God is more interested in your future and your relationships than you are. ~Billy Graham
I never knew Jesus had all these "plans" for me... as for I never knew about Jesus until I was 19... never accepted Him until I was on deaths door at 26. But it doesn't matter to me what it takes, as long as we get to Him. All is worth it. Sometimes we just have some really drastic stories about our pokes and taps from Him, trying to get our attention.. to love Him back.
Sad part, but also a blessing... is that we can have loved ones-the ones whom we are blessed with, run after us trying to get our attention. They can be so much more drastic and obvious-in our face-more so than God. It can actually be annoying for some, but also is a blessing He created us to be like-so we aren't so dumb-founded on human to human love. He created this amazing other half for me-but how would I know, if one of us wasn't a mouthy one, open, like me? And one wasn't so sweet, loving, complete giver who showered with love, sweet little gifts to show love, even from afar-like my husband Christian. It is sort of like the obvious need, physically, no matter what God said, about the apple. Adam and Eve said a big "Uh uh!! This is our way, we don't hear You out there...." And took what they physically saw-and were drawn to. We now have them to thank for our fashionable clothing....
But without our human gift of open, obvious, face to face love-life would sure be different. He blessed us with the ability to share our love with others, in a way we love to praise Him-express our love to Him thru worship. We can't yet physically touch Him, but He gives us that desire and need with people here--thru love He teaches. And I personally praise Him for that. Love is amazing. And you can't just get it anywhere. You have to start with your heart---filled with His love--so you can really share amazing love with others. And that was the amazing click of my husband and I today.
We were first dating when I was searching for Jesus. But everything was "reformed" when I had finally hit rock bottom. He had seen me at my lowest of lows. He had seen me unable to awaken from bottles of Phenobarbital overdosed, to numb my pain of my last marriage-ex who beat me. I was trying to get thru that myself. When I was finding out slowly-it wasn't for ME to get ME thru. It was for Jesus to get me thru. To give all my worries and cares to Him. His plans will unfold, and comfort will surround me. And as I was learning this--my heart was awakened. And love for all was alive!!! My boyfriend then, husband today, took a new route with me---an amazing route... The Jesus Christ--BEST FRIEND route. And that was when our love for each other just bloomed like no tomorrow-even here in Phoenix, AZ!!! :) We were living for and thru HIM... not just each other!! Now that is love!
Was amazing to watch Him work thru our living and learning more about Him, together, and each other thru Him. That is what kept us always in love, no matter what. No matter what money issue, which hospital stay, or illness add on. Love thru Christ is amazing. Is an amazing plan HE HAS FOR YOU... we just have to open our hearts up thru Him, to help it happen sooner than later.
Love is more than it ever sounds. Truly a direct gift from Jesus. Easier to love those you see. But when you really get to know Him, and have had amazing love in your life---you understand who it is to love ALWAYS the most, FOREVER. As for He is just going to keep multiplying your love! Here, and there!
Love you all!!
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 Be on guard. Stand true to what you believe. Be courageous. Be strong. And everything you do must be done with love.
Talking about mistakes. Not just rude selfish mistakes, that in reality it takes two. I've had those many times too. But literally, mistakes that are deep within us-"known better," but we continue to act upon them, over and over... and all can blame whomever, or the Devil, or a tough life- but in darn reality everything, every choice is still in our hands. Free will is still our control-and we can choose to follow what is in God's line... or what is in our selfish desire.
Today, seven years ago I was sure struggling to find out who Jesus was. This was my first big hospitalization in 2003 at Mayo Hospital for my overdosing issue. It was my "answer" my "numbing pain" following my ex husband beating me October 6, 2002. I was hospitalized twice in TX for it in 2002. My neurologist, who has been with me for all my brain surgeries was guiding me, even from AZ when I was in TX back in 2002. Then I came back, and he had to deal with me face to face. But that was a gift from Jesus. As for he was actual art for the whole year of my overdosing struggles. He always saw the light in me, ready to come out and burn one day-soon. It was just taking me--my time, His time, and some help from others.
I had been searching for Jesus, dealing with ex issues, reality of what occurred, new boyfriend (husband today), raising my toddler on my own, trying to pop pills to numb pain-and hold a job.... this all was not happening. I could not hold everything together and find this whole new Heather. The one I had no idea about. One that would love Jesus. Family. Life. People. Struggles to reach out to others, wellness for excitement for family.... so much to come... and more.
But I had my first break-down June 18, 2003. My parents dropped me off up at my Mayo Hospital-my neurologist was there. My level was almost three times the level it should be, and I was not cognitive-alert. So I wasn't able to answer all the ER's questions. But my medical records are down the line of suicidal attempt, or euphoric distraction. Either way, I was the one who knew what was in the bottle-no matter what occurred to "cause" me to feel like I needed to escape or end-it was my choice, no one poured it down my throat.
I was there for two long nights. Not too much I can remember, other than my poor psychiatrist really trying to put his foot down to having me admitted to a psychiatric hospital for more long-term. And I threw a fit. Part of it was the loud, aggressive mood you get from the Phenobarbital high--dropping. Then also there was the mom in me who was roaring in an aggressive, unkind divorce-and I was not leaving my child, whom I was TRYING to raise right, with anyone who holds a fist in the air to any other human flesh. (granted, ex was in Iraq) So, we all went back and forth-and social services even stepped in-my neurologist held onto faith, and backed me up with many close appointments to see him.
My doctors did not see eye to eye-but my neurologist sure saw me hanging tight-heard my life stories, and compares to so much in personal life lived-and that is when you know God placed you somewhere exactly where He wanted you. As for I was learning more about Jesus-my Lord and Savior, and my neurologist sure supported that, but he also was this mini-training-god until I realized who was, and Who worked thru who, and why. And the beauty, when I found Christ showed even more thru every step my doc took me, thru His plans-even more, every month, every year.
It is amazing what hard times can bring. Even when they were brought on yourself-He can turn all into such beauty-His time, and teaching. We just sure have to live, learn, trust, and hold tight.... as for He held me tight the whole way-as He does you.
I thank Him for everyone who held on thru all of this. My family, my little girl, my husband-Christian .... so many-I am here. All from His glory-His plans. Our choices are just lame- all but ONE-following His whispers-His plans-Him!
In His Love,
John 14:12 "The Truth is, anyone who believes in Me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works because I am going to be with the Father."
Six months have flown by... and not from just tons of giggles.... not just from my birthday... not just from Christmas, and shortly after-an amazing brain surgery, 3rd one for me. But one that was a bit lonely... as for I no longer had my friend to visit when healed, with updates.
No, I tried to visit 2 days after my birthday (he always remembered it) , and he had passed away nine hours prior-as I stood there gift in hand. It was a harsh unusual week of mourning, I was finally able to let my dear friend - Jason Mitchener's - death both heal thru my heart, and learn to praise HIM that Jason was no longer suffering-he was with amazing family and friends-his dad-most of all, Jesus, whom saved him, and held him strong thru so much. Jason was not any friend. He was a bright, guiding light for Christ-for all whom he spoke to, in such an elegant way. And I am ever grateful to Jesus for not having just met him on twitter-but being awakened by his words for Christ-that had me up visiting him over a year and a half ago --every two to every week.
Every visit was another chapter. Another chapter we'd start. Another chapter he'd begin from his life, and I'd share from mine... and between the two of us it formed our own chapter each visit. How many times we'd laugh, how many times we'd cry. How many times one set the other straight. How many times another lifted the other up. We were each other's backbone's brace-wouldn't let it crack, and thru Christ and faith in HIM --we would NOT be paralyzed, ill, epileptic.... we'd be free from all that. Together, we'd be well for the night as we spoke about dreams, happiness, joy, faith, friendships. Then... I, after usually about 8-10 hours, I'd have to get ready to go... we'd start the heartfelt hugs and thankfulness for each other. But then it would turn to my precious Jason pouring his heart out even more. Wondering what life "could" have been like if..... What life "should've" been like...
And Jason hated these thoughts. I hate it when I get that way. But I understood every tear, every question, any issue he ever had for a second, hour, day, etc.... as for his life was tough. I will re-link his testimony he typed for me, 2 months prior his passing. But he would never be gone too long. He'd get "down"... but we'd find him. We'd get him back out of that snap the best we could-then know Jesus had the rest in His hands. As for Jason didn't need much push, pull or challenge-his faith was the type that should be an example to many. Any one struggling-should be able to look at all his writing, music, life stories and be amazed at God's hands!! I am amazed I was able to see it all, face to face!!!
He had so many stories to share. And I will cherish every one of them. I cherish being his friend, always. I can't wait till I do see him eye to eye, and we CAN dance to the music that we love!! That will be amazing!
Jason's eyes were also like lightening... I was never the same once I met my precious friend Jason.... he showed me his amazing life that Jesus brought him thru his amazing Glory--and Jason shared that-thru my presence, my friendship, my kindness, love and care. And he always had that for everyone, and I am ever so grateful! He yearned for Him... and very much got Him-right in from of HIM-face to face!
So watch out Jason... my family and I will see you one day soon... and we can't wait to hug you, dance, talk, and PRAISE JESUS!! Love you always my precious friend!
Praying for all whom are related... his family-- Greg, my heart always goes out to you my friend... Jamie... we sure hung onto it all together.... and all at North Mountain Medical and Rehabilitation Center... many I still know-who took great care of him. Blessings prayers to all!
In His Love,
Just Passing Through (page 42)
"God isn't the type of poet who throws His unfinished poems in the trash. He loves us too much to do that. His Son's blood is the ink He uses to write each line. Such ink is too precious to waste.
When we look at our flaws and consider giving up, we need to remind ourselves that God isn't finished with us yet!
Jason Mitchener's Testimony on my site from back in October 2009... http://trialstotriumphs.blogspot.com/2009/10/jason-mitchener-humble-gift-from-god.html
Again, I am.
But I have come back to reality, that I AM NOT alone. And there are so many people that I know, meet, and don't know that suffer similarities, if not almost exact issues that I have woken up to how to feel for all. Not one suffering is worse than another. Cause once you complain about the one you are going thru as the worst one... or don't acknowledge well of the struggles of others to the extent that they should be... than you just may be woken up with actually feeling their pain, living thru it. I have just recently gone thru another, yes another issue that is just beyond my understanding, control, comfort.
So, after my anger, bitterness, confusion, utter pain and strife... I turned back to Jesus... for His help, as for I couldn't do it alone. If I was asked by God " Heather, would you rather go back to the epilepsy you had prior the cure for it after your 3rd brain surgery, or deal with this pain you are in-" I would have gone back to epilepsy in an instant. I knew how to handle it. I still had a "more functional" day. But I was not functional. My bones hurt so bad, and still hurt bad, that before any medication, I couldn't walk from room to room without screaming. Now I can get to another room without destruction. I can get thru a "daring" day-and pay for it the next.
But all of this has woken me to what else is out there. How all others really do suffer-it is SO REAL. It isn't just "another diagnosis" for doctors. I see the people who have something similar-and can feel it. Reach out. In addition to all I have fought/and or have as well. Wakes me up to how much is out there that I do not realize holds people back-when it helps lift them up for you to reach out and feel with them-comfort them-know their pain. In weird ways you can see the blessing from the struggles... while you do pray it dissipates.
Challenges were always something I had a gift at. But sometimes you feel like "I get them all"... "When will they end".... "I already conquered enough, isn't this the end?"
When in fact... it never "ends." There is always a "challenge." Just have to hang on, learn what we can, bust thru them with faith-see where His Glory will take you thru it all. Never alone... in fact, you are very much crowded with love.. you just have to open your heart, mind, soul to seek and accept it all that surrounds you.
Has been a real challenge for me. This wasn't my "usual" challenge. This was such a wake up call-so different and painful, that I was reminded that He IS in control-and will continue to have you seek His love and guidance, as you trust Him. We just can't forget that. And I sure can't seem to, that is for sure.
I stood up against my "challenge..." and did more against my challenge... I went to the families "Bumpy Road..." and fought my bones and muscles- and took my mind off of my pain, and placed it on family and love God has for me in the beauty of everything around us.
Blessings to you all--when faced with a challenge, know it will be comforted, touched, healed by our dear Lord and Savior-Jesus Christ thru every step of the way.
In His Love,
Hebrews 3:14 For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ.
I have hit a low pointer... when I actually bawl in front of my family. And that is so hard for me to do. But I have been trying to make it the best I can on each day of pain.. but each day I am living... and living for Him. I know He is watching over me... still has plans-even thru all of this utter pain and distress... and sadly, with one medication that was helping some of the pain-was causing some awful jamais vu. (nothing at all looked familiar-not even myself)
Pain is ferocious ..and the medication that I take daily that is actually for anti-seizures-also known for neuropathic pain-etc... I have such excruciating pain in my feet, legs, arms, wrists... and therefore very hard to function all over-doing any little thing.
But it is my goal to feel better. I have an amazing family that gives me love and support. And an amazing brother that totally feels my pain for me... and is here for me for every appointment... listening to my complaints-while noticing every ounce of pain I am in, even before I say a word. That is a cool big bro- @troyjensen with a heart.
I just got multiple phone calls from Mayo today-now that my amazing neurologist is back from business trip. He stayed in touch the whole time during this huge medical crash that surprised us both. Now I have multiple appointments, bloodwork, and tests to come again to figure out what is happening. That is an answer from God there. I pray He sends them quicker answers than it took for seizure control---a decade. Yet I also hope that 3rd brain surgery has nothing to do with the break down of my body.
Blessings to you all--thank you for all your prayers in 3rd brain surgery.. and as well as this.. Jesus does work wonders... amazing family friends, and awesome big brother on the scene-- thank you Troy Jensen!
In His Love,
1 Samuel 16:7.5 "People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at a person's thought's and intentions."