Love is amazing

God is more interested in your future and your relationships than you are. ~Billy Graham 


I never knew Jesus had all these "plans" for me... as for I never knew about Jesus until I was 19... never accepted Him until I was on deaths door at 26. But it doesn't matter to me what it takes, as long as we get to Him. All is worth it. Sometimes we just have some really drastic stories about our pokes and taps from Him, trying to get our attention.. to love Him back.


Sad part, but also a blessing... is that we can have loved ones-the ones whom we are blessed with, run after us trying to get our attention. They can be so much more drastic and obvious-in our face-more so than God. It can actually be annoying for some, but also is a blessing He created us to be like-so we aren't so dumb-founded on human to human love. He created this amazing other half for me-but how would I know, if one of us wasn't a mouthy one, open, like me? And one wasn't so sweet, loving, complete giver who showered with love, sweet little gifts to show love, even from afar-like my husband Christian. It is sort of like the obvious need, physically, no matter what God said, about the apple. Adam and Eve said a big "Uh uh!! This is our way, we don't hear You out there...." And took what they physically saw-and were drawn to. We now have them to thank for our fashionable clothing....


But without our human gift of open, obvious, face to face love-life would sure be different. He blessed us with the ability to share our love with others, in a way we love to praise Him-express our love to Him thru worship. We can't yet physically touch Him, but He gives us that desire and need with people here--thru love He teaches. And I personally praise Him for that. Love is amazing. And you can't just get it anywhere. You have to start with your heart---filled with His love--so you can really share amazing love with others. And that was the amazing click of my husband and I today.


We were first dating when I was searching for Jesus. But everything was "reformed" when I had finally hit rock bottom. He had seen me at my lowest of lows. He had seen me unable to awaken from bottles of Phenobarbital overdosed, to numb my pain of my last marriage-ex who beat me. I was trying to get thru that myself. When I was finding out slowly-it wasn't for ME to get ME thru. It was for Jesus to get me thru. To give all my worries and cares to Him. His plans will unfold, and comfort will surround me. And as I was learning this--my heart was awakened. And love for all was alive!!! My boyfriend then, husband today, took a new route with me---an amazing route... The Jesus Christ--BEST FRIEND route. And that was when our love for each other just bloomed like no tomorrow-even here in Phoenix, AZ!!!  :) We were living for and thru HIM... not just each other!! Now that is love!


Was amazing to watch Him work thru our living and learning more about Him, together, and each other thru Him. That is what kept us always in love, no matter what. No matter what money issue, which hospital stay, or illness add on. Love thru Christ is amazing. Is an amazing plan HE HAS FOR YOU... we just have to open our hearts up thru Him, to help it happen sooner than later.


Love is more than it ever sounds. Truly a direct gift from Jesus. Easier to love those you see. But when you really get to know Him, and have had amazing love in your life---you understand who it is to love ALWAYS the most, FOREVER. As for He is just going to keep multiplying your love! Here, and there!


Love you all!!


Blessings!
Heather


1 Corinthians 16:13-14  Be on guard. Stand true to what you believe. Be courageous. Be strong. And everything you do must be done with love.

Held Tight

Talking about mistakes. Not just rude selfish mistakes, that in reality it takes two. I've had those many times too. But literally, mistakes that are deep within us-"known better," but we continue to act upon them, over and over... and all can blame whomever, or the Devil, or a tough life- but in darn reality everything, every choice is still in our hands. Free will is still our control-and we can choose to follow what is in God's line... or what is in our selfish desire. 
Today, seven years ago I was sure struggling to find out who Jesus was. This was my first big hospitalization in 2003 at Mayo Hospital for my overdosing issue. It was my "answer" my "numbing pain" following my ex husband beating me October 6, 2002. I was hospitalized twice in TX for it in 2002. My neurologist, who has been with me for all my brain surgeries was guiding me, even from AZ when I was in TX back in 2002. Then I came back, and he had to deal with me face to face. But that was a gift from Jesus. As for he was actual art for the whole year of my overdosing struggles. He always saw the light in me, ready to come out and burn one day-soon. It was just taking me--my time, His time, and some help from others.
I had been searching for Jesus, dealing with ex issues, reality of what occurred, new boyfriend (husband today), raising my toddler on my own, trying to pop pills to numb pain-and hold a job.... this all was not happening. I could not hold everything together and find this whole new Heather. The one I had no idea about. One that would love Jesus. Family. Life. People. Struggles to reach out to others, wellness for excitement for family.... so much to come... and more. 
But I had my first break-down June 18, 2003. My parents dropped me off up at my Mayo Hospital-my neurologist was there. My level was almost three times the level it should be, and I was not cognitive-alert. So I wasn't able to answer all the ER's questions. But my medical records are down the line of suicidal attempt, or euphoric distraction. Either way, I was the one who knew what was in the bottle-no matter what occurred to "cause" me to feel like I needed to escape or end-it was my choice, no one poured it down my throat.
I was there for two long nights. Not too much I can remember, other than my poor psychiatrist really trying to put his foot down to having me admitted to a psychiatric hospital for more long-term. And I threw a fit. Part of it was the loud, aggressive mood you get from the Phenobarbital high--dropping. Then also there was the mom in me who was roaring in an aggressive, unkind divorce-and I was not leaving my child, whom I was TRYING to raise right, with anyone who holds a fist in the air to any other human flesh. (granted, ex was in Iraq) So, we all went back and forth-and social services even stepped in-my neurologist held onto faith, and backed me up with many close appointments to see him.
My doctors did not see eye to eye-but my neurologist sure saw me hanging tight-heard my life stories, and compares to so much in personal life lived-and that is when you know God placed you somewhere exactly where He wanted you. As for I was learning more about Jesus-my Lord and Savior, and my neurologist sure supported that, but he also was this mini-training-god until I realized who was, and Who worked thru who, and why. And the beauty, when I found Christ showed even more thru every step my doc took me, thru His plans-even more, every month, every year.
It is amazing what hard times can bring. Even when they were brought on yourself-He can turn all into such beauty-His time, and teaching. We just sure have to live, learn, trust, and hold tight.... as for He held me tight the whole way-as He does you.
I thank Him for everyone who held on thru all of this. My family, my little girl, my husband-Christian .... so many-I am here. All from His glory-His plans. Our choices are just lame- all but ONE-following His whispers-His plans-Him!


In His Love,
Heather Siebens

John 14:12 "The Truth is, anyone who believes in Me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works because I am going to be with the Father."

Half Year from @jasonmitchener

Six months have flown by... and not from just tons of giggles.... not just from my birthday... not just from Christmas, and shortly after-an amazing brain surgery, 3rd one for me. But one that was a bit lonely... as for I no longer had my friend to visit when healed, with updates.


No, I tried to visit 2 days after my birthday (he always remembered it) , and he had passed away nine hours prior-as I stood there gift in hand. It was a harsh unusual week of mourning, I was finally able to let my dear friend - Jason Mitchener's - death both heal thru my heart, and learn to praise HIM that Jason was no longer suffering-he was with amazing family and friends-his dad-most of all, Jesus, whom saved him, and held him strong thru so much. Jason was not any friend. He was a bright, guiding light for Christ-for all whom he spoke to, in such an elegant way. And I am ever grateful to Jesus for not having just met him on twitter-but being awakened by his words for Christ-that had me up visiting him over a year and a half ago --every two to every week.
Every visit was another chapter. Another chapter we'd start. Another chapter he'd begin from his life, and I'd share from mine... and between the two of us it formed our own chapter each visit. How many times we'd laugh, how many times we'd cry. How many times one set the other straight. How many times another lifted the other up. We were each other's backbone's brace-wouldn't let it crack, and thru Christ and faith in HIM --we would NOT be paralyzed, ill, epileptic.... we'd be free from all that. Together, we'd be well for the night as we spoke about dreams, happiness, joy, faith, friendships. Then... I, after usually about 8-10 hours, I'd have to get ready to go... we'd start the heartfelt hugs and thankfulness for each other. But then it would turn to my precious Jason pouring his heart out even more. Wondering what life "could" have been like if..... What life "should've" been like...
And Jason hated these thoughts. I hate it when I get that way. But I understood every tear, every question, any issue he ever had for a second, hour, day, etc.... as for his life was tough. I will re-link his testimony he typed for me, 2 months prior his passing. But he would never be gone too long. He'd get "down"... but we'd find him. We'd get him back out of that snap the best we could-then know Jesus had the rest in His hands. As for Jason didn't need much push, pull or challenge-his faith was the type that should be an example to many. Any one struggling-should be able to look at all his writing, music, life stories and be amazed at God's hands!! I am amazed I was able to see it all, face to face!!!
He had so many stories to share. And I will cherish every one of them. I cherish being his friend, always. I can't wait till I do see him eye to eye, and we CAN dance to the music that we love!! That will be amazing!
Jason's eyes were also like lightening... I was never the same once I met my precious friend Jason.... he showed me his amazing life that Jesus brought him thru his amazing Glory--and Jason shared that-thru my presence, my friendship, my kindness, love and care. And he always had that for everyone, and I am ever so grateful! He yearned for Him... and very much got Him-right in from of HIM-face to face!
So watch out Jason... my family and I will see you one day soon... and we can't wait to hug you, dance, talk, and PRAISE JESUS!! Love you always my precious friend!


Praying for all whom are related... his family-- Greg, my heart always goes out to you my friend... Jamie... we sure hung onto it all together.... and all at North Mountain Medical and Rehabilitation Center... many I still know-who took great care of him. Blessings prayers to all!


In His Love,
Heather Siebens



Just Passing Through (page 42)
"God isn't the type of poet who throws His unfinished poems in the trash. He loves us too much to do that. His Son's blood is the ink He uses to write each line. Such ink is too precious to waste.
When we look at our flaws and consider giving up, we need to remind ourselves that God isn't finished with us yet! 

Jason Mitchener's Testimony on my site from back in October 2009... http://trialstotriumphs.blogspot.com/2009/10/jason-mitchener-humble-gift-from-god.html 

Challenges

All of you have been faced with a challenge... have you ever been faced with so many, that you DO feel alone?
I have.
Again, I am.
But I have come back to reality, that I AM NOT alone. And there are so many people that I know, meet, and don't know that suffer similarities, if not almost exact issues that I have woken up to how to feel for all. Not one suffering is worse than another. Cause once you complain about the one you are going thru as the worst one... or don't acknowledge well of the struggles of others to the extent that they should be... than you just may be woken up with actually feeling their pain, living thru it. I have just recently gone thru another, yes another issue that is just beyond my understanding, control, comfort.
So, after my anger, bitterness, confusion, utter pain and strife... I turned back to Jesus... for His help, as for I couldn't do it alone. If I was asked by God " Heather, would you rather go back to the epilepsy you had prior the cure for it after your 3rd brain surgery, or deal with this pain you are in-" I would have gone back to epilepsy in an instant. I knew how to handle it. I still had a "more functional" day. But I was not functional. My bones hurt so bad, and still hurt bad, that before any medication, I couldn't walk from room to room without screaming. Now I can get to another room without destruction. I can get thru a "daring" day-and pay for it the next.
But all of this has woken me to what else is out there. How all others really do suffer-it is SO REAL. It isn't just "another diagnosis" for doctors. I see the people who have something similar-and can feel it. Reach out. In addition to all I have fought/and or have as well. Wakes me up to how much is out there that I do not realize holds people back-when it helps lift them up for you to reach out and feel with them-comfort them-know their pain. In weird ways you can see the blessing from the struggles... while you do pray it dissipates.
Challenges were always something I had a gift at. But sometimes you feel like "I get them all"...  "When will they end".... "I already conquered enough, isn't this the end?"
When in fact... it never "ends." There is always a "challenge." Just have to hang on, learn what we can, bust thru them with faith-see where His Glory will take you thru it all. Never alone... in fact, you are very much crowded with love.. you just have to open your heart, mind, soul to seek and accept it all that surrounds you.

Has been a real challenge for me. This wasn't my "usual" challenge. This was such a wake up call-so different and painful, that I was reminded that He IS in control-and will continue to have you seek His love and guidance, as you trust Him. We just can't forget that. And I sure can't seem to, that is for sure.

I stood up against my "challenge..." and did more against my challenge... I went to the families "Bumpy Road..." and fought my bones and muscles- and took my mind off of my pain, and placed it on family and love God has for me in the beauty of everything around us.

Blessings to you all--when faced with a challenge, know it will be comforted, touched, healed by our dear Lord and Savior-Jesus Christ thru every step of the way.

In His Love,
Heather

Hebrews 3:14 For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ.

My tears of pain and love...

I have hit a low pointer... when I actually bawl in front of my family. And that is so hard for me to do. But I have been trying to make it the best I can on each day of pain.. but each day I am living... and living for Him. I know He is watching over me... still has plans-even thru all of this utter pain and distress... and sadly, with one medication that was helping some of the pain-was causing some awful jamais vu. (nothing at all looked familiar-not even myself)
Pain is ferocious ..and the medication that I take daily that is actually for anti-seizures-also known for neuropathic pain-etc... I have such excruciating pain in my feet, legs, arms, wrists... and therefore very hard to function all over-doing any little thing.
But it is my goal to feel better. I have an amazing family that gives me love and support. And an amazing brother that totally feels my pain for me... and is here for me for every appointment... listening to my complaints-while noticing every ounce of pain I am in, even before I say a word. That is a cool big bro- @troyjensen with a heart.
I just got multiple phone calls from Mayo today-now that my amazing neurologist is back from business trip. He stayed in touch the whole time during this huge medical crash that surprised us both. Now I have multiple appointments, bloodwork, and tests to come again to figure out what is happening. That is an answer from God there. I pray He sends them quicker answers than it took for seizure control---a decade. Yet I also hope that 3rd brain surgery has nothing to do with the break down of my body.
Blessings to you all--thank you for all your prayers in 3rd brain surgery.. and as well as this.. Jesus does work wonders... amazing family friends, and awesome big brother on the scene-- thank you Troy Jensen!

In His Love,
Heather
1 Samuel 16:7.5  "People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at a person's thought's and intentions."

Encourage me, Encourage you

Hmmm.....
The funny part is, this is FAR from all my medical records.
We won't go thru Childhood-we'd need a truck then. Not that childhood was packed-but it would sure add onto how much I had in adulthood. This is only half of what I've endured at Mayo-need to get the rest still. And Mayo Clinic is only starting the 2nd year my seizures were out of control-so it is missing several doctors prior-and crazy stays.
I used to look at this pile, now mind you it was HALF this size... and think "this mountain God is too big, and I really don't think You are into this "helping me and carrying me" bit that all say You are into..." ... really.... that was how I began to feel. But I knew He was there. There was never a day I didn't shut my eyes and feel, hear or see something-whether BIG or small-from HIM letting ME KNOW--HE IS THERE. He is REAL. And He is on the climb with me---He is saddled up with me--behind me, with the TIGHT GRIP so I WON'T FALL... as I TRUST HIM. And that was all I needed, no matter what else others had to say.
Didn't matter my marriage fell apart anymore... as for I knew what He had in store, whether somehow if He really had me ready for forgiving quick was in His plan.. quick in my Christ-growing heart- it WOULD happen. And I knew if we'd be bitter human's, as it did take place-for years to come, with me FINDING HIM, GROWING CLOSE TO HIM, trying to understand it all--that would and DID happen. But so much more happened in His timing too!! And I am ever so grateful. I am marveled by His plans, every day, for everyone!!
We go thru such tough stuff. But before we know Him... there is no clear answer, no hope, no feeling it will ever end. Just a lot of bitterness... and no idea of where even to say the "why me's to!!" Where when you know, love and follow Jesus... you will feel His love thru it all... even when times get tough.... yes perhaps you will wonder "hey, Jesus, where did you go?? Are you on vacation???" But He isn't... He has His eyes, hands, and heart on you... with His wide open plans rolling--just waiting for you to reach that next bar in the race-to hand you the ribbon for that part of the race won.. but onto the "continue-never ending race" here on earth for Him.... and with that... take the baton... and run with pride!!! Knowing His plans will continue... and the bar may be lifted-- but He will help you over, each lap you keep running!! And He always has a ribbon for you!! Even if you don't make it by yourself over the bar!! You are perfect as you try all-and live life thru and for Him. Race.. well run!!!! Always when you are running with and to Him!!
We all deal with trials, tragedy, and the every day sin... but as we grow closer to Christ... we handle trials better, get thru the tragedies and are able to mourn with and to Christ, and sin less... and by our conscience that we have--our hearts feel that we broke Jesus' and repent. And that is the best feeling of all. When before, we'd keep on going, and feel numb-and that is an awful feeling. He is our amazing Creator-our Father, and loves us thru everything-unconditionally... and I am one who tries more and more to be like Him-but also know the fact He is the only perfect one. But He loves me so much-and that is just amazing.
So thru every hard moment... from adultery to wife beating to floor sleeping while a single mom in a one bedroom apartment I could barely afford... to overdosing almost taking my life... to seizures out of control... to multiple brain surgeries... and now even my daughter who has epilepsy, that breaks my heart... to the amazing hubby today who is adopting my kiddo he has raised, to forgiving my ex and asking for it as well, to conquering addiction, seizure free from 3rd brain surgery, and kiddos seizures are controlled and minor... all this and more from our GREAT AND AMAZING LORD---JESUS CHRIST... whom I thank and praise every day for His patience, love, and nudges to find Him!
And He loves you all so much too. No matter how extreme things feel. I know many who had hit the ground--and today are back into a normal home, happy, and made it thru--all because the whole time the stuck it thru with Jesus. I know many who have or have other halves that have lost their jobs, not for months, or a year... but almost a decade. One is my own father. The other is a precious friend from twitter@JesusSister http://eveningstaraglow.blogspot.com/2010/05/punched-in-gut.html -- one that amazed me as for I had no idea on detail. But look at her faith-her truth. He is smiling. 
My other dear friend from Facebook Jennifer Gilmond Alger is one dear gift that I was able to speak with and hear about her trials in life. It is amazing how people are touched, amazed and moved from another's trials... yet the person THEY are amazed with are amazed at theirs!! It is the whole God knows the areas, even when we think it is too much... He knows WHAT areas He can have us grow strength in our walk or finding Him in. And He knows which ones would fold us too. And that is why each of us are amazed by other's stories- they aren't our "area" of molding "can" handle pushing in... they are the "snap" areas.. therefore others are amazing thru Him to us. So Jen, if you see this.. you are SO AMAZING TO ME to get thru it all with such stride with Him girl!! KNOW THAT!
My other precious Facebook friend is Ernie Feasy. He is just full of awesome faith in Christ... love for all thru Him... one uplifting soul thru all of my 3rd brain surgery and recovery--all the while preparing, and just went thru His wife Jen having her brain tapped into to repair a breach in the membrane between the sinus and brain and also patch and fuse all leaks found. Complicated and second time in 10 years. But she has strong faith, awesome husband, and amazing God. Ernie... you are one dear soul to hang tough thru all of us brain girls! God bless you!!!! Hug Jen for me!
I love you all!! You all are gifts from God. And He has plans rolling out for you all!!!!
As for my stack of medical records... one day I am writing a cool book-with credit to God!
In His Precious Love,


Heather Siebens @AliveinMe

Romans 1:12  I'm eager to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours. In this way, each of us will be a blessing to the other.

Mountains are NEVER too high

Haven't you been thru tough times when you think you will never make it thru it? Whether it is in work, health, family issues, marriage complications, temptations that you can't break, loved ones lost, and so on and so on. This isn't just tough times you go thru. It is actually an amazing mountain Jesus has set in your life-for you to trust Him as your guider, keep following Him in His direction as you pray about it. Keep trusting Him even when rocks do fall beneath you, and it sets you back several feet again. As for getting thru this amazing mountain WILL happen, it is in Christ's perfect timing-His plan.

Have any of you done indoor rock climbing before? I absolutely love it. I usually rip up the wall in seconds quicker than my own hubby. Just has always been a gift. But when my body and muscles get tired, it has its fallbacks. Which is why when we are climbing The Mountain thru Christ ... we may get tired too. We may get worn and broken. We may feel there are just no more answers to come. That is the moment we have to breathe deep, refocus, open our hearts and minds and Bibles as we pray. That way again we can see His next turn and plan awaiting me...you. Then with that refreshment thru Him-again we start that climb to the next part of His plan.

And that part is so amazing!! Seeing all the more parts of plan He does have--and has had since before we were born. We just have to learn to trust and seek Him... so we can have them unfold more and more. As we climb that mountain and taste the fact He has answered prayers already-and has you now, full of His love therefore full of faith-knowing what He has in store up this Mountain is good and well worth every issue you encountered getting there so far--it will be worth it every struggle to come!!

I have been there-with a big struggle of ups and downs and add ons as well to a decade of my health plummeting. Thru it I learned to run to find Him, to grasp Him, to trust Him, when weak-to call and reach to Him, to love Him, to let Him love you, and to learn He has these amazing plans-thru this what seems endless and unfixable-He has planned all differently, for HIS GLORY THRU YOU! And that is a big TRUE!!! Was a decade of uncontrollable epilepsy enhanced by pregnancy-and today (May 12th) my 3 month anniversary of my 3rd brain surgery this year. I am now-after of decade of all medications tried, retried, and tried again, 1 than 2nd brain surgery--still having seizures. The mountain began to seem higher. But I knew better-and kept climbing, all the spots they may have seemed I'd never make it. And now, I am here... on top of the Mountain--smiling filled up with His Grace, Mercy and Love... thrilled to say.. no matter how long it takes to get up that mountain--it is never as hard as it could be-if you didn't allow Christ to guide you, carry you ever at times. He is excited to see us climbing, with faith!!

Are you today? Don't take a moment... make sure if you feel negative on you situation, your climb-you reach to Him, on whatever part of that mountain you are on... pray... see what He has in store. He will guide you!

God bless you all!!

Heather

@AliveinMe

Love

Love.
I love to give love. Now, don't worry, I absolutely LOVE to receive it too. But it is just an amazing feeling to make someones day bright-showing them how much you care-love them. Take someone in your life forever, and show them your love forever, no matter what. Bring life into this world and show the little creature how to love, and show them love. No matter what. To have been brought up by people who loved you always, thru everything, and showed you thru all years. To see a stranger in tears, yet comfort them with God's love-showing them love still does exist. There is so much love out here. But the point is-what is the true love? Who invented-brought it into this world?
Wasn't me...nor my parents, even though they taught me a lot. Truly where love came from for all of us to learn, live, endure, teach-is our Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ. God brought Him here to share it, to show it, to live it, to want it, to die for us for it, to rise from the dead for it---for us to hopefully get the point. HE LOVES US ETERNALLY-UNCONDITIONALLY---NO MATTER WHAT. Now, that is the key factor with Christ's love, in comparison to any human being--UNCONDITIONAL, FOREVER!! None of us can do that, as much as our hearts try. It is amazing and awesome that we do try... but we sure have to focus on HIM, walk more LIKE HIM, read HIS WORD, live like HIM...in order to be any closer to living that way!!
No matter what-we will fail. But with those key factors above, it can get closer to being close to Him, rather than being far from Him... which is what I'd rather be. I've lived that life of hate-and at that, comfortable, daily hate. And I don't want to go back to that again. I look back and just wonder how I was ever like that, yet change so drastically. That is all the Holy Spirit working thru me while searching for and finding and praising Jesus. I am forever grateful. It was perfect timing....for the finding of my husband today, and the raising of my little girl-she was at such a young age up loving Jesus. He knows what is needed, at what time!!
And love is amazing. So all the love songs out there that say that-are true. It is worth every tear to find it, and share it. So when you have it, celebrate it. And celebrate it with Jesus-for He has a meaning for your love!!


I love you all!!! Don't let anyone knock your love down. Talk to God about it-have Him bless it.


Blessings to you all...


In His Love,


Heather
@AliveinMe


1 Corinthians 13:13 There are three things that will endure-faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love.


Colossians 3:14 And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us together in perfect harmony.

Down-who will bring you up

Ecclesiastes 5:19-20 And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life-that is indeed a gift from God. People who do this rarely look with sorrow on the past, for God has given them reasons for joy.

Ecclesiastes 6:10  Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there's no use in arguing with God about your destiny.

Jeremiah 29:11  "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

I NOW know who brings me up. Who loves me unconditionally --and has had amazing plans since BEFORE I was born. That would be my Lord and Savior-Jesus Christ. The One who gave HIS life, so I could live my life-forgiven, loved, able to be side by side with Him one day in Paradise. Now why do we all sit here and whine? That is just amazing!!! He loves us no matter our personality glitch, our looks, our talents, and even our tempers...no MATTER WHAT!!! That promise is SEALED!!!

Yet, we humans have our bad days. Our tough times. And many wallow over it. Many despise HIM over it-thinking He wrongly twisted what THEY wanted. Others whom don't have a clue about Jesus-look for any reason, anyone to be wrong in a situation. And I personally know from a very difficult time when I didn't know Him, that I had to find something to turn to. Family wasn't there. Friends only go so far. This was BIG. My ex beat me. Someone or something had to cure it-numb it-rid me of it, at least for some time, as I figured life out. That is where overdosing came in. Drugs for many come in as the "god" the filler of the void-rather than knowing to-or just not running to the God with our plans. The God of comfort. Jesus watches every step--giving off signs left and right, that way is the wrong way!! But what are our hearts and souls open to? 

It still took me more learning-more tragedy-more "taps" to find out as I was going to my first Christian church-that it is all about HIM! He is the One with all my answers!! He is the One with all the comfort. He is the One with all the guidance. He is the One with true grace and mercy-even thru everything I got myself, my little one into. He gently held my hand-asking me to not just trust Him, give my life TO HIM, but to completely lean on Him, let Him carry me this next few miles as I grow closer. As I am molded more, and understand more. 

Down times aren't that down-when you have a close relationship with Jesus Christ. It is just a bump in the road. Swimming slower with floaties. Climbing a mountain with tons of belt and gear on tight. Until the moment you are lifted by His encouraging Words of Love-Words of Faith-Words of Hope-Words of Truth... that your mind begins to open again. And your heart beats twice as much per minute, out of pure excitement for what your Lord has shown you already!! Then you run that flattened road, swim fast without any floaties--He is above watching you!! And Climb what seemed like an endless mountain--with your bare hands--knowing you are climbing it FOR HIM!!

These are the amazing moments. Remember them each time you are down. Jesus is the One who will bring you up! He will also, along with that--be presenting more plans He has had--as you open your heart more, again with trust and obedience.

When down--I am here... but I am not Jesus! Turn your head to Jesus!! He is the One who created you-with amazing love and plans!! And is ready to keep this life rolling--with you-hand and hand!!

In His Love,

Heather Siebens

God knows the whole story of your life because He is the Author of your biography. He knows the last chapter, and He thinks you are wonderful. ~Jan Silvious

Reflecting and Understanding

Here to share my story-my faith thru it all....

Do we count the days that are good or bad? Or do we reflect, be thankful and continue on the way God has planned for us? Don't you get stuck in ruts that you look back at what happened, circumstances or what you pulled and kind of get stuck wallowing? Trying to figure it all out? I sure have. For many years. But I also, thankfully with HIS patience have been shown how everything turns out for Good-in His time, with our faith-His Love.
Every one I talk to, wanting to know about my past, my trials, why I have such faith--if they don't know me in person or by picture think I am at least in my 50's. That is because I chose a more complicated road to find Christ. Have had a lot of trials. I was presented all amazing wonder about His truth when I was healthy at 19--but my rocky marriage and pride got in the way. It was MY WAY. That is when Jesus gently started "tapping" me. From flat tires on the way to see wrong men- to rolling my car, but stepping out unharmed. He was honestly holding me tight from destruction of not finding Him one day-by putting a stop to a lot of things. When I just thought it was an irritating day, or some 'idiots" fault for leaving destructive materials in the freeways.
Then after how many break ups of my first marriage and different men during-he blessed me with pregnancy of my beautiful child I have today... while we were out planning divorce. We stuck it out, but it led to destruction-as for no one stepped up to the plate of needing Christ to make it happen. That was greatly needed for care and understanding on both sides-as for my seizures flew out of control and we weren't used to that. And that threw his plans of schooling out of line. Anger built up more. More wrong between us both. Instead of having a hand at all hospitalizations-I had someone with anger. When I was in for my 1st brain surgery in 2002-it looked promising. And it was. Until my baby and I moved to where my husband then was stationed-2 mos after the surgery. We got to Texas-four days after-he beat me...which led to my confusion, tears, and overdosing for my first answer-nearing death several times.
My husband today came into my life even more. He was rather confused. Always thought the times he saw me and I was so high, then crashed for hours was just epilepsy related. He has no background in family of health issues. Led to quite the course of confusion, tears, a break-up, and trying to share and understand. His heart sure went out to me. And my daughter. But he knew he couldn't fix whatever was wrong. We fortunately dated from afar-which helped keep things still sparkling on my sane days.
I lost my first job-trying to make money to support my baby and I, on our own. I wanted nothing to do with my ex, who was fortunately for us-stationed in Iraq right after he beat me. Gave me time to get thru it all-drastically. When I hit more depression other than what that was causing in my life-his beating me-I would pop more of my anti-seizure medication to numb that pain. And then it led to whenever I had to deal with my ex-I would pop ridiculous amounts. I had no one near me to talk to. One blasted night I saw this church sign (I go there still!) --my color purple-Cornerstone. I began to go. I went for 4 months without talking to a soul-just trying to get comfortable with it all-and understand it-and feel what others did. I had many nights it threw me into tears. Many nights I went blasted-but still felt "something." Sort of like cleansing me. I finally approached someone to talk about it all-all the Jesus stuff, and all I was going thru. To this day we are friends. Ever so thankful. It was from that day I was fighting to get well....
I had this wretched conversation with my ex, on the 18th of October 2003--all of a sudden he didn't "recall" his beating me October 6, 2002--even with military pics taken.... I blew up. I was hurt.
I "fixed" that the human way-not thru Jesus. I popped every pill and saved up pills for months for a bad day. I was blasted in hours that day-which I should not be here typing anymore--as for how much it was. I was taken to my hospital-where they pumped my stomach-and right before I hit coma-Jesus heard me crying--saying I wanted to change this. Needed His help. And little over 24 hours later-I did wake....which started a whole new outlook and health battle for me... all for His glory.
Many think they accept Jesus and all will be wonderful that day forward. That isn't the case. He molds us. Watches us try more to walk in His footsteps-with stumbles in between. He holds His hand out in every trial-and we have the choice to love Him and take it, or be bitter and turn. And the more I learned to grab His hand-the more I learned that His plans were amazing.
I went thru so many-uncountable medication changes. Seizures. HUGE ones in front of my baby girl, alone. And others for all to see. But the best part is, I grew up strong-knowing that as long as I took it on well, others would too. Never rejected, just cared for. Always a strong girl.
My divorce was taking a long time, because he was overseas and also-God wanted me to forgive and ask for forgiveness. As well as it gave me and my husband now, time to grow together-understand each other, growing with Jesus. And it was amazing. He had to adjust to me not being well, a great portion of the time as we searched for answers. He got to help me with me 2nd brain surgery-as my fiance. Which was a lot for him to take on. He watched my, now our little girl while I was there. 
Thru all the years of battling for answers since 1st brain surgery- we found more and more health issues getting in the way for medication to work. My absorption of many vitamins and iron were almost completely MIA. Which increases seizures and health. I got hit with the height of TMJ-jaw out of place for weeks, the severe RLS-up all night. Which both make it hard --impossible to sleep-which causes seizures. I have one kidney that almost completely doesn't work-reason for pain on certain meds. And I have air in my salivary gland-- which might make you laugh. Then there was great depression at times--where you cry never ending, no reason. And famous severe migraines. But thru all this-I finally figured it out. In 2009, when I hit the hospital hard-hardly able to walk, had to be carried to the bathroom... we looked for MS, cancer etc with my blood work. But that wasn't it. It was lack of Vitamin D and Iron, ferritan level-had injections and that leveled back to normal. My seizures were still there-but I was ever grateful to Jesus it wasn't MS or cancer. I hit my Bible twice as hard and shared it with all. Twittered to the world-reaching out to help others. Took my mind off ME--placed it on Jesus and others. And that whole year, while we waited for a date for third brain surgery, as for my body couldn't take 32 pills anymore-I focused on HIM. And He blessed me in HIS timing... a year later. With a surgery date-- and a successful one!!! One that was done AWAKE!! There for 15 nights... but healed so quick-with so much support here-and from twitter. I thank Jesus so much.
I am now seizure free. I never thought that would be hard. I have to adapt to the fact that I missed out on a lot. I look at pictures from my past at the glitches of time I was temporally well-and thank Jesus for that, yet am sad it wasn't long. My long term memory is so vivid it is all like yesterday-so it is adjustment.
Thru both my husband's trust and mine-we gained so much. An amazing marriage, and Tory is now his. Biologically was born to my ex, but he came in so late in her life, he stepped out. God saw how strong our marriage was, our faith... and still open to my ex-yet He decided what was best. And I received a step out phone call last year as I was waiting on my surgical date. All in a year. AMEN!
Another amazing part is-I am well now. I can look back and still see how well taken care of I was-my daughter was by our Lord and Savior, during some rocky times I had. And understand there is always a purpose-and I am just here to share my story and faith.


God bless you all...


In His Love,


Heather Siebens


@AliveinMe

Jeremiah 17:15 Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.
Ephesians 2:8 God saved you by His special favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God.

Our Plans vs Gods Plans

I thank God every day for sitting here typing to you all. As for I really shouldn't be-but He more than heard my cry-saw my heart wanting to get well-do well... with that, He saved me here. Giving me the chance to share His Word. 
And I thank Him for the trials I #1 mostly brought on myself #2 He allowed some to enter to get me to run to HIM!! He gave me multiple second chances. And I am so fortunate, as for I see life in a very different way-His way.
I don't sit here and turn back, regretting what I did. What I went thru. What I pulled. I look back amazed, yes, that I am here. My car is so dinged up from those days-I couldn't let it go. My husband and I still have it in our garage, my memento to look at-NOT PROUD-but amazed and thankful that I am still here typing-sharing His Word. That my kiddo is still here, loves me so much-no remembrance-and on fire for Jesus. And that my husband today, loves me-thru it all. Jesus sure has HIS PLANS.
So we sit here and we plan. When it doesn't go thru-what do most do? Get upset and retry. And if it isn't something that you can retry-most get angry. Now if aware of God-many get angry at Him. The plus with that is they know God-and that He does interact in our lives-whether we like the way or not. The negative is that they aren't realizing that even if it looks negative-loss of a job, illness, family struggles, addictions, etc.... that He is going to take that "negative" point in life to train you. To wake some up-call to many that He is who to look to-love most. Ask for HIS PLAN. He takes the issues and will turn for good... CATCH... it is in His timing. 
Which will include Him guiding you in your walk to find Him or closer to Him. Getting others to ask you about HIM. He loves molding those who have accepted Him-- taking all to another level in a walk with Christ. And it isn't just this ONE big time. This is our lifetime on earth. But that also means Christ is there for us-our whole lifetime on earth... with amazing plans-keep opening you heart and mind. That marriage will endure, that career will be built, that addiction will fade... as we seek Him and hang onto Him -- trusting that the ONE who created us-has awesome plans too!
So, thru every trial-instead of shaking your fist at Him, or being angry at others-hold your faith and trust up to Jesus. Knowing, in His time and His way-is the right way. I have watched certain people in my family begin to react this way. Listen, and trust Him. He loves us all so much.
Blessings to you all. As I adjust to His answer of my decade prayer. Getting all to adjust to me well-seizure free after ten years, is an adjustment-but a blessed one!


In His Love,


Heather Siebens
@AliveinMe

Micah 6:8 No, O people, the LORD has already told you what is good, and this is what He requires: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.

Titus 3:5 He saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins and gave us new life through the Holy Spirit.

Healing Steps

Amen!!!


Tory's 9th birthday was such a blessing!!! Yes, she got the great gifts she loves... got the amazing family from mom and dad and uncle to her cousins and aunt she loves dearly!! She got all that love she adores-and was able to return it!! She is such a precious jewel from our true gift-Jesus Christ. He blessed us big time with such a precious soul like Tory.
I felt deep emotions for the first time in a long time. I just had to figure them out. The first were elated "happy" tears-that I was so well for THIS birthday for Tory. I've always put together good birthday's and great history of them all. But this was the FIRST since her birth I was seizure free-very well for. That grabbed tears of joy, as I took the pictures I had taken and made music videos. Her smiles were so amazing.
Then came tears of loss. Loss of time. Loss of what I would have done over the years had I been more "well." This struck me because I was going on a field trip with Tory. We had been counting down days. Yet the night before, Tory had the "if I can go" statement. And that shook me. Who told her I wasn't going? Did she not want me there? So I asked her why she still wondered if I'd make it. And it was because of how sick I have been over the years-not able to do as much, or always follow thru. My heart sank. She was so sweet about it. Just making sure I feel good and my head doesn't hurt bad from surgery. But THIS IS MY KID. I love she loves me like that. But she shouldn't worry if I am going now. I am well-and will strive to make it all. We just hugged and talked about the prior years. I let her know Jesus has His arms always wrapped around us.... and if anything changes, she is sure one strong kid with an amazing heart thru Christ. But give any worries to HIM and talk to me!!!!  :)  It was a great field trip after that.
It is amazing what having a long term illness can do to how other people live. It is something when is healed, that has to be talked about-on how all are feeling about it now. Big change both ways.
She is such a doll. But is also amazing what is in their thoughts-which is why Jesus likes us to pray. To love-to yoke-to bring up-and to LISTEN.
Sometimes can be hard to listen to your 9 year old when you already have your directions in mind. But we sure need to.
Love you all....


In His Grip,


Heather


@AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures

Cling or Run

Does everyone see me smiling in this picture? I love that!! Even in pain I can smile. As for it almost feels like I can say, "I am finished." No--- far from finished for all He has planned with me thru Him on this earth- but I am finished with that very LONG, crucial chapter-running to Him, finding Him, struggling thru illnesses, hanging on, finding comfort, obedience, trials, fallings, refocusing, growing, PRAYING, living, focusing, blessings, tears, laughter, questions, answers, loving, guiding, sharing, praising, learning, teaching, learning again-all came to a BIG CLOSING. An understanding one. Me not focusing on just me and my issues-or MY ISSUE. Me, focusing on Christ, and what HE COULD STILL USE ME FOR... even while sick, at home-living for Him. And He saw me more than doing it-daily.
Don't think I am perfect. No one but Jesus is perfect. AMAZING!!!!!!! But, since I learned to truly focus on Him, His will for me, pray about, focus on others-reach to them the way He told me-thru His word... the more I forgot about my issues-and strife. Less seizures I would have-even though, I still had them. And with that obedience-He blessed me with my 3rd-awake brain surgery in February-- THAT WAS SO SUCCESSFUL!!! SO BLESSED!! SO OVERLOOKED BY CHRIST- AND ALL OF YOU!!! And I am ever so grateful!!! I had a couple meltdowns prior. The date kept getting pushed back. Words you'd never think would come from my mouth. Or one morning I -- Heather Siebens, felt sorry for myself!! Go figure, right? Human. But I decided to shake it-and reach out-also to others with epilepsy. And that is when I started @EpilepsyCures and http://epilepsycures.ning.com http://www.causes.com/epilepsycures AND THAT FELT AWESOME!!! Reaching out to those that feel alone-or like there is no answer!! That turned my focus around, again. I thanked Jesus for that!!
I was also one of two who started @worldprayr --- but I am no longer on it, not by choice. Was a blessing when I was part. But, during that time-that was an invite to do-because if you notice-I am a prayer warrior. As for He has seen me thru so much.
Thru everything in life-while finding Him-I didn't cling to anyone other than HIM. Which was a blessing. I was figuring it all out. But then my faith grew-and I found out He will CARRY US AT ALL TIMES- but He is ready to take our "clinging" and turn it into "holding tight" ... then walking tight--then walking like-- more and more Christ like--BUT HE IS ALWAYS THERE TO SPOON US UP. But, He is looking for us to cling, to focus, to walk, to run with Him!!! To HIM!!! Cling may be a start-- but isn't for the whole walk!! That is like being an adult at the bottle to be fed. But clinging to Him-is far better than clinging to human, bottles, pills, or porn etc. He has amazing plans for you-me-us!! He also has growth waiting for you in your walk!
So today, even if you know HIM VERY WELL... if you are going thru something tough, or big questions-- I ask you-- to RUN TO HIM, ask Him your next step!! Don't ask a humans here. HE HAS ALL YOUR ANSWERS!
Love always,
Heather Siebens @AliveinMe
1 Corinthians 3:2 I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not ready, for now you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?