7/25/14

Least You Could Do....

Me and Amanda


"The Least You Can Do"
Phil Collins....
altered one word... to friend.... 

I was lying awake last night, waiting for your call
But if the rumours are true, that won't bother you at all
I'm trying hard to understand
What it takes to be your friend
Now I don't have to wonder anymore

Least you can do is say you're sorry
Least you can do is give me back my heart
Just give me back my heart

Seems living in hope was wrong those years I was away
Thinking your letters, I never received, had gone astray
You said you'd always be there for me
Like a fool I thought you'd be
Now I don't know what I was thinking at all

But the least you can do is say you're sorry girl
Least you can do is give me back my heart
I won't come around no more
You won't find me standing outside your door
Least you can do is tell me why, tell me why

The least you can do is say you're sorry girl
Least you can do is give me back my heart
I won't come around no more
You won't find me standing outside your door
But the least you can do is tell me why

I won't be your fool anymore
There's no need to be cruel anymore …no, no
Least you can do is say you're sorry girl
The least you can do is give me back my heart ….just give me back my heart

7/21/14

Wealth of Love


Love: I Will Not Backdown! 

I can't let you slip right through my hands
No, my love, don't try and run
See in my eyes, you and I are one

Every step you take, I'll be a second behind
Every move you make, I'll be the thorn in your side
And know you can't fight this now
I will not back down

I'm the sky, the stars, the moon, the setting sun
I'm the feeling inside you when you're coming undone
You know you can't fight this now
I will not back down, oh, will not back down
By Alex Band

Beautiful lyrics, as Alex Band always has whether solo or in a band. His voice in a band will take a huge percentage of all attention. It is a very one in a million amazing voice!

The love my husband gives me is something amazing that takes my full attention. Is always on my mind. Is one soul, in every way, he shows me his affection and love. His care, especially with all the medical stuff I go thru which in turn puts my family thru. He tries to make everything as easy as possible for me to get thru it all-as we keep seeking to find answers and cures. Christian keeps our family aligned and alive, and to him I am ever so grateful!

My daughter- a very special gift from God. One that was going to learn quickly and deeply about Jesus as I started to go to church when she was two. She soaked that up and shared all she knew with everyone she'd be with. "Did you know that Jesus died on the Cross for you?" It was beautiful... yet I hadn't accepted Him yet, so I was a bit mortified!! She has breezed thru all my illnesses and medical complications knowing God has a major purpose for me-one big one is being her mommy! And I am so grateful she views that. And is thrilled to tell kids what my brain has gone thru! My amazing girl just keeps growing-now has her own horses. Responsibility. Awesome child of God. Blessed Christian and I forever.

Then showing up here in Phoenix for some intense doctor appointments. I never knew I'd be staying with my parents THIS long. This stay has been so relaxing, filled with joy and love and memories. My mom always has hugs... it almost feels like going back to being a child. It has been an amazing time-going to get lunch together, update lives. I am ever so grateful for my mom and dad... and the love they show and share. I am more than blessed- I am wealthy with their love! That is how it feels! Like if you have a million dollars... same thing here but with their love. I'd take this over the money any day. One day one of us won't be here-and that money won't come with us to Heaven, nor will anything we purchased with it- but in time, our loved ones will who know our dear Lord and Savior- our Creator and Messiah... Jesus Christ. 

He has very much blessed me with this trip. Not just being in a lot less pain. But overflowing with love. Love of family. Not objects. Love is so the most important gift-it will go to Heaven with you. Has been the best stay down here in Phoenix in so long. And I credit the fact that I am with my parents. Mom's and Dad's fill little spots in the heart that become thirsty over time...time of not seeing them or communicating. When it is like before...it feels like the heart grows 3 times bigger!!! 

So dealing with all the pain I had to deal with up north- I am grateful to God- as for it gave me the reason to visit and stay with my mom and dad. Otherwise things would have just stayed more distant again. And that is so hard. The pain has calmed except for my bad rotator cuff I've had since 2006. I need to have that looked at. So, we will see what future holds! 

So much love to all of you! Blessed I am to have you in my life!

In His Love,

Heather

Deuteronomy 6:5 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.

1 Kings 10:9 Praise the Lord your God, who delights in you and has placed you on the throne of Israel. Because of the Lord’s eternal love for Israel, he has made you king so you can rule with justice and righteousness.”

1 Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

Job 10:12 You gave me life and showed me your unfailing love. My life was preserved by your care.

Psalm 25:7 Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord.

Psalm 33:22 Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.


7/3/14

Increase of Wrong Medication

Mine: Phenobarbital

For the life of me 
I can not remember 
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me
I can not believe we'd ever die 
For these sins
We were merely freshmen

My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
His girl took a week's worth of valium and slept
And now he's guilt-stricken, sobbin'
With his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he said

Can't be held responsible
She was touchin' her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

This song used to be just so "cool" to me back in 1997- in Orange County, CA. I was so young-19. Naive. Yet the song stuck with me for years. I loved it for it's beat and coolness back then, but when things got tough and seizures worsened...when the seizures worsened, changed, and after 1st brain surgery even more so-I was addicted to music. In a way I could read in my life what they were saying. May have even been kicked more in action to read, understand lyrics after my ex husband beat me. Made it an amazing gift thru all the tough stuff. 
I later went thru having listened and read music so much come before my 2nd brain surgery that if I had auras they were huge-and usually seizures. Usually had to turn off the music I loved. Gratefully following my 2nd brain surgery, that went away- and even my 3rd-it is such a very  very rarity. Blessed I am there. I can look back at this song and see it had part of my future in it. Perhaps that is why I was led to it and loved it. Same as a couple addictive movies "When a Man Loves a Woman", "28 Days", "Girl, interrupted" .... But after I went thru my huge addiction in 2003, I questioned why ever did I turn to this song, these movies-and many more of them.....? All I know is God always has plans for us- even if He knows He has to go around barrels, He will to get us to where He is desiring us to be.
So was this past weekend His goal for me? No. Does He allow temptation -? Yes.... He knows His power-your heart, and how the two can come back to trust all over again and extreme love placing you on the path HE WANTS-HAS PLANNED and DESIRED... and in comparison, I bet you are-or if you compare my life styles, I bet you are happy I chose again His path, His Way. Letting go of the extra Primidone so I don't get extreme depression and the Phenobarbital doesn't fly up where higher than a kite. If I am on the 2/ 250mg's I am ok-those for seizures. We upped it March by additional 250 to rid of my tremors. I would rather shake than risk my life. Life is too good. Too short.
It was an amazing stay at the Mayo Psychiatric Hospital. Doctor was very confused why I was there, guessing because I don't take psych meds. But this place is unlike all other psych hospitals out there. They care. They work for your life. They lift. They treat everyone like a "normal" soul who just went thru a lot and teach in an uplifting way how to cope. So, if you ever need it, that is where to go. Amazing souls there.
Amazing when that medication begins to come out of me, I am back happy me. And I am very blessed to have such blessed friends- Scotty, Amanda, Libby, and Joseph. God's gift's to me. And my family is a gift I can never explain nor give an amount for-worth too much in my life to lose.
So oddly, off the high dose I can giggle at my history of the part of the song I placed above by The Verve Pipe. I honestly could post hundreds of songs that mean so much to me in tough times and amazing times. So to God I am very grateful I no longer get seizures with music. If you do, look into medication, then if not, brain surgery. 
The only tough part of all of this was how it would make me hit the floor -that was when I called Libby cause my poor hubby sleeps so deep he had no idea. She put him in action.. and I am still here to tell. 
See my neurologist in 20 days-we'll see what come of my medication. I'd like all the primidone gone. But even after 3 brain surgeries my seizures are complicated- we'll see, I pray.
Remember WE ALL GO THRU SO MUCH, SOMETHING BIG-and we need Jesus for it. Both nothing is worse than another one's issues, just God knows our push points-and that is ok, and amazing! Most of the time we can't trade issues with others-He knows what ones to allow in our life to help strengthen our faith. And He doesn't make mistakes!
Bless you all!!!!

James 4:7
Humble yourselves before God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.  Draw close to God and God will draw close to you.