Jesus-Thank YOU!

Hebrews 6:10 He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them.

This was a thank you note I have to share with you all-that brought me to tears back in 2005. I was totally on fire for Jesus in my walk-growing stronger in my faith thru Him-and my illness-epilepsy wasn't holding me back. This all occurred about a month after my 2nd brain surgery-I found that a Pastor I knew well-trying to get me to accept Jesus Christ back in the 90's-his wife had stage 4 cancer-spreading. I didn't know what else to do-other than cry-pray...and my heart poured out. I sent her the cross I wore thru every hard battle that I faced-that helped bring me to Jesus. My 1st brain surgery, my ex beating me, drug overdosing to numb pain, seizures inclining due to change of meds...I was a baby Christian about 9 months after I bought that cross. I would touch it with tears during worship music...and grow closer...it meant so much to me...so did this Pastors wife...so when I found what she was facing...I sent it to her with my testimony-letting her know-she helped plant that seed!!

"Dear Heather,

I'm honored to wear your cross-I cried when I read what you wrote. To read your letter brings me great joy! I don't have a thousand crosses, but only 2, both given to me from the teacher I work for. Yours is special, VERY special. You have been so triumphant Heather-I'm SO proud of you!

I'm in Stage 4 cancer & recently have decided not to do the treatments for many reasons (one being I'm allergic to the pain meds & haven't found a prescription for my allergic reaction to the lumpectomy over 1 1/2 months ago) I feel total peace over this (my husband too) after much agonizing prayer. I'm casting myself in God's mercy and I pray that I will be fruitful during whatever time I have left. Pray I can be used by the Lord to bring others to salvation-that is my biggest prayer.

I do feel full of joy. Just like you prayed for me-it's probably because of YOUR prayer!

Your daughter is such a doll-what joy she must bring you!! Please thank her for praying for me!"

That was amazing words-from an amazing friend-pastors wife-suffering-yet turning it all around for His Glory-for she knew how much He loves her...and it was all about sharing that, still, with everyone possible, even in very hard times. Satan doesn't get the better of us-in anything-unless we let Him. If an illness is something that we can't fix today-He will more than fix when we are with Him one day in Paradise-and that is His promise. Til then...we use everything for His glory! Or Satan will have control...

Letter amazed me...AMEN!

2 Corinthians 11:30 If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work thru me. Since I know it is ALL FOR CHRIST'S GOOD, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG.

Philippians 1:29 For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him.

1 Peter 1:6 There is a wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while.

God bless you all...stay strong thru Him...He will never fail you!

In His Love,



Is weakness JUST weakness?

With any... illness,handicap,addiction,pain, etc...are they just a weakness-we were punished with? Or is there something more??

I have gone thru so much first off searching for Jesus. But never knew who to pray to about illness or weakness. When I got pregnant-it just got worse...and anger in me arose...I shut out so much of the world. I was hurt-and felt like no one would listen, care or understand. Epilepsy was controlled one minute-pregnancy thru it for a loop. Not knowing Jesus-or how to pray-my heart just hardened...there still had to be more of a purpose-are we all just created to roll dice-and every single one of us being hit with some weakness, trying times? We have to understand there IS MORE TO IT.

I have this epilepsy support group. There are several who know the Lord, Jesus Christ-me being one of them. A couple walking close knowing there is a purpose for everything-weakness, with faith in Him-brings strength-and ability to share all you have gone thru-and He got you thru-with others-weak in faith, or lacking it all together. These aren't punishments in our walk-I am so glad it all happened the way it did with me-as for it keeps me strong in my faith in Jesus Christ-as He opens new roads of healing every day for me. It has given me this gift and love to help others who are run down in faith-or don't have any-and are hurting-to stay strong...God has an amazing reasons behind everything...one way or another-He will get people (like He got me in 2003) to run to Him. He will also get those weak in faith-to look at all He has given them-as a gift-to help others find Him-and strengthen their faith with similar issues. You can take what you have and totally use it for His glory-instead of dwelling. Not to focus on your own weakness-just use it to help others with theirs see-that God has so many gifts out there for each of us-and they aren't to be revoked by an illness-any weakness. They are to be glorified thru those-showing that doesn't hold us back-just makes us love Him more!!

My friend, Jeanie has so many gifts. She has epilepsy. She also has Cerebral Palsy. She goes to my epilepsy support group-and when she speaks-says awesome words! But gets so nervous that what she might say is wrong-or people think she is just down right weird. These are the ones that my heart so goes out to. She has so many gifts-and I can see how blessed she is by Christ. She is very depressed right now-fearful to "bother" people to be her friend or support. I am one that is never bothered-and pray no one else is-we all have lives-but there are a lot of things we can set aside for people in dire need of support to help see-they aren't alone, they are loved by Christ, and have been given a gift to share His Word to others thru no set backs-except what Satan makes you think you have. This girl's seizures are controlled-AMEN-and she can drive so well with having CP. I wouldn't know what I'd be like...she is gifted!!

It isn't about our outside...it is about our inside-and our faith in Him that gives us faith in our illness-that it isn't a set back...just a gift we can help so many others with!! I am praying daily for Jeanie....so many tears-but when she talks and laughs-you see the Lord's face thru her! His love is there-just needs to keep growing and glowing-thru any obstacle!

Both my daughter and I have epilepsy together-I have quite a few more medical issues- and a third brain surgery on the horizon...but Christ works thru us-with so much love! Gives us both strength thru it all....you should see this child...she amazes ME!!

Weakness is not just a weakness to take in and deal with....it is a gift that thru Jesus-gives us strength!! Never forget that. Even on the hardest days-rest in His arms-pray to Him...and He will tell you your next step, in how to use it for His glory....until one day-He has used it thru you so well-it is His time to heal it.

God bless you all....

In His Love,


Isaiah 40:29 He gives power to those who are tired and weary. No one can measure the depths of His understanding.

Matthew 5:3 "God blesses those who realize their need for Him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them."

2 Corinthians 12:8-9 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work thru me.

Philippians 1:29 For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him.

1 Peter 4:19 So if you are suffering according to God's will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself to the God who made you, for He will never fail you!


Life finding Christ-

How can I break this down....

I grew up knowing nothing. In a town-that if anyone knew anything about Jesus-they sure were quiet. Only time I ever heard a thing about this "Guy" (aside from His name in vane in my family) was that show Jesus of Nazareth. I was about seven...and clueless...but it sure drew tears.
Kept living life...I was an epileptic my whole life. As a child I was a gymnast-a competitor...and in my heart...I would talk to "someone" just didn't know who. Had dreams-talking to "someone" about them...not sure who...
My parents marriage got so rocky as they lived for money and their names to be high up in the town we lived in..President of this and that...that of coarse led to women wanting my dad for material reasons...and he folded. And with my dad cheating on my mom started a whole new relationship between her and I...I was basically her counselor. She and I were always close. But she needed someone to confide in...and she did it with me, the daughter of both the parents. Which I didn''t think hurt then...but sure affected me later.
When I was 18-we had made our 4th move in last two yrs of my high school yrs. I was in New Bern, NC. I was insane there...was not the place for me. Some southern drawl I didn't understand...then people lectured me on this weird church stuff...not where I come from!! We don't have to do this church stuff-I'd tell em.....while I was there, I met my 1st husband-lengthier marriage by God-not by choice. We just jumped into marriage knowing each other 3mos. He was a marine. We wound up moving to California (probably half the reason I married him) But we had fuzzy feelings. Then when we got there in Cali-this is all 1996-he decided to press this Jesus stuff He had never spoken to me about-ever. At first I rejected it hard!!! Almost left him even...but then something tugged me. Half the reason was-everyone at my work, when I'd go to them asking them to back me up for me to leave him, couldn't-they were total Jesus Freaks! :) So on the side, I was learning from a friend a little...and started to go to my husbands church...but it wasn't but about a month into my attempt in my walking to learn more-that he cheated on me. After what I lived thru with my parents as a child...I had no forgiveness...nor did I have Jesus in my life yet-so didn't have it thru Him either...I was out of there...began 1 of my several move outs and to another state from him. We filed 3 times, 4th was our final in 2006. But God still has reasons for everything-during our breakups he showed me that I wasn't to be with other people-literally BIG signs of rolling my car three times, only breaking my marriage finger. Flat tires the night one was going to propose. He always is there...even when we aren't looking for Him.
My husband then, and I tried one last time-after another big break up-to patch it up. He had feelings that I owed him-even though we both were so equal in hurting the other...finally got to a point his temper was just too much-and we discussed it-he said he couldn't handle being with me anymore and was seeing someone else...I was all okay...at least he told me...almost before. So we decided to go out-eat dinner-drink a bottle of wine (which was the first time I ever did with him) and talk about who gets what. We were laughing about it all in the end-back at our apartment...which lead to the married couple's last time....except even that night something felt and showed me-it was going to be more than that last night...
Within 5 days I found out that was the night that got me pregnant. He was so angry-wanted to abort it. I-not into Jesus-still felt it was a gift from God. We somehow stuck it out. But my seizures got worse...and it thru his schooling off. He didn't have time to take care of me...and when I had our baby Tory-he couldn't take care of us both...so Tory and I went back to AZ where my family was-to find a good neurologist. There I was set to go thru my first brain surgery, and my husband had joined the Army so we could have the insurance for it. I made it thru that-no seizures!!! We had to move to TX, where he was stationed. 4 days after...he beat me with our baby asleep. Thank God for the Army...they kicked him out...took pics and records..I thought I was loosing my mind though...I was so lonely. I had nobody there. My family would not believe me-they can't deal with stress...so I had to pretend he lived there and we were happy and I wasn't abused. When with my neurologist I had to tell him what was going on to watch my seizures...and also this new problem that came in...overdosing with Phenobarbital-antiseizure med-to numb pain. I was so alone-listened to sad sad music, bawling with whatever amount of the pills and soda. Tears were uncountable. Finally...visiting a friend in Austin..we hit the ER 2 times...then they suggested I stay with them that night...but I said I felt soo much better-when I could in reality, barely say those words. I got into my car...blared my sad Matchbox twenty song "Hand me Down" stopped at a Jack in the Box for a BIG Dr. Pepper...then aggressively took off...on repeat..on the 35...bawling-saw the rest of the bottle of my pills...while crying about how hopeless life is..picked it up and slid every last one that wasn't in me already, in me...downing with that Dr. Pepper...dropping 7...that upset me...took little time to realize...that if I didn't see an ER or H sign asap I wouldn't be around...somehow God provided that...somehow...and ripped my car over all these curbs into it. Going thru my first stomach pump. My parents were called by the family friend that I had seen and jumped on the first flight to come get Tory and I...there was God's hands at work there....
They were upset..but so loving. It was from that point on it was battle time. I didn't have them as the mom and dad I could talk about the beating with...upset them too much. Couldn't talk about my new addiction when I'd get upset and stressed over this divorce-he left Tory and I with nothing. I couldn't hold a job with my addiction issues...I found my church one day-when I was blasted...God called to me with that purple sign that said Cornerstone. I knew that was the only way I'd find hope. I started going...every Sunday...but I swear he always spoke directly at me...convicted me of so much! God answered so many little and big prayers in that tiny walk...beginning of learning...but I was still in a battle...wound up overdosing in June of 2003-more battle on line with my ex who was in Iraq-(gift from God to separate us that far-even though that was tough) The docs tried to change my medication-I really wanted Phenobarb out of my life-took about 12 days..at home reading to my 2 yr old on my lap on the floor...HUGE grand mal seizure...threw up everywhere...was out for 3 hrs-bonked my head on the tile. When I woke my baby was still standing there-2 1/2 hrs past her bed time-bawling her eyes out-pointing at me-saying mama mama ...ugh!! talk about tears...I barely could talk...
It took several more times after being put back on it...and one final time-in October of 2003-that I almost lost my life to...that Jesus saved me from death...heard tiny prayers...saw the little walk I was trying to walk...He needed to have me have more than a wake up call...
Just following is when the love of my life-Christian-was shocked and amazed...over that yr...I as this new Christian on fire for Jesus...got him who grew up with Christ...ON FIRE!! And we dated the way God wanted us to! As my divorce was still going thru...God had that take time...and I look and see why now...it took about 4 yrs for me to really forgive my ex for beating me. It hurt me so bad emotionally...caused so much anguish-with seizures and overdosing...but with that overdosing...I have to look back and thank Jesus for it all...for I found Him...and it led me to going thru a second brain surgery-that was amazing!!! Following Him...in prayer-the second one was almost painless...which was a SHOCK-cause it was so much more complicated than the first!! The day after I got out...I was at Bible study!! AMEN!!!! I didn't get out of the house the first one for about a month!
With this walk came forgiveness...and when I felt God tug on me to do that....and I did forgive my ex for all he did to me-while also apologizing for what I also put him thru...God made me feel so awesome inside...like He gives you a new heart. And mine on fire for Him! Did it have aching times, yes. seizing a month after my second brain surgery hurt...but He has reasons for everything. I have been on a health struggle since 2000...and worsened since 2005. If I went down my list-you'd wonder how I still type! hahaha!! But the cool thing is...is that-no matter how many times I go to the hospital, and for what...He is there, holding me the whole time...
I have numerous health issues if anyone ever wants to talk-I am open-
We are now looking into 3rd brain surgery...God has amazing reasons for everything...even when it is a battle with health. It somehow is a light-not only in my life, but in others too. I am able to share His awesome love and Word thru these struggles and how awesome He works thru them! Never would regret a moment of it...

Blessings to you...

Hetty Siebens

2 Corinthians 12: 8-9Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me.

1 Peter 5: 6-7So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you. Give ALL your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you!