The funny part is, this is FAR from all my medical records.
We won't go thru Childhood-we'd need a truck then. Not that childhood was packed-but it would sure add onto how much I had in adulthood. This is only half of what I've endured at Mayo-need to get the rest still. And Mayo Clinic is only starting the 2nd year my seizures were out of control-so it is missing several doctors prior-and crazy stays.
I used to look at this pile, now mind you it was HALF this size... and think "this mountain God is too big, and I really don't think You are into this "helping me and carrying me" bit that all say You are into..." ... really.... that was how I began to feel. But I knew He was there. There was never a day I didn't shut my eyes and feel, hear or see something-whether BIG or small-from HIM letting ME KNOW--HE IS THERE. He is REAL. And He is on the climb with me---He is saddled up with me--behind me, with the TIGHT GRIP so I WON'T FALL... as I TRUST HIM. And that was all I needed, no matter what else others had to say.
Didn't matter my marriage fell apart anymore... as for I knew what He had in store, whether somehow if He really had me ready for forgiving quick was in His plan.. quick in my Christ-growing heart- it WOULD happen. And I knew if we'd be bitter human's, as it did take place-for years to come, with me FINDING HIM, GROWING CLOSE TO HIM, trying to understand it all--that would and DID happen. But so much more happened in His timing too!! And I am ever so grateful. I am marveled by His plans, every day, for everyone!!
We go thru such tough stuff. But before we know Him... there is no clear answer, no hope, no feeling it will ever end. Just a lot of bitterness... and no idea of where even to say the "why me's to!!" Where when you know, love and follow Jesus... you will feel His love thru it all... even when times get tough.... yes perhaps you will wonder "hey, Jesus, where did you go?? Are you on vacation???" But He isn't... He has His eyes, hands, and heart on you... with His wide open plans rolling--just waiting for you to reach that next bar in the race-to hand you the ribbon for that part of the race won.. but onto the "continue-never ending race" here on earth for Him.... and with that... take the baton... and run with pride!!! Knowing His plans will continue... and the bar may be lifted-- but He will help you over, each lap you keep running!! And He always has a ribbon for you!! Even if you don't make it by yourself over the bar!! You are perfect as you try all-and live life thru and for Him. Race.. well run!!!! Always when you are running with and to Him!!
We all deal with trials, tragedy, and the every day sin... but as we grow closer to Christ... we handle trials better, get thru the tragedies and are able to mourn with and to Christ, and sin less... and by our conscience that we have--our hearts feel that we broke Jesus' and repent. And that is the best feeling of all. When before, we'd keep on going, and feel numb-and that is an awful feeling. He is our amazing Creator-our Father, and loves us thru everything-unconditionally... and I am one who tries more and more to be like Him-but also know the fact He is the only perfect one. But He loves me so much-and that is just amazing.
So thru every hard moment... from adultery to wife beating to floor sleeping while a single mom in a one bedroom apartment I could barely afford... to overdosing almost taking my life... to seizures out of control... to multiple brain surgeries... and now even my daughter who has epilepsy, that breaks my heart... to the amazing hubby today who is adopting my kiddo he has raised, to forgiving my ex and asking for it as well, to conquering addiction, seizure free from 3rd brain surgery, and kiddos seizures are controlled and minor... all this and more from our GREAT AND AMAZING LORD---JESUS CHRIST... whom I thank and praise every day for His patience, love, and nudges to find Him!
And He loves you all so much too. No matter how extreme things feel. I know many who had hit the ground--and today are back into a normal home, happy, and made it thru--all because the whole time the stuck it thru with Jesus. I know many who have or have other halves that have lost their jobs, not for months, or a year... but almost a decade. One is my own father. The other is a precious friend from twitter@JesusSister http://eveningstaraglow.blogspot.com/2010/05/punched-in-gut.html -- one that amazed me as for I had no idea on detail. But look at her faith-her truth. He is smiling.
My other dear friend from Facebook Jennifer Gilmond Alger is one dear gift that I was able to speak with and hear about her trials in life. It is amazing how people are touched, amazed and moved from another's trials... yet the person THEY are amazed with are amazed at theirs!! It is the whole God knows the areas, even when we think it is too much... He knows WHAT areas He can have us grow strength in our walk or finding Him in. And He knows which ones would fold us too. And that is why each of us are amazed by other's stories- they aren't our "area" of molding "can" handle pushing in... they are the "snap" areas.. therefore others are amazing thru Him to us. So Jen, if you see this.. you are SO AMAZING TO ME to get thru it all with such stride with Him girl!! KNOW THAT!
My other precious Facebook friend is Ernie Feasy. He is just full of awesome faith in Christ... love for all thru Him... one uplifting soul thru all of my 3rd brain surgery and recovery--all the while preparing, and just went thru His wife Jen having her brain tapped into to repair a breach in the membrane between the sinus and brain and also patch and fuse all leaks found. Complicated and second time in 10 years. But she has strong faith, awesome husband, and amazing God. Ernie... you are one dear soul to hang tough thru all of us brain girls! God bless you!!!! Hug Jen for me!
I love you all!! You all are gifts from God. And He has plans rolling out for you all!!!!
As for my stack of medical records... one day I am writing a cool book-with credit to God!
In His Precious Love,
Heather Siebens @AliveinMe
Romans 1:12 I'm eager to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours. In this way, each of us will be a blessing to the other.
Haven't you been thru tough times when you think you will never make it thru it? Whether it is in work, health, family issues, marriage complications, temptations that you can't break, loved ones lost, and so on and so on. This isn't just tough times you go thru. It is actually an amazing mountain Jesus has set in your life-for you to trust Him as your guider, keep following Him in His direction as you pray about it. Keep trusting Him even when rocks do fall beneath you, and it sets you back several feet again. As for getting thru this amazing mountain WILL happen, it is in Christ's perfect timing-His plan.
Have any of you done indoor rock climbing before? I absolutely love it. I usually rip up the wall in seconds quicker than my own hubby. Just has always been a gift. But when my body and muscles get tired, it has its fallbacks. Which is why when we are climbing The Mountain thru Christ ... we may get tired too. We may get worn and broken. We may feel there are just no more answers to come. That is the moment we have to breathe deep, refocus, open our hearts and minds and Bibles as we pray. That way again we can see His next turn and plan awaiting me...you. Then with that refreshment thru Him-again we start that climb to the next part of His plan.
And that part is so amazing!! Seeing all the more parts of plan He does have--and has had since before we were born. We just have to learn to trust and seek Him... so we can have them unfold more and more. As we climb that mountain and taste the fact He has answered prayers already-and has you now, full of His love therefore full of faith-knowing what He has in store up this Mountain is good and well worth every issue you encountered getting there so far--it will be worth it every struggle to come!!
I have been there-with a big struggle of ups and downs and add ons as well to a decade of my health plummeting. Thru it I learned to run to find Him, to grasp Him, to trust Him, when weak-to call and reach to Him, to love Him, to let Him love you, and to learn He has these amazing plans-thru this what seems endless and unfixable-He has planned all differently, for HIS GLORY THRU YOU! And that is a big TRUE!!! Was a decade of uncontrollable epilepsy enhanced by pregnancy-and today (May 12th) my 3 month anniversary of my 3rd brain surgery this year. I am now-after of decade of all medications tried, retried, and tried again, 1 than 2nd brain surgery--still having seizures. The mountain began to seem higher. But I knew better-and kept climbing, all the spots they may have seemed I'd never make it. And now, I am here... on top of the Mountain--smiling filled up with His Grace, Mercy and Love... thrilled to say.. no matter how long it takes to get up that mountain--it is never as hard as it could be-if you didn't allow Christ to guide you, carry you ever at times. He is excited to see us climbing, with faith!!
Are you today? Don't take a moment... make sure if you feel negative on you situation, your climb-you reach to Him, on whatever part of that mountain you are on... pray... see what He has in store. He will guide you!
God bless you all!!
Blogged by Heather
I love to give love. Now, don't worry, I absolutely LOVE to receive it too. But it is just an amazing feeling to make someones day bright-showing them how much you care-love them. Take someone in your life forever, and show them your love forever, no matter what. Bring life into this world and show the little creature how to love, and show them love. No matter what. To have been brought up by people who loved you always, thru everything, and showed you thru all years. To see a stranger in tears, yet comfort them with God's love-showing them love still does exist. There is so much love out here. But the point is-what is the true love? Who invented-brought it into this world?
Wasn't me...nor my parents, even though they taught me a lot. Truly where love came from for all of us to learn, live, endure, teach-is our Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ. God brought Him here to share it, to show it, to live it, to want it, to die for us for it, to rise from the dead for it---for us to hopefully get the point. HE LOVES US ETERNALLY-UNCONDITIONALLY---NO MATTER WHAT. Now, that is the key factor with Christ's love, in comparison to any human being--UNCONDITIONAL, FOREVER!! None of us can do that, as much as our hearts try. It is amazing and awesome that we do try... but we sure have to focus on HIM, walk more LIKE HIM, read HIS WORD, live like HIM...in order to be any closer to living that way!!
No matter what-we will fail. But with those key factors above, it can get closer to being close to Him, rather than being far from Him... which is what I'd rather be. I've lived that life of hate-and at that, comfortable, daily hate. And I don't want to go back to that again. I look back and just wonder how I was ever like that, yet change so drastically. That is all the Holy Spirit working thru me while searching for and finding and praising Jesus. I am forever grateful. It was perfect timing....for the finding of my husband today, and the raising of my little girl-she was at such a young age up loving Jesus. He knows what is needed, at what time!!
And love is amazing. So all the love songs out there that say that-are true. It is worth every tear to find it, and share it. So when you have it, celebrate it. And celebrate it with Jesus-for He has a meaning for your love!!
I love you all!!! Don't let anyone knock your love down. Talk to God about it-have Him bless it.
Blessings to you all...
In His Love,
1 Corinthians 13:13 There are three things that will endure-faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love.
Colossians 3:14 And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us together in perfect harmony.