I FOLLOW YOU, YOU follow me...

That is a song from Genesis. I turn it to I FOLLOW YOU (Christ) YOU (Christ) follow me!!
His site for Facebook or twitter etc would be wide open for all to be friends and FOLLOW HIM--and He would always "Follow" back--meaning connecting!!
I swore after all the stuff I went thru, been going thru, am going thru-will go thru... the way He has everything so well knit and planned made me swear-that even before I knew Him-He was "following" me. Meaning, my whole life was there thru everything I never knew til later that He was.
My marriage (1st one of two--this one is forever!!) back in 1996 turned into many disasters. It was also the first time I'd ever heard of Jesus. When I did, and how presented was very harsh and not the way to convert anyone. First major words out of my ex's mouth was how much more He loved this Jesus. I never would have understood it back then, so it stabbed me. Not long after-I tried to figure a tiny bit out by going to church with him. But many things hurt while there-but the top tear was when he cheated on me. This man shoves this "Jesus" stuff down my throat-I try to go to understand, then he pulls the top sin for marriage, and reason for divorce-even ok'd biblically to divorce.
We were back and forth in each others lives from then-never thinking it would last.
But God watched over me thru so much. When we split and I was dating other people-He called out to me in a physical way. On my way to see this man I had been dating, and just didn't feel "right" to me, I was on the 5 fwy and hit this HUGE bronco FULL tire-and it flattened my cute Tercels front left tire. I had to merge 4 lanes over and I landed perfectly in front of a call box!! (I had no cell phone back then) The people to help were out right away. And I was fine. I knew there was a God out there-I just still needed to find Him!! More off, I was thankful it all happened-cause when I wound up to see a boyfriend I was dating-yet knew it wasn't right-I saw why the tire blow out happened. God was saying "Don't go further!!" But I did. And reason why was he proposed to me. And I didn't feel the same. These are the ways God can talk to us, even when we don't know Him yet.
He also knew there was going to be action I was totally unaware of, but my heart didn't know that so He had to make it obvious. My husband then and I were having a very dusty, perplexed marriage. There was this ex of mine who kept calling me when we lived in Orange County-and wouldn't refrain. But my now ex and I thought we were in the clear when we moved to San Diego-but he knew how to find me as I always work for Marriott. So when he called me there-this is an ex boyfriend that shouldn't have been--mind you God was not in my personal heart in my thoughts. This man hurt me-he was married and I was back to my now ex husband trying to work things out then. I told him, I would meet up for lunch-to say good-bye, the "we" had to end. I got all dressed up pretty and had my music going. God wanted to intervene big time on this!! I was behind a very slow lady on the freeway... so I got over into the fast lane. This HUGE truck in front of me was hard to follow-could not see around him nor thru him-but was giving it some time to clear. But the big truck last minute swerved next to median and around what I had to eat: this HUGE bedliner flew out of the back of someones pick up and I had no choice but to drive into it-which threw wheels out of control and me into the median, then rolling the car 3 times landing upright. I was able to get out, brush glass off of me, wipe a small bloodspot-and see my left ring finger blow up-which made them cut my wedding ring off. I got sent to the hospital and broke my left finger-they had to cut my ring off!! Ok, what is God saying here!!?? Cause then I had to call people, one to come help me-I had no car and another to let them know that lunch wasn't happening. He was so angry at me. Little me in the hospital after all this, and I am yelled at. Well, come to find out-he had more plans in a hotel room than just a good-bye lunch. God, even when I didn't know Him-watched over me!!
Not too long after-about 10 mos-I went out with my now ex to eat, drink my first wine, and talk about our agreed upon divorce. All was really done smoothly, no fights. But a "one last time" night came about, and at that moment-I knew God had someone coming for me. Not into my life on the outside, but into my life on my inside! I was pregnant!!
We really tried working things out. But weren't seeing eye to eye. I have always had epilepsy. But was controlled for years. When I got pregnant, it flew out of control! And the neurologist I had to see was in AL of all states. And the one I got wasn't an epileptologist-obviously. As he kept increasing my hard medication til way past limit he should have ever gotten close to. We had a lot of family attacks there in AL due to my illness having been re-born and at a non-stop and scary rate. Change of seizures. A billion time change of meds. Then off to Phoenix to my family with my baby to find true care. I found that at Mayo Hospital.
I went forth into my 1st brain surgery--Lord was it ever painful. But if this would rid my seizures, I was ready. My now ex was able to come home on emergency military leave and help me with our kid then. And two months later, just getting well, he beat me. I was done with him. I was so hurt physically and mentally. Worse part of all-that scare and fear and anger clocked my brain back to that really high dose of phenobarbital. And I began overdosing on mentally straining days. From Dec of 2002- Oct 19, 2003 were my weak points-and if I could get more, or save up for that rainy day-I would pop a ton on several occasions. ER in 2002 was ugly-and amazing I am here. Today, this date but in 2003 was when I ingested a huge amount surpassing my level, and many others. They wanted me to go to an indoor rehab. I had to refuse-and my doctor supported me 100% due to circumstances. We tried taking me off of it-but I wound up having a HUGE grand mal seizure. Went back onto it in hopes mind was clear and getting thru the tough times I endured with my ex.
I had a lot of stress-with him, and my life moving forward. But my last BIG OD looking to exit occurred when he decided to deny he ever inflicted pain ON me, by beating me. Even though the Army-social service had to take pics and record everything-he wanted to deny it. Sent me more than thru the roof. I wound up ingesting an uncountable amount of that same medication-to the point where I needed to call on HIM. As for the whole year of 2003 I had been searching for and out this "Jesus" at an amazing church- Cornerstone Christian Fellowship. I had one very close friend that took me under her wing-but I was very skeptic of most everyone otherwise there. Who could I trust now?? But with all the amazing "signs" Jesus gave me that year-how could I doubt Him?? So on the gurney about to have the tube sent down to charcoal my stomach-I cried out for Jesus' love and to take me in as His here on earth-help me figure it out!! I went into coma-and a few days later after CPR even occurred to keep me here-I was so laid back and not a blabbing mess coming off that stuff. I told my neurologist we would cold turkey the phenobarb and start something new-cause I was NEW-following Christ. And did not want to turn back and try to take care of my booboo's myself-but to give it all to Him!!
I need to be on Phenobarbital. It isn't a desire or want, just a sad fact. I've tried it several times again-and I can't take it. I am mentally and physically abusive to it. So this led on to a 2nd brain surgery. This one was done with in depth electrodes in my brain to stimulate areas and see which ones look ok to take off, and mark those that you can't-too vital!! Took away my issues with a lot of memories that would snap me into seizures. Usually just a song, or beginning of a TV show or smells that would set me into major Deja Vu-then into a seizure. Glad that was gone!!
But a major setback occurred. Two medications worked for me, and I couldn't take either due to severe medical reasons. So we tried everything again-but decided that a 3rd brain surgery, done AWAKE would be wisest road.
All in all it truly was. So many country to country praying for me. And the surgery itself was amazing!! But quickly seizures came back along with excruciating pain that started in my left foot and quickly crawled up my body everywhere. It kept getting more severe-I never thought I'd make it thru--and had a LOT of "why God's" "where are you Jesus" and so on. I could usually see reason for everything as it was happening-but with this I just couldn't. It went on over two years with me to finally see how it worked in many lives, my life, my families life-and my big brother to find Him!!
I have many irritating illnesses I don't talk about, cause I know He will see me thru all. But many can be painful. My right kidney does not work and needs to be taken out sooner than later. Have stinging air in my salivary glands. TMJ always puts me in severe pain of the jaw and ear really bad. As extreme migraines come from that too.
I was also on my way to glaucoma-we thought we got me out in time... a medication was causing it. But the pain in my eyes can still be very debilitating.
I gratefully thought of a past medication I was on-that is good for helping my primidone kill my seizures, pulls excess fluid from my eyes and the pain in them, helps kidneys process right and more often!!! So my neuro and I are talking about bringing that one aboard again. After 2 more brain surgeries, I think I might just have a shot at it being great help!!
Jesus has plans thru all our strife and hard times. As we seek Him and Him only- He brings them alive in our life!! My life changed 110% with all He has done for me, thru me, around me, uplifting me... making me humble!! My daughter got a real dad at the end of my ex and I. She was our reason we ever got together in 3 months. But our marriage never lasted--and just had an awful break up. My kid is thrilled with the man Jesus placed in my life-and only knows Him, and Jesus as her Father. As for my ex stepped out long ago--and legally signed her over several years ago. Forever I am grateful God put that in his heart. As for Tory couldn't do the two dad's thing-with someone very mean to her mommy. I forgave him and let it go--Holy Spirit whispered that to me-and was the best thing I did in 2006!
Story is so long, yet so short in detail. But a very dear friend was curious why all the brain surgeries. Why? I needed Christ in my life-and if it meant almost losing mine with addiction after being beaten to find Him truly--then be it. Not a thing I would change. Just move forward with brighter sense and 10 yrs of utter love and many more to come for all our Father, my Lord, my God-Jesus Christ. His plans will never fail!!

Bless you all...

In Christ's Love,


To God Be The Glory, Honor, Praise!!


A little visit

My brother came to visit with me this past week-and as I thought, turned out wonderful. We had a fall out a month or two ago-but we both go to our corners and get over it-then come back like nothing happened. For this I am so blessed!! This visit was a blessing!!
We had a different one tonight, just my husband Christian and I. I had a HUGE fall out with the pain clinic I have been having issues with since I started going there in February. But this took the cake!! They, without warning, cancelled my appointment saying I had to see my Primary Care doc. Well, with all brain surgeries and hospitalizations and it being a PPO-I have NEVER had to do this. So no warning and out of my prescription, they just asked me to get that appointment first. Now, the cute little nurse-actually not quite to that level yet, had no idea of disaster that was starting. Most would prescribe one to two patches until I get that doctor appointment-immediately. But instead tonight we had some entertaining to do. After the injection of a pain medication-to try to kill some of my pain-they made us wait 30 minutes to see how it helped etc. And my brain just remembers her feet coming toward me ready to have me sign, when I went into my complex seizure. I guess I scared her to death according to Christian. But came back out-upset as usual. So in order to let me leave, they injected me with Ativan to stop seizures, then the nurse was distraught and understood what WITHDRAWAL does to a seizure patient-and she was, after all that drama, able to prescribe the patch for me to wear for a few days-until we can straighten this fiasco out.
I am home. Jesus watched over us... and does each day. I know I will get thru all of this-and really look forward to the day I am off all this pain medication. It is unkind to seizure patients-and brings no joy like so many addicts think it will. Just shuts the brain off more than mine already is, from all 3 brain surgeries...
So that day of joy is coming. I just look forward to telling you all when it happens!
Til then, thank you precious Christian for taking great care of me--"There is no one like you!!!"

Bless you all!!

In His Arms,


Jeremiah 17:15 Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.

Romans 15:13 So I pray that God, who gives you hope, will keep you happy and full of peace as you believe in Him. may you overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit