The funny part is, this is FAR from all my medical records.
We won't go thru Childhood-we'd need a truck then. Not that childhood was packed-but it would sure add onto how much I had in adulthood. This is only half of what I've endured at Mayo-need to get the rest still. And Mayo Clinic is only starting the 2nd year my seizures were out of control-so it is missing several doctors prior-and crazy stays.
I used to look at this pile, now mind you it was HALF this size... and think "this mountain God is too big, and I really don't think You are into this "helping me and carrying me" bit that all say You are into..." ... really.... that was how I began to feel. But I knew He was there. There was never a day I didn't shut my eyes and feel, hear or see something-whether BIG or small-from HIM letting ME KNOW--HE IS THERE. He is REAL. And He is on the climb with me---He is saddled up with me--behind me, with the TIGHT GRIP so I WON'T FALL... as I TRUST HIM. And that was all I needed, no matter what else others had to say.
Didn't matter my marriage fell apart anymore... as for I knew what He had in store, whether somehow if He really had me ready for forgiving quick was in His plan.. quick in my Christ-growing heart- it WOULD happen. And I knew if we'd be bitter human's, as it did take place-for years to come, with me FINDING HIM, GROWING CLOSE TO HIM, trying to understand it all--that would and DID happen. But so much more happened in His timing too!! And I am ever so grateful. I am marveled by His plans, every day, for everyone!!
We go thru such tough stuff. But before we know Him... there is no clear answer, no hope, no feeling it will ever end. Just a lot of bitterness... and no idea of where even to say the "why me's to!!" Where when you know, love and follow Jesus... you will feel His love thru it all... even when times get tough.... yes perhaps you will wonder "hey, Jesus, where did you go?? Are you on vacation???" But He isn't... He has His eyes, hands, and heart on you... with His wide open plans rolling--just waiting for you to reach that next bar in the race-to hand you the ribbon for that part of the race won.. but onto the "continue-never ending race" here on earth for Him.... and with that... take the baton... and run with pride!!! Knowing His plans will continue... and the bar may be lifted-- but He will help you over, each lap you keep running!! And He always has a ribbon for you!! Even if you don't make it by yourself over the bar!! You are perfect as you try all-and live life thru and for Him. Race.. well run!!!! Always when you are running with and to Him!!
We all deal with trials, tragedy, and the every day sin... but as we grow closer to Christ... we handle trials better, get thru the tragedies and are able to mourn with and to Christ, and sin less... and by our conscience that we have--our hearts feel that we broke Jesus' and repent. And that is the best feeling of all. When before, we'd keep on going, and feel numb-and that is an awful feeling. He is our amazing Creator-our Father, and loves us thru everything-unconditionally... and I am one who tries more and more to be like Him-but also know the fact He is the only perfect one. But He loves me so much-and that is just amazing.
So thru every hard moment... from adultery to wife beating to floor sleeping while a single mom in a one bedroom apartment I could barely afford... to overdosing almost taking my life... to seizures out of control... to multiple brain surgeries... and now even my daughter who has epilepsy, that breaks my heart... to the amazing hubby today who is adopting my kiddo he has raised, to forgiving my ex and asking for it as well, to conquering addiction, seizure free from 3rd brain surgery, and kiddos seizures are controlled and minor... all this and more from our GREAT AND AMAZING LORD---JESUS CHRIST... whom I thank and praise every day for His patience, love, and nudges to find Him!
And He loves you all so much too. No matter how extreme things feel. I know many who had hit the ground--and today are back into a normal home, happy, and made it thru--all because the whole time the stuck it thru with Jesus. I know many who have or have other halves that have lost their jobs, not for months, or a year... but almost a decade. One is my own father. The other is a precious friend from twitter@JesusSister http://eveningstaraglow.blogspot.com/2010/05/punched-in-gut.html -- one that amazed me as for I had no idea on detail. But look at her faith-her truth. He is smiling.
My other dear friend from Facebook Jennifer Gilmond Alger is one dear gift that I was able to speak with and hear about her trials in life. It is amazing how people are touched, amazed and moved from another's trials... yet the person THEY are amazed with are amazed at theirs!! It is the whole God knows the areas, even when we think it is too much... He knows WHAT areas He can have us grow strength in our walk or finding Him in. And He knows which ones would fold us too. And that is why each of us are amazed by other's stories- they aren't our "area" of molding "can" handle pushing in... they are the "snap" areas.. therefore others are amazing thru Him to us. So Jen, if you see this.. you are SO AMAZING TO ME to get thru it all with such stride with Him girl!! KNOW THAT!
My other precious Facebook friend is Ernie Feasy. He is just full of awesome faith in Christ... love for all thru Him... one uplifting soul thru all of my 3rd brain surgery and recovery--all the while preparing, and just went thru His wife Jen having her brain tapped into to repair a breach in the membrane between the sinus and brain and also patch and fuse all leaks found. Complicated and second time in 10 years. But she has strong faith, awesome husband, and amazing God. Ernie... you are one dear soul to hang tough thru all of us brain girls! God bless you!!!! Hug Jen for me!
I love you all!! You all are gifts from God. And He has plans rolling out for you all!!!!
As for my stack of medical records... one day I am writing a cool book-with credit to God!
In His Precious Love,
Heather Siebens @AliveinMe
Romans 1:12 I'm eager to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours. In this way, each of us will be a blessing to the other.