Brain Pain

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This simple, last procedure turned out to be much more of a nightmare than planned. We knew I had to be in Phoenix roughly 10 days for the staples... but since it has been opened and shut now 7 times, it takes it much longer to heal-I had a two week staple run. It was AGONY! God bless my in laws for housing me and taking me places. But I will say, the house was very very warm-which made it very tough for my incision to heal. It would just swell up when the heat got to it. And pound like no tomorrow. I didn't think my head pain would allow me to tomorrow. All of this agony and it was just taking screws out-not brain this time. Which meant we didn't even crack and remove my skull piece. But it felt the worst of all of them-granted, I just don't have enough skin left for another -barely did for this one.
The swelling has finally begun to go down... so it doesn't feel as oddly shaped as before. With this procedure the neurosurgeon cut the front flap open laying it forward over my eyes-dug out all 4 of my screws and plates (one was still there from 2005) had to cut muscle to reach all of these areas-that is the painful part. But very kind neuro, placed it back nicely and evenly as possible he said  :)
It was pain I didn't expect-and wow was I ever very very cranky from the pain. The moment it would hit me-my mouth would just go. My poor hubby, well for the time he was there. Ah, and then there is the aftermath. The day your wife just doesn't want to get out of bed. Not from pain or illness. Just upset. Will turn to tears when he turns away. Depression kicked in. Every surgery this happens-usually for a month or so, usually due to coming off pain meds and still having some pain. And playing with the noggin can't be blissful for the brain always. I know all the ways to fight depression-have lectured so many on it... but when you are in that rut yourself, it is up to you to take care of it. Living where we live-I reached for a months refill on Prozac for now-unless I snap out of this bit of darkness. I have too much good to let it rule over me.... this surgery was a tough time-taking so long. It took over Thanksgiving, my birthday, and is cramming my Christmas... I think that has a lot to do with my blues. But tomorrow is another day... we will see what that day has in store!

Thru all the pain... and much larger scar (wider) I do feel what I did was very logical... as for I haven't been hit down in ultimate misery from the screws feeling like they were going to explode from my head. So blessed I am indeed. Just was a very rough road!!! One I won't be on ever again!!!! AMEN!

Blessings to you all for such amazing support, prayers, love etc.... I am alive and me and so much better all because of YOU!!! Bless your hearts!!!

In His Grip,


Deuteronomy 6:5
And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.

1 John 4:9
God showed how much HE LOVED US by sending HIS ONLY SON into the world so that we might have eternal life thru Him. This is REAL LOVE. It is not that we LOVED GOD, but that HE LOVED US and sent HIS SON as a sacrifice to take away OUR SINS

Very Thankful from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.