1/24/10

His Wonders NEVER cease


May Your wonders never cease Jesus!!
As I look at my family in those wonders-and praise You. I look back at all my trials from before, and praise You. As for I wouldn't even know who YOU ARE!! Our Savior, the Lamb of God, Bread of Life, Emmanuel, Holy One, The Way, Advocate, Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Cornerstone, Redeemer, Best Friend, Mediator, Prince of Peace, Morning Star, Almighty, Light of the WORLD, Good Shepherd, Messiah, SON OF GOD!!!
And I truly thank Him for the taps on my shoulders--allowing more boulders to come thru, to get me to look for the Real One, Only One, to truly turn to for answers. Not signs, or friends, family, guesses... or just however things roll-the way we wish to live. When we find Him, turn to Him, give Him OUR LIFE-which is His anyway-then we truly get to live. Live thru Him, and for Him. And see the miracles and wonders He works in our lives, others lives-every day, every moment. Even when hard stuff is going on. 
Yes, it took some of the hardest of hard-you'd think people would never think God exists-when really-these are the moments so many turn to find Him. We have to be on our toes, as Christ followers, that ones who are going thru tough times-also seek Him. We have to not throw it in their face--or I am first to tell you, the greatest percentage, as I, will run. But present it humbly. Even with testimonies-that show the scarring of our life. The total imperfections, that get us to our knees to wake up knowing-we are NOTHING without Him. And we are always imperfect-until the day He makes us perfect, with Him-in His Holy Realms of Heaven. Till then-- we keep running this race-knowing we will endure suffering, trials, tough times-but nothing that compares to what our Savior has done for us-to wash away our sins. To make us clean in God's eyes. As we give Him our lives--and live for Him here. Loving all as close as much as we can-as He loves us. Never will compare. But to keep striving to be Christ-Like. 
He doesn't hold grudges. We sure do. But as we walk closer-the Holy Spirit sure wakes us up, just at His perfect timing. Teaches us love and forgiveness. Can't have one, without the other. Leads us down just an amazing path-He has had planned long ago-back before we were born. When He knew everything about us, when we were in our mother's womb. He knew we'd be faced with troubles-but He knew He would and is always here for us. Keep calling to Him. Giving Him all your worries, cares, and troubles. He takes those burdens. Makes it such a lighter load-as we love, trust and obey Him.
My precious husband has anxiety when it comes to me. Otherwise he is so calm. But each brain surgery he has been here for, every hospitalization, all seizures, and back in my overdosing days-he has only known-hang on to Jesus. Keep dear Christian in your prayers as I go into my 3rd brain surgery Monday February 1st. (@flyingchristian and @Heliftsmeup ) Pray for my precious daughter Tory. Who also has epilepsy. Has been here for all my brain surgeries-but starting at 1, 4, now 8 1/2. She talks about it so calmly-until the other night. She had such lack of sleep-which throws emotions into overdrive-but she sure cried about everything, including this. But she usually comes up to Mayo Hospital-all excited to see me-never scared. She is one child who can pray like a major PRAYER WARRIOR!! Never silent about Jesus. AMEN!!! 
As for me-- just pray they take out the right parts of my brain-and as much this time as possible-- to go from 32 pills a day, perhaps to one medication, and 4 pills or less.
Will miss you when I do go in--but will be on the moment I can Tweet, FB, Blog, etc.
IN HIS WILL-ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
In His Love,
Heather Siebens @AliveinMe
This was the concert I went to with @jasonmitchener who passed away December 16th, 2009. As they dedicated this to him, as always, for he did amazing moderation for them. Always in my heart, as he dances in heaven!!


Jeremiah 1:5 "For I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb."
Phillippians 1:6 I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the DAY WHEN CHRIST JESUS RETURNS.
John 5:24 "Truly, truly I say to you, whoever hears My Word and believe Him who sent me has passed from death to life."
John 12:25 "Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this WORLD will keep it for ETERNAL LIFE."














Ultimate UNFAILING LOVE


As we walk with Jesus-complicated is so sweet, so simple, in our love and growth in our relationship with Him.
The love of my cat. So simple, but is sweet also. How did we grow so close-overall was simple, was just me in bed 24/7. The sweet kitty, named Mayo (after my Hospital) didn't realize I was so ill. But loved the fact we bonded so close, ALL THE TIME!!
Same with my daughter. She loves it when I give into a sleepover, just her and I. Simple love. Simple talk. But makes a lot of our relationship.
My husband. Well, he isn't as simple. He wants me all the time!! :) But when we do have awesome time (which is more frequent than a normal couple) we are simple. Him and I. We will tweet humor, love, dedicate songs. Watch movies. Talk. Cuddle. Talk about life today, loving to thank God how far we have come. We have all we really need. Jesus, love, each other, family--faith. 
Simple things can sure be made UN-simple-when we focus on all the complicated things. When my husband focuses on how many days until they open my noggin for surgery--- we have to hurry-- have time together. When I focus on how many people I have to get back to, even when not feeling well. Tory focuses on harder parts of school-not the good. And at times focuses on the "what will happen to mom in this brain surgery." Totally human. Her age. But if we could all learn to focus on Him-His plans-His ULTIMATE UNFAILING LOVE-then we could take our focus off all the other little and (big) things, go back to being a simple cat--who loves the owner always. Only be an awesome follower--that doesn't take all the complicated and turn and run. NO... WE--drop everything, pick up our cross, and follow Him. He will guide us down each path. Won't let us blow away in storms. He doesn't want us to complicate everything. He wants us to lay it all out--- HIM, SPOUSE, FAMILY, CHURCH, WORK------> so on. He sees everything we face in the midst of it all--- thru, as we grasp onto Him.
Love HIM like you just are living out the definition LOVE--BIG TIME. Love your spouse as He blessed you, blesses you non-stop. Love that child as His precious gift to YOU!!!! How special to look at him/her and know that! 
And I still love that cat. May not understand love like humans... but at least it is obedient to my love-- not anyone else's... I am not God. But at least it slightly shows a way we should be... obedient to one God-- Jesus Christ. Not walk next door to another master/or us to someone with another "god" as for what they have to offer "seems" better. Don't be fooled. Stay obedient--to the only God, Jesus Christ... that is simple. And grow on fire for all to see!!! He will shine thru you!!
I head into Mayo Hospital, Feb 1st--- the first part of my brain surgery (3rd one) that morning. I will shine for Him, in pain or not!! When pain eases- I will be posting!! Love you all so much-such gifts from Jesus!
Blessings--as simple as life really can be. Don't let things get out of control-- except your faith, hope and love for Jesus Christ!!
In His Love,
Heather Siebens @AliveinMe

Proverbs 16:32  Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.
1 Corinthians 13:13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Peter 1:14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance.
1 John 4:16 We know how much God loves us, and we put our trust in His love, and all who live in love-live in God, and God lives in them.



1/17/10

Excitement marvels me


Excitement!!
Who loves that feeling? When you first accept Christ into your life-He saves you! When you are about to get married. About to give birth to your child? Going on an awesome vacation. Been given promotion-or awesome new job. Driving in packed traffic on the freeways... (okay-that is just me who loves that!) When your dear other half comes home from a business trip. Your child's first day of school. Graduating from College. Excitement for others who accept Jesus. So much excitement-and more.
My excitement has been wrapped up, so often in brain surgery. First one was really exciting-suffering so badly-with a baby needing me to be a good mom. But wound up so turbulent with a tragic end to my marriage two months after the surgery-when my ex beat me.
More excitement came-when I was suffering thru all that- trying to find answers- overdosing- that I found Jesus!! THAT WAS THE MOST AMAZING EXCITEMENT EVER!!! As for He is the answer--that has always been there.
He blessed me with an awesome love-- my husband today-- Christian Siebens. Who walked with me thru everything, and still does. He went thru my overdosing days. He was right there for me during my second brain surgery--fearful as ever--as for his family never is ill. But God sure saw him thru! And he has just grown stronger with dealing with my illness-- even Tory-our child having epilepsy too.
Excitement of finally being able to marry him, with obedience thru our Lord-- October 6, 2007... AMEN!!
Jesus brought on awesome EXCITEMENT when after a tragic summer of our little Tory MIA for 8 days, with her then biological dad and his new wife, He blessed us with my ex giving me full custody-and Christian ability now to adopt. She knows him as dad-he is the one who raised her-always there. I was just very obedient not to slander my ex when he did attempt to try to come back into her life for a bit. And it just wasn't working-on his end-for Tory's seizures. God is so amazing.
And HE HAS BROUGHT AMAZING EXCITEMENT with my 3rd brain surgery. Scheduled FINALLY February 1st!! With my amazing neurologist at Mayo Hospital here in Phoenix. I have been so patient-had some rough spots. But I always know He has HIS TIMING--not ours. When I did snap--as we humans do in the end--He saw I was relying on Him--needing Him--hearing my cries. And after I texted my neurologist basically saying give up--He blessed me with a quick appointment to talk to him. Then made sure we were all ready to go, knowing risks--and he booked it while I was standing there, waiting for my bloodwork appointment to be booked. He works wonders on everyone's heart---
Does He on yours?
Open your heart--not your eyes and ears--your mind, heart and soul-- He will work thru you, if He does thru me!! 
You all are such blessings! I look forward to each tweet--until surgery, and some while there, and when I return!!
In His Grip,
Heather Siebens

Luke 19:6  Zacchaeus quickly climbed down and took Jesus to his house in great EXCITEMENT and joy.
John 20:29 Then Jesus told him, "You believe Me because you have seen Me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing Me."
Hebrews 7:7  And without question, the person who has the power to give a blessing is greater than the one who is blessed.

1/15/10

He Is ALWAYS HERE!!


God keeps working wonders--even thru all tragic circumstances. We have to see He isn't out to hurt us--we all will go thru trials and tribulations, at times-even more destructive. And we all have the right to step back, breathe, and ask Him why? Why all the hungry? Why third world--not progressing as we all want? Why earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, twisters, volcanos? Why do we have people who are molesters, rapists, robbers, murderers, and on and on.... 
Why do we get hit more and more my HUGE disasters-- why this whole disaster in Haiti? #Haiti All the innocent?
Why amazing souls who give their time--their job is for Jesus such as Matt- @mattchandler74 - brain tumor, resected- http://twitpic.com/y8kqr  -winds up cancerous... under treatment that is so tough. Why Kate McRae #katemcrae - 6 yr old daughter of Aaron Mcrae @aaronmcrae (pastor at my church @cschandler) and precious Holly McRae, huge tumor in difficult spot-resected best it could be first time-went thru all rounds TOUGH of radiation chemo-still there. Now off to LA Monday for 2nd opinion consultation.  http://www.prayforkate.com  Then Brian Bentley @bentleybrian  -amazing soul thru Jesus, father of Anna Grace- brand new born- who has suffered from numerous issues. http://baasheepbaa.blogspot.com/ His faith stands strong!
I know so many others. I know me. I know the doors He opens-and closes. We have to keep our eyes open--our faith strong-prayers going. We have to know God is our ALL IN ALL--in control, while we may seem out of control--His plans are laid out, and He will not change HIS PLANS. We may prolong things in our impatience--when we take our eyes off of Him. Take our road for a while. But no matter what, His plan will unfold-one way or another. 
Big I.E. -- I had non-stop tonic clonic (grand mal) seizures back in 2008 I was hospitalized for. Head of neurology from all 3 of the Mayo's was there-wanting to proceed with a third brain surgery-said it was perfect timing. My husband was very fearful, wrapped me up-took me home. I am one who is ready to fix it-fearless-when God opens these doors. But I respected and loved my husband-and didn't want to stomp on his choice, his feelings of love for me. Same time, 2009 comes around, have suffered throughout all the year prior of medication changes and normal Complex partial seizures--I was hospitalized for the one drug that controlled me for 6 months-but always brings me to deaths door. They checked me for cancer, MS, mono, etc. White blood count was low-and I could barely move. Once figured it was vitamin D, Iron-from medication I was on--was eating my liver--we had to change, haven't been seizure free since. Before I left was when my neurosurgeon re-talked about brain surgery #3. I was amazed-GOD RE-OPENED IT--WITH FAITH!! But He made sure-- for this whole past year, thru every seizure, medication issue, etc-that I remained faithful-still taking courage thru Him. 
We had that appointment to FINALLY talk about my if's and's but's with my neurologist this past Wednesday-we were all for it!! And the moment we were leaving-they had it scheduled!! February 1st!! 
They will do the deep brain stimulators. Go into surgery Feb 1st to have craniotomy-pull larger portion of bone off this time-to put more deep wires into my brain, close me up to watch the seizure activity areas--and have me do certain things like read, movement etc-to see-when they stimulate certain wires--would taking that out (as they turn it off-stimulating) make it impossible for something--areas that show I need--that are affected when stimulated-are marked, and cut around. They also plan to do an awake brain surgery, since it is my 3rd--where they have you in like a twilight- then awaken as long as they can while asking questions-- then put back into that twilight... God creates wonders... http://www.mayoclinic.org/awake-brain-surgery/brain-mapping.html 
There is so much out here. But I personally know--God is always here-and will not let us go. He wants all to see His face. He wants all to remain focused on Him. He wants us all to feel His love. He wants us all to LOVE HIM, for all He has done for us-and LOVES us all. There is trouble and chaos. But if He made things easy-- who would crack-- and search for Him, or turn back to Him, praise Him- knowing Jesus is our Lord and Savior? We'd all live a comfortable-no God needed life. This is how trials are a blessing...
I will always know-thru illness and grief. I am far from perfect. I cry and get cranky... but I also know- to be lifted from that is to be lifted by His word-- for I remain thirsty without it.
Be lifted by Him, so you can also lift others. Share His word to all. In all circumstances PRAISE HIM. He has His hands on Haiti -- and all there. He has His hands on YOU!
In His Love,
Heather Siebens  @AliveinMe

Psalm 116:6-7   The LORD protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and then He saved me. Now I can rest again, for the LORD has been good to me.
Matthew 5:18  "I assure you, until heaven and earth disappear, even the smallest detail of God's law will remain until its purpose is achieved."
Matthew 20:28   "For even I, the Son of Man, came here not to be served but to serve others, and to give my life as a ransom for many."
Matthew 25:13  "So stay awake and be prepared, because you do not know the day or hour of my return."
2 Peter 3:8-9  But you must not forget friends, that a day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord isn't really being slow about His promise to return, as some people think. NO, He is being patient for your sake. He does NOT want ANYONE to parish, so He is giving time for EVERYONE to repent.
Revelation 3:10  "Because you have obeyed my command to persevere, I will protect you from the great time of testing that will come upon the whole world to test those who belong to this world."




1/14/10

Found TRUE LOVE






How can I break this down.... I grew up knowing nothing. In a town-that if anyone knew anything about Jesus-they sure were quiet. Only time I ever heard a thing about this "Guy" (aside from His name in vane in my family) was that show Jesus of Nazareth. I was about seven...and clueless...but it sure drew tears. Kept living life...I was an epileptic my whole life. As a child I was a gymnast-a competitor...and in my heart...I would talk to "someone" just didn't know who. Had dreams-talking to "someone" about them...not sure who... My parents marriage got so rocky as they lived for money and their names to be high up in the town we lived in..President of this and that...that of coarse led to women wanting my dad for material reasons...and he folded. And with my dad cheating on my mom started a whole new relationship between her and I...I was basically her counselor. She and I were always close. But she needed someone to confide in...and she did it with me, the daughter of both the parents. Which I didn''t think hurt then...but sure affected me later. When I was 18-we had made our 4th move in last two yrs of my high school yrs. I was in New Bern, NC. I was insane there...was not the place for me. Some southern drawl I didn't understand...then people lectured me on this weird church stuff...not where I come from!! We don't have to do this church stuff-I'd tell em.....while I was there, I met my 1st husband-lengthier marriage by God-not by choice. We just jumped into marriage knowing each other 3mos. He was a marine. We wound up moving to California (probably half the reason I married him) But we had fuzzy feelings. Then when we got there in Cali-this is all 1996-he decided to press this Jesus stuff He had never spoken to me about-ever. At first I rejected it hard!!! Almost left him even...but then something tugged me. Half the reason was-everyone at my work, when I'd go to them asking them to back me up for me to leave him, couldn't-they were total Jesus Freaks! :) So on the side, I was learning from a friend a little...and started to go to my husbands church...but it wasn't but about a month into my attempt in my walking to learn more-that he cheated on me. After what I lived thru with my parents as a child...I had no forgiveness...nor did I have Jesus in my life yet-so didn't have it thru Him either...I was out of there...began 1 of my several move outs and to another state from him. We filed 3 times, 4th was our final in 2006. But God still has reasons for everything-during our breakups he showed me that I wasn't to be with other people-literally BIG signs of rolling my car three times, only breaking my marriage finger. Flat tires the night one was going to propose. Countless number of relationships-- searching to fill that void--somewhere around 15 in like an off an on 2 years. God sadly blesses me with an amazing memory-perhaps to know never to do all that again--turn TO HIM, now that I KNOW!! But He always is there...even when we aren't looking for Him. My husband then, and I tried one last time-after another big break up-to patch it up. He had feelings that I owed him-even though we both were so equal in hurting the other...finally got to a point his temper was just too much-and we discussed it-he said he couldn't handle being with me anymore and was seeing someone else...I was all okay...at least he told me...almost before. So we decided to go out-eat dinner-drink a bottle of wine (which was the first time I ever did with him) and talk about who gets what. We were laughing about it all in the end-back at our apartment...which lead to the married couple's last time....except even that night something felt and showed me-it was going to be more than that last night... Within 5 days I found out that was the night that got me pregnant. He was so angry-wanted to abort it. I-not into Jesus-still felt it was a gift from God. We somehow stuck it out. But my seizures got worse...and it thru his schooling off. He didn't have time to take care of me...and when I had our baby Tory-he couldn't take care of us both...so Tory and I went back to AZ where my family was-to find a good neurologist. There I was set to go thru my first brain surgery, and my husband had joined the Army so we could have the insurance for it. I made it thru that-no seizures!!! We had to move to TX, where he was stationed. 4 days after...he beat me with our baby asleep. Thank God for the Army...they kicked him out...took pics and records..I thought I was loosing my mind though...I was so lonely. I had nobody there. My family would not believe me-they can't deal with stress...so I had to pretend he lived there and we were happy and I wasn't abused. When with my neurologist I had to tell him what was going on to watch my seizures...and also this new problem that came in...overdosing with Phenobarbital-antiseizure med-to numb pain. I was so alone-listened to sad sad music, bawling with whatever amount of the pills and soda. Tears were uncountable. Finally...visiting a friend in Austin..we hit the ER 2 times...then they suggested I stay with them that night...but I said I felt soo much better-when I could in reality, barely say those words. I got into my car...blared my sad Matchbox twenty song "Hand me Down" stopped at a Jack in the Box for a BIG Dr. Pepper...then aggressively took off...on repeat..on the 35...bawling-saw the rest of the bottle of my pills...while crying about how hopeless life is..picked it up and slid every last one that wasn't in me already, in me...downing with that Dr. Pepper...dropping 7...that upset me...took little time to realize...that if I didn't see an ER or H sign asap I wouldn't be around...somehow God provided that...somehow...and ripped my car over all these curbs into it. Going thru my first stomach pump. My parents were called by the family friend that I had seen and jumped on the first flight to come get Tory and I...there was God's hands at work there.... They were upset..but so loving. It was from that point on it was battle time. I didn't have them as the mom and dad I could talk about the beating with...upset them too much. Couldn't talk about my new addiction when I'd get upset and stressed over this divorce-he left Tory and I with nothing. I couldn't hold a job with my addiction issues...I found my church one day-when I was blasted...God called to me with that purple sign that said Cornerstone. I knew that was the only way I'd find hope. I started going...every Sunday...but I swear he always spoke directly at me...convicted me of so much! God answered so many little and big prayers in that tiny walk...beginning of learning...but I was still in a battle...wound up overdosing in June of 2003-more battle on line with my ex who was in Iraq-(gift from God to separate us that far-even though that was tough) The docs tried to change my medication-I really wanted Phenobarb out of my life-took about 12 days..at home reading to my 2 yr old on my lap on the floor...HUGE grand mal seizure...threw up everywhere...was out for 3 hrs-bonked my head on the tile. When I woke my baby was still standing there-2 1/2 hrs past her bed time-bawling her eyes out-pointing at me-saying mama mama ...ugh!! talk about tears...I barely could talk... It took several more times after being put back on it...and one final time-in October of 2003-that I almost lost my life to...that Jesus saved me from death...heard tiny prayers...saw the little walk I was trying to walk...He needed to have me have more than a wake up call... HE SAVED ME FROM DEATH, on a major overdose. As I whispered His name, before I hit coma and they were pumping my stomach-HE SAVED ME BIG--more than 2nd chances. I lived to tell. And I am blessed. Just following is when the love of my life-Christian-was shocked and amazed...over that yr...I as this new Christian on fire for Jesus...got him who grew up with Christ...ON FIRE!! And we dated the way God wanted us to! As my divorce was still going thru...God had that take time...and I look and see why now...it took about 4 yrs for me to really forgive my ex for beating me. It hurt me so bad emotionally...caused so much anguish-with seizures and overdosing...but with that overdosing...I have to look back and thank Jesus for it all...for I found Him...and it led me to going thru a second brain surgery-that was amazing!!! Following Him...in prayer-the second one was almost painless...which was a SHOCK-cause it was so much more complicated than the first!! The day after I got out...I was at Bible study!! AMEN!!!! I didn't get out of the house the first one for about a month! With this walk came forgiveness...and when I felt God tug on me to do that....and I did forgive my ex for all he did to me-while also apologizing for what I also put him thru...God made me feel so awesome inside...like He gives you a new heart. And mine on fire for Him! Did it have aching times, yes. seizing a month after my second brain surgery hurt...but He has reasons for everything. I have been on a health struggle since 2000...and worsened since 2005. If I went down my list-you'd wonder how I still type! hahaha!! But the cool thing is...is that-no matter how many times I go to the hospital, and for what...He is there, holding me the whole time... I have numerous health issues if anyone ever wants to talk-I am open! We are so blessed. Even thru battles of trials, came blessings! My ex has surrendered rights to Tory-our kid, and given my husband ability thru that to adopt. He has raised her as her dad since she was two. And now, finally scheduled for my 3rd brain surgery to cure my Epilepsy...God has amazing reasons for everything...even when it is a battle with health. It somehow is a light-not only in my life, but in others too. I am able to share His awesome love and Word thru these struggles and how awesome He works thru them! Never would regret a moment of it... Blessings to you... 
Hetty Siebens @AliveinMe 



Jeremiah 17:15 Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.
2 Corinthians 12: 8-9 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. 
1 Peter 5: 6-7 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you. Give ALL your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you!


Come follow-read testimonies-share yours!

http://trialstotriumphs.blogspot.com/

1/13/10

God's amazing creations-HE REIGNS!


Thinking. Isn't it just an amazing gift from God? How to think- the brain... that is such an amazing construction made- God didn't go thru a drive thru quickly on that one. He truly delicately thought out how every part would control-our whole body. How it would control our moods, taste, vision, movement--mind you from opposite sides of our brains. There are two amazing halves-one that is dominant, usually is the left side-and usually makes you a right handed person (some other cases) The dominant side controls most needed language to speak,ahhh and memory- some short term and long term--which all of these can be different slightly--as for my memory is out of this world, and I hardly have a left side temporal hippocampus. Where that likes to be stored. Understanding written and spoken language. Number skills, reasoning. Right side has emotions, planning, artistic side-as a whole with music and insight of it. Therefore can have recall of music. Sight is in the back. Ability to move arms are usually on beginning of frontal lobes (back of) or might touch Parietal lobe with some. Reading comprehension is in Parietal lobe just above the temporal lobe--why some epileptics have slight reading disabilities. Really I could go on-- Sensory speech is in the back-that is different that motor speech-- sensing it. Just is all flabbergasting. All connected by the Corpus Callosum -disconnect that- it is a corpus callosotomy. The human brain usually weighs 3 pounds.. mine, having gone thru two brain surgeries already.. probably weighs about 2.50. And more to come out.
That is my excitement. Personally exciting for me. My appointment to talk about my MEG-and how they want to go about my 3rd brain surgery is tomorrow Wednesday 13th, at 2:00. About 6 1/2 hours from now. I have been waiting on this for some time now. All along... God brought me in a much deeper relationship with Him. Not able to drive. Not able to do much... physically. But Last January, when I was so sick-I reached deeper for HIM. And thru that-and everyone I am able to share His Word with-- pray for-- help understand The Why's?? I have just melted into His arms thru all these circumstances. And instead of being bitter-I can see all the Glory He places in my life-- and for me to do. And with that- I reach to others. In such similar situations I've been in-- and I hold out my arms thru His Word, and pray with them, and for them... that is what keeps me going. Jesus. He never lets any of us down. Even when it may seem dark-- remember- He knew everything about you before you were born-- ready to be here in tough times. Just have to turn those eyes, whether you can see or not-- upon HIM!! For He is there... and He touches our lives left and right when we let Him.
As for my MEG test-- that was to help also map out that I can still talk and use my right hand and legs-where my seizures show. It is amazing how they can cut around all of that. The stuff that is critical. God has created miracles--all over.
You are all blessing He created. I thank Him all for you!! Will update you all on a path they are talking about. Tomorrow--- 2:00 is my appt at Mayo Clinic-- with my amazing neurologist, Dr. Drazkowski.
Blessings!
Heather @AliveinMe
Psalm 9:1 I will thank You, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things You have done. I will be filled with joy, because of You, I will sing praises to Your name, O Most High.



Please Keep Kate McRae #katemcrae -beautiful daughter of 
@aaronmcrae and @HollyMcRae who is fighting brain cancer-had
brain surgery for it-all chemo, radiation-tumor still there. 
http://www.prayforkate.com
http://www.cschandler.com/dlgMediaPlayer.aspx?id=637


As well as amazing, humble Pastor @mattchandler74 and his dear 
wife @laurenchandler --Matt also had frontal lobectomy for brain 
tumor-it came back cancerous. Praying it is healed, honestly, before 
the ending of his radiation/chemo.
http://www.themchandlers.blogspot.com/
http://northway.thevillagechurch.net/


And dear @bentelybrian -his little Anna Grace-- 
http://baasheepbaa.blogspot.com/2010/01/anna-grace-january-12-update-3.html


New friend with a child also going on multiple brain surgeries for 
Epilepsy at the age of almost 8 now.. @ElyssaCichy - her son Elijah
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/elijah414

1/9/10

How Great is OUR GOD-Jesus Christ


Who has control of your life, ultimately? Is it always ALL YOU? What happened to the song.... He's got the WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS???? Meaning everyone of us-- He carefully planned out, knowing every hair on us-- everything about us-- planned out our life-- before we were born? We love to try to alternate things-- but Jesus has the final say. The Great hand in all. He allows the devil to throw temptation our way, to see how far we will go until we understand He is who we need!! He is who loves us!! And He will never let anything-- ANYTHING go beyond what He already knows what we can handle--or He then for sure intervenes if we haven't woken up to knowing He is our everything to run to!!
How much does it take you? When you are sick-- really ill-- with an illness that has you disabled, are you angry- or can you see the good still from it? Reasons you are able to use it for His Glory? When you are well, yet things aren't going the way YOU want them to-- are you angry at Him, or silent with Jesus... or do you see how He can be working something amazing, yet to come-- as you cling to Him. Are you withdrawn from everyone- because you have an addiction, and know they will hate you if you share that news-- asking for help... and stick to yourself, and your addiction instead. Feeling no one could love you.... Do you keep past past issues-- from childhood bottled up? Ones that perhaps Jesus was able to help use to bring you to Him-- but now you won't share them... and it hurts you inside-- instead of what He planned-- for you to share them during your healing, while helping others come to Him... which would help them in time heal from such chaos....
We all have such stuff in our lives. We all have had grief. He never plans that-- we have free will... and Satan loves to enter to pull us from Him. We have to stay strong--- live in His Word!!! Hold on TO HIM tight!! The Holy Spirit which is very alive thru Him will wrap around you-- and keep you from falling-- help you thru grieving times. Guide you on His plans laid out for you-- but you have to open your heart, mind, soul to HIM. And open your Bible. Knowing THAT is what you need--with a clear conscience and loving heart-- for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ--- He is the one who already knows our lives-- as our Pastor has said-- we may like to keep Him in the trunk of our cars-- til something small arises-- then we hear this knocking---we pop the trunk--- ugh, ok, Jesus, you can sit in the backseat... as we drive along to our music--a/c on us.... then something bigger happens-- need Him a bit more--- Jesus-- you can have the passenger.... as we keep going our way---but then BOOM!!! When we really need Him-- when we really wake up to WHO IS IN CONTROL OF OUR LIFE---- we kindly turn off the car-- hand HIM the keys--exchange seats-- and tell Him-- His car, His A/C --- his CD choice-- HIS CONTROL!!! Our lives our planned out BY HIM.... we trust HIM.... I don't need anyone else-- BUT HIM-- no legal papers-- as for I TRUST HIM!! He is the Alpha, the Omega-- Beginning and End--- and to Him, I trust Him alone!! And give Him all Glory, Honor and Praise!
AMEN!!
Trust Him...
In His Love,
Heather


Hebrews 10:35-36  Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised.
James 4:7 So humble yourselves before God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.
1 Peter 4:19 So if you are suffering according to God's will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself tot he God who made you, for He will never fail you.


1/8/10

The Why's God...




There is so much going on in everyone's life today. We all pretty much know the times are getting nearer... no one knows the date or time. But we can sure tell by drastic signs- that He will be back for His children- sooner than later.
Do we know that date? No. So do I sit back and just decide, hey, let's spend less on my third brain surgery... in case He comes hours after. He opened that door- along with the suffering for a reason. He actually opened that door twice- but my hubby slammed it shut the first time. My second brain surgery was enough for Him. But it opened quickly again. And I am one to take it. God has amazing reasons for everything. Perhaps it will bring someone to Christ during it all. Perhaps when I am well after- I will be able to finally get out more again and live for Him EVEN MORE-for others! We never know. I just go with it- with faith. As for He has worked wonders thru everything. Some we see now-- some we will see later and be astounded!
As for dear Kate Mcrae. That has really been weighing heavy on my heart. It has always been easy for me to take the tough stuff- probably because I am so grateful He brought me to Him, saved me-- even so clueless so late in life. But He loved me so much- as He does us all. And He does little Kate and her parents Aaron (pastor at my church) and Holly (amazing mom-on fire for Christ!) And with every update during the chemo- was hard- but I know suffering is hard for us all- and He won't give us more than we can handle. Then the news hit. After such amazing news of her blood counts finally rising overnight!! WOW!! We were so excited. Led to that crucial MRI-to see what all the rough chemo did. And that tumor is still there--that was an un-operable part-still there!! After all that tough stuff on such a precious little one. And everyone's hearts dropped... felt like they stopped. Here I am... selfishly excited for my third brain surgery- for something like epilepsy... and here is precious little Kate-- who had it-- as much as they could take out-- on top of radiation and chemo-- and that left over tumor is still there. What little -- just now six year old wants this? Sees the beauty in it all? In what she is really doing for so many?? She is one amazing spark-- always has been. And when one, who is ill, isn't full of that spark like before... it rips your heart out. This I know from my husband and daughter's point of view of me. We know all things will work all for His Glory-- but this is just so tough. And between her, and Matt Chandler- Pastor of an awesome church in Dallas @mattchandler74  --also had brain surgery-frontal lobe- for tumor. And it came back malignant-- now facing radiation and chemo thru February.... this makes me wish I could take these from these two. As for it is my 3rd brain surgery anyway... been thru it....
But I have to try to remind myself-- He has a reason for THEM too.... working thru THEM... just is so hard. When one like me, it is just epilepsy-- so I am so excited for my 3rd brain surgery. And these others are tumors-- finding out they were cancerous-- moving into more trials with it. Makes me feel selfish.
So I sit here-- praying big-- for both #katemcrae @aaronmcrae and @hollymcrae 's little girl, and @mattchandler74 -pastor in Dallas... praying their cancer WILL be healed by our AMAZING HEALER--- DEAR #JESUS!! Epilepsy, and all my surgeries have been a long road--- but I just have no room to complain. As for my tears go out to them.
Blessings to you all-- know I am here if you need prayer. He DOES work wonders- this I do know! And will with these two as well!!
In His Love,
Heather Siebens  @AliveinMe  @EpilepsyCures

Psalm 34:17-18 The LORD hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 91:14-15 The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on Me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them."

1/6/10

What is HIS good time vs ours?


How- even as close followers of Christ- do we not let HIS AMAZING timing- get in the way with how we decide to handle things-our timing? How long does it take- for us- with something BIG in our life- to sit and pray- read His Word- talk to Him- meditate with Him- pray BIG with others etc.... how long? And how big-really-does it have to be to finally get you at a point of some sort of quitting term. Not necessarily quitting Jesus- but just not following tighter, another way you could... take care of it "yourself."
I bring this one up because as MOST of you out there know, they have wanted to do brain surgery #3 on me for 2 years. But back in 2008, when I was having non-stop tonic clonic seizures, once they fixed that, my husband just couldn't go thru ANOTHER brain surgery. Even though it looked like Jesus opened the DOOR BIG for us. Head of neurology for all three Mayo Hospitals was there, once again, when I was in--and was ready to tackle it. But I respect my husband dearly--and we went home. Clearly, there is always a reason for everything.... we still are searching for that one!!  :)  But, many amazing things happened in between in our lives- perhaps would not have, had I gone thru with it then. HE knows.
This time around, I wound up in the hospital a year ago-- hardly able to move any limb. My white blood count dropped drastically. And was very anemic. Comes with the cards with the one and only anti-seizure medication that works for me. Then it finally eats at me BIG. That was when my neurosurgeon came in-- we had to talk about another plan- there are only two meds that work--and now I can't take either.
I finally went thru major testing they needed in November- my MEG-- shows them what I have left to take out (after two surgeries) and what areas they are concerned about- what do they control. I had that blissful test in November- before Thanksgiving in Birmingham-- and came back with H1N1 for a month.... then all the holidays continued. So hearing back still hadn't happened. Mind you... it took from February to November to get that MEG test. 3rd surgery patients aren't fun cases. Too much to look at- study- semi worry about what they may take out. But honestly, with all the seizures, and increase and add ons of medications thru 2009-- now up to eight medications... I was pretty darn patient. All glory TO JESUS!!!
But after that MEG-- then Christmas, New Years... today came. I have just been so sick. Not depressed. My meds make me sleep now -- need sleep for at least 14 hours... and that still isn't enough. So at my final wits end, I text my neurologist. It was 1:00 pm- just got up... couple hours go by-- couldn't handle it. I said "I say let's put less stress on Mayo and settle with Phenobarbital (my addictive-but one drug that works well) Less time on an unrewarding case. These meds have me in misery. ~Hetty Siebens
I heard from his secretary RIGHT after that message. My neurologist helped Jesus pull me out of the mudd-- back in 2003-- addicted to that medication after my ex beat me. And when we re-tried it 2 more times-- one time I was in control... other time my husband. Neither worked. Shows the amazing care Jesus placed me in-- as for His amazing care for me. That made me feel very selfish. 
As for:
1 Peter 4:19 So if you are suffering according to God's will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself to the God who made you, for He will never fail you.
Well, I kept doing that and doing that... and had a blow up.... and not that I don't trust HIM... I just took it into my OWN hands. He still made amazing things happen!!! As for I re-text with apologies!! 
1 Peter 5:6-7  So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you. GIVE ALL YOUR WORRIES AND CARES to GOD, for HE CARES about what happens to you!
1 Peter 5:8-9  Be careful! Watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour. Take a FIRM stand against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going thru the same kind of suffering you are.
Even though I am weak... it shows His amazing hand in use!! Shows what I can live thru- only thru HIM!! And I give Him all the glory!
2 Corinthians 4:10 Thru suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
He is the Way, the Truth, the Life...  He is why we are here-- has amazing plans-- we just have to try to kick back... even if it is a year-- to keep praying TO HIM! Either way-- He never lets us down! His love is so amazing, merciful, full of grace and endless comfort- we have to keep hanging onto that. His love never wavers! And that is amazing!!
Love you all!! I am thrilled that progress is moving forward-- have my neurologist appointment next Wednesday-- after all Mayo's from here in AZ, MN, and FL have their neurosurgeon conference about best way to enter my head- awake brain surgery, stimulation again, etc. I've been opened a total of four times- surgery twice- so plastic surgeon is already on hand to re-pad. I am thrilled and so grateful to Jesus for moving this. He is ONE AMAZING GOD! HIS GOOD TIME--- IS THE RIGHT TIME-- THE ONLY TIME!!!! 


In His Love,


Hetty @AliveinMe  @EpilepsyCures 


Psalm 103: 2-4  Praise the LORD, I tell myself, and never forget the good things He does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He ransoms me from my death and surrounds me with love and tender mercies.






1/4/10

Sidelines... or Jesus?


Do we kick back at the sidelines.... having popcorn and soda?  Do we kick back in our life's "sidelines" feeding off what we wish to hear? Or do we head out to the field-to someone's home- to a hospital- to the church- to SKYPE, twitter, facebook or other amazing communication sites- to reach out. Do we meet one at church, or their home, or have them over?? These are just a few amazing ways to get into the action Christ wants you in. Whether you are hiker, quarterback, wide-receiver, etc-- He has a place for you to reach out-to help others. To share His Word. To share your testimony thru how amazing He works thru your life- and as Elton John says "I'm still standing..." but it is thru Christ--and relying on His love and plan for you--trusting Him, reaching to other fellow brothers and sisters in Christ- to lift you up. And He will get you thru today. When He decides tomorrow will come-- tomorrow will be even more amazing-- as you grip Him and His Word-and fellow followers, who have been there- and know a lot of what you feel- yet also know His amazing love, mercy and grace- that will pull you up- and set forth His plans, as you keep trusting Jesus. Walking tightly. The sidelines are great- to watch other lives being lived-- that perhaps one day you may want to try to attempt. Don't let time fly by. Get in NOW!! He wants you full force!!! Helmets on for Christ!! Prepared to build your life for Him-- thru Him-- all about Him!! Not sit back and watch it go by till next season. NOW IS THE TIME! Pick up your Bible-- read it!! Soak it up-- pray before you open it. If little me, less brain, ever understood it-- YOU CAN!! And if you ever need help-- I am here-- and if I can't-- I know amazing tweets that are brilliant!! But get into His Word-- fighting the good fight--- ALL FOR HIS GLORY!!! We don't let the devil take ahold of us-- we put on armor!! We battle with amazing words-- His Word!! FAITH, SALVATION, SPIRIT!!! It is all about Him... football may truly be fun-- but if given this choice--sidelines of #Jesus or in the game- offensive for our Savior-- which would you chose? I'd chose any battle on the grass for #Jesus.... AMEN!!
Blessings to you all--pray you have been enjoying the football season--remember who we are really here for--to spread the Word about-- get in the game and shout His name--HE IS THE KING OF GLORY!! #Jesus !!


In His Dear Love,


Heather


Ephesians 6:16-17  In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

1/3/10

From Milk-to Solids




Hebrews 5:12-14 You have been Christians for a long time now, and you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things a beginner must learn about the Scriptures. You are like babies who drink only milk and cannot eat solid food. And a person who is living on milk isn't very far along in the Christian life and doesn't know much about doing what it right. Solid food is for those who are mature, who have trained themselves to recognize the difference between right and wrong and then do what is right.


Had you read this to me seven years ago-I would have stared at you, perhaps even with an evil look with the word food in it. I very much dislike food. And Hebrews I had not rolled into in the beginning of my walk with Christ! I was still at the bottle-BIG TIME. And in the beginning of your walk- that is okay. I will say, with all I had on my plate- I jumped BIG into His Word, than a lot of invites to churches do--as for it was life and death.
I was at the bookstore the other day, picking up a couple Christian based books... as I was searching, I began to over-hear this LOUD discussion between two ladies about what books they just don't want, and why. They just don't "feel the same fire as their family" and so on.... and on... (you know women--- help!!!) It just continued. Toward a crack of silence- I had to break into the conversation- let them know which was one of my favorite first books to read-- and where I read it-literally saved by Jesus' love and grace-from death. I was already a believer- but Greg Laurie's book Why Believe gives a simple low down when you are first beginning as well-- and I read it while in the hospital- just barely saved from death- about a quarter mile down the street at Mayo Hospital. Where life for me did a total turn-around... and not for me-- FOR HIM. It was a quaint, brief talk we had-- but it was enough, at the book store to perhaps get those ladies to start on the milk-- maybe one day soon- surpass me and be on stages speaking His Word-- who knows!?? He does!! But every tiny bit we say to others-- isn't tiny when it is all ABOUT HIM-- it is BIG! And can inflict someone's life for the good--FOREVER!! That is one simple example. And many more will keep coming-as your love keeps flowing-and you keep learning more-each day. 
When I first began to follow Christ, it wasn't me with the loud mouth-- all for His Glory! It was my precious young two year old then. She would face to face with any nationality, race, gender, size -- let them know-- "did you know, Jesus died on the Cross for you?" My heart just melted- and I knew there was more to come-- for me-- ME to share His Word!! I had always had a LOUD mouth-- but I wanted to use it for what He gave it to me for--- HIM!! And that is what I do today.
Never fear what one will say back, or about you when you leave. It is the seed. And that seed planted may take moments, days, weeks- OR YEARS as it did with me-- but you help plant it!! And Jesus smiles SO BIG-Hugs you tight!! Saying "thank you, my son/daughter-I am so proud!"
I love you all so dearly!! Go out and share His amazing Word!! It is such a blessing to feel!!


In His Precious Love,


Heather


1 Timothy 4:8  Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important, for it promises a reward in both this life and the next.


1 Timothy 4:16  Keep a close watch on yourself and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right, and God will save you and those who hear you.



1/1/10

New Year-Same AMAZING GOD!



This may be an awesome New Year's Day-- an awesome New Year to come-- but it is thru our same Awesome God- Jesus Christ. He knows already what is to come-- and amazing plans in our lives-- thru any down points-- remember to hold tight to Him- as for He is the one that always has the "Best that is yet to come!!"
So we can watch balls drop, or fireworks, or sparklers-- but He is the amazing LIGHT that shines bright ALL THE TIME- throughout every NEW YEAR. So keeping your eye on the real Light-- Firework-- that has awesome love, mercy, grace, and plans for each moment, day, week, month, year you have to come-- will give your year-- every "New Year" an amazing spark-- no-BLAST OF LIGHT-- showing you reasons He has you here for. Plans He has thru every moment of time in your life thru Him-- we just have to focus on Him, not ourselves, or selfish material things. Material things can be fun, and there isn't any wrong in liking them, but know that isn't our reason for being here. We all have an amazing purpose thru Him-and He more than guides you, when you allow Him to. Just have to call on Him-- with all your heart-- He very much answers! And you will see what His plans are. How He works in just amazing ways thru faith in Him. He is a New Year, a Christmas Gift-- everything good, every day! He does all good for you-- keep seeking that. And when trouble does hit-- hang on to HIM-- He has more amazing good to come-- when you trust and love Him. That makes every "New Year" a more amazing year-- each year--- TRUST AND LOVE FOR JESUS!
I wish you all a very Happy New Year... as you Trust, obey, love Jesus throughout all of 2010-- and all to come!!! As I will trust HIM BIG-- as they saw open my head again, 3rd time, and cut out more brain this year. He has always been amazing thru it ALL!!! And we will praise Him- as we do already- when my husband's adoption for Tory goes thru. AMEN!!
We love you dearly!


Happy New Jesus Focus Year-- for me, my family, you all of us!!


In HIS LOVE,
Heather  @AliveinMe

Psalm 115:1 Not to us, O LORD, but to YOU goes all the glory for Your unfailing love and faithfulness.