12/30/09

Our Hope




Where do you go when you are at your ropes end?
When you are about to go into surgery?
When you've been told you have cancer-may not be operable?
When you suffer from illness day in and day out?
When your money is more than tight?
When your job is on the line?
When you don't have a job-and doesn't look like one is coming soon?
When your marriage is falling apart?
When you lose a dear loved one?
When your children are out of control?
When you've been physically or mentally abused?
Where do you go?


Well-- when I didn't know Jesus-I first turned to the only thing I learned that numbed pain-- my prescription Phenobarbital. Only reason I knew that--was when I was pregnant-- the neurologist in Alabama kept upping my dose-- over toxic level to stop seizures. Major withdrawals. So-- after my first brain surgery, in 2002, 2 months after-my now ex beat me--and I turned to that. Then after long time of trying to understand why-- I found this church-- with a purple sign (my color) and I decided that it had to be the only other way to figure out how to get out of this mess. Mess of a broken marriage, with a beautiful baby... no support... epileptic.. raising on my own... now with addictive issues for my first time ever.
That purple sign led me to finding Jesus (thank you Jesus!!)--yes, while still struggling with overdosing, money issues, emotional issues, broken marriage, having out of control seizures, losing every job I tried to take-- due to being overdosed and confused. But I thank God all of this harsh stuff happened--as for I found Jesus thru it all-- so I know where to go.
As for my medical issues didn't stop there--- they just continued-- and my daughter also diagnosed with epilepsy, crushed me. But then I saw how amazingly He used it with me--and I gave it all back to Jesus. Everything is in His time, His plan, His Will... we just have to hold on tight-knowing how much He loves us thru it all-and watch all the amazing plans HE DOES HAVE-UNFOLD. That I can say so easily---as for He has overly blessed me.
Perhaps I could simply turn and go to a private neurologist--tell them what I say I take-- go from there... go back to Phenobarbital. The medication that is amazing with no drastic side effects, and complete control of my seizures. But then I have to deal again with the consequences of will I live or die-- higher risk even... due to overdose on a bad day than 3rd brain surgery. It just became one addictive drug for me. We tried two times after... both failed. I don't want to risk another.
We all have these trials-- these mountains-- these moments of time-- where God reaches out His hand-- and He is right there for us.... waiting for us to reach back in trust. No matter what we are going thru. Nothing is ever too much for Him to handle. Too much for Him to comfort. Too much for Him to guide you thru. He is our GOD! Who is strong and mighty--- Jesus died for us--- I think we can give the trust He is more than willing to HELP US TOO!!! Or that was a waste of His life!!
So never think twice about why Jesus is there-- call upon Him!! He hears you!! I was calling big-- lost my dear friend @jasonmitchener the day after my birthday... and now a dear friend @MajorDodson just lost his precious wife Faye at the precious age of 60. We never know fully the reasons-- the plans-- until we all get to see each other in Heaven... but we do know... He has amazing reasons. And more amazing plans in store-- as we trust Him!! This I sure learned!! One amazing God!! AMEN!!
God bless you all!!! Pray you all are well--- please let me know if I can pray for you.... seems the end of this year has been tough for many. But glorious when we see His picture!!!

In His Love,

Hetty @AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures



Please visit http://www.twitter.com/worldprayr

Lamentations 3: 22-24
The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance;therefore, I will hope in Him!"

12/27/09

Thankful for LOVE


1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the Truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


WOW!!! Love is amazing... it is amazing when we first feel it. It is amazing when we have it in tough times... it is awesome when we have it in great times. But man-- do we always recognize it? Respect it? The whole way we should...
I am first-- well since I am typing this to say, no. I do my best-- on most days to love as much as I can-- but then recognize how much more I really still can, no matter how I am feeling. I am very blessed today-- first off-- having found Jesus back in hard times in 2003-- so I could learn what TRUE LOVE really is. He blessed me thru that with an amazing husband to marry-- who is one that is so close to loving as close to being like Christ-- amazes me. Not for greedy reasons. Jesus blessed me with that in time-- to learn how to love thru Christ-- and learn how to love--- hand and hand. Therefore I could also be a better mom... learning more to love.. each day and every day-- hand and hand-- thru Christ. He brought this family together-- thru HIS LOVE. And that, I am so amazed at.
Before I found Him... before my husband today... before my daughter entered my life... I was part very loving-- but not as much from the heart-now that I look back. I was very unselfish... I was a big giver. But I also had this snappy selfish side. And when someone said something that was out of line-- I was quite the defender-- one who can sit in a debate for hours and days-- until the other collapses. And that I learned--- even though my family always looked at that as a "Jensen" gift-- was not a gift at all. Jesus wants us to be humble. Wants us to give-- even to those who mock us. Love our enemies. We can talk humbly to others who are falling off their walk-- but we aren't Christ to judge-- we are His children to share His Truth. And if they hear-- they get back on the saddle. If they don't--- He takes care of what we planted. But--- we aren't to judge-- we aren't to rip and tear--- we aren't to ASSUME--- we aren't to sit and argue. We are to LOVE-- and with Love share His LOVE. And even if that takes setting boundaries, so your love doesn't get inflicted with someone-- then set up boundaries. With someone who is living a very dark life-- but you love them dearly-- you can attempt several ways of help-- but you otherwise are not in control. Other than to LOVE, and set up boundaries... so you do not wind up hating.... or disliking. Just waiting for them to come back--- with love like you also have.
I am blessed. I have love on both sides of my family. I have an amazing daughter. I am blessed truly by Jesus to have this amazing husband--- who is a gift from HIM. All of you-- friends from Heaven.... Most of all, I have Christ in my life. And that is the most amazing LOVE ever--- UNCONDITIONAL. Thru His love-- I have learned to love all--- thru everything. Even my ex who beat me. Hate is not part of vocabulary-- may have strife-- but He shares His Love-- His Light-- and I soak that up--- when focused on our True Love-- Jesus Christ.
Here is this years amazing Love letter my husband wrote to me....
Heather~
At Christmas time I think of all the gifts...
That bring me great delight and sweet surprise,
But nothing in this world can bring such joy
As you do, when I look at you in your eyes.
When I contemplate what Christmas really means,
The caring and the giving-I must confess,
You've given me the things I want the most:
Your love, your touch, your kiss, your warm caress,
The Christmas tree we decorated reminds me,
That just the thought of you sets me aglow;
You light me up from deep within my heart,
Because I cherish and LOVE you so.
With you it's Christmas ALL THE TIME
I treasure every hour and every minute.
Your love is all I'll ever want because,
My life is so fulfilling with you in it.
Jesus gave us these three little words--I LOVE YOU
I really, truly do. These words should be used by us throughout the seasons...
Now and all year through
I thank Jesus He loved me enough to give me time on this earth with you
and I promise to be your loving gift just as you are mine too.
Merry Christmas 2009
(My Hubby Christian @flyingchristian )


When Jesus saved me and brought me to Him-- I will sit here and say-- that is when I really began to truly learn to love-- everyone-- unconditionally-- non-judgmental. I am far from perfect... but I am so grateful for all that brought me here. It makes Christmas true CHRISTmas... loving everyone who is there thru HIS LOVE!! Love you all so much...
In His Love,


Heather @AliveinMe




12/25/09

Christmas Past--CHRISTmas present






Christmas Past and CHRISTmas present. Why is one partially capitalized? What are the differences of your Christmas now-compared to your Christmas as a child? 
Sure, as adults we could say presents are fewer-and they sure aren't toys. Some can even say they don't do presents-focused on kids only. Others can say they are ALL ABOUT THE GIFTS ever MORE-- perhaps didn't get much as a kid. Then there is the decoration. Oh I LOVE TO DECORATE!!! WOAH!!!! However, it could be just the opposite of my mother. She was so not for it. I remember her having her scotch-laughing in her PJ's--to Christmas music we ever listened to-- rudolph and such.... and throwing on lights, garland, and bulbs-- and whatever ornaments we made as young kids in class-or her best friend made her. Just wasn't my mom's thing. Then there is me. I have a tradition to always purchase 3 ornaments that pertain to each of us, from Hallmark. And about 18 or so from Pier One that are sentimental-- and mean something. Each year tree just has to grow!! I love that part... but it still is not my favorite part.

He is the ironic part... I had zero clue what Christmas was about-- all my childhood. I just knew for the years of belief in Santa-- we needed to be tucked in bed. Which was simple on my medication. But I didn't fear Santa not leaving anything like my brother... he really feared the "Santa Watch" they had on TV when we were in Scottsdale, AZ... and it tells you when to get into bed--- when it said it was time-- he just freaked-- falling into tears-- fearing Santa would come out of the TV and see he was awake-- leaving him nothing. That wasn't me. I was very laid back. 

But then years went by-- my dad grew higher in wealth-- and we grew older as kids-- so it became just a selfish day. A day of getting. Getting for what? None of us had a clue what the day was even for. We were spoiled with amazing gifts-- yet not the TRUE GIFT....

I didn't, as you know hear about Jesus until I was 19-- which I didn't take to Him then-- took hard times-- and that is another gift I am grateful for. Because beginning at the age of 27 I began to truly celebrate Christmas in pure joy-- then-- with no money-- but completely rich with the Ultimate Gift-- Jesus Christ. Jesus, born-- in such a tragic set up. Not the platinum reward Marriott upgrade. Born- to a virgin mother-- chosen to bring the AMAZING MESSIAH into this world-- TO SAVE US-- no decor in that stable the Inn Keeper allowed them to go to... as for The Inn had No Rooms... he just didn't sound like today he would get a good comment card....

Now I worked at the Marriott's in California for years... we always found ways on sold out nights to squeeze emergencies in. Platinum or not-- had this been today at the desk if I still worked there-- I would have found a room. As for I squeezed in who is now a dear friend back in 1998 in Newport Beach, CA--on a very "sold out" night-- and he is who introduced me to my husband today, in 2002. 

As for what is Christmas to me... it is CHRISTmas. It isn't about the gifts we give or receive-- it isn't about the decor-- it isn't about food (for sure!!) it isn't about how many pictures taken-- it isn't about pleasing all-- it isn't about what relative says about you, or what one wears--- it is ALL ABOUT CHRIST. His birth-- WOW!! As for had that not happened--- I would be one doomed soul!! I am so grateful God sent His one and only Son--into this world-- in such an amazing way!! He is the TRUE GIFT--- ALL WE NEED. He tried to tell so many the Truth-- so many denied face to face. It takes Him dying on the Cross-- and rising-- for some to wake up... I am so grateful I WOKE UP...I pray for so many.... including all my family roots--- we see many tomorrow night-- pray He shines thru us!!

God bless you all!!!

Very Merry Christmas--- thru our AMAZING SAVIOR's Grace-

Heather  @AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures


John 3:16 
For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.

12/22/09

My Dear friend Jason Mitchener's Funeral Today



You all will think I am some bottle of health knowledge for others--as I have suffered. That is so not the case. Jesus just must have known I couldn't have taken losing close friends or family I knew well--until I KNEW HIM. And even knowing Him... it is so hard when you first find out. When you find out in a drastic way-- knowing he had been suffering some more prior, but he always pulled thru. Then was back on the computer talking to all... and setting up his new amazing website (in addition to what he has!!)


I always wondered how I would handle it. The death of a very close and dear friend. And I thank Jesus He made sure I would cry-- as for I am always a fighter of it. But that sure helped cleanse my mourning-- to bring me up to today. His funeral. I know more tears will run-- but not like if I had held it all back. So-- today will be a day of joy for Him -- as he is with our Savior for His birthday-- Jesus Christ. And A day I still know tears will build-- as for I sure do miss him. But he is one amazing soul in so many ways-- strong when very ill... as for I swear he hung on for my birthday here-- made it!!! Passed late the next day--and now is up in Heaven for Jesus'!! He just always has a heart for everyone else FIRST!!


I shared his story at my epilepsy support group-- and called to let Terry Graham know too-- as for I know he hasn't been very active on twitter. So more heart and love are with him today!!! And I thank you all for your support and love!!! And Gorgon Renfrow-- you are one amazing supporter-- and I thank you for all those amazing words!!!! As for I know Jason is thrilled with your support!!


I love you all and thank all of you for your love for Jason!!! He more than loves you back BIG from the heights of Heaven-- with Jesus right there WITH HIM!! WOW!! Up there he is singing the songs he wrote!!! Never held back by his ventilator!!!! AMEN!!


Blessings and Love to you all!!


Heather Siebens


Psalm 103:20-22 Praise the LORD, you angels of His, you mighty creatures who carry out His plans, listening for each of His commands. Yes, praise the LORD, you armies of angels who serve Him and DO HIS WILL! Praise the LORD, everything He has created, everywhere in His Kingdom. As for me--I, too, will praise the LORD.


12/18/09

My Dear Friend Jason Mitchener is HOME!




It is so hard to sit here and type those words for the title- but now I am trying to deal with reality- that he and I would talk about each time I went up to see him. We would sit there for 8-10 hours and talk about everything in life-- and he had one amazing life.

He was so humble. So true. So caring. So loving. And when he saw anything he felt needed correction-- stood up for his belief thru Christ!! And that was how we first met in January this past year- when I first started twitter. He simply saw my tweet- and it said something to the matter- when I was suffering pretty bad with my illnesses- I typed-- it just will be amazing when Jesus comes to get me!!! And he came back with-- something like -- No-- I want to live as long as I can-- no matter how stricken I am-- it is all for His glory--to bring more to Home to Him. ---- That woke me up again... and we built an amazing friendship--- and I am one to quickly ask him which facility is he at.... and bout a week later I was there with McDonald's he ordered- as I asked what I could bring. Each time I went up- I always brought him outside meals-- so it was "close" to getting outside. For a while-- he gave up Diet Coke for God-- any soda-- and I would bring him tea always--and he used that fake sugar!!! It was so amazing-- from day one-- such a humble, kind amazing soul... just kindly asked if it would bother me if I fed Him??? Didn't Jesus wash the disciples feet??? Jesus Christ-- our Lord and Savior-- humbled way below the fact HE IS GOD-- to wash THEIR FEET.... We are talking this amazing soul-- who always walked in Jesus' path-- once he found him... just in the nick of time-of his major suffering to come.... OF COURSE I COULD FEED JASON... or anyone. He would me any day of the week if he could--- he already had done so much for me...

We both shared amazing family life stories.... we both have the part where you live and learn-- and the part you just always love so much. That is family. And it is always a blessing to live and learn-- no matter how we do it-- as long as we get the LEARN part in.

I would be up there for hours--- his art was amazing---his music he wrote--his stories by his father--- I now have his book, tape, and art-- in my home--always--that I purchased face to face!! Stored up there in these amazing stacked boxes- all over-in the bathroom-he always knew where to send me!!! I bought for myself-- and also for others. I always knew where everything was located in that packed 8x12 half room shared. We'd talk from around 5-2:30 am...

The last talk was a tough one-- was right before I had to head out for Alabama-- for my MEG test--for my brain surgery to come. And right before I was leaving he was just in tears about life... and I stayed longer---we talked about how we WILL make it better... when I get back from my MEG-- we will make signs-- and certain schedules-for the nurses-when not in any trauma. And the fact he could only sleep on his left side-which stared at his cupboard--we were going to put up a sign-- uplifting words thru Christ. I came back from the MEG test I had done in Alabama-- and came down bad with H1N1 for a month. So I couldn't visit....

I was going to go up a week ago-- but was told by a family member- he wished I would not-- but if my gut said something else thru Jesus-- to proceed... I didn't want to step on family toes. So I waited.... My birthday was the 15th... I swear God had given me this weird feeling all week up thru THAT NIGHT of my birthday to go up-- but I waited-- didn't want to leave my husband on my birthday. Then it led to me heading up there day and a half after---as I said-- missed early post by his brother on his FB site-- as for I was getting ready for my doctor appt for my vertigo issue. Then went shopping for his Christmas gift-- doctors-- hit the freeways..............................

And I miss him so much. He is so loved by so many. SO MANY!! And those who met him--supported him-- Mike-- if you somehow catch this--THANK YOU-- you were one amazing soul for him!!! And dear Paul-- YOU know he is with Jesus--WOW! Jamie Lynn--- you will always be loved... As well as Third Day-- Bebo Norman-- His precious family--- I thank God for your amazing son/brother/nephew/grandson etc--you all had a major role--and I thank you--- and everyone!! He just amazed me, touched my heart, moved me, inspired me, and still does!!!!

He had amazing plans that God saw thru-- all this year he has had this van needed work-- to start-- tires, oil--etc--- got it finally going with help of many on twitter!! And his mom was able to insure him on her car insurance-- and he'd just get one trained or take a respiratory therapist with him-- to drive him to churches so he could speak- giving his testimony that touches the heart of so many!! Let's others know God will see you thru-- use ALL FOR HIS GLORY!! And just as all this came together-- was when he got sick and Jesus saw he accomplished all he had planned....wow.

Jason-- as you know-- I have been bawling-- and that is weird for me-- as you also know--- so you are truly loved and amazing--full of grace and mercy like Jesus.... know my husband's heart goes out-- and my precious daughter was bawling when I finally got home--- she loved you so much!!! We all always will-- as you keep your fire going--ALIVE up there with Jesus!!! If you can-- when I bawl-- just touch my shoulder-- tell me it's all ok..... maybe it will calm....

Will be amazing to see you there!! Dancing!!! Love you always my dear friend... keep dancing til I am there too!! We all will dance together with Jesus and Third Day!

In my Arms tight thru Christ,

Heather

@AliveinMe

http://www.facebook.com/aliveinme
http://www.jasonmitchener.com
http://www.causes.com/ventaz
http://www.christianmemorials.com/tributes/jason-mitchener/

video

12/11/09

The Way He Works




Jesus works wonders-- is really how He works. He works in HIS timing. His Way. His Plan. For His Glory. We just have to re-understand that--and re-thank Him each time we go thru some sort of trial or hard time. He is not punishing us. He will never allow anything we can't handle--to enter our lives, even when we think it is past the limit-it is far from it. He has us in the palm of His hands.

Thru every step of illness I have gone thru--I can thank Him for having me turn to Him in time--before it all would hit. There are many parts of illness that have struck-- many times in the hospital that haven't been fun. The main one of course is my Epilepsy. And we are gearing up for my 3rd brain surgery. I am excited--and have faith He will heal me thru it. Each time He has worked wonders. He has a reason for everything. We just have to trust Him--the way He works is trust, love, obedience, faith. Whether we see Him or not---we trust Him. We all should hear from Him one way or another-- or we aren't quite praying or talking to Him right-- in His time-- He will always respond to you!! To me-- to us all. But we have to open up our hearts... we don't have to have amazing brains... it is the heart He is looking to grab. And if you open yours up... soften it... He will be able to WORK RIGHT THRU YOU!!

This I also know too well. I lived thru the hard heart life for many years. You all may know I am a blip-aholic. I love mostly my Christian music today-- as for it wakens my soul! But I also love to Blip the music of my past-- the days I was so confused and fighting against Him. Presented with all this "stuff" about Him at 19... then was hurt... emotionally, and biblical (even though then I could care less about the biblical part). It was adultery. And I wasn't going to live that out again--against me. So instead--- I would brake up with my now ex-- and go find another "to be." And if I counted how many relationships I went thru in a short span--you'd be like--- this is the same Hetty? But it was so before Jesus. Now I look back and just flabbergasts me! We are all sinners--fall short of His Glory--- but wow--when I did accept Him- it took me sometime to forgive myself. Granted-- this is the same person who beat me. So, that is where we both were wretched. But--that is where I look back at the music we'd listen to-- and see-- WOW this was where our marriage was going.

And today--knowing Jesus--following Him tight--thru every trial--illness--grief--issue....I know He has plans--love--and such love for me. And has given so much of it already!! Starting with Him dying on the cross for my sins!! WOW!!! Then blessing me with an amazing husband today---and beautiful child I can't even explain to you!!! And allowing my husband to adopt her---He just keeps on working thru us---and I am so grateful!! As for HE IS MY GOD---and He blesses ME!! WOW!!

I am one who wishes to give back--I always try--I hope the little I do do--is a beginning...and will amount to more and more as I get better thru surgery--- and following!!! ALL FOR HIM!!

Love you all-- and thank you for your friendship thru Him!! Sorry I have been MIA for a month--- H1N1 was NO FUN-- But HE SAW ME THRU-- and all with the help of your prayers!! God bless you all!!

In His Grip,

Heather Siebens

@AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures

Proverbs 16:20
Whoever gives thought to the Word will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.