11/29/12

Blessed Beyond

It takes very tough times for us to really be able to look at all going on and see any purpose-and reach tighter than ever in our lives for His comfort to see us thru. Too many of us turn away from Him...our time period was way shorter, more appealing, and we don't understand why He'd allow such tough times in our lives if He unconditionally loves us, always.
He works all out for good....and I know that is true; if we are willing to hang onto Him-give Him our Trust on His timing and all we have to bare.
I've been thru so many very tough times just prior me running for Him, yet so much that kept worsening over the years; even when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, my Everything. But the severe body pain all over my body that began in 2010- is the worst ever for me. My pain wasn't controllable non medicated, medicated, or any mind over matter. My severe pain hit end of March in 2010, just a few weeks after my awake, 3rd brain surgery. It was so scary due to the severity, and to think I take on pain like it doesn't exist. But this one more than took me down.
But everyone's thought of one month, two, maybe three...ok Heather maybe half a year til it subsides. While trying every medication and being prescribed so many severe pain meds in addition to muscle pain meds. I had every test for every illness...coming back with nothing but thought of where my brain was cut, it could be just trying to heal that pain control section, over months-then in reality just a few months shy of 3 years in severe pain.
I felt like nobody, nothing...except in a very tough life for way too long for me to be anything I was and am to be.
I have seen quite the number of specialists from AZ to PA. But in Philly I was radically over medicated...so we didn't know if any of the meds worked alone. But my doctor saw my misery and didn't know the answer either, but sure tried.
I decided to come off my strong patch...as for if I was far from pain free at a high dose, then why should I burn my brain anymore if not needed. I was off of everything else....and down to half of that patch ...my doctor today helped me get off that patch completely.
We tried a few muscle relaxants...including the first one that thru me into ICU with loss of verbal knowledge and use...then was dragged into full body paralyzation for hours. Over all, that was very scary...was over two days no verbal skills or knowledge.
That was September of this year. I went thru trying 2 more muscle relaxants, none worked right. So one day we went in to talk about what to do. My doc was frustrated and concerned about many meds causing seizures. I was just in tears and needed something to help such excruciating pain ...and felt like my prayers weren't heard. He was right there with His plans.
Cause I can tell you all today, which started with a new/ old muscle relaxant ...He has healed me. I asked for a day of it, maybe a week...but it's been about 2 months that I've been pain free. It has changed my life completely....and learned so much thru it all.

So today I share this, telling others healing isn't only when you reach Heaven...His is very popular, well known, utterly amazing at what He does down here before Heaven. Never fear sharing!
If pain returns, I know He has reason...like Paul from the Bible with the thorn in His side-God had reasons then, He hasn't forgotten us!!
Praise His Heart and Name!
Thank you all for your prayer
In His Love,

Hetty

11/5/12

Love and Laughter

Love and Laughter

You and I are such an interesting pair
Siblings who've gone thru everything
I think God was guiding us to care

You grew up so fast
yet I was right there
not caring if I was last

Cause I knew one day you'd run to me
we may argue a tad some here and there
but our ignorance in heart we told to flee

My brain was resected a 3rd time awake.
Your nerves were on edge;
thru the hours you'd take

I came out elated looking for dear you
your voice was so calm
seeing I again made it thru

But afterward a dark storm drifted all around
you, my brother studied my pain
talked to me about everything you had found

For years you stuck by me in my own home
helping me selflessly 
allowing me not to be alone

Years of prayers and the hope you had
my pain had calmed down
wasn't nearly as bad

Thru all you helped me turn back to our King
the start of your new faith was alive
I thank you for the love you have been giving

I'm grateful for the relationship we have seen grow
one I've wanted for quite some time
full of love and laughter, the "we" love to show

Just realize now Troy, I won't let you go
amazing uncle you are, best brother I take
Many can't believe us, say we put on a show

But I x (cross) them out as any focus in life
see the blessings we've been given
won't let our relationship turn to any strife




Love you for everything Troy.... thank you... see you day after tomorrow!!! You are my pick up this time!!!  :) remember 99??  :)

((HUGS))

Header Peader  (Heather)

May You Dance



Jason......


Can you hear my deep words crackling
when I really try to pray?
I just feel so sad and distant
as you were gone that December day

We would talk so long forever,
I sure hope you miss me too
We had hopes and dreams we never
Had time to fully see them thru

You and I sat talking
'bout how life's so worth living.
You'd cry about not walking
Yet you were gifted and so giving.

The talents you had we're amazing
I was in awe of all you'd did and do
Thru Him you'd keep on soaring.
Half the time it was YOU who really flew

I'll just lay down in that flood
Keep asking why for a while?
As rain changes dirt into mud;
I'll be buried alive for a mile.

Alive I am today dear friend
But alive today you're not
Great friend please help me mend
You're such a blessed friend I've got

You were hit with many issues
That just wouldn't go away
Everyday, I sure do miss you
True soul for Christ, every single day

You lived each day like last for you
Keeping my faith alive inside
I pray you know all this is true
Thru God you sure help Him guide

One day I'll make it there and see you in a glance
Our Lord will be the first One along with you that I'll see
Knowing you, You'll start music up along with a dance
Our friends & family thrilled to dance along with you and me

Friendships are for ever Jason...
Blessings always to Jason Mitchener ...passed away 3 yrs ago Des 16... He made it thru my birthday December 15th.... I took little Christmas gift to give to him when I got there evening of Dec 17, 2009.... Always to be missed till we reconnect with Heaven

11/4/12

Dear Master's Love




The Lord will truly dance for you Kim
Even when all may seem so dim
In my heart I know this is true
With all my love from me to you

You may feel held back unable to speak
Can't move your body, all seems so bleak
But our God has amazing plans and love
Just rest in His arms as He works from above

I've known you, my cousin a very short time
But your eyes were so fierce preparing to shine
I can't wait to meet again and hug you too
As our Good Lord graciously sees you thru

Your beauty thru pain will change many lives
Keep others walk with Jesus more than alive
We see your love deep inside your soul
You help family reunite with your love a flow

We stand in awe of our Dear Master's love
You're a precious gift from Him up above.
Planned for you long ago before ever born
You will make it thru all, as we clap, not mourn

My cousin you are, made me recollect past
Be so grateful to God I'm here, it didn't last
Keep fighting the fight with your "arms open wide"
Cause our Lord has planned a successful stride

Don't count the days, take them one at a time
You my dear friend are going to be just fine
Your family awaits your arrival more than real soon
All will hug you thru the night, saying "I sure love you"

Bless you thru this unplanned fight
For our Lord holds onto you tight
Because He heals & loves you too
There isn't anything to God that is new.

He does all things well... As do you Kim....

We sure love you...

The Siebens

by Heather Siebens 11/3/12


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

11/2/12

Hope in an Angel





Angel Somewhere

It doesn't feel like you could paste a fake smile on my face
With all I've conquered you'd think I'd have one to embrace
But once again things turn around
And instead it feels I'm tumbling down

My shattered feelings can look 'no one in the face no more
As for I'm out of touch in life; what is this craziness for?
Down deep the roaring Lions have fiercely cut right out of me
The perturbed parts of my brain which wouldn't let me be 

Am I ever gonna make it out?

When can I make sense and show it?
When can I feel the true me will fit?
When can I get thru the wrong to see the right?
Can you see me barely living morning to night?

Where am I at, on this tough, winding road?
I see so much bright & beautiful beyond my overload
Is that baby blue sky falling ? Or the troubled earth just rising?
I keep rubbing my eyes to see if this is real or just haunting?

I think all see this tragedy isn't my place in life to be
Living thru answered prayers that turned into catastrophe
As if good is really evil and evil is Devine
Then why did I have a heart to set on His Line?

Time keeps loudly screaming, I keep silently staring
Deep in my soul there's something I just shouldn't be bearing
Cause I shouldn't have to be lost long in order just to find
A piece of me so grey and silent with very little in my mind

When can I make sense and show it?
When can I feel the true me will fit?
When can I get thru the wrong to see the right?
Can you see me barely living morning to night?

I don't know how long this fragile moment will take
Feels like my heart is damaged putting all my love at stake
Go back to and be that angel many saw in you
'Heather the angel' , girl, you have a lot to do

But today is a grey day that won't lead me to thrive
Yes I hear a faint tick in my heart and know that I'm alive
But today isn't the day I change, probably not tomorrow
All around me seems so deep and far, not dark in my sorrow

Sooner or later as I walk on this thin rope
I'll turn to ask myself if I have any ounce of hope
If I have hope, maybe this monkey will be set free 
To come down from that rope, far down to find the true me

I'll hang on as this desert sun goes down
I'll think of Pennsylvania never coming back 'round
Everything I saw will always be in my head
Nothing's changed much, my brain is frozen instead

Hetty Siebens 2012