because I don't have His answers. I just don't think I allow Him to work on it with me anymore, trusted too much and I took it away from God as if I could handle it better. But nothing is getting truly better. And if anything does, it is still with that glimpse of faith I still have. But it tires you out. Everyone continues on in life normal, and I can't. Either the horrific pain starts back up, or, I do actually carry one true fear I hide in my life. Seizures. I've been seizure free for sometime, yet I've also not functioned much. The more I function and blood flows and brain is active, I have the higher chance. I have enough in pain from the surgery going on than to face seizures acting up again from me stepping out and living life more functional. If I start seizing more again, aside from humidity causing it, I can't go down the list of meds and procedures open for me. Because in reality, there really isn't anything left I haven't had before. Or procedures willing to do with my type of seizures. So, still, the less functional I am, the more well I am, for me, for everybody is how I've looked at it. Yet, I've felt so lost, so incorrect with this personal way to "better" my seizures. I've already lost so much time with my child fighting these seizures-going thru brain surgery 1 with mommy when she was 1, brain surgery 2 when she was 3, and brain surgery 3 when she was 8. Then the extreme body pain downfall after that 3rd brain surgery, that still goes on. I hide out. I don't want to function because it puts me in pain-extreme pain, and could start my seizures again-I don't know. I've never been active a very lengthy part of life after that to know what it would be like.<br />
<div>I'm just praying that when I pray, I am truly praying to Jesus. Cause my heart can sure get so hard, so selfish-but not many, well no one in my family understands. They see it from their view, it has to be hard. But at the same time everything moves on, and it hurts. And I want to be part of that again. I never feared one brain surgery. I knew Jesus had a purpose. But now I am not so sure. Maybe I didn't listen to Him. Maybe I missed His sign. I just want the faith I had before. Healthy or not. I want Jesus as my focus. I don't know. A lot went on in this move to AZ. Kind of a wake up of how everyone has moved on, done everything thru these atrocious sick years-that I am just crabby, hurt, lost and scared to try to be anything like the Heather I was before the 3rd brain surgery catastrophe. It could have been way worse. It was just severe body pain. A little loss of peripheral vision- but cognitive skills etc are in tact. And was even blessed with an artistic ability I never had. I know He has a purpose, but my heart has to be there too. Constantly. Not conveniently.</div><div><br />
</div><div>My venting. Brain surgery issues. My issues.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Giving them to You Jesus. I need Your help. How quickly I forget I am Yours Jesus. </div><div><br />
</div><div>In His love,</div><div><br />
</div><div>Heather/Hetty Siebens</div><div><br />
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Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-63842343571666891052016-05-03T23:10:00.001-07:002016-05-03T23:10:40.009-07:00Thirty nine years and counting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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That little dude above is one of my closest friends ever. We literally talk about everything - good, bad, tough, dreams, mistakes, family, life, God,..etc. That tiny little dude has made such an impact on my life, my daughter, even in ways my husband. The guy above is very special to me, and no matter what struggles we have endured, I am always opened armed to him. Always start over again. Always love him so dearly. That special dude up there is my big brother, Troy.</div>
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That dude was always so special to me, he just didn't realize it for some time. Even with my naming my daughter after him (him being Troy, my daughter Tory) he didn't catch on. It has taken such rough times, for us both, for him to see my never ending love. And my love is totally for him, my big bro... Not who he is in work life, not who he is financially, not who he is popularity, not who he is in struggles or none. He is my blood. I looked up to him growing up, chased after him as a young adult, caught him over the past several years.</div>
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These weeks with him back home with us have been a pivotal change. No one is cranky, confused, depressed. All getting along like God really planned this. He helps me in areas I am unable to do, like tutoring my kiddo. His IQ blows me out, and he hung onto so much. Just not my territory. But it is a God thing. Bringing him closer to my daughter in a way I cannot. Gods plans marvel me. We have all been out of our rooms and chatting every night. It is just like God touched him and helped change him, letting him know how special he is to us. I am so gracious.</div>
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He and I are hilarious, we can stay up endless hours, talking about every subject forever. I am so gracious to God for us, my family. Changes my look on life.</div>
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We have such an interesting connection, like we were identical twins. Kinda scary at times, more hilarious. He doesn't realize what an impact he is on me, my daughter, my family. We are gracious to have him as part of ours, cause he and I are blood, forever best friend siblings. My life would not be complete without him.</div>
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I love you Troy.... Always look forward to another day, or late chat night. I am the blessed one. </div>
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Ironically, my daughter, whom I named after my brother ...was also born in the exact name town, different states. This all was a God thing!!!! We love you Troy.</div>
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Above is the car you cherished...yet I would try to get in it as a baby, or lay on the hood. Those pics you didn't look like my best friend. But I think you really were just watching out for my safety, right....</div>
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Your Sis,</div>
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Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-4801098644926889272016-05-01T10:16:00.000-07:002016-05-01T10:16:32.019-07:00Outta Here<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span id="goog_805605484"></span><span id="goog_805605485"></span>Arizona here I come!!!<br />
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So much good in AZ in my life. So much that there is too much to type. The memories keep drawing you back, along with family and friends.... my doctors who resected my brain 3 times is a big one. My church I found, I was clueless about Christ, running from the devil as fast as I could in such a tough time. Found Jesus there..daughter did. Married my husband of today there. Streets and places that bring back endless memories. It's all in Phoenix. My baby and me, trying to raise her on my own after beaten by my ex recovery started here. History. Love. Victory. Is here.</div>
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A few heart felt memories. But the actual state itself is good on my body. Its dry heat doesn't kill my body as all forms of humidity do. Its lack of much barometric pressure is a plus on all my pain. No allergies for me from there. Only during monsoon does it even make my surgical site feel like blowing open. Other states have certain pressures that constantly do. All my doctors are here. Too much goes on to continually fly from afar in states that cause affliction. </div>
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I don't know if this really would have been a road I would have been down had I not had that 3rd awake brain surgery. But I don't regret it and want to turn time. Too much good came with the bad. Yes, the states I had to live in were tough. But it was a try, and it was fun to be somewhere so different to see what it is like. Philly was beautiful with four seasons, snow for Christmas. Never ending rolling trees. The place itself hated my body, the intense pain I went thru for 2 years. Was tough. But memories I do have to laugh at, love. And Minnesota wasn't even my decision. It was just my husband picking me up from seeing a few good friends-looking on line at some amazing house he wanted to see. They gave us 2 days to make a decision. I went along. He was from that state. We have already been in AZ after PA for almost 2 years, making my body better-I would give MN a chance. It had major ups and downs with the severe cold. At times I thought it was severely tragic. But then I'd be out of bed ok. Pressure there didn't last. Cold was severe but could deal with it most of the time, inside. But then my husband got all crazy, wanted to get me somewhere "warmer" for my health and wanted to try out Florida. Crazy part, I'm a Cali girl, so my whole life I even refused to land plane there, let alone go there. They used to be rival states growing up in the summer. I let it go, visited, my daughter fell in love with it. I was sucked in due to my love for them. I went along.</div>
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On the trip there- I went to pick up my brother in NYC, my family headed to FL. When my brother and I got into the area- no joke a pain I never had began. my occipital nerves-my head, eyes, face, ears....name it. Like the Billy Joel song Pressure. That was what it was like. Everything under Pressure x 1000. Wouldn't get better. Oddly the name of our street is Neck. I have truly been bed bound close to a year cause of what all it causes. My vertigo goes so wild here, I can't walk straight. My seizures needed more medication for control due to the humidity. It was endless, yet I could go on. I was done pretty much my first week. But kept hanging on. But I am again a 39 yr old here. I need some hope. So my husband agreed upon back to AZ.</div>
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So my brother and I are going out early to dry my bones, get me to my doctors, seek new medical help for seizures/pain. Move forth with will power this will change and get better. But for over 6 years- really goes back to when it all began when I was 23- 16 years ago. I want a useful break.</div>
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We are all outa here in FL soon to AZ to seek what God has in store. His plans. For that, I am at peace. </div>
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In His Love,</div>
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Hetty Siebens</div>
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My Fam!!!!</div>
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Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-50076726507732591712016-03-06T05:40:00.001-08:002016-03-06T05:43:55.700-08:00Love Never Ending<div style="text-align: center;">
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God's Angel</div>
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One precious baby born in the autumn</div>
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Filled with dreams to sit, crawl, walk then run!</div>
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Never did we think before you came to be</div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">You'd be hit with cancer and soon set free!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Set free to our Lord up there to finally be healed</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Entering Heaven is the one place no one wants to yield</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">He relishes our dancing, singing, praise and love</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Only now you do it in greatest praise, healed up above.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">You dear Nicky changed endless count of lives for all the good</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Torment you went thru gracefully which you, nor no one should</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">You remained so happy, funny and strong in every step you'd take</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Your mind so brilliant, heart so pure-I know your mama's heart still aches</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I hope Heaven is way more amazing than earthly understanding</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Miniature cars, an ocean, precious animals-with no time ticking</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I am so thrilled you are free of such suffering and pain</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">In Heavens realms you are healed, no cancer ball and chain</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I know you see your mama and family each and everyday</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">As a true angel it's hard cause you have so much to say</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I know your mama see's your signs and feels you near</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Every memory she has of you is alive in her and so clear</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Send her signs how great she was, is and still is going to be</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">You're love still flows thru her blood and she wishes to see-</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Your face one more time to kiss and say how much she deeply loves you</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">To make sure you remember you're more special to her than any jewel</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Keep sending her your kisses from our Heaven up above</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Kisses and hugs she so misses from her boy filled with love</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Never doubt your mother's love, it is deep and never-ending</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I know you feel it now and just can't wait for the two hearts mending</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Love you sweet Angel NickyBear and amazing mom Angelia. In my prayers always.</span></div>
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Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-13953895580137588802015-12-19T19:28:00.000-08:002015-12-19T19:28:36.739-08:00Family is so Beautiful<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Family is so Beautiful</div>
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Poem by Heather/Hetty Siebens</div>
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December 2, 2015</div>
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Again here comes this Christmas Day</div>
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If only it snowed and we could go play</div>
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But in Florida that is just not how it goes</div>
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Instead we play in the sand with our toes</div>
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So this Christmas is a little different dear</div>
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But with you around there is nothing but cheer</div>
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We will trim the tree in my crazy fashion</div>
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I hope this year no one cranky is lashing!</div>
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You and Tory bring out all my good</div>
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I never thought that one person could</div>
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I felt locked up in that crazy monkey cage</div>
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And one day I'd bust out in such a violent rage</div>
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But the gift of you two was never a trick or a hoax</div>
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I'd love to explain the beauty of you two to some folks</div>
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Not all will understand the beauty we live</div>
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Not all will understand how much we love to give</div>
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Let's go to our bulging beach and watch the sun set</div>
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Knowing Christ is coming, but He isn't quite here yet</div>
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Hold each others hands and pray my health lightens up</div>
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He is in control, my Lord, as He handed me His cup</div>
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We've been blessed for so many years</div>
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I'm so sorry I shed so many tears</div>
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Cause together we are one amazing team</div>
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At least to me that is how it all does seem</div>
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You are a gift straight from Christ Above Us</div>
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Not really do I have much room to fuss</div>
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You are so perfect Christian, so Devine</div>
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Most amazing part is I can claim you as mine!</div>
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Thank you for putting up with me</div>
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There are not many people that still would be</div>
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You have a heart that is bigger than this earth</div>
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The only other one like that is to whom I gave birth</div>
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My family is so beautiful, my family is a gift</div>
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Everyone so positive they will do nothing but lift</div>
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Lift your mind, soul, and body from all heartaches</div>
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And show their love is real, so far from being fake</div>
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I thank you Jesus everyday for these precious souls</div>
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Without You and my family, Jesus, I'd never watch Tory grow</div>
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When the sun comes up we thank You for another day</div>
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When the sun goes down we praise You, we made it thru ok!</div>
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I love you all with all my heart and need you by my side</div>
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Not one part of me doesn't thank you for joining on my ride</div>
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Together we all will make it thru this little thing called living</div>
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We all have such loving hearts that are thrilled to be giving</div>
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Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0Ponte Vedra Beach, FL 32082, USA30.2400058 -81.38525950000001830.1851313 -81.465940500000016 30.2948803 -81.304578500000019tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-38506760727965348892015-11-30T21:18:00.000-08:002015-11-30T21:18:17.640-08:00December Birthday Month Dear Jesus<div>
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December 15, 1976 - little birth of little ol me! Petoskey, MI</div>
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December Month Dear Jesus....</div>
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By Hetty/Heather Siebens</div>
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How bout you- </div>
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let me able to use my back and walk</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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give me strength to be willing to talk</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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get my meds right and calm my body down</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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give me desire and strength to shop our little town</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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make all appointments made before my birthday</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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have me well to decorate, not just be in the way</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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keep my faith brightly shining thru all chaotic times</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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make sure I don't freak in pain waiting in the lines</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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my birthday month, bless me with my prayers</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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my birthday month, you're way more Christ's to be fair</div>
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How bout you- </div>
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understand , my birthday month, you brought us so much joy</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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December, this month is for Jesus not just all these toys</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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dear birthday month, remind me each and every day</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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sweet December birthday month, remind me to pray</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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awesome December, realize what you've done for us</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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lively December just know I will try not to fus</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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darling December realize who used you to come and save our lives</div>
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How bout you-</div>
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precious December realize our Lord doesn't cut our promised ties</div>
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How bout you- </div>
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December realize you've brought me so much glee</div>
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How bout you- </div>
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December, I just know you and I were meant to be! </div>
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I love you sweet Jesus, thank You for December, YOUR birth, and thank You for mine in that month too!!!! December, a wonderful month!! Amen!</div>
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Hetty/Heather Siebens @AliveinMe </div>
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<a class="g-profile" href="https://plus.google.com/114177943344440290342" target="_blank">+Heather Siebens (Hetty)</a> </div>
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Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0Ponte Vedra Beach, FL 32082, USA30.2400058 -81.38525950000001830.1851313 -81.465940500000016 30.2948803 -81.304578500000019tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-68269924752710625322015-11-29T17:39:00.001-08:002015-11-29T17:39:43.286-08:00Thank You Lord<div>
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I took my night time bath to relax</div>
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Normal handful of meds to their max</div>
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But right away my brain felt a zap</div>
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My numb ears ringing; I needed a nap</div>
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I stared out yonder unsure what to say</div>
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Been a long time I've been attacked this way</div>
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My brain so confused; where I was, what to do</div>
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I had just taken my medication could it come from those few?</div>
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My heart beat skipped a couple beats it should have had</div>
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Man I thought "could my medication be this bad?"</div>
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My whole body tensed up I had no control of it</div>
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All I could do there for moments is silently sit.</div>
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Coming down from the heightened point of all this</div>
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My body killed, brain confused what did I miss? </div>
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I text my precious hubby but got nothing in reply </div>
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So I messaged my baby girl that got the news to fly</div>
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These are the moments you are twice as grateful for love</div>
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What would I do alone except pray to God up above</div>
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I probably would not be here right now with all they've pulled me thru</div>
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This is how my love for them, their love for me just grew</div>
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I hate the storms I have to face</div>
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But have the perfect family to embrace</div>
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Thru the tough times I have we will always make it thru</div>
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Without these precious souls I wouldn't know what to do</div>
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Thank You Lord for my angels in my home</div>
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Thank You Lord for my kiddo answering her phone</div>
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Thank You Lord for all the Love You keep inside us all</div>
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Thank You Lord, our Everything, even when we fall!</div>
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Love,</div>
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Heather/Hetty Siebens</div>
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November 29, 2015</div>
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Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-24354261582155153242015-11-25T19:13:00.000-08:002015-11-25T20:12:24.924-08:00Thankful<div>
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I'm thankful for your hand, thankful your touch</div>
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Thankful for my baby girl oh so very much</div>
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We as a dear family, as a whole make one</div>
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One beautiful family with which the Lord is never done</div>
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My brown eyed baby girl came into my life 14 years back</div>
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With all that we both went thru you would think I'd lose track</div>
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But her smile is so delightful her beauty such a glow</div>
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A personality in our home to keep us all a flow !!</div>
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Her best friend is like my other child</div>
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They both still think I'm young and wild</div>
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She's full of life and chipperness and brings us so much grace</div>
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She is one I love in our life; both girls' love so easy to embrace</div>
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When God placed my hot stud in my life thru very trying times</div>
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Somehow he got us thru, hung onto us and made us all shine </div>
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He keeps us together, and our family a whole</div>
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Not one thing I'd change about his beautiful soul</div>
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<br></div>
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I also have my big bro who makes me laugh to no end</div>
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We've had our fights and quarrels, all were easy to mend</div>
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He cares for me deeply sometimes worries about me so</div>
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But I try to remind him his love and laughter keep me ago!</div>
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So for all these little people that live within my home~</div>
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I love to go to the beach with them or text them on our phones</div>
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But I really don't want to share them too much, God gave them to me</div>
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I'll share them here and there with friends or one day spouses to be</div>
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Except dear hubby you know you are stuck right here</div>
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With me my love; I just pray you are always very near!</div>
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You bring the best of me out on toughest days of all</div>
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Makes me want to spoil you so, buy you gifts at the mall!</div>
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You all make my darkest days much brighter than all could</div>
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If I could give you millions for love, you all know that I would!</div>
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But for now you just have little ol' me who is blessed by each of you</div>
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My life has been so blessed; I would be so lost-you all get me thru!</div>
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Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-15551783101275514052015-11-24T18:01:00.000-08:002015-11-24T18:01:26.681-08:00Good Wishes To You<div style="text-align: center;">
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Why did it all have to start out with YOU?</div>
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All the chaos and trauma you put me thru.</div>
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You'd think I'd be long gone from suicide</div>
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But I had too much love and beauty to not let hide.</div>
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You thought that yelling and screaming would give me a clue</div>
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Of truly deep down in the future you were gonna do</div>
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I was always so strong before I got so sick</div>
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So sick in different cities you were with another chick</div>
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That wasn't the problem, that wasn't the issue</div>
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God knows boys make mistakes that was more than a few</div>
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But after my first brain resection I was in awful pain</div>
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I had to pick up my baby girl and move to Texas where all it did was rain</div>
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It came upon my fourth day there we found a place to live</div>
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That first night I was so emotional and you had no love to give</div>
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No instead you were filled with hate and could only scream at me</div>
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You didn't want to know what was wrong you just wanted me to flee</div>
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Your cold heart lost so much that night</div>
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So much beauty and love now out of your sight</div>
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You pinned me down and beat me hard</div>
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Until I let loose and ran out to our yard</div>
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I am so gracious you and I WERE one<br />
It led to me and Tory having so much fun<br />
A marriage that is strong<br />
That will last past so long<br />
For these I am gracious we WERE one<br />
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Searching for anyone to help or believe</div>
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That the pain you caused had to be alieved </div>
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Your mind flipped out of control that night</div>
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So crazy would you ever have my baby within sight</div>
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But with that Coburn you didn't care</div>
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This truth to alter is a dare</div>
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Kicked out of our apartment you were</div>
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Could only visit us if you brought along a Sir</div>
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But that was too belittling for you</div>
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You knew exactly what to do </div>
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But put classes and ranking before fixing a thing</div>
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That is where my daughter lost you and I got a new ring</div>
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Your brain works on one thing at a time</div>
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No matter how dirty or full of grime</div>
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Our relationship was from the very get go </div>
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I was the strong one to really let you go</div>
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You'd call and beg to have me back as your bride</div>
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But listen the first time felt like I already died</div>
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So instead you bargained for retirement and money</div>
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I'm keeping my baby, you can have all funds honey<br />
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I am so gracious you and I WERE one<br />
It led to me and Tory having so much fun<br />
A marriage that is strong<br />
That will last past so long<br />
For these I am gracious we WERE one</div>
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Money gets you no where in life</div>
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If anything it causes a lot of strife</div>
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Happiness is in the living soul</div>
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That is where I'm very rich, totally full</div>
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Continue on your pretending to be happy life</div>
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I just know such a last choosing for a wife</div>
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You let her in and rule you over </div>
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You might as well sit and hover</div>
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The Bible we read isn't just a book</div>
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It is Words of Life to get you a hook</div>
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Hook onto Christ, His mercy and love</div>
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And able to talk to Him from Above</div>
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I hope you have learned how to treat a girl</div>
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Otherwise your whole life is just a great twirl</div>
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Of disasters and cruelty, selfishness and glee</div>
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I won't even mention what you'd watch on TV</div>
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Good wishes to you, but thank you too</div>
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For being so weak you just blew</div>
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Blew off fathering your firstborn child</div>
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God kept her with me so meek and mild</div>
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<br />
I am so gracious you and I WERE one<br />
It led to me and Tory having so much fun<br />
A marriage that is strong<br />
That will last past so long<br />
For these I am gracious we WERE one...but done!</div>
Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0Ponte Vedra Beach, FL 32082, USA30.2400058 -81.38525950000001830.1851313 -81.465940500000016 30.2948803 -81.304578500000019tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-31511711721219829732015-11-23T15:24:00.001-08:002015-11-23T15:24:55.870-08:00Beginning to End<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJMHvVxoscH67lTxix6h8DoSa4DRu3r40QCDozYsyKyrYhCpzZqfJdqVLM8ztGJocwBxFu9KrhCXnjHLy7vGSdPPKi3tFLximxbXXOe61KWekujLBbID0eejcS1D3QfH4OTMw5F4C7RzrO/s640/blogger-image--449652028.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJMHvVxoscH67lTxix6h8DoSa4DRu3r40QCDozYsyKyrYhCpzZqfJdqVLM8ztGJocwBxFu9KrhCXnjHLy7vGSdPPKi3tFLximxbXXOe61KWekujLBbID0eejcS1D3QfH4OTMw5F4C7RzrO/s640/blogger-image--449652028.jpg"></a></div></div><div><br></div>The pain I endure never was desired<div>If I knew who gave it to me they would be fired</div><div>Each day is so troubling and tough to live out</div><div>The pain gets so atrocious and fills me with doubt</div><div><br></div><div>When in such pain and feeling so sad</div><div>You feel everything you do will make someone mad</div><div>The pills are not touching it nor is the heat</div><div>It truly feels like I've been dragged out and beat</div><div><br></div><div>How long really should one hang on for?</div><div>If you can barely function and extremely sore.</div><div>Life looks so dark, with no good ahead</div><div>Should I stay bitter and wrapped up in bed?</div><div><br></div><div>I am not anyone special that is for sure </div><div>Just a young lady with health issues to endure</div><div>Daily I do it though because I have no other choice</div><div>All my prayers unanswered I must have an unheard voice</div><div><br></div><div>My family is so beautiful, happy, full of joy</div><div>I wish that was me; instead I am just a toy</div><div>A puppet God uses on good days and bad</div><div>How can one like me be help when always so sad</div><div><br></div><div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">How long really should one hang on for?</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you can barely function and extremely sore.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Life looks so dark, with no good ahead</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Should I stay bitter and wrapped up in bed?</span></div></div><div><br></div><div>So I am on pause, stepped out of game for some time to be</div><div>I am truly searching for a healthier, happier little me</div><div>Cause I can't help others when unwell and can't tell</div><div>Who I am or where I will be when it feels like only hell</div><div><br></div><div>But I love my family so very much</div><div>But right now I just feel a bit outta touch</div><div>Maybe in time someone will fix me</div><div>And once again my family could see </div><div><br></div><div>I love you all from beginning to end </div><div>I just pray to God He decides to mend</div><div>This pain gets in the way of all of our fun</div><div>One day we'll all be on that beach under His sun</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-1101714135313790732015-11-22T19:32:00.001-08:002015-11-22T19:32:04.935-08:00I Can Feel<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1nR0TgeFfVD0x9YJTKd7hceqxDUeDIgHBQiA-4oxw2IpxxILxZEaWXXTfmszi2czcK-kUkBvOfIbcIfk7sWDdY7ElKDZXtJw0ThT8sGIU0sUM-pF_b2PUOmNcd0TeZI50OidvzM3rufIa/s640/blogger-image-241117353.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1nR0TgeFfVD0x9YJTKd7hceqxDUeDIgHBQiA-4oxw2IpxxILxZEaWXXTfmszi2czcK-kUkBvOfIbcIfk7sWDdY7ElKDZXtJw0ThT8sGIU0sUM-pF_b2PUOmNcd0TeZI50OidvzM3rufIa/s640/blogger-image-241117353.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>I can feel it the pain that won't go away</div><div>I can feel it the illness that wishes to stay </div><div>I can feel it the misery it brings to my life</div><div>I can feel it wanting to exit on so much strife</div><div><br></div><div>I can feel it through all of my excruciating pains</div><div>I can feel it hurts so bad like I'm wrapped in chains</div><div>I can feel it in the morning but worse at night</div><div>I can feel it has brutal anger with my body it fights</div><div><br></div><div>I can feel it laying in my peaceful bed</div><div>I can feel it is going to my head</div><div>I can feel it throbbing walking around</div><div>I can feel it make me silent and not make a sound</div><div><br></div><div>I can feel it rule me showing me whose in charge</div><div>I can feel it pound so bad you'd think all would be large</div><div>I can feel it burn and combust right thru my skin</div><div>I can feel my heart harden letting no one in</div><div><br></div><div>I can feel this altering my whole entire life</div><div>I can feel warped as a bad mom, friend, wife</div><div>I can feel there are no answers so why should I even try?</div><div>I can feel that my heart hurts so much and doesn't want to cry</div><div><br></div><div>I can feel I've interrupted lives with sorrow and complaints </div><div>I can feel I have been so pointless unable to do new paints</div><div>I can feel I shouldn't be here and you all should live life</div><div>I can feel you'd do better without me as I cause so much strife</div><div><br></div><div>I can feel this poem coming to a close</div><div>I can feel I really just need to doze.....</div><div>I can feel I just wish it was forever for you</div><div>I can feel then you two without me would be able to do</div><div><br></div><div>I can feel glad you could do so much without my presence here</div><div>I can feel none of this would happen without us both dear</div><div>I can feel though my engine has broken down</div><div>I can feel I need far far away from this town</div><div><br></div><div>I can feel I love you always</div><div>I can feel He has plans for your days</div><div>I can feel I was a benefit to bring such an angelic one</div><div>I can say my duty is complete and all my deeds here are done</div><div><br></div><div>I can feel you are a perfect dad</div><div>I can feel that doesn't make me mad</div><div>I can feel she delights everytime you are together </div><div>I can feel you better do this for me forever </div><div><br></div><div>I love you Christian </div>Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-66959820481344123352015-11-18T23:29:00.000-08:002015-11-18T23:29:09.322-08:00The Prize of Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ1b0hBIXMOrHJaJo3qKcA0r664IHym3n7NkZ4mW82C12PvfQpi2pFXwbtKa3cGl6oTjas3tKwE62jtOk5J4_AvT11XNVGoOCnUoqycCboBHScpFABNp3MeMU0dqV3z4SeM4aM7o3StYmm/s1600/hettyheadace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ1b0hBIXMOrHJaJo3qKcA0r664IHym3n7NkZ4mW82C12PvfQpi2pFXwbtKa3cGl6oTjas3tKwE62jtOk5J4_AvT11XNVGoOCnUoqycCboBHScpFABNp3MeMU0dqV3z4SeM4aM7o3StYmm/s400/hettyheadace.jpg" width="292" /></a></div>
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I want to be free of all that holds me down</div>
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Cause right now all I feel is I'm gonna drown</div>
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One brain surgery to a second then to a third</div>
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The excruciating pain all caused not all heard</div>
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Heard how it changed my life put much on hold</div>
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Every day I'd wake in pain just praying I could fold</div>
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The number of doctors seen you'd hope for just one clue</div>
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But from state to state not one doctor knew what to do</div>
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That third brain surgery was very much my choice</div>
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I was grateful that my Mayo doctors heard my little voice</div>
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But hardheaded me goes in fearless and strong</div>
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I should have understood more to not do so much wrong</div>
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I am tough Heather wanting every negative part out</div>
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Had they done this brain surgery asleep I sure would have pout</div>
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I wanted to feel the wrong areas and guide them to cut out</div>
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No matter the tough guidance I gave would little me shout</div>
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I wanted every misfiring part to be out of my life</div>
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Never did I know toughing it out would cause such strife</div>
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I wish I could say the pain all ended there</div>
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But wow since then I've had so much to bare</div>
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I feel like a vegetable, one no one likes</div>
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As my EEG's keep showing such beautiful spikes</div>
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The body pain I thought was atrocious back in 2010</div>
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Doesn't compare to the pain this town has given</div>
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We live on the bulging beach that has so many shells</div>
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But what good is that to me when daily I feel in hell</div>
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I would love to see that firing sun rise</div>
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Before it all hits hard and I don't get that prize</div>
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The prize of life</div>
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The Prize of Love</div>
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Prize to conquer strife</div>
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Prize all from up Above</div>
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I pray this torment ends one day</div>
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Maybe I can help others not to fray</div>
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But as this keeps churning I feel hopeless</div>
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So I pray that it heals and this is not endless</div>
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You all mean so much to me</div>
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You all bring me so much glee</div>
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I am one quiet source I say</div>
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I sure hope to change that one day</div>
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Bless you all for your love and care</div>
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Without it not a part of me would ever dare</div>
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Dare to seek wellness to thank all of you</div>
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To be well and grateful for all that you do!</div>
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Blessings to all....</div>
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Heather/Hetty Siebens November 2015</div>
Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0Ponte Vedra Beach, FL 32082, USA30.2400058 -81.38525950000001830.1851313 -81.465940500000016 30.2948803 -81.304578500000019tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-71106343194170414652015-11-14T15:56:00.000-08:002015-11-14T16:02:42.792-08:00Life is So Trying<div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmy9j34Hw8VJnjIqzNeQENceo589AjGIFd3u1Gf34mvgmb4rFIASXIUOkq9qqcf2bfaQxw-BQZqXD0EQVYHJqylGgFUzzhBVcbTNOtBnN60zGfyeMdMtLG_XlH__CoRCPVhyKNafHFVBMF/s640/blogger-image-1405157757.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmy9j34Hw8VJnjIqzNeQENceo589AjGIFd3u1Gf34mvgmb4rFIASXIUOkq9qqcf2bfaQxw-BQZqXD0EQVYHJqylGgFUzzhBVcbTNOtBnN60zGfyeMdMtLG_XlH__CoRCPVhyKNafHFVBMF/s640/blogger-image-1405157757.jpg" /></a></div>
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The pain is atrocious<br />
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Wondering why you</div>
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It makes you ferocious </div>
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Not knowing what to do</div>
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You listen to everyone </div>
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So positive with no clue</div>
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Your pain makes you so done</div>
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No diagnosis is true</div>
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You hang onto tough life</div>
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Like a monkey on a tree</div>
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Years lived of endless strife</div>
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But not one soul can see</div>
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All you endure barely hanging onto your breath</div>
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All Family continue whether I'm here or diminished </div>
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Does not one get my choice<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"> between life or death</span></div>
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Should this warped monkey continue when all seems finished</div>
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The sun comes up and the sun goes down</div>
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Such beauty out there that I cannot enjoy</div>
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Street lights and fun times I don't see down town</div>
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It feels like all against me, I am just a ploy</div>
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One illness leads to next one and </div>
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Pain never ceases thinking it can stay</div>
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I wish I could rid it all with a majestic hand</div>
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Instead all trials worsen on this sunny day</div>
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I am one silent soul unsure what to say</div>
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The trials I've endured have continued for years</div>
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I feel like doctors are clueless and I'm just their clay</div>
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So I continue in distress, hopeless with endless tears</div>
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Life is so trying</div>
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Confusing what to do</div>
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Leaves one just crying</div>
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I bet many of you feel this too</div>
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I lift you all up</div>
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As I remain deep down</div>
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Take our Masters cup</div>
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I will remain with a bitter frown</div>
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Endless painful Heather/Hetty</div>
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Love to you all.</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/144942267" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe><br />Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0Ponte Vedra Beach, FL 32082, USA30.2400058 -81.38525950000001830.1851313 -81.465940500000016 30.2948803 -81.304578500000019tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-77676254894244078052015-11-11T21:05:00.000-08:002015-11-11T21:05:15.264-08:00Never Falter<div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ-12sDHXa8M5_0efEFFltT2VR3-YxMtOOy9GYYJODUkT6KK2EFyCqbK-UNA125JUdre2_jJgjuqxbIyve0oRvcB2hYUP_tBnob4j_gUXRDXs1wtyXrMxFS1VZB6ygwpmJrTp5fzCvd8Jt/s640/blogger-image-1821751831.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ-12sDHXa8M5_0efEFFltT2VR3-YxMtOOy9GYYJODUkT6KK2EFyCqbK-UNA125JUdre2_jJgjuqxbIyve0oRvcB2hYUP_tBnob4j_gUXRDXs1wtyXrMxFS1VZB6ygwpmJrTp5fzCvd8Jt/s640/blogger-image-1821751831.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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When we came upon one another<br />
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Not knowing each other's dreams</div>
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We thought we'd be closer than a brother</div>
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But much closer we grew it seems</div>
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We'd travel places giggling in love</div>
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Never knowing tough times to come</div>
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We hung on so tight, trusting Him Above</div>
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Searching for signs knowing He'd send some</div>
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Never was a tough moment</div>
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Not worth the risk</div>
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The risk of you, the risk of me</div>
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The risk of us so meant to be</div>
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We hung on tight and displayed love</div>
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A love that couldn't fade</div>
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Today where we are is incredible, so pure</div>
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Not one piece of this would I trade</div>
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Your eyes focus so deep</div>
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But your heart wins the prize</div>
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Our love is rich, so far from cheap</div>
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As we hold one another in one size</div>
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We will never falter, we will never fail</div>
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You and I brought together as one</div>
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Let's dream, let's dance, let's go for a sail</div>
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As for you and I, in love, are never done</div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Never was a tough moment</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Not worth the risk</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The risk of you, the risk of me</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The risk of us so meant to be</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">We hung on tight and displayed love</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A love that couldn't fade</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Today where we are is incredible, so pure</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Not one piece of this would I trade</span></div>
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Be my man forevermore</div>
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I will be your wife</div>
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I love when you walk thru our front door</div>
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That my love, my man, completes my life.</div>
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I love you Christian Siebens</div>
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Hope this means something....</div>
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Nov 11, 2015 </div>
Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-69113127542878468532015-10-05T23:52:00.000-07:002015-10-05T23:52:40.062-07:00Amen Journey<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-weowB8rUpdA/VhNkGbZ0HQI/AAAAAAAAvVs/tGn4BamnXLM/s640/blogger-image--1738067001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-weowB8rUpdA/VhNkGbZ0HQI/AAAAAAAAvVs/tGn4BamnXLM/s640/blogger-image--1738067001.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">These lines are so beautiful, yet so real, so tough. But yet I know in the tiniest, minuscule way, what it is like to be beaten. And it was twice as hard for me then, as for I didn't know Jesus yet. Heard a little about Him, but from the crazy soul that also took his hands to me. So who do I trust? Who do I look to and believe in. Well, sadly, the whole situation didn't have me running to find Jesus then, it took a year of countless, and unliveable overdoses to get me to call to Him. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">My ex and I had no commons. No love. No connection. Sadly, we just had decline from the moment we eloped. All negativity from what was the first song we listened to together after we said I do with strangers, to the night he beat me. First night in our new apartment since my move to Killeen, TX, where he was stationed. My fourth day in TX. He had a lot of built up anger, guilt and stress. Anger I had him in such a predicament in life from where my epilepsy took me when we got pregnant. Anger he had to stay with me due to being pregnant ...even though I told him otherwise. Guilt for continuing to cheat on me while I was in Phoenix, first awaiting for my 1st brain surgery, and just after it. His stress I'll credit him for being listed and unable to talk to me about going to Iraq in the beginning of 2003. But this is life. We both had a deck of troubled cards, but to place lives of loved ones on the line for ones own happiness?? What world did he come from??? We HAD a one year old together, I am just not sure how one could let their anger bust like that. But, I do know for a fact, it runs in his genes... His dad was one anger induced soul. I am sadly, very happy he is no longer a part of my child's life. Signed her over completely to me in 2009. Sad to show who was wrong. Who felt guilt. Who couldn't put up a fight for rights, when one didn't have them, and really didn't want them from the heart. Only greed and anger.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">He took his fist to me night of October 6, 2002. And I didn't know what to do. We were phone- less. I knew no one. The neighbor believed in backing up soldier to soldier. I didn't sleep a wink. But thankful my daughter didn't hear one peep of all that ruckus ... And somehow slept so soundly thru it all, like Jesus was cradling her in His arms- guiding her to walk on water thru the storm. She arose, as happily as usual. And her mama did her best to not show any fear. But Lord did I ever brake.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I had to take him to the base that morning, as for it was my car we had- and he wasn't going to be using it. And he also wasn't going to be coming back that evening. I had no idea what to do, who to talk to, as for I didn't know a soul. First person I called was my neurologist. I had to make sure he'd get me clearance papers noting that even though I had just gone thru my 1st brain surgery, I was still a perfect case to handle being a mom. He has always been one amazing Doctor, who saw that thru, made sure I was ok- and saw me thru the disastrous year to come from it. He supported me like I was his one daughter. He saw my struggle with my one daughter and couldn't have imagined that. He despised my ex. My other phone calls were to a friend I was connected to thru my work from the Marriott for years, he was like my uncle. He listened to all my marital issues, and helped me see clear thru it all. He had this "perfect" life, knew this Jesus guy, and was happy. He was also the one that connected me with my husband of today. How rare is this? So I briefly spoke with who was my friend then, but my husband today, told him what disaster I came upon. Last one I spoke to, my mother. As for she doesn't deal with reality well. She wouldn't listen to my truth, and was in denial anything really happened. That is sadly my family. Tory is the one at that point who kept me as sound-minded as I would possibly come. As for I was on a sick cycle carousel ride, and it seemed I just couldn't get off. Not even for the life of me.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So after the filing of all that occurred, the pictures being taken both on base and at the police department.... They took his keys away, and he was no longer aloud in or on our apartment grounds unless appointment made and with an officer of higher ranking. He only did that once, and not to see my daughter. But to beg and plea I don't charge him with anything. So my mind was running fast pace, I was so confused, hurt, in anguish. My first answer that came to mind- phenobarbital overdosing. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I was placed on so much of it when pregnant with Tory, it was the first thing that snapped into mind when I felt I was losing my mind from it all. I needed to numb my pain. Shut off lights per se. And whatever the consequences, so be it. I had no faith then, no Heaven nor hell knowledge. Just thought there was an exit door. And a lot of phenobarbital would get me there.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Well, normally at my dose intake, it would take lives. But I guess He did, and does have more plans for me, as for I am still here, breathing, heartbeat, and three brain surgeries and so much else later, able to retell my story. As the parent of Tory, able to tell you how God worked so many wonders for her and thru her, I have no room to begin to tell you. She is like an angel, living here on earth. Placed in my life to keep little me safe, well, and searching until I find my Lord. And did she ever get me there.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">We went thru so much together, she really has no idea at this point in her life. Just a little I've told her here and there. But I became her sole parent, which felt like a direct gift from God. It wasn't something I was fighting for. It was something He just gave me overnight. Thru all my struggles I had really no clue until then how close Jesus and I really were and are. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Fast forward, my overdosing began in October of 2002, and didn't end until October of 2003. That year was rough. I was raising my daughter completely on my own, not partially. I was living day to day half awake, or completely blasted from overdosing Phenobarbital. I was dating my husband of today, which was a lot more than I ever thought looking back, that I could handle going thru, putting myself thru everything I did. But I am so gracious to God I did. He is my everything. My air, my rest, my life. Without him, I probably would not be typing right now. As he snores, with his hand on my typing arm. 💟 God gave me all these precious jewels, even before I knew Him, as for He knew what was lying ahead- and knew my family couldn't handle it, wouldn't be there. He gave me these tough Angels that could deal with rough souls like me. How one can look back in life at the lowest part of their life, toughest, yet have such amazing vivid memories their cherish? Not usual you hear of someone saying their overdosing year was full of amazing memories..... Sounds nuts, but is so true.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I knew come 3rd hospitalization, really, since the 1st, I would never see my ex again except at court hearings. But it was that October that rolled around and I snapped. He had called me from Iraq, which led to an argument as to why did he ever do what he did? Beat me a year prior that had me in such a predicament in life. Well, out of no where he was in denial now. He was denying he had done that after e-mails and phone calls of sorry's. Well, that call on October 18th , 2003... Hit me hard. Like a stone at a glass house- I shattered. And my answer, was the months worth of Phenobarbital I had not been taking, as for I hated it. But I also didn't rid of it, I psychologically stored it up for a big thundercloud day. And he was my thundercloud. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The brisk morning of October 19... I popped half my bottle, which was around 4500 Meg's of death calling me. I called a friend, we went to the gym together and then took our kids to the mall. Had I not taken a friend with me, I wouldn't be here still. After we worked out, ending roughly around 11 am, I began to feel the fall of my pills, and I just wanted more. More cloudiness. More thought my mind might completely exit even. I never once put my child's life into range of thought. I just really figured all would be okay, really the same without me. That is what being beaten does to you, brain surgery, phenobarbital. Just up the dose almost 10 x's. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">We were at the mall after I sucked down the other 4500 mg's of Phenobarbital. My mind was blown. I was not on earth anymore. I bought items for Tory, twice. No idea. My friend knew I was "out to lunch" and didn't know what to do. So out of no where, except the grace of Jesus- I picked up my cell phone and called the number to my neurologist that he called searching for me on one night in July, gravely concerned of my well being. I called that number, his wife answered. I felt so bad. I didn't even know the definition of full sentence. She quickly gave the phone to her husband, my doctor. And he advised me to quickly get up,to their Emergency Room.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I told my friend. But told him I had to go home and get ready first. I really had no idea if I even strapped my baby girl into my car or not- but sped out and swerved going 80 in a 40 street. Almost running a red. It was like life flashing before my eyes. Little do I remember from when I got to my apartment to when I found myself on a gurney at my Mayo Hospital. What I do remember is seeing HIM, hearing HIM, and calling out to HIM right before they went to pump my stomach- life got so dark.... Then a light glowed. It was like Him saying, " this is your second chance" when in reality it was my billionth chance. I had been seeking Him at this amazing church in Chandler, AZ.... went there because the sign had a purple tone to it. But it wasn't the color talking to me, it was Jesus. And His plans were so Devine , so beautiful...plans to prosper- for good and hope. Not disaster. Jeremiah 29:11 The 29th is the date I got out. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I went thru every step of destruction. Code blue, heart stopping, stomach pumping, CPR. Coma. But it was like Jesus was truly physically with me, but no one could see Him but me. He was my life support. And when I arose, it was like there was not a huge overdosage of Phenobarbital running thru my blood, but His love, His blood, His truth running thru them instead. My head was instantly so clear. It was like I was a totally different soul. When in reality, I was. As for just before my heart stopping is when I called out to Christ.... I asked for a billionth chance to do it all again, except WITH HIM this time. And I'll figure it all out thru Him, with Him, for Him. He hears these cries. Some more obvious than others. But baby Christians are coddled for sure. But if He hadn't, I wouldn't be here. He if filled with so much love and grace for me to screw up in every way possible ... But to fight for me? Why? He loves me ... You, us... Unconditionally...and that is a fact I have lived thru a million times.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">!!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">He gave me a heart. I thank Him for that. I love people. I hate struggles. I reach to help. You aren't alone. If I wasn't, you aren't. His plans are beautiful. He gave me the glory and honor of marrying this amazing person he set in my life in such an interesting fashion- the date my ex beat me, five years prior. We we'd on October 6, 2007. Took that day and showed how are Lord beautified it. We conquered Satans actions by having the most amazing marriage after complete destruction....and a child of our own, she has always seen as Daddy since she was barely 2. She sees no differently. He orchestrated it beautifully. How really could I ask for more? You'll see me complain about my health. But I try to see these days, this particular month more often. That way I know when to shut up, and just glorify Him. His peace has been done, and I am ok with all brain and pain issues. He gave me this family. I am so gracious. Cause I am one who didn't deserve it. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So much I can't explain in a blog, so much I wish I could share. But that is as compact as I can get it. I am gracious He gave me all of you. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">To God be the Glory, Honor, and Praise to our Lord!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">In His Grip,</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Heather/ Hetty Siebens</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
<iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/141508461" width="500" height="281" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe> <p><a href="https://vimeo.com/141508461">Grateful To God For You</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/aliveinme">Hetty Siebens</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to,give you future and a hope.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Psalm 91: 14-16. The LORD says p, "I will rescue those who love Me. I will protect those who trust in My name. When they call on me, I will answer. I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them. I will satisfy them with a long life and give them My salvation." </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Psalm 106: 1-3. Give thanks to the LORD for He is good! His faithful love endures forever. Who can list the glorious miracles of the LORD? Who can ever praise Him HALF enough?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Happy are those who deal justly with others and always do what is right.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Romans 15: 13. So I pray that God, who gives you hope, will keep up you happy and full of peace as you believe in Him. May you overflow with hope thru the power of the Holy Spirit.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Philippians 1:29 for you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br />
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</div>Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-68200099605873826872015-09-28T08:08:00.001-07:002015-09-28T08:26:58.354-07:00My Man<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Lymrctw90es/VglQnceZ47I/AAAAAAAAukY/ebiNZlwSvkA/s640/blogger-image--1179161841.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Lymrctw90es/VglQnceZ47I/AAAAAAAAukY/ebiNZlwSvkA/s640/blogger-image--1179161841.jpg"></a></div><br>
</div><div>MY MAN</div><div><br>
</div>The Man my husband is<br>
<div>Never comes very easy</div><div>Even when life's a friz</div><div>He stands ground to be cheesy</div><div><br>
</div><div>His love never fails, vanishes, or is put on the line</div><div>His love is so pure and true </div><div>He is one in all circumstances to make all feel just fine</div><div>Christian always gets us thru</div><div><br>
</div><div>He is my stars, my moon, my sun</div><div>He is everything intended from above</div><div>I have never lost in life, only won!</div><div>Cause this man, my husband is full of LOVE!</div><div><br>
</div><div>We may have hard times wondering if I'll make it</div><div>My man has no doubt of His Divine plans </div><div>So yes I struggle thru my health trying not to throw a fit</div><div>Cause you see, my husband Christian is my #1 fan!</div><div><br>
</div><div>So I never want to let my man down</div><div>If our big bulging sun should rise </div><div>Or it is ghastly pouring rain all over town</div><div>We always live in love, not lies</div><div><br>
</div><div>Christian we live in a crazy world you and me</div><div>But there isn't a moment I'd ever erase</div><div>You are a man filled with our love, hope, and reality </div><div>You my love I'll never lose but continue to chase!</div><div><br>
</div><div>Let's say good bye to Philly we won't be back 'round</div><div>Nor is Phoenix going to be our next town</div><div>Minnesota was so fun and I'll miss it forever</div><div>But let's keep trying Florida in hopes of moving never</div><div><br>
</div><div>As for you are my sunshine anywhere we go</div><div>You are my backbone in ragged times</div><div>There isn't one other soul I'd ever love like you- so</div><div>Let's sit on our back porch and listen to our chimes</div><div><br>
</div><div>You are my love, fresh air, reason I breathe </div><div>Never think twice about the love I have in thee</div><div>You are my wants, needs, desires- my Everything!</div><div>Let's show the world that true love is more than Something!!!</div><div><br>
</div><div>I love you Christian Siebens,</div><div>Your less brain wife,</div><div>Early in the morning,</div><div>Heather (Hetty) Siebens</div>Your Satellite Princess<br>
<div><br>
In response to:<br>
<br>
My girl..<br>
<br>
My girl is the one<br>
She is full of fun<br>
But when she feels bad<br>
The world seems so sad<br>
She is talented art<br>
Because she has such a big heart<br>
Soon my eyes will catch your glance<br>
And we will begin our dance<br>
I love you beyond compare<br>
Even when you have all different color hair..<br>
<br>
<br>
Love,<br>
Your Man- Satellite King<br>
<br>
</div><div>1 Corinthians 13:13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE! </div><div><br>
</div><div>Colossians 1:16-17. Christ made everything in the heavens and on the earth. He made everything that is seen and things that are not seen. He made all the powers of heaven. Everything was made by Him and for Him. Christ was before all things. All things are held together by Him.</div><div><br>
</div><br>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/140670004" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <br>
<a href="https://vimeo.com/140670004">Are We???</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/aliveinme">Hetty Siebens</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br>
<br>
Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com3Ponte Vedra Beach, FL 32082, USA30.2400058 -81.38525950000001830.1851313 -81.465940500000016 30.2948803 -81.304578500000019tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-58711058799216250502015-09-23T15:38:00.001-07:002015-09-23T15:38:29.981-07:00Question Everything?<div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtNXlvDob7BaLPtrxBkCXKtquf0KuH6c-aqdAtR1abiUdmUXL07JJR2L1xTII2lzEdIDq4OvHQ-TcjKtQNptavsvAX1-mp09al14JFVfT_A5G0dzOzVxD9drRkM0y3V64Wh6q8qd7eGOzg/s640/blogger-image--379903219.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtNXlvDob7BaLPtrxBkCXKtquf0KuH6c-aqdAtR1abiUdmUXL07JJR2L1xTII2lzEdIDq4OvHQ-TcjKtQNptavsvAX1-mp09al14JFVfT_A5G0dzOzVxD9drRkM0y3V64Wh6q8qd7eGOzg/s640/blogger-image--379903219.jpg"></a></div><br></div>When does life feel just?<div>When can you establish trust?</div><div>As for all the ups and downs in life-</div><div>Seems like we are all living in strife.</div><div><br></div><div>When that big yellow sun comes crashing down--</div><div>And all of those monkeys go rattling downtown.</div><div>Who out of all them seem to be telling twisted lies?</div><div>Who just continues doing so even causing brains to fry!?</div><div><br></div><div>This world we live in seems so jaded.</div><div>When everyone's goal is who to be hated!</div><div>When things come crashing down where do we turn?</div><div>When we lose loved ones, companies, who won't turn and burn?</div><div><br></div><div>Where is the trust of yesterday, the love of our family?</div><div>Why do we question everything that isn't full of glee?</div><div>It's like we truly live in this fake plastic nation.</div><div>That can only talk to us at 6pm if on the right station.?</div><div><br></div><div>Well that isn't how my life was prepped to live I say!</div><div>My family will make it thru any windy or rainy day!</div><div>I may be complex with a lot of complications!</div><div>But no illness can be worse than watching any TV station.</div><div><br></div><div>They fill us full of hatred and greed!</div><div>When all it takes is One True God to lead!</div><div>Lead us down our winding road wondering if we're lost..?</div><div>But taking the lead and trusting Him, not judging what it'd cost!!?</div><div><br></div><div>With Christ as my center it doesn't make life easy, it makes life hard!</div><div>We are to stand up for Him, for each other and remain on guard!</div><div>For each other's lives, each other's homes, down every winding road-</div><div>Just know I'd always stand up for you thru Him, til the very day I grow old.!!</div>Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-14287750407049015342015-09-13T21:02:00.002-07:002015-09-13T21:36:26.438-07:00Angelia~ Don't Fret<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLR0sjbB9o9fKRwW655nywTQpt8ITSkNkSHOdJKd_KR5jNhfIhwReMkrCmcode95gcLx7oiSOvqSU0TjdMLw-YmxaxfkMzksv2SP9PbZ0DI4LFWzIRZSomy5NTU3Ezi7TiU5k60OahfPhN/s1600/IMG_3867.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLR0sjbB9o9fKRwW655nywTQpt8ITSkNkSHOdJKd_KR5jNhfIhwReMkrCmcode95gcLx7oiSOvqSU0TjdMLw-YmxaxfkMzksv2SP9PbZ0DI4LFWzIRZSomy5NTU3Ezi7TiU5k60OahfPhN/s320/IMG_3867.JPG" width="320"></a></div>
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<i>Angelia~ don't fret ...</i></div>
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<i>Life was never easy for you,</i></div>
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<i>Just a walk through the park. </i></div>
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<i>Some days seemed so amazing,</i></div>
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<i>Yet so many trapped in the dark.</i></div>
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<i>But you knew how to find yourself precious </i></div>
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<i>Bright light or pitch black out always handled things cool</i></div>
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<i>When you had a goal you knew you'd have it, no end</i></div>
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<i>But then came turns & jabs unexpectantly-you needed to know the fool.</i></div>
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<i>Who could ever put YOUR babies life at risk without questions or consent?</i></div>
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<i>Whoever could hold such a fragile being, as an object of science, not life?</i></div>
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<i>I know who couldn't & wouldn't it's You DOC MOM! You my friend are a gift from God, a present.</i></div>
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<i>One who knew everything going on around her, and everybody's strife.</i></div>
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<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>You are one tough cookie who continued life so positively as could be.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Thru all Nickybear went thru, most mothers would have already quit</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>But you kept pushing and including him, teaching and loving past degree.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>He will never forget you girl, not one moment;just can't wait one bit!</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Why? Cause you are a real mom. Dealing with reality of love and strife.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>You knew the hardship realities of what this evilness could do</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>But you didn't let it get in the way of Nickybear living a young boy's life.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>So much he did down here because OF YOU but sought him thru</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>You never gave up you never folded, you were a rock thru every step</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>I admire moms like you who chug away, fix, and push on then</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Exhausted, </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Pain,</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Moody,</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Hurting,</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Questioning,</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Yet you love him so much you get up go again as if no fret</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>All you have created, all you have done, I just know you'd do it again. </i><br><i><br>
</i> <i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Your heart is still very full, full of his love here on earth</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>I couldn't imagine my child's life outside of giving birth</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>But you dear Ang take me by surprise </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>by how much more you handle</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Even between all your needed cries.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>He is a precious gift once physically given to you a beautiful Sept morning</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Who ever in this world would take that baby home with any type of warning</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>But so wise were you in seeking help fast,</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>In order to help all relationships with him last.</i><br></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><i><br></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Now so many understand why you are mourning still.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>He was straight up a gift from God born on a perfect fall date.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>If only more could see the impact he made on little me who is ill,</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Or believe not all are right some docs making mistakes-not fate.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>But keep your chin as high as it goes.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Nickybear will send a butterfly to your nose.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>He will talk to you in ways like never before.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>The moment you lay it at Christ's feet not behind a door.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>His promises are real and totally in tact</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Never think once God never has your back</i><i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>You are one super mom going thru mourning like Job</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>He will always understand that, give you time in your robe.</i><br>
<br></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>One day we will all meet up there where Nickybear has it set up his way</i><i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Which may be different than now, but I couldn't see how.</i><i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>But I know that special all time angel- kisses you every day!</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>And one day you'll see or hear or feel him, and let out a crying wow!</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Please don't forget me Angelia, you mean so much to me.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>So much I wish I could tell you, or was able to take away from thee </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>I know when He has plans there is always a Divine purpose never crystal clear</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>And leaves us to take hard times on unknowing cost and somehow give Him our fear</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Today I say thank You God for giving Angelia and family such a very precious son</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>His birthday around the corner, here on earth just isn't as fun</i><i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>But I know You have miraculous plans with all thru this thick and strife </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Some days just feels like a delusion but we know Nicky is there, alright.</i><br></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><i><br></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Happy Birthday young man your mama misses you so</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>She helped me learn so much about you-I didn't want you to go</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>I wish I could have taken it on my 3rd brain surgery for you</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>But our God has way more plans Nicky, using you to get us thru!</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Your mom is very special to me, please keep her in my prayers</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>She's truly an Angelic person with a heart you just don't dare</i><i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>She is true and real and always in love with you</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Please Nicky pass it on to Christ, to help get her thru.</i><br>
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>One day when we are all out of this earthly circus walking on the wire</i><i><br>
</i> </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>One day when we all were blown away about this young mans life</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>We will all gather up in Heaven talk about it all knowing not one is a liar</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>And carry on in Heaven above in love, friendship, but no strife.</i><br>
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>I love you Angelia....and adore your precious son, gone too soon from Earth..... But still scoring </i><br>
<i>points in Heaven, touching lives left and right.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Happy Birthday to you both this September 22nd...... Breathe thru it girl. Breathe his air he'll send!</i><br>
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Love you,</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><br>
</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>Hetty</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i><a href="tel:480-717-0609" x-apple-data-detectors-result="0" x-apple-data-detectors-type="telephone" x-apple-data-detectors="true">480-717-0609</a></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>http://aliveinme.net</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<i>http://epilepsycures.wordpress.com</i><br>
<i><br>
</i></div>
<br>
<br>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="313" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/89159105" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe><br>
<br>Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0Mayo Clinic Hospital 5777 East Mayo Boulevard, Phoenix33.659404 -111.956581tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-86984842602627490032015-09-07T08:47:00.001-07:002015-09-07T09:00:14.792-07:00He Still Responds to My 2nd Brain Surgery Letter<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTsBQLPCeiAAAUXry6UjWBIUQvspu76tMhXZcZwJ7IOAD8K7uZRGzZ3onnh4D9TcuALzyKU4MovlSL8r1Pegs4rxzoGfmOxTYlJ5r2ggnwOspCRXq6JWpwLYAXGCfU1Q4Z_kV_UH8ZT19n/s640/blogger-image-2074044809.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTsBQLPCeiAAAUXry6UjWBIUQvspu76tMhXZcZwJ7IOAD8K7uZRGzZ3onnh4D9TcuALzyKU4MovlSL8r1Pegs4rxzoGfmOxTYlJ5r2ggnwOspCRXq6JWpwLYAXGCfU1Q4Z_kV_UH8ZT19n/s640/blogger-image-2074044809.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Wrote this to be opened March 28, 2005, after I already went in for my first part of my 2nd brain surgery.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">This was so hard on Christian. He came from a family who rarely needed Tylenol or Band-Aids. There I was getting in depth electrodes put in to read my seizures before they hit, to turn parts of my brain on and off in order to see if it was ok to resect that part. This all made Christian so nervous. So scared. On top of it all, as my fiánce he had to take care of our beautiful daughter, Tory Moriah. That really flipped him out. So-last night I resent my letter to him, and this morning as I slept-He responded. Just to make me cry. Yes, tears of joy.. Some tears of why me-cause I sure was a lot better then. But wow it's beautiful!! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Mine from March 28, 2005</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><blockquote type="cite"><div class="gmail_quote"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Dear Christian~</strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am not positive where to start. You are my everything. I learned slowly, you are not my air, as for God <i>truly</i> is. You are the life support that has kept me here mentally by “our” choice. When I was down, you picked me up. When I was unwell, you helped me feel better. A lot of it in the beginning, you just didn’t get. You just <i>knew</i> there was this creature God was providing for a reason. You didn’t have strong feelings for just fun and games. You acted on them as He <i>intended</i> you to and I am still here. We are together. We are both focused on God. I am on my way to surgery to become better for our family. We are both growing stronger together <i>through</i>God and <i>with</i> God. This all happened for reasons. I thank God everyday for my struggles. I won’t ever step away from Him. Once the Phenobarbital Heather vanished and the new Heather came out, a new Christian Siebens did too! One full of pure love and words I never heard within my family. I thank God for my memory. I can think of every month of our relationship and remember spectacular things that touch my heart. Even if Phenobarbital was somehow intertwined, you somehow made moments spectacular. You have so much awesome kindness that words <i>cannot</i> express your ability to heal me mentally with kind words. Unfortunately, that isn’t the way it goes with the seizures. However, I do know if you weren’t in my life, my seizures would be on going as they were when I was with Nathan. It would be a non-stop game until my brain is worked on. You have made this simpler for the most part. I apologize for the things I could not provide, and wish that I could. But for me to be the one <i>you</i> want and the one <i>I</i> want to be for you, I need to focus on God and focus on this surgery. I am going to come out in a bit of pain, but so much less pain than last time. I now have accepted God fully in my life and He provided me with such a living treasure. <i>You</i>. I watch you with our daughter and I am amazed you weren’t with her from day one. The comforting bond you two have is like the comfort you have with your own father. I need you in my life to share love, to learn love. I know what the subject is and I know when I do and how much I do. I just need to learn how to show it better. I am a Jensen and we are different. I just need you to know I do love you with all my heart, mind and soul. (I do have <i>some</i> mind) I will again be back for you. Let’s look forward to this surgery, my recovery, our relationship, our marriage, our family and the continuance of it all! We are worth it all and more. I never had this many memories with anyone. Not the good ones to keep. You have been through a lot with me and I credit you for it. I will be there for you always. That is why God wants me better. He wants me to be that awesome wife of great support. We are doing things right in His eyes. I am doing them happy and pray you are too. When you do things to please Him and that in turn pleases you, He will reward you in one way or another. Just smile and know He is here with us both, or all three. The hard part is over. Going through things without His help. We both know we can’t. He now is in control of all of our issues and we have His love and support. Don’t ever think twice about me not pulling through all of this, He is with me. I will be with you until our earthly time ends! </strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I look forward to this hospital stay, healing, and the funny hairdo afterward when I am better. Just buy me some make-up so some of me looks all right! </strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Christian, I thank God for you. For Stauffer introducing us. For all of my issues that got us here. I love everything about you and more. Others couldn’t fathom having the life we have. Without love, we would die like the rest. Thank God for providing that!</strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">While I am gone…read our Bible, take care of our precious one, visit me some, go to our church, update our friends there, talk with our family about it all…even if it seems the Jensen side doesn’t want to talk. You are the best father, I know it, she knows it, my parents see it, and God knows it for sure. It is your turn to recognize it. Enjoy that time, for when I return it will be crazy!</strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I love you my precious one!</strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Love,</strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><strong style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Hetty</strong></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Philippians 4: 6-7</b><b><br></b><b>Don't worry about anything: instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.</b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><br></b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><br></b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>In return -my precious hubby sent this today....</b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br></p></div></blockquote><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Sept.7 2015</b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><br></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Hetty,</b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><br></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Although 10 years have passed since you wrote this amazing, heartfelt letter, I know we still feel the same about each other. Actually, we have been through so much since then I know we love each other more.. More completely. My vow to you was to love and protect you through sickness and health. I may not do that always as well as I should, but my commitment is still alive and well. I am proud of you.. More than you know. Although you have struggled and at times wanted to give up.. You keep moving trying your best to be better for us all...you are a true fighter and outwardly you want to let the world know you got this. But I know inside your heart is vulnerable and you need you support, love and help. I will be this for you.. To the best of my ability you can rest in me. I will be your strength when you are down.. I promised you that.. And with God's help I will only become better at it for you, for us... For our family. I know you are scared of what is ahead.. But don't be. God has brought you through so much.. He has surrounded you with love, His and others he has is your life.. This is not by accident. He has plans for you still.. And no matter what, I am excited to see what those plans are.. Because as your husband.. I'll be at your side through them all.</b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><br></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>You will survive, we will survive.. And together with Jesus we will thrive.. Whether in Florida, Arizona or wherever. </b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><br></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Never lose hope.. You are a true miracle of God. Smile...your light is bright and I am confident the light emitting from you is still growing.</b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><br></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>I love you beyond measure..</b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><br></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Always,</b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Always,</b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Always,</b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><br></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Christian <br><br>Sent from my iPhone</b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Christian, I love you with all my heart, mind, soul, strength...this is all I need to push on. You are my EVERYTHING ... </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">In His Love and Grace,</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Hetty</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div>Philippians 1:29 For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp7nBX6KssFB4kcnBCreaur1Xcahd-k4NQVSFLNmcMIrHjjxZ7ps_Ho5x04NgJSKb4Zz1bKaVsdFIGK-SLR8N-I6mKfeDkZFmjKoM-FkYw6YbmHnoh0ZUw7K0on-ceg6Jxaz5PIDuK9j0c/s640/blogger-image--986070791.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp7nBX6KssFB4kcnBCreaur1Xcahd-k4NQVSFLNmcMIrHjjxZ7ps_Ho5x04NgJSKb4Zz1bKaVsdFIGK-SLR8N-I6mKfeDkZFmjKoM-FkYw6YbmHnoh0ZUw7K0on-ceg6Jxaz5PIDuK9j0c/s640/blogger-image--986070791.jpg"></a></div><br></div><blockquote type="cite" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><div class="gmail_quote"></div></blockquote></div>Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548448672230776977.post-10608184375311571612015-09-01T02:08:00.000-07:002015-09-01T02:08:10.370-07:00Never Again- " Mayo Clinic" in Jacksonville, FL...Well.... how it went......<br />
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Above- my disaster from Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL- ONLY....</div>
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To that I say-</div>
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It used to be due to several cruel people, really. But this one truly took the cake. No one can take someone (for example, myself), who has conquered so many health battles in life, and in turn use those same health battles against me. What I am referring to when I say this? The horrific "Special Notes" written in a biased and untruthful manner by Dr. Kristine M Thompson (a physician in the Mayo Clinic Emergency Room in Jacksonville, FL).<br />
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This place lacks dignity, care, testing, solutions, strategies. The core of the problem is the amount of staff, next problem, the type of staff.<br />
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We can all go back in 2003 and discuss...what I went thru, what my neurologist from Mayo in PHOENIX AZ... went thru without a wink- TO SAVE ME.... But I do not take judgements from ED people, who haven't chosen a specialty- who don't stay true to their patients..... and who do not bring up your history charts to see that you have never once sought out pain medication in your lifetime. Been in excruciating pain that my... MY doctors, no- MY SPECIALISTS in Phoenix, AZ Fight and test, and fight, and retest until everything is exhausted.... Then pick up again and start over.<br />
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So, in a move I think anyone would agree was a very well-reasoned, we decided on Jacksonville, FL - which so happens to have a large Mayo Clinic minutes from our new home. We all agreed that having Mayo Clinic so convenient and close to my house in Florida would help this pain disaster. Until we GOT back, we didn't figure but a second round for pain treatment would be needed for my ferocious pain here at the JACKSONVILLE MAYO AND will be traveling back to the REAL MAYO- at Mayo in Phoenix, AZ.... since no one here calls back, and no one here tests or cares. Which is totally ok, I've ALWAYS LOVED THE ONE IN PHOENIX.... I named my cat after it. I had all 3 brain surgeries there and more. And they push on. Respect.<br />
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We HAD to go back to the ED in hopes these people, like Dr. Braggs, or really more off Dr. Thompson were just living nightmares, that may have repeated more than once or twice, but it could have just been their foul weather here, their bad short stocked nights, or really in fact, that they were just as horrifying as they really came across each and every time???! I give people more than second chances, right!!?? Well.... Dr K Thompsom belittled me in my pain, and discomfort to the point I was already nauseous from pain- but she threw it out of proportion. Judging me WHY I REALLY was there, what for, and she would control what medication to prescribe - which I don't have necessarily true allergic reactions to, but rather can have sensitive reactions to that defeat the purpose of the medication.<br />
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Did Dr. Thompson EVER read my 13 year devoted chart to Mayo, at least Mayo in Phoenix and Rochester? NO. She would have seen I invested as much time, energy, money, trust, and health into MY docs, that she had zero idea where I was standing today in life. She has poor judgment and clarity... For that should not be "caring" for anyone. As for hers isn't just a rainy day. Her additude is every night and day.<br />
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So due to Braggs, John, many others and of course, Dr. Kristine M Thompson, I will fly 3000 miles and back every week before I EVER drive 3 exits to see them ever again. The facility as a whole is disrespectful. There is zero care of your concerns... You are just a number at THIS MAYO IN JACKSONVILLE, FL.... THE REASON people in the Midwest to the West Coast NEVER HAVE HEARD A PEEP ABOUT THIS MAYO. The reason THIS MAYO even runs a LITTLE DIFFERENT SHIP and has its own "secondary" number as opposed to just the ONE Clinic number.<br />
The Mayo in Jacksonville, FL won't end here... Neither will Dr. Kristine M Thompson. This is when things just begin. And you just wish you would have thought twice about NOT BEING IN THE MAYO SYSTEM OF RESPECT, INTEGRGRITY, NON-judgmental of your patients.... Like the Mayo in Phoenix, Scottsdale, AZ.... And Rochestser and all sister hospitals in MN. You have truly begun a nightmare Miss Kristine Thompson.... Unless you know how to apologize, admit failure, face to face and on paper work in the next 90 days.... You have so much to answer. I will be there. But you owe all, ALL OF MY WESTERNIZED MAYO's SORRY's. We live a bit different sharp life in Western America- which is I guess why people look for Western medicine. Start With my neurologist, I'd be thrilled to go down a list of people you need to include Ms Thompson. As for my doctors never fade. MINE DONT....<br />
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Keep working the way you wish.... I will keep traveling THE FRIENDLY SKIES to Mayo in Phoenix, AZ..... BLESSINGS.<br />
IN HIS TIGHT GRIP,<br />
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HEATHER J SIEBENS<br />
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8-31-15<br />
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To God be the Glory, Honor, Praise!<br />
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Proverbs 13: 13<br />
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People who despise advice will find themselves in trouble; those who respect it will succeed.<br />
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Proverbs 24:12<br />
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Don't try to avoid responsibility by saying you didn't know about it. For God knows ALL hearts, AND HE SEES YOU. He keeps watch over your soul, and He knows YOU KNEW!! And He will judge ALL people according to what they have done.<br />
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For Dr. Joseph F Drazkowski, Dr. B Vargas, Dr. R.S. Zimmerman, Dr.Cynthia Stonnington .... This verse below applies to you all so perfect in my heart-with so many thanks! For God has used you all as a distinct tool and continues to in this generation-yes for me!!! But Amen for ALL. Bless you all ....this is for you....<br />
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Matthew 4:24<br />
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News about Him (Jesus) spread far beyond the borders of Galilee so that the sick were coming to be healed from as far away as Syria. And whatever their illness and pain, or if they were possessed by demons, or were epileptics, or were paralyzed-HE HEALED THEM ALL.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/91388761" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <a href="https://vimeo.com/91388761">Cut and Stapled Many Times</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/aliveinme">Hetty Siebens</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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Below my amazing Epileptologist who saved me- 13 years- Dr. Joseph F Drazkowski. Mayo Clinic Hospital in Phoenix, AZ........<br />
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I will fly 6000 miles for ALL of you there..... thank you! </div>
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Hettyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11222934139158740344noreply@blogger.com0Ponte Vedra Beach, FL 32082, USA30.2400058 -81.38525950000001830.1851313 -81.465940500000016 30.2948803 -81.304578500000019