Thirty nine years and counting

That little dude above is one of my closest friends ever. We literally talk about everything - good, bad, tough, dreams, mistakes, family, life, God,..etc.  That tiny little dude has made such an impact on my life, my daughter, even in ways my husband. The guy above is very special to me, and no matter what struggles we have endured, I am always opened armed to him. Always start over again. Always love him so dearly. That special dude up there is my big brother, Troy.

That dude was always so special to me, he just didn't realize it for some time. Even with my naming my daughter after him (him being Troy, my daughter Tory) he didn't catch on. It has taken such rough times, for us both, for him to see my never ending love. And my love is totally for him, my big bro... Not who he is in work life, not who he is financially, not who he is popularity, not who he is in struggles or none. He is my blood. I looked up to him growing up, chased after him as a young adult, caught him over the past several years.

These weeks with him back home with us have been a pivotal change. No one is cranky, confused, depressed. All getting along like God really planned this. He helps me in areas I am unable to do, like tutoring my kiddo. His IQ blows me out, and he hung onto so much. Just not my territory. But it is a God thing. Bringing him closer to my daughter in a way I cannot. Gods plans marvel me. We have all been out of our rooms and chatting every night. It is just like God touched him and helped change him, letting him know how special he is to us. I am so gracious.

He and I are hilarious, we can stay up endless hours, talking about every subject forever. I am so gracious to God for us, my family. Changes my look on life.

We have such an interesting connection, like we were identical twins. Kinda scary at times, more hilarious. He doesn't realize what an impact he is on me, my daughter, my family. We are gracious to have him as part of ours, cause he and I are blood, forever best friend siblings. My life would not be complete without him.

I love you Troy.... Always look forward to another day, or late chat night. I am the blessed one. 

Ironically, my daughter, whom I named after my brother ...was also born in the exact name town, different states. This all was a God thing!!!! We love you Troy.

Above is the car you cherished...yet I would try to get in it as a baby, or lay on the hood. Those pics you didn't look like my best friend. But I think you really were just watching out for my safety, right....

Your Sis,



Outta Here

Arizona here I come!!!

So much good in AZ in my life. So much that there is too much to type. The memories keep drawing you back, along with family and friends.... my doctors who resected my brain 3 times is a big one. My church I found, I was clueless about Christ, running from the devil as fast as I could in such a tough time. Found Jesus there..daughter did. Married my husband of today there. Streets and places that bring back endless memories. It's all in Phoenix. My baby and me, trying to raise her on my own after beaten by my ex recovery started here. History. Love. Victory. Is here.

A few heart felt memories. But the actual state itself is good on my body. Its dry heat doesn't kill my body as all forms of humidity do. Its lack of much barometric pressure is a plus on all my pain. No allergies for me from there. Only during monsoon does it even make my surgical site feel like blowing open. Other states have certain pressures that constantly do. All my doctors are here. Too much goes on to continually fly from afar in states that cause affliction. 

I don't know if this really would have been a road I would have been down had I not had that 3rd awake brain surgery. But I don't regret it and want to turn time. Too much good came with the bad. Yes, the states I had to live in were tough. But it was a try, and it was fun to be somewhere so different to see what it is like. Philly was beautiful with four seasons, snow for Christmas. Never ending rolling trees. The place itself hated my body, the intense pain I went thru for 2 years. Was tough. But memories I do have to laugh at, love. And Minnesota wasn't even my decision. It was just my husband picking me up from seeing a few good friends-looking on line at some amazing house he wanted to see. They gave us 2 days to make a decision. I went along. He was from that state. We have already been in AZ after PA for almost 2 years, making my body better-I would give MN a chance. It had major ups and downs with the severe cold. At times I thought it was severely tragic. But then I'd be out of bed ok. Pressure there didn't last. Cold was severe but could deal with it most of the time, inside. But then my husband got all crazy, wanted to get me somewhere "warmer" for my health and wanted to try out Florida. Crazy part, I'm a Cali girl, so my whole life I even refused to land plane there, let alone go there. They used to be rival states growing up in the summer. I let it go, visited, my daughter fell in love with it. I was sucked in due to my love for them. I went along.

On the trip there- I went to pick up my brother in NYC, my family headed to FL. When my brother and I got into the area- no joke a pain I never had began. my occipital nerves-my head, eyes, face, ears....name it. Like the Billy Joel song Pressure. That was what it was like. Everything under Pressure x 1000. Wouldn't get better. Oddly the name of our street is Neck. I have truly been bed bound close to a year cause of what all it causes. My vertigo goes so wild here, I can't walk straight. My seizures needed more medication for control due to the humidity. It was endless, yet I could go on. I was done pretty much my first week. But kept hanging on. But I am  again a 39 yr old here. I need some hope. So my husband agreed upon back to AZ.

So my brother and I are going out early to dry my bones, get me to my doctors, seek new medical help for seizures/pain. Move forth with will power this will change and get better. But for over 6 years- really goes back to when it all began when I was 23- 16 years ago. I want a useful break.

We are all outa here in FL soon to AZ to seek what God has in store. His plans. For that, I am at peace. 

In His Love,

Hetty Siebens
My Fam!!!!