I had to take a long route. Not raised anything. Never knowing a thing about Jesus... other than one time... glancing at a portion of the movie-- that made my mother cry somehow-- and it was "Jesus of Nazareth." Now.. was I ever explained to what that was all about, for the portion I saw... or why the heck my mom, of all mom's would cry?? No. So, I shrugged that right off. But I still... somehow grew up with a pretty darn sensitive, loving heart... even growing up in a family that went thru some rocky times. The times where you begin to chose which parent.. because one decided to be with another for some time. Granted... thru perfect tough times that hit.. they are still together.. and I still think Jesus is working on my parents hearts-- to give their lives over to Him. Til then, I just keep praying.
But as a young married person... who just got married to get out of where I was.. and to perhaps start the family I always wanted to have... it sure isn't brilliant to say those vows-- mind you even at the courthouse.. if you lived in a family that had a tough marriage-- and then for some odd reason you couldn't announce YOU were getting married. That was a bad start. But I can look back today and see how Jesus worked thru it all-- thru my own free will choosing.. in such amazing ways.
Does He listen? He does. Does He do whatever we ask? No. Lord, if that were to happen, this world would have been destroyed so much long ago... and heck I might not even be here typing. He has His plans mastered... it is up to us to reach for Him... for Him to keep unfolding them... and when we make mistakes... we will more than learn whether it is after we find Him.. and look back just amazed at how HE IS THERE---ALL THE TIME.... we just didn't let our hearts open up and let Him in to recognize it... to be able to listen to HIM. He listens to us ALL THE TIME. He throws us hints, and kind signs... we have to be willing to receive them... and my whole life growing up-- I never knew OF Him.. but when I heard some about Him--in my early twenties... I easily rejected that-- once I was hurt. But it isn't Jesus who hurts us. We are all sinners-- we all fall short of His Glory.. I just didn't know that then... and didn't know that for almost a decade after my ex first cheated on me... but I can turn back today, and see all God still was working on with me... even when I was shutting Him out.
It came down to my first brain surgery--- I still didn't know Him... didn't accept Him... but my meds had me flying prior-- as for this one we found out always makes me basically drunk when I take it. So.. while I was drunk on it.. somewhere I shouldn't have been... I bought I gold cross. It was a week before my 1st brain surgery. Almost like God just told me something. Something bigger was coming. And that was true.
I had never taken it off... I felt almost like the cross got me thru. Not like Jesus did yet... something sure was connecting with it though. I kept touching it. Thru all I was going thru-- having to raise my kid on my own, while having seizures, alone. Then my ex was able to come stay with us from where he was stationed-- to help me heal-- for 2 weeks.
Fast forward.... as you all know... when I got to Texas, 4 days after, he beat me. That cross grew more important to me than ever. The gentleman I saw that dealt with my case on the Army base was also a Christian... the first one to introduce me to Veggie Tales for my daughter. He had such a heart about the case-- and I could see it was because he was living for Jesus...
When I finally got back to Phoenix... it was in those rough times... but also good times... that I realized I needed more than a person to talk to. More than human advice. I could sit and listen to my family slam my ex if that is what people feel are healing-- but that isn't it. I began to really learn that talking to God was the route I had to try to find. Even during the tough days of when I was popping pills... HE would understand what I was saying. HE listened to my every cry... even if it was one without tears. He scooped me up as His baby-- thru it all... listening to my unhappy points... and listening to my gleeful points. That is what is awesome about Jesus... He loves to hear it all. Most of us have friends or family that can only deal with the gleeful part... but don't get into the tough stuff... cause then we have a lot of walk-aways. I found so much ease and comfort thru the fact that He never walks away... He only has amazing plans... as we keep trusting Him... and talking with Him...AS HE ALWAYS LISTENS...
That must be why He blessed me with a husband that is so Christ-like. Who listens to everything. Asks about it all.... just is amazing. How Christ-Like are you today? I just know I just keep trying to be more and more like Him... never will be... but always trying to be closer. He has seen me thru so much... and still is... I love to try to help others know that HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR THEM... ALL THE TIME... LISTENING... AND DOES ANSWER PRAYERS....
May not be in our timing... and perfect liking at the time prayed for... but we will be able to look back and thank Him so much.... for doing it HIS WAY... or honestly... it is just a highway to hell if we don't accept Him... and it is living hell if we don't accept it His Way... as tough as it may seem at times.
I Love you all... you all bring so much joy into my life... I am off to my prayer answered in HIS TIMING... on the 17th... to have my MEG test done... so my 3rd brain surgery can move forward!! AMEN!! HE WORKS WONDERS!!!!
In His Love,
Heather/Hetty
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