We used to live in AZ-I was there for a couple years longer than my husband. It is where so much good and amazing happened, while I was fighting off the bad. I had my year of overdosing being very tough to ever get up-and make it thru the day. But I had my precious baby-and knew there were plans.
I fortunately found Jesus-my faith grew when I found Him and grew with Him, side by side--even when I was bawling but gripping Him tight.
Not long after my handsome, and most amazing soul for a man, husband, follower of Christ moved to Chandler--knowing that we WOULD be ONE once some of the issues were taken care of, in HIS timing.
Arizona was amazing for us... we had a bunch of different challenges, mountains to climb over, and deserts to cross abroad....
but anytime we we ever EVER thought we were not going to make it--we knew to check ourselves, and each other. Were we still going to church, Bible study, sharing His word daily? Were we still praying, and listening to His music? Or were we falling back a bit on everything--in addition to some irritation with our Lord and Savior, Creator and Best Friend--Jesus Christ? When my health would take a whopper that made zero sense--there were only SO MANY months I could go, without the human side of me--my flesh that cared less about faith to explode. Give Him the cold shoulder like I would handle it all myself.
Well none of us can. And I am far from some special being that can. Heck I am a late finder of Christ--late surrenderer... but one, when I did-I knew there was no turning back. He had saved my wrekless life too many times, I needed to use my hands, feet, heart, body, soul-For HIM, not me.
And that was taught really well. We finally reached the point of all finished by us what was laid there by Him for us to encounter-it was His time for us to move on in growth to another city and STATE. Which was just an amazing location--Philadelphia is where Christ called my husband with such awesome faith--to grow with it, and helping others to grow in theirs. His boss-new, just net for the interview was thrilled in all testimony talks he had of his own and me to us, it had him so excited and open-just what he was looking for -for the exact job my hubby was. I was thrilled with the location--I lived where we'd gotten the house we loved in Downingtown, PA- when I was 17. All was just too perfect financially, location, faith and personality of who he'd work for. It was too perfect--
I fell into pieces not long after. Moves I guess can be tough--I have done it so much. But not with my little girl at this age, nor me unwell in several areas. One in particular that just was killing me--was the whole severe body pain---and 3 stories to this house. All found the beauty and all---but I saw the dark. I was angry and hard hearted for the severity of my pain--for over half a year. My husband was gone so much. But when he was here--he was the better husband he ever was--and I just wouldn't see it. I just felt the pain, and uncaring. When there isn't any man that can meet standards much like my hubby-I should have been grateful and as humble and loving back--but not only was the pain pulling me out of my faith--not searching hard and finding the right church added right to it. I wouldn't even watch my churches sermons on line. I just curled up mad at the world--and on the way to dying in my heart.
I pulled away from Faccebook/twitter land---and shut the world out. But thru it all--I was helping the most precious family member of mine, and didn't even know it. Which led to him becoming more the new him--on well steps, and steps of faith thru Jesus. And that is where my heart turned. My husband was one reaching out to me--as I reached out to my brother. I knew the difference to make my personal help better and quicker is thru faith thru our Creator. Not just good words-and definately not medication in that situation. So my busy before Bible became my best friend in books again--as Jesus I called to wipe away my bitterness. He showed me easily thru my over expectations. I ranted and raved about my 3rd brain surgery dare rid seizures, but cause such awful pain that life isn't worth it. He showed me worse--He allowed that to come in, so what used to be a tender, loving head--became one judgmental. I had awful seizures hitting, IN ADDITION to severe, awful pain in every joint, every hour--that the walker didn't even help. I just laid on our couch for months-unable to hardle sip some water.
But even though the pain is still there, my heart and faith is back to battle it trying to control me. I am too young to "be dead" in my years. I may not be able to run fast, nor ride the horse with my kiddo--but my past sorrow butt can watch her--as she smiles so big knowing I have many years to come with her-all glory, praise and honor to our Lord, Savior, Best Friend---Jesus Christ.
We all have our fallbacks. That was my first harsh one that scared me. I won't let this pain take over His plans. You all are too precious to me--and I want to meet you all in months and years to come!! Keep your faith shining, thru every ache and pain. He loves you more than you can imagine!!
Love to you all!!
The Glory of God Forever!!
Heather (Hetty) Siebens
Hebrews 4:12-13 For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.
Hebrews 4:14-16 So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. 15 This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. 16 So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
|My "Baby girl" Tory Moriah Siebens|