11/29/15

Thank You Lord



I took my night time bath to relax
Normal handful of meds to their max
But right away my brain felt a zap
My numb ears ringing; I needed a nap

I stared out yonder unsure what to say
Been a long time I've been attacked this way
My brain so confused; where I was, what to do
I had just taken my medication could it come from those few?

My heart beat skipped a couple beats it should have had
Man I thought "could my medication be this bad?"
My whole body tensed up I had no control of it
All I could do there for moments is silently sit.

Coming down from the heightened point of all this
My body killed, brain confused what did I miss? 
I text my precious hubby but got nothing in reply 
So I messaged my baby girl that got the news to fly

These are the moments you are twice as grateful for love
What would I do alone except pray to God up above
I probably would not be here right now with all they've pulled me thru
This is how my love for them, their love for me just grew

I hate the storms I have to face
But have the perfect family to embrace
Thru the tough times I have we will always make it thru
Without these precious souls I wouldn't know what to do

Thank You Lord for my angels in my home
Thank You Lord for my kiddo answering her phone
Thank You Lord for all the Love You keep inside us all
Thank You Lord, our Everything, even when we fall!

Love,

Heather/Hetty Siebens
November 29, 2015

11/25/15

Thankful


I'm thankful for your hand, thankful your touch
Thankful for my baby girl oh so very much
We as a dear family, as a whole make one
One beautiful family with which the Lord is never done

My brown eyed baby girl came into my life 14 years back
With all that we both went thru you would think I'd lose track
But her smile is so delightful her beauty such a glow
A personality in our home to keep us all a flow !!

Her best friend is like my other child
They both still think I'm young and wild
She's full of life and chipperness and brings us so much grace
She is one I love in our life; both girls' love so easy to embrace

When God placed my hot stud in my life thru very trying times
Somehow he got us thru, hung onto us and made us all shine 
He keeps us together, and our family a whole
Not one thing I'd change about his beautiful soul

I also have my big bro who makes me laugh to no end
We've had our fights and quarrels, all were easy to mend
He cares for me deeply sometimes worries about me so
But I try to remind him his love and laughter keep me ago!

So for all these little people that live within my home~
I love to go to the beach with them or text them on our phones
But I really don't want to share them too much, God gave them to me
I'll share them here and there with friends or one day spouses to be

Except dear hubby you know you are stuck right here
With me my love; I just pray you are always very near!
You bring the best of me out on toughest days of all
Makes me want to spoil you so, buy you gifts at the mall!

You all make my darkest days much brighter than all could
If I could give you millions for love, you all know that I would!
But for now you just have little ol' me who is blessed by each of you
My life has been so blessed; I would be so lost-you all get me thru!



11/24/15

Good Wishes To You



Why did it all have to start out with YOU?
All the chaos and trauma you put me thru.
You'd think I'd be long gone from suicide
But I had too much love and beauty to not let hide.

You thought that yelling and screaming would give me a clue
Of truly deep down in the future you were gonna do
I was always so strong before I got so sick
So sick in different cities you were with another chick

That wasn't the problem, that wasn't the issue
God knows boys make mistakes that was more than a few
But after my first brain resection I was in awful pain
I had to pick up my baby girl and move to Texas where all it did was rain

It came upon my fourth day there we found a place to live
That first night I was so emotional and you had no love to give
No instead you were filled with hate and could only scream at me
You didn't want to know what was wrong you just wanted me to flee

Your cold heart lost so much that night
So much beauty and love now out of your sight
You pinned me down and beat me hard
Until I let loose and ran out to our yard

I am so gracious you and I WERE one
It led to me and Tory having so much fun
A marriage that is strong
That will last past so long
For these I am gracious we WERE one

Searching for anyone to help or believe
That the pain you caused had to be alieved 
Your mind flipped out of control that night
So crazy would you ever have my baby within sight

But with that Coburn you didn't care
This truth to alter is a dare
Kicked out of our apartment you were
Could only visit us if you brought along a Sir

But that was too belittling for you
You knew exactly what to do 
But put classes and ranking before fixing a thing
That is where my daughter lost you and I got a new ring

Your brain works on one thing at a time
No matter how dirty or full of grime
Our relationship was from the very get go 
I was the strong one to really let you go

You'd call and beg to have me back as your bride
But listen the first time felt like I already died
So instead you bargained for retirement and money
I'm keeping my baby, you can have all funds honey

I am so gracious you and I WERE one
It led to me and Tory having so much fun
A marriage that is strong
That will last past so long
For these I am gracious we WERE one

Money gets you no where in life
If anything it causes a lot of strife
Happiness is in the living soul
That is where I'm very rich, totally full

Continue on your pretending to be happy life
I just know such a last choosing for a wife
You let her in and rule you over 
You might as well sit and hover

The Bible we read isn't just a book
It is Words of Life to get you a hook
Hook onto Christ, His mercy and love
And able to talk to Him from Above

I hope you have learned how to treat a girl
Otherwise your whole life is just a great twirl
Of disasters and cruelty, selfishness and glee
I won't even mention what you'd watch on TV

Good wishes to you, but thank you too
For being so weak you just blew
Blew off fathering your firstborn child
God kept her with me so meek and mild

I am so gracious you and I WERE one
It led to me and Tory having so much fun
A marriage that is strong
That will last past so long
For these I am gracious we WERE one...but done!

11/23/15

Beginning to End


The pain I endure never was desired
If I knew who gave it to me they would be fired
Each day is so troubling and tough to live out
The pain gets so atrocious and fills me with doubt

When in such pain and feeling so sad
You feel everything you do will make someone mad
The pills are not touching it nor is the heat
It truly feels like I've been dragged out and beat

How long really should one hang on for?
If you can barely function and extremely sore.
Life looks so dark, with no good ahead
Should I stay bitter and wrapped up in bed?

I am not anyone special that is for sure 
Just a young lady with health issues to endure
Daily I do it though because I have no other choice
All my prayers unanswered I must have an unheard voice

My family is so beautiful, happy, full of joy
I wish that was me; instead I am just a toy
A puppet God uses on good days and bad
How can one like me be help when always so sad

How long really should one hang on for?
If you can barely function and extremely sore.
Life looks so dark, with no good ahead
Should I stay bitter and wrapped up in bed?

So I am on pause, stepped out of game for some time to be
I am truly searching for a healthier, happier little me
Cause I can't help others when unwell and can't tell
Who I am or where I will be when it feels like only hell

But I love my family so very much
But right now I just feel a bit outta touch
Maybe in time someone will fix me
And once again my family could see 

I love you all from beginning to end 
I just pray to God He decides to mend
This pain gets in the way of all of our fun
One day we'll all be on that beach under His sun



11/22/15

I Can Feel


I can feel it the pain that won't go away
I can feel it the illness that wishes to stay 
I can feel it the misery it brings to my life
I can feel it wanting to exit on so much strife

I can feel it through all of my excruciating pains
I can feel it hurts so bad like I'm wrapped in chains
I can feel it in the morning but worse at night
I can feel it has brutal anger with my body it fights

I can feel it laying in my peaceful bed
I can feel it is going to my head
I can feel it throbbing walking around
I can feel it make me silent and not make a sound

I can feel it rule me showing me whose in charge
I can feel it pound so bad you'd think all would be large
I can feel it burn and combust right thru my skin
I can feel my heart harden letting no one in

I can feel this altering my whole entire life
I can feel warped as a bad mom, friend, wife
I can feel there are no answers so why should I even try?
I can feel that my heart hurts so much and doesn't want to cry

I can feel I've interrupted lives with sorrow and complaints 
I can feel I have been so pointless unable to do new paints
I can feel I shouldn't be here and you all should live life
I can feel you'd do better without me as I cause so much strife

I can feel this poem coming to a close
I can feel I really just need to doze.....
I can feel I just wish it was forever for you
I can feel then you two without me would be able to do

I can feel glad you could do so much without my presence here
I can feel none of this would happen without us both dear
I can feel though my engine has broken down
I can feel I need far far away from this town

I can feel I love you always
I can feel He has plans for your days
I can feel I was a benefit to bring such an angelic one
I can say my duty is complete and all my deeds here are done

I can feel you are a perfect dad
I can feel that doesn't make me mad
I can feel she delights everytime you are together 
I can feel you better do this for me forever 

I love you Christian 

11/19/15

The Prize of Life



I want to be free of all that holds me down
Cause right now all I feel is I'm gonna drown
One brain surgery to a second then to a third
The excruciating pain all caused not all heard

Heard how it changed my life put much on hold
Every day I'd wake in pain just praying I could fold
The number of doctors seen you'd hope for just one clue
But from state to state not one doctor knew what to do

That third brain surgery was very much my choice
I was grateful that my Mayo doctors heard my little voice
But hardheaded me goes in fearless and strong
I should have understood more to not do so much wrong

I am tough Heather wanting every negative part out
Had they done this brain surgery asleep I sure would have pout
I wanted to feel the wrong areas and guide them to cut out
No matter the tough guidance I gave would little me shout

I wanted every misfiring part to be out of my life
Never did I know toughing it out would cause such strife
I wish I could say the pain all ended there
But wow since then I've had so much to bare

I feel like a vegetable, one no one likes
As my EEG's keep showing such beautiful spikes
The body pain I thought was atrocious back in 2010
Doesn't compare to the pain this town has given

We live on the bulging beach that has so many shells
But what good is that to me when daily I feel in hell
I would love to see that firing sun rise
Before it all hits hard and I don't get that prize

The prize of life
The Prize of Love
Prize to conquer strife
Prize all from up Above

I pray this torment ends one day
Maybe I can help others not to fray
But as this keeps churning I feel hopeless
So I pray that it heals and this is not endless

You all mean so much to me
You all bring me so much glee
I am one quiet source I say
I sure hope to change that one day

Bless you all for your love and care
Without it not a part of me would ever dare
Dare to seek wellness to thank all of you
To be well and grateful for all that you do!

Blessings to all....

Heather/Hetty Siebens November 2015

11/14/15

Life is So Trying



The pain is atrocious
Wondering why you
It makes you ferocious 
Not knowing what to do

You listen to everyone 
So positive with no clue
Your pain makes you so done
No diagnosis is true

You hang onto tough life
Like a monkey on a tree
Years lived of endless strife
But not one soul can see

All you endure barely hanging onto your breath
All Family continue whether I'm here or diminished 
Does not one get my choice between life or death
Should this warped monkey continue when all seems finished

The sun comes up and the sun goes down
Such beauty out there that I cannot enjoy
Street lights and fun times I don't see down town
It feels like all against me, I am just a ploy

One illness leads to next one and 
Pain never ceases thinking it can stay
I wish I could rid it all with a majestic hand
Instead all trials worsen on this sunny day

I am one silent soul unsure what to say
The trials I've endured have continued for years
I feel like doctors are clueless and I'm just their clay
So I continue in distress, hopeless with endless tears



Life is so trying
Confusing what to do
Leaves one just crying
I bet many of you feel this too

I lift you all up
As I remain deep down
Take our Masters cup
I will remain with a bitter frown

Endless painful Heather/Hetty

Love to you all.


11/12/15

Never Falter



When we came upon one another
Not knowing each other's dreams
We thought we'd be closer than a brother
But much closer we grew it seems

We'd travel places giggling in love
Never knowing tough times to come
We hung on so tight, trusting Him Above
Searching for signs knowing He'd send some

Never was a tough moment
Not worth the risk
The risk of you, the risk of me
The risk of us so meant to be
We hung on tight and displayed love
A love that couldn't fade
Today where we are is incredible, so pure
Not one piece of this would I trade

Your eyes focus so deep
But your heart wins the prize
Our love is rich, so far from cheap
As we hold one another in one size

We will never falter, we will never fail
You and I brought together as one
Let's dream, let's dance, let's go for a sail
As for you and I, in love, are never done

Never was a tough moment
Not worth the risk
The risk of you, the risk of me
The risk of us so meant to be
We hung on tight and displayed love
A love that couldn't fade
Today where we are is incredible, so pure
Not one piece of this would I trade

Be my man forevermore
I will be your wife
I love when you walk thru our front door
That my love, my man, completes my life.

I love you Christian Siebens

Hope this means something....

Nov 11, 2015