10/17/10

So Young She Saved Me

Tory & Mommy
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Only way I was able to raise Tory on my own for years, and have intense PTSD, was all because of Jesus whom I didn't know yet then... but was beginning to. It didn't take the tempting of the Devil--it took close to death to awaken me to His love, life here, plans, and trust. I was giving in to Satan, but Christ had too many plans for Tory, Christian and I to let me throw them away.
He could have kept beating me so hard I wouldn't be here....
I could have kept up on all my pill overdosing with no care, that I wouldn't be here....
I couldn't have had such an amazing angel child that almost guided me at 2 what to do!!!
She keeps me alive....with my faith, my love, my health.... Love to my Tory who made miracles happen.... my ex sign away. 
Here is a a quick video to let you know a small point of my Oct 19th masquerade ....



video

This one was all about me, as for I was still searching and had no clue life was about someone amazing! It takes these BIG hits, sometimes, continual...sometimes bigger to awaken to why He formed you, with plans before you were even in your mother's womb. This is the moment we have seek Him to get thru our "but's, and how dare they's, or why's or when is..?" We seek Him once we get the glimpse, cause I can -He IS THE ANSWER. And He will hold your hand thru every winding road yet to come.
He will lift you high-thru all your trials.... walk you thru all the desert roads. But soon He will be holding your hand tight, up high, on the mountain of God. Smiling what He has ALWAYS gotten you thru.
God bless each of you, know He is holding you tight every step, leap, and/or moan....
He is teaching us so much, we are just to open up our hearts and souls for Him!



In His Love,
Heather

10/4/10

In Comparison

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Isn't everything compared these days? The house. Yes, what area do you live in, and then, making sure it is the top area that you also have one of the top three models of homes located in the perfect area of a street where you will have perfect view, and little sound. RIght? That always happens. Then the car. If you don't have the top notch, from out of this country car of course... you make sure it is somehow permanently at the car detail, or just people always miss you pull in and out of the garage. Cause that is just another "LOVE" of America today. Then it drops down to smaller but must haves best name brand clothes, huge gaudy jewelry even at a young age, and real Rolex and Gucci watches--PLEASE before fourteen years old.
Do I really mean all of that up there? No. But the fact is most of America and further on do. To the point that we lose love for what and who we she have all our hearts given to. I can type this all with knowledge as for MOST of what I typed above was from my childhood. We lived in a family, that yes, loved us completely. But as they grew more and more greens, the more and more they showed it was by sharing it openly. Then when marriage issues came about, to help coddle us was to give, give and give. Or was that to buy us in case of divorce? Either way it wasn't true heart.
If we want to use the true heart, we have to push that money aside, take our watches off, open our hearts and talk. Have time with family, kids, husbands, wives. Or you have to envision a very silent household having nothing much to talk about accept bills, or "and honey, did you take the trash out." Ultimately, money became each persons "friend" or "lover" ..one that took place of ever needing one to talk with or have common with. As for now everything one was dreaming about is already there, handed over on even a non special day. Not having to work for it, or wait for a special occasion. Then what will ever satisfy more if always been given, over given, literally needs no more? If a child their attitudes are usually molded thru this. And if you can't, as a parent give more-scary part is...they will usually look older and elsewhere for who can. If it is adult to adult (married couple) it is the usual-if the one providing all of this, which isn't looked at it like providing any longer--but as "wha't deserved and expected." That person doesn't wait patiently and kindly, they usually have high pitched, negative, tear apart "their right" fight, leading to quick negative choices, thoughtless behavior looking beyond all consequences. And pick up suitcases, and usually have #1 back up relationship with similar cash in take. #2 have lawyer papers delivered, with high alimony, retirement, percentage of housing etc on her side.
All of that above was around my life. I am here to say it is far away now. It made such a great positive impact on me as a child, even though I did not know Jesus. My husband today has always had his stress points of wanting to make more money here, and there etc-for me, for us. He had a time when we were dating, he was going thru a collapse of his company because of his divorce that he just spilled out all this stress to me, not sure what he could ever ever provide. I smiled. Now he grew up knowing Jesus, and I had just found Jesus in a drastic way about 8 months when he said all that. But I was on fire. And I remember his long e-mail of stress, and I e-mailed him back saying money isn't what matters to me AT ALL... I'd rather have Jesus, him, and Tory in the middle of the desert in AZ, at 135 degrees, with hot wind blowing a tumbleweed by--and still have all our love THERE, no matter what we didn't have with it, Jesus, us and love is what matters in order to be happy-and be happy to share His love to others. Those were pretty big words coming from small me, past wealthy family, just found Jesus a bit ago. But it doesn't matter. It is His plans. His love that lights us up.
And that is where His plan came from providing me with this amazing husband today--that lights me up!! He doesn't just light me up, of course he lights our kiddo Tory up. But he lights my family, his, his work, my doctors-so many. As for he is a truthful, kind, humble, caring man-who shows it to all in a Godly way. And forever I am blessed with him, and forever I will praise..... HIM!!
This may have been long.... and in a strange set up-but it is clear to me from my childhood life #1 (and what today is) to how I am living today!!

Love is precious and should never be taken for granted. It is way more rich than any ring of TV or car. And with my husband Christian Siebens @flyingchristian , I am very wealthy forever, no matter what!

To God Be the Glory!

Heather Siebens