Hits Just Keep On Coming

Truly thought I was going to Heaven this time around. I thought I was to go. It all started up on another intense psychosis/vision like round. I was standing at my bedside putting my wedding ring back on from my hospital bag while smiling a funky smile that began to go crooked. Then my body stiffened and was shaking tightly standing up, unable to move at all. My husband ran over and had to lift me like a board-straight everything-jerking. He laid me down as it all continued. Back arched, I made loud noises as I started to exit and go limp. Silent there I all of a sudden took a deep breath, looked at my husband and began to slowly talk saying Gooood bye, Gooood bye.... then conversed in complete english with him. Telling him "Jesus has come for me. You will be ok. It is finally my time. Tory loves you so much. You will do so good. PROMISE me you'll take good care of Tory!!! I need to hear it before I go, so I know everyone will be ok!! Oh my gosh, Tory, I need to say good bye to her! Go wake her up, I need to see her, hug her before I go! NOW!!!! (he didn't -knew I would be ok) Okay... then I guess you'll have to tell her. I love her. It's going to be ok now. I'll be waiting for you all. oh, Jesus is here.... Jesus just hugged you. I'm going. It's ok. I'll always love you. Good bye. 

Then I went out. My heart began to slow in beats, breathing less. Until BAM!!!! I just sat UP RIGHT- eyes open!! In tears of joy!!! I was seeing Heaven- people in Heaven greeting me that I knew, missed and loved so much!!! I first shouted out- "There is Jason!!!! With no wheelchair!!! (Jason Mitchener) Oh my gosh!!! Then to my right- my breath taken, tears of joy- there is little Nickybear waiting for me-he knew me!!! My grandpa and grandma Botts!!! Barbara and Thelma... everyone is here.... THERE IS JESUS!!!!! I was taken over in tears of joy. Going on about the beauty and love. Then announcing how I am really going, not to be scared, I convulsed some on the bed- losing my hearing at that point, my chest beats slowing, pounding, and breathing going- I knew I was going. My husband got alert when I was gasping for air. He aroused me running his hands across my face and chest and my breathing came back without CPR. Even with all that beauty. He definitely had different plans. And me taking the "medical" CBD marijuana is just not made for my resected, malformed brain. I am seizure controlled without it, would like to stay that way.

Odd part about this round of convulsions is in between them, I'd have almost personal, hysteric delusions. I'd turn my head after a convulsion toward my husband or brother, and just start laughing over whatever my brain could barely think of- hysterically. Uncontrollably. Actually at least made this round a tad bit simpler to deal with. I am the Entertainer, says Billy Joel. 

From this above to this below, to above again, and below again --as the "medical" CBD Marijuana worked it "wonders" for my body pain. I think my brain has to be taken into some consideration that things just do not route thru it normally, at all. I have had 3 brain resections for epilepsy. It is not of usual shape. All MRI's look odd, all EEG's look odd-especially if a neurologist knew nothing of my past. Here is what was going on in between after I took a dose of my medical CBD Thursday to calm some of the body pain down from convulsing.

Thankfully, I only had one small convulsion this morning. I think it is all fading finally. I wasn't sure for a while there. It is so far looking like me and CBD don't get along. That is what I took the day in the pool about an hour prior. That is what I took Thursday about an hour prior to the hit. Just wild. God has a reason for everything. I cling to Him.

Much love and thanks to all for their love and support.

In His Love,

Heather J Siebens  (Hetty)

1 Corinthians 2:9
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
     and no mind has imagined
what God has prepared
     for those who love Him."


Whose Timing

Following Tonic Clonic Seizures and CPR

I wasn't sure after the beginning of this nightmare if I was ready- really ready for Heaven as my mind, body, spirit felt- or if it is an amazing trick of the brain. Either way, the second part of the beginning of this nightmare was completely held in Christ's hands. As we're all other parts, but this particular part had no fight with Satan in it.... Even during the fact my body was completely shutting down.

I will never know how to explain this. I am still trying to explain it to family so I can hear myself explain it to me. Most everyone knows my crazy history. Fearless Heather. Epileptic Heather. 3 brain surgery Heather- excited to have them. Extreme body pain Heather from the 3rd brain surgery. Artist Heather. Many hats, many others. But I am one in a million stressed, one in a billion worried Heather, just how my brain is mapped out. But I went into a total uncontrollable freak out session over my brain just totally jumbled. Unable to speak, to explain. 

My brain started to "closing time" around 2pm in our pool with my daughter. Just all of a sudden everything she was saying was so very slow, like she was high. So I was so confused if it was my brain or her. Cause she doesn't do bad things, my brain flips though. Never like this. So I text my husband a million times to get out there to see that ASAP so I could find out. I also text my brother to come out as well. I needed people to study and tell me if somehow Tory was truly a teenager acting up, or if my brain was going down, like I thought. And as I was in the pool.

They came out. Christian came in. Immediately her odd actions stopped, but I looked up to my brother and he was trying to explain to me what I text to him and nothing was making sense, then no one. The this awful worry tone and cry started as I turned to my husband screeching "I have to get out, I have to get out!!!" I crawled out, then all over the patio saying things that made zero sense. I would grab my brothers leg, then aggressively crawl away howling for help. I was up against our wall bawling as my breathe was leaving. My husband and brother held me asking me questions. I couldn't talk. Understood a portion of their words-when they were saying to take you to the ER I freaked our making a loud high pitch noise from my throat while spinning my left hand round and round hoping they'd unsterdand siren for ambulance. They called 911.

I fell into my brothers lap as my husband talked with 911. I thought I was speaking soft, calm, logical words to him. As my body was shutting down my mind, heart, soul knew where I was going. I was at such peace. My brother kept holding tight and so worried. I kept "speaking" to him. Telling him how special he has always been to me, how much he has coming in life yet, my life was complete having him along our ride. I then wanted my baby Tory by me and I explained to her in my jibberish language how my life change the moment I knew about her to come in my life, how strong she made me, how much she had to live for in the way her heart wishes, and I love her always. I felt two tears drop on my right arm from brother-to me it felt like he was confirming he understands, he is with me and Jesus, he will be ok. I was at peace as my heart slowed down and I stopped breathing. I was looking at the beauty of love in family and preparing to enter Heaven when all of a sudden I woke up, heart started. As I opened my eyes to my precious husband giving me mouth to mouth. I was so touch, amazing yet confused and almost saddened my "Home" was not going to be pain, seizure, illness free in Heaven. I was going to have a harder fight.

Right now, still no one has a positive on what caused all of this. No one knows if these convulsions are completely done, or just temporarily calmed from an injection I had to have today.
I've had over 30 convulsions a day and some awful endless post ictal status. Couldn't speak forever. Some seizures would paralyze my legs and arms completely. Alter focus ability. Just wild ride. We are still figuring everything out and praying the hours it stayed away after an injection today, that it has just ended. 

I mostly pray my babies all come out un damaged from all of this. My friends and family just have beautiful hearts, and I know Jesus hears you all to be able to keep afloat.

I know we each have our timing in life from God. So I'll never know if I was supposed to go to Heaven Saturday but human power got in the way. Or if he gave us these brain to know to do things to keep our loved ones as long as we know how thru His guidance until His true time comes. I don't know, but as tragic as it all seems, that early on part still blows me away when I think of it-just amazed me.

Love you Christian, Tory, Troy, Mom, Dad, Steward, Linda, Grams and on and on al, family and amazing friends..... Blessed I am.

In His Love,

Heather (Hetty) Siebens

Acts 1:7
He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or seasons that the father has fixed by his own authority."

Ecclesiastes 3:2
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted.

Job 14:5
You have decided the length of our lives.
You know how many months we will live,
And we are not given a minute longer.