9/28/15

My Man


MY MAN

The Man my husband is
Never comes very easy
Even when life's a friz
He stands ground to be cheesy

His love never fails, vanishes, or is put on the line
His love is so pure and true 
He is one in all circumstances to make all feel just fine
Christian always gets us thru

He is my stars, my moon, my sun
He is everything intended from above
I have never lost in life, only won!
Cause this man, my husband is full of LOVE!

We may have hard times wondering if I'll make it
My man has no doubt of His Divine plans 
So yes I struggle thru my health trying not to throw a fit
Cause you see, my husband Christian is my #1 fan!

So I never want to let my man down
If our big bulging sun should rise 
Or it is ghastly pouring rain all over town
We always live in love, not lies

Christian we live in a crazy world you and me
But there isn't a moment I'd ever erase
You are a man filled with our love, hope, and reality 
You my love I'll never lose but continue to chase!

Let's say good bye to Philly we won't be back 'round
Nor is Phoenix going to be our next town
Minnesota was so fun and I'll miss it forever
But let's keep trying Florida in hopes of moving never

As for you are my sunshine anywhere we go
You are my backbone in ragged times
There isn't one other soul I'd ever love like you- so
Let's sit on our back porch and listen to our chimes

You are my love, fresh air, reason I breathe 
Never think twice about the love I have in thee
You are my wants, needs, desires- my Everything!
Let's show the world that true love is more than Something!!!

I love you Christian Siebens,
Your less brain wife,
Early in the morning,
Heather (Hetty) Siebens
Your Satellite Princess

In response to:

My girl..

My girl is the one
She is full of fun
But when she feels bad
The world seems so sad
She is talented art
Because she has such a big heart
Soon my eyes will catch your glance
And we will begin our dance
I love you beyond compare
Even when you have all different color hair..


Love,
Your Man- Satellite King

1 Corinthians 13:13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE! 

Colossians 1:16-17. Christ made everything in the heavens and on the earth. He made everything that is seen and things that are not seen. He made all the powers of heaven. Everything was made by Him and for Him. Christ was before all things. All things are held together by Him.



Are We??? from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

9/23/15

Question Everything?



When does life feel just?
When can you establish trust?
As for all the ups and downs in life-
Seems like we are all living in strife.

When that big yellow sun comes crashing down--
And all of those monkeys go rattling downtown.
Who out of all them seem to be telling twisted lies?
Who just continues doing so even causing brains to fry!?

This world we live in seems so jaded.
When everyone's goal is who to be hated!
When things come crashing down where do we turn?
When we lose loved ones, companies, who won't turn and burn?

Where is the trust of yesterday, the love of our family?
Why do we question everything that isn't full of glee?
It's like we truly live in this fake plastic nation.
That can only talk to us at 6pm if on the right station.?

Well that isn't how my life was prepped to live I say!
My family will make it thru any windy or rainy day!
I may be complex with a lot of complications!
But no illness can be worse than watching any TV station.

They fill us full of hatred and greed!
When all it takes is One True God to lead!
Lead us down our winding road wondering if we're lost..?
But taking the lead and trusting Him, not judging what it'd cost!!?

With Christ as my center it doesn't make life easy, it makes life hard!
We are to stand up for Him, for each other and remain on guard!
For each other's lives, each other's homes, down every winding road-
Just know I'd always stand up for you thru Him, til the very day I grow old.!!

9/14/15

Angelia~ Don't Fret

Angelia~ don't fret ...

Life was never easy for you,
Just a walk through the park. 
Some days seemed so amazing,
Yet so many trapped in the dark.

But you knew how to find yourself precious 
Bright light or pitch black out always handled things cool
When you had a goal you knew you'd have it, no end
But then came turns & jabs unexpectantly-you needed to know the fool.

Who could ever put YOUR babies life at risk without questions or consent?
Whoever could hold such a fragile being, as an object of science, not life?
I know who couldn't  & wouldn't it's You DOC MOM! You my friend are a gift from God, a present.
One who knew everything going on around her, and everybody's strife.

You are one tough cookie who continued life so positively as could be.
Thru all Nickybear went thru, most mothers would have already quit
But you kept pushing and including him, teaching and loving past degree.
He will never forget you girl, not one moment;just can't wait one bit!

Why? Cause you are a real mom. Dealing with reality of love and strife.
You knew the hardship realities of what this evilness could do
But you didn't let it get in the way of Nickybear living a young boy's life.
So much he did down here because OF YOU but sought him thru

You never gave up you never folded, you were a rock thru every step
I admire moms like you who chug away, fix, and push on then
Exhausted, 
Pain,
Moody,
Hurting,
Questioning,
Yet you love him so much you get up go again as if no fret
All you have created, all you have done, I just know you'd do it again.  


Your heart is still very full, full of his love here on earth
I couldn't imagine my child's life outside of giving birth
But you dear Ang take me by surprise 
by how much more you handle
Even between all your needed cries.

He is a precious gift once physically given to you a beautiful Sept morning
Who ever in this world would take that baby home with any type of warning
But so wise were you in seeking help fast,
In order to help all relationships with him last.

Now so many understand why you are mourning still.
He was straight up a gift from God born on a perfect fall date.
If only more could see the impact he made on little me who is ill,
Or believe not all are right some docs making mistakes-not fate.

But keep your chin as high as it goes.
Nickybear will send a butterfly to your nose.
He will talk to you in ways like never before.
The moment you lay it at Christ's feet not behind a door.

His promises are real and totally in tact
Never think once God never has your back
You are one super mom going thru mourning like Job
He will always understand that, give you time in your robe.

One day we will all meet up there where Nickybear has it set up his way
Which may be different than now, but I couldn't see how.
But I know that special all time angel- kisses you every day!
And one day you'll see or hear or feel him, and let out a crying wow!

Please don't forget me Angelia, you mean so much to me.
So much I wish I could tell you, or was able to take away from thee 
I know when He has plans there is always a Divine purpose never crystal clear
And leaves us to take hard times on unknowing cost and somehow give Him our fear

Today I say thank You God for giving Angelia and family such a very precious son
His birthday around the corner, here on earth just isn't as fun
But I know You have miraculous plans with all thru this thick and strife 
Some days just feels like a delusion but we know Nicky is there, alright.

Happy Birthday young man your mama misses you so
She helped me learn so much about you-I didn't want you to go
I wish I could have taken it on my 3rd brain surgery for you
But our God has way more plans Nicky, using you to get us thru!

Your mom is very special to me, please keep her in my prayers
She's truly an Angelic person with a heart you just don't dare
She is true and real and always in love with you
Please Nicky pass it on to Christ, to help get her thru.


One day when we are all out of this earthly circus walking on the wire
One day when we all were blown away about this young mans life
We will all gather up in Heaven talk about it all knowing not one is a liar
And carry on in Heaven above in love, friendship, but no strife.


I love you Angelia....and adore your precious son, gone too soon from Earth..... But still scoring 
points in Heaven, touching lives left and right.

Happy Birthday to you both this September 22nd...... Breathe thru it girl. Breathe his air he'll send!


Love you,

Hetty
http://aliveinme.net
http://epilepsycures.wordpress.com





9/7/15

He Still Responds to My 2nd Brain Surgery Letter


Wrote this to be opened March 28, 2005, after I already went in for my first part of my 2nd brain surgery.

This was so hard on Christian. He came from a family who rarely needed Tylenol or Band-Aids. There I was getting in depth electrodes put in to read my seizures before they hit, to turn parts of my brain on and off in order to see if it was ok to resect that part. This all made Christian so nervous. So scared. On top of it all, as my fi├ínce he had to take care of our beautiful daughter, Tory Moriah. That really flipped him out. So-last night I resent my letter to him, and this morning as I slept-He responded. Just to make me cry. Yes, tears of joy.. Some tears of why me-cause I sure was a lot better then. But wow it's beautiful!! 

Mine from March 28, 2005

Dear Christian~

 

I am not positive where to start. You are my everything. I learned slowly, you are not my air, as for God truly is. You are the life support that has kept me here mentally by “our” choice. When I was down, you picked me up. When I was unwell, you helped me feel better. A lot of it in the beginning, you just didn’t get. You just knew there was this creature God was providing for a reason. You didn’t have strong feelings for just fun and games. You acted on them as He intended you to and I am still here. We are together. We are both focused on God. I am on my way to surgery to become better for our family. We are both growing stronger together throughGod and with God. This all happened for reasons. I thank God everyday for my struggles. I won’t ever step away from Him. Once the Phenobarbital Heather vanished and the new Heather came out, a new Christian Siebens did too! One full of pure love and words I never heard within my family. I thank God for my memory. I can think of every month of our relationship and remember spectacular things that touch my heart. Even if Phenobarbital was somehow intertwined, you somehow made moments spectacular. You have so much awesome kindness that words cannot express your ability to heal me mentally with kind words. Unfortunately, that isn’t the way it goes with the seizures. However, I do know if you weren’t in my life, my seizures would be on going as they were when I was with Nathan. It would be a non-stop game until my brain is worked on. You have made this simpler for the most part. I apologize for the things I could not provide, and wish that I could. But for me to be the one you want and the one I want to be for you, I need to focus on God and focus on this surgery. I am going to come out in a bit of pain, but so much less pain than last time. I now have accepted God fully in my life and He provided me with such a living treasure. You. I watch you with our daughter and I am amazed you weren’t with her from day one. The comforting bond you two have is like the comfort you have with your own father. I need you in my life to share love, to learn love. I know what the subject is and I know when I do and how much I do. I just need to learn how to show it better. I am a Jensen and we are different. I just need you to know I do love you with all my heart, mind and soul. (I do have some mind) I will again be back for you. Let’s look forward to this surgery, my recovery, our relationship, our marriage, our family and the continuance of it all! We are worth it all and more. I never had this many memories with anyone. Not the good ones to keep. You have been through a lot with me and I credit you for it. I will be there for you always. That is why God wants me better. He wants me to be that awesome wife of great support. We are doing things right in His eyes. I am doing them happy and pray you are too. When you do things to please Him and that in turn pleases you, He will reward you in one way or another. Just  smile and know He is here with us both, or all three. The hard part is over. Going through things without His help. We both know we can’t. He now is in control of all of our issues and we have His love and support. Don’t ever think twice about me not pulling through all of this, He is with me. I will be with you until our earthly time ends! 

I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I look forward to this hospital stay, healing, and the funny hairdo afterward when I am better. Just buy me some make-up so some of me looks all right!  

 

Christian, I thank God for you. For Stauffer introducing us. For all of my issues that got us here. I love everything about you and more. Others couldn’t fathom having the life we have. Without love, we would die like the rest. Thank God for providing that!

 

While I am gone…read our Bible, take care of our precious one, visit me some, go to our church, update our friends there, talk with our family about it all…even if it seems the Jensen side doesn’t want to talk. You are the best father, I know it, she knows it, my parents see it, and God knows it for sure. It is your turn to recognize it. Enjoy that time, for when I return it will be crazy!

 

I love you my precious one!

Love,

 

Hetty

 

Philippians 4: 6-7
Don't worry about anything: instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.



In return -my precious hubby sent this today....


Sept.7 2015

Hetty,

Although 10 years have passed since you wrote this amazing, heartfelt letter, I know we still feel the same about each other. Actually, we have been through so much since then I know we love each other more.. More completely. My vow to you was to love and protect you through sickness and health. I may not do that always as well as I should, but my commitment is still alive and well. I am proud of you.. More than you know. Although you have struggled and at times wanted to give up.. You keep moving trying your best to be better for us all...you are a true fighter and outwardly you want to let the world know you got this. But I know inside your heart is vulnerable and you need you support, love and help. I will be this for you.. To the best of my ability you can rest in me. I will be your strength when you are down.. I promised you that.. And with God's help I will only become better at it for you, for us... For our family. I know you are scared of what is ahead.. But don't be. God has brought you through so much.. He has surrounded you with love, His and others he has is your life.. This is not by accident. He has plans for you still.. And no matter what, I am excited to see what those plans are.. Because as your husband.. I'll be at your side through them all.

You will survive, we will survive.. And together with Jesus we will thrive.. Whether in Florida, Arizona or wherever. 

Never lose hope.. You are a true miracle of God. Smile...your light is bright and I am confident the light emitting from you is still growing.

I love you beyond measure..

Always,
Always,
Always,

Christian 

Sent from my iPhone

Christian, I love you with all my heart, mind, soul, strength...this is all I need to push on. You are my EVERYTHING ... 

In His Love and Grace,

Hetty

Philippians 1:29 For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him.


9/1/15

Never Again- " Mayo Clinic" in Jacksonville, FL...

Well.... how it went......



Above- my disaster from Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL- ONLY....

To that I say-

It used to be due to several cruel people, really. But this one truly took the cake. No one can take someone (for example, myself), who has conquered so many health battles in life, and in turn use those same health battles against me. What I am referring to when I say this? The horrific "Special Notes" written in a biased and untruthful manner by Dr. Kristine M Thompson (a physician in the Mayo Clinic Emergency Room in Jacksonville, FL).

This place lacks dignity, care, testing, solutions, strategies. The core of the problem is the amount of staff, next problem, the type of staff.

We can all go back in 2003 and discuss...what I went thru, what my neurologist from Mayo in PHOENIX AZ... went thru without a wink- TO SAVE ME.... But I do not take judgements from ED people, who haven't chosen a specialty- who don't stay true to their patients..... and who do not bring up your history charts to see that you have never once sought out pain medication in your lifetime. Been in excruciating pain that my... MY doctors, no- MY SPECIALISTS in Phoenix, AZ Fight and test, and fight, and retest until everything is exhausted.... Then pick up again and start over.

So, in a move I think anyone would agree was a very well-reasoned, we decided on Jacksonville, FL - which so happens to have a large Mayo Clinic minutes from our new home. We all agreed that having Mayo Clinic so convenient and close to my house in Florida would help this pain disaster. Until we GOT back, we didn't figure but a second round for pain treatment would be needed for my ferocious pain here at the JACKSONVILLE MAYO AND  will be traveling back to the REAL MAYO- at Mayo in Phoenix, AZ.... since no one here calls back, and no one here tests or cares. Which is totally ok, I've ALWAYS LOVED THE ONE IN PHOENIX.... I named my cat after it. I had all 3 brain surgeries there and more. And they push on. Respect.

We HAD to go back to the ED in hopes these people, like Dr. Braggs, or really more off Dr. Thompson were just living nightmares, that may have repeated more than once or twice, but it could have just been their foul weather here, their bad short stocked nights, or really in fact, that they were just as horrifying as they really came across each and every time???! I give people more than second chances, right!!?? Well.... Dr K Thompsom belittled me in my pain, and discomfort to the point I was already nauseous from pain- but she threw it out of proportion. Judging me WHY I REALLY was there, what for, and she would control what medication to prescribe - which I don't have necessarily true allergic reactions to, but rather can have sensitive reactions to that defeat the purpose of the medication.

Did Dr. Thompson EVER read my 13 year devoted chart to Mayo, at least Mayo in Phoenix and Rochester? NO. She would have seen I invested as much time, energy, money, trust, and health into MY docs, that she had zero idea where I was standing today in life. She has poor judgment and clarity... For that should not be "caring" for anyone. As for hers isn't just a rainy day. Her additude is every night and day.

So due to Braggs, John, many others and of course, Dr. Kristine M Thompson, I will fly 3000 miles and back every week before I EVER drive 3 exits to see them ever again. The facility as a whole is disrespectful. There is zero care of your concerns... You are just a number at THIS MAYO IN JACKSONVILLE, FL.... THE REASON people in the Midwest to the West Coast NEVER HAVE HEARD A PEEP ABOUT THIS MAYO. The reason THIS MAYO even runs a LITTLE DIFFERENT SHIP and has its own "secondary" number as opposed to just the ONE Clinic number.
The Mayo in Jacksonville, FL won't end here... Neither will Dr. Kristine M Thompson. This is when things just begin. And you just wish you would have thought twice about NOT BEING IN THE MAYO SYSTEM OF RESPECT, INTEGRGRITY, NON-judgmental of your patients.... Like the Mayo in Phoenix, Scottsdale, AZ.... And Rochestser and all sister hospitals in MN. You have truly begun a nightmare Miss Kristine Thompson.... Unless you know how to apologize, admit failure, face to face and on paper work in the next 90 days.... You have so much to answer. I will be there. But you owe all, ALL OF MY WESTERNIZED MAYO's SORRY's. We live a bit different sharp life in Western America- which is I guess why people look for Western medicine. Start With my neurologist, I'd be thrilled to go down a list of people you need to include Ms Thompson. As for my doctors never fade. MINE DONT....

Keep working the way you wish.... I will keep traveling THE FRIENDLY SKIES to Mayo in Phoenix, AZ..... BLESSINGS.
IN HIS TIGHT GRIP,

HEATHER J SIEBENS

8-31-15

To God be the Glory, Honor, Praise!

Proverbs 13: 13

People who despise advice will find themselves in trouble; those who respect it will succeed.

Proverbs 24:12

Don't try to avoid responsibility by saying you didn't know about it. For God knows ALL hearts, AND HE SEES YOU. He keeps watch over your soul, and He knows YOU KNEW!! And He will judge ALL people according to what they have done.

For Dr. Joseph F Drazkowski, Dr. B Vargas, Dr. R.S. Zimmerman, Dr.Cynthia Stonnington .... This verse below applies to you all so perfect in my heart-with so many thanks! For God has used you all as a distinct tool and continues to in this generation-yes for me!!! But Amen for ALL. Bless you all ....this is for you....

Matthew 4:24

News about Him (Jesus) spread far beyond the borders of Galilee so that the sick were coming to be healed from as far away as Syria. And whatever their illness and pain, or if they were possessed by demons, or were epileptics, or were paralyzed-HE HEALED THEM ALL.

Cut and Stapled Many Times from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Below my amazing Epileptologist who saved me- 13 years- Dr. Joseph F Drazkowski. Mayo Clinic Hospital in Phoenix, AZ........
I will fly 6000 miles for ALL of you there..... thank you!