Singled Out? Did God Fully Accept, Or Turn?

Hebrews 13:5-6
Stay away from the love of money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said,
"I will never fail you.
I will never forsake you."
That is why we can say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper,
so I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?"

And my personal favorite to continue to look back at, throughout all tough times, when you may think He has gone on a long vacation from you;

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever!

When I was released from the hospital from the near death huge overdose-attempt in suicide. Truly thinking that if I exited, everything would just somehow be better for my precious child. I had to go back to my apartment and see things that I did barely recall buying that day-when I was blasted, out at the mall with my friend. And bought things twice-to try to keep my child entertained-and thinking that way, I would somehow keep my blasted eyes on her. I am very grateful I was at the mall with a friend and his kid-cause if I wasn't, I never would have called my neurologist ...and wouldn't be typing right now. At my apartment I just say so many things I had no recollection of even buying. And that point of overdosing never hit me before. I fell into so many tears. My mother was with me. She said to just grab what I needed, what Tory needed and let's go stay with her and dad for a few nights. And I did. And that helped. For the next three years, I'd get very depressed on the 6th of October, and the 19th. The date my ex beat me and that huge overdose. Years of counseling slowly started to get me to see thru the cracks.
Thru the years to come, I had gone thru my 2nd brain surgery like it was having a tonsillectomy. My fiancé then, husband today, Christian Siebens was so nervous. Still didn't understand how I could be so excited to go have my brain cut open-and cut out. That surgery took care of a lot of issues. God rid of weird auras I would get- certain smells would throw me into seizures. At certain times, certain music would. It was cut out. I was free from that. But just a couple days before my post operative appointment, I had a generalized seizure. Something wasn't taken out. Still. But my faith was still strong. I could feel God moving everything-His timing, His way. Hold on.
Christian and I kept learning so much about one another. The best part was, I was learning how to be more loving and kind thru him. He loves the world. I always did too. But there was someone in particular I wasn't over yet. So he took care of the once a month visits my ex had for Tory. I couldn't look at him yet.
More Bible study we had-more conviction. 1 Corinthians was hard on my whole life span with my ex. The cheating, the beating. We both were not innocent creatures in our marriage. I just wasn't ready for the "Jesus" stuff he thru in my face. Not long after this Bible study, at church during Worship-I felt the Holy Spirit big time-telling me to forgive my ex for all he put me and Tory thru--and to ask forgiveness as well, as for I wasn't a walk in the park. That changed the whole scenario. We were able to be "friends" and deal with the divorce.
Seizures were always happening, in between all of this. A huge one hit hard beginning of 2007... I had been on a very strong medication-the only one that was working for my seizures; however a very body sickening drug. It tore my weight from 120 to 89 pounds in very little time. Then it started to eat at every nutrient inside my system. I have trouble soaking several up anyway-and this medication ate it up. So I was hardly able to walk, make sense, and had a huge grand mal seizure. They searched for MS and cancer everywhere-that is what it only looked like it could be. No. It was the start of Aplastic Anemia-my white blood count was a tad off, my vitamin D was at 2 instead of 40, and B12 was below 100 as opposed to 300. It was eating me alive. And my husband was putting together everything for our wedding, as for it was just a few months away-and here I am, sick, as always.
So we pleaded, just this once, to get thru the wedding, please allow Christian to hold onto my Phenobarbital-prescribe that and he'll control it-so I can get down the aisle. We did it that way. And it worked. It worked longer than we thought. But when major stress hit, and your husband forgets to hide it and it is right in front of you--it's all over again.... so we relived and re-learned. Again. The mind is a very amazing part of the body. Addicted to nothing, but on a bad day, Phenobarbital. Just go figure.
So 3rd brain surgery was now up. I had tests to go thru. So Miss Hetty4Christ -->AliveinMe was on fire all over Twitter and Facebook--sure, very transparent-many videos on YouTube--but I was out there for prayers for other people. Helped me keep my seizures at bay--my mind off my issues.
And I met so many amazing souls. From east to west I can't even begin to explain the pouring out prayers when the date was set. People on twitter were like a Big Family. The summer before my surgery my daughter was basically abducted by my ex and his new wife. 9 days I was unable to speak to her-that was illegal in our papers. When he got her back here-and was away for a couple weeks-it was like God was preparing our family to be whole finally. My ex called wanting to sign her over to me and Christian, now that he is married-and hadn't really spent time with Tory. He could see in Tory's eyes-Christian would always be dad. He wanted to move on, in everyone's best interest. I never could have asked Jesus for more....
My date for surgery was shortly after Christmas..... it was a tough Christmas, I lost a very close friend whom I visited often-whom was stricken with very tough, debilitating diseases. It was like God was preparing me for what pain was to come. To try to remember Jason Mitchener, his amazing attitude-even while paralyzed, on a ventilator.
My 3rd brain surgery was announced to me 7 hours prior to it, in the hospital that I would have it done awake. He repeated himself 3 times-I was elated. I had been in there for 12 nights with in depth electrodes to help show them where the seizures are, and ability to turn the parts they want to take out, off to see if it would effect language, sight, hearing, etc...  That is exactly what they continued to do in the OR-with me awake. I do recall my body feeling a strange sense of pain at one point, but I would never open my mouth to that. I only open my mouth to BIG things like when I began to lose sight!! But because I didn't say a thing about the pain in my body... we can look back and say that in the areas we were snipping, most likely was from snipping a part that controls pain/comfort of the body from the brain.... and my mouth was too quiet to say a thing.
Healing afterward seemed ok--eyes were a bit off for a while... but nothing big until ...pain in my left foot began.... then my leg, then the other side---then my whole body....it hurt so bad I didn't know how to explain, but to cry. And we were set up to move to Philly.....
I thought maybe, with the small patch they put on me in the hospital (they checked me for everything!!) and the TENS unit, I would be ok. But being in the cold made it worse. Trying to find a doctor for it in Philadelphia was zero fun. We found a very nice man, but he was a Philly man. Overmedicated. That is that state. I was on so much I am not sure how I even spoke. Seizures came back, as for especially pain medication will set them off. My husband was traveling so much with his new job, or in the city, while I suffered. It wasn't like "us." But he had to impress this new job he had. It was very poor timing. So I wasn't understand God's purpose. It never seemed how much I prayed... nothing would get better-it only got worse. I felt like a terrible mother. My brother was great help, when he was there and his addictions didn't get in the way. But he needed what I took. I had to carry my medications around the house in my purse-or I wouldn't have any. Seemed like the whole world was crashing on me. I just secluded myself. My parents never called anyway-they hate stress. I just began making necklaces...
Then, I didn't see it as much as a gift from God. My dominant side of my brain, was the left, the surgical side. Because so much was taken out-a lot of my right took over-and new talents took over, and well old ones vanished. I am definitely not organized anymore. But the artistic talent I found all began with me making necklaces to get my mind off the pain....
After over two years of trauma there--I cried in deep discussion with my husband to get me back to Phoenix. I need our Church, my doctors, our family, friends, support...weather here--to try to get out of this pain. Even a few weeks would be nice. He agreed. We'd been thru too much together. Too many hospital visits. ER's.
God kept trying to knock on my door, in all different little ways. I just didn't feel like answering yet. We spent a few weeks in Palm Desert, Puerto Rico, San Diego... got some sun in me!! I was still adjusting anti seizure medications-as for I had a big one when I got here. But when I also got here, I decided I wanted the high dose of that pain patch gone-and all the pain meds--until we can see what else to do. The brain HAS to heal... that is all I could think to myself.
I went thru changing of muscle relaxants to help the pain on bad days. Two didn't work, we wen't to #3. Instantly I was looney. It made my brain seem out of this world. They warned Christian that it does that at first, then calms down... that morning my brain was already missing words-or not understanding them. That evening I was woken up from passed out on the ground after being taken from my girlfriends truck. I was so confused-I couldn't stand up and all I could say was "Christian." He loved that I do know....
I couldn't use any words but my husbands name-no word made sense-no object looked familiar or had a name other than Christian. It was so scary. And my body was "on fire" I wanted to come out of my skin....
Then at 3 am, my husband finally asleep on the cot behind me-ICU people in their office-but couldn't hear me, as for I went to say something, but all dropped, paralyzed from tongue to toes. For 4 hours. It took 4 days to get words to make sense again... basically saying it was a mini stroke....
That partially woke me up. The Devil was pushing.
I had to go thru medication changes for pain, and seizures. And I deal with anemia big time. And severe pain hits every woman cycle. But for now, it is gone.
Reason why....I really began opening my Bible again. I talked with a gentleman on Facebook who faces cancer so hard. And he sounded so much like me when all I dealt with was epilepsy and brain surgery.... but when pain set in... I got very bitter. I forgot about all my friend Jason went thru. Then this new friend told me his testimony--and I was knocked down to my knees, humbled. So gracias to God he handles it the way he handles it.....
We only have one life to live. And I have my days I pout. But I would much rather be here, keep fighting the good fight--sharing His Good News... that I would, be sulking, or shaking my fists or worse than those--going thru with suicide. These lives were planned beautifully by our Maker... no matter how bumpy, they aren't to compare-they are to live out for Him, in respect, honor, for others-to also see and live for His Glory!!

I love each of you and Praise God I am still here to say that.... no matter if a good day of health, or not so good day.... each day is precious-and I am in it for some purpose!

Blessings to each of you, in all you do!

In His Love,

Heather

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
That is why we NEVER give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever!

http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe
http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe

Sometimes People Change - Medium from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Singled Out? Not so Single Now... cont....

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late-could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past? Donate every dime you had? Would you call those friends you've never seen? Reminisce old memories? Would you forgive your enemies?  ~Nickelback 

Well in the picture above, I definitely couldn't live out my day until it's very last.... but it sure felt like the end was near by. I placed that picture up there to continue where I left off on my last post. What my ex's beating me caused my brain to remember that would "numb" the pain. And this picture, was the closest I have to any from back then. I was very very alone on that scary loop I was caught in. When I would reach out to certain people to help, they were "logically" people who didn't know me that well. So I could come right back to them and tell them that they no longer had to control the medication bottle- I was "all right now." Year of 2003 it wasn't until near death in the very end that I was well.

So after the discord of the Army pulling my ex out of our apartment in TX, and me having all the pictures done on base and at the police station... I chose to no longer try to mend things by "talking" with the Chaplin-as for he was never honest with one word. So they had high security on him, and only allowed him to see us if he had a superior officer come with. He came once, and only paid attention to me. That right there just showed me the lack of love and care he had for our child. It was like she was a vapor.
My heart always tried to make the best of things. I always tried to do the best I could for people. But when I get hurt-I get angry, but I get emotional, that makes me so upset cause I hate tears. I didn't come from a family that allowed them. And I still didn't know prayer. I just had that gold cross on me--I would touch and talk to daily-not sure it ever made sense. But this was the time overdosing started. As for my parents always just want everything OK-no bad news. They would not accept my story as reality. So it got to the point I would just say "yah ok my--he is just long gone away, and never here..." She knew though-just wanted it fixed.
Well, it wasn't going to be fixed. You know I had the attitude you can be obnoxious and throw things, cheat on me, heck, back before Tory it wouldn't have been as upsetting if he beat me then, cause it was prior 1st brain surgery and I was a very strong woman-inside and out. But you dare include the feeling of the vulnerable child with your emotions-then I get upset. My problem there was I had zero support. I had long distance phone calls-and God bless I had who was like Uncle and Aunt to me-grew up as best friend to my mom and dad back in OH, they lived 40 minutes away from me. I drove there every week. And they could see a difference in me each time, as for I began taking more and more Phenobarbital to numb the pain. When in fact I could have helped numb it more if I listened to happy music-no not me. When really down, I make sure the music goes down with me.
Cutting story short-they were the ones to see how overdosed I was one night. Insisted I sleep at their home...I tried but when you take a lot, it winds you up at first. So I waved good-bye to his sweet daughter and said to tell him I am "all better..." I went straight to Jack in the Box, got a Large Dr Pepper, hit the 35 freeway North with my one Matchbox 20 song that came out that November song #7 - Hand Me Down.... instantly I started to bawl and popped every Phenobarbital I had left-with seven dropping. As I approached my exit for home--I knew if I didn't enter an ER, I wouldn't enter my home again. Gratefully, I called when I was back into the world again-my friend's house I just left-he and my parents just walked in with my daughter-and we were all flying back to Phoenix. Trust was there. Help was coming. How I'd ever get thru it all on my own, I didn't know, didn't care. I'd take it day by day....
I got my own apartment there in Chandler AZ... I slept on the living room floor with one lamp, no shade, a pillow and a blanket. My daughter, of course, I gave her the large bedroom-her crib, flood of toys, and clothes. This is the beginning of 2003-beginning of a new life... I thought...
I was higher than a kite most days--trying to get thru the "why's"..... but confusion always hit me harder. I had begun to see a very dear friend, that I met a year prior-right before my 1st brain surgery. I was introduced to him by a gentleman I considered my uncle. I met this man, this "uncle" back in 1998 at the hotel I worked at in Newport Beach. He loved my service, how I took care of his companies needs for rooms-and I was amazed by his story of his family of four kids, happy marriage. We always remained in contact thru out my crazy marriage years-and got me to this. The man he introduced me to a year ago-June 2002 I just knew from "someone" something would go down bad with my ex and I... and be replaced by this man in grace, in faith.
And that was the kick. I met my husband a year prior knowing we'd really date. I met him during such tough times. But God knew we'd both help pull each other out of ashes-and as we grew close in faith, dating far, then close-He would be blessing us big time.
My husband had to watch me go thru so much that a normal other half doesn't. I overdosed so many times. One time he was here and I was out could over 24 hours, and he had to take care of little not quite 2 yr old Tory. She was such a mommy's girl...so she was very distraught I was not getting up. But he worked wonders. At the same time-placed some distance between us to think about it all. Cause he loved so much of me, yet had to see the part that I was still fighting to get well, figure out.
We had a lot of fun, long distant talks-and e-mails were hilarious!! Have them all still. Gratefully, he did not have to be a part of any of the very large overdoses that put me into Mayo Hospital-where my neurologist fought from every corner for me!! Had a bad one in June, July--- the July one followed a huge grand map seizure I had trying to switch medications. I was reading to Tory with her on my lap. 6:30 pm I convulsed big time, and hit my head on the tile and was out for 3 1/2 hours. I woke up to Tory screeching, pointing at me, unable to cry tears she'd cried so long--saying MaMa, MaMa.... over and over. And when you wake up from those doozies--it takes a bit to get your words straight. I saw I heaved all over our carpet. I held her, comforted her, til I could sing as best I could with my ripped mouth-- our song from The Calling....  "Wherever You Will Go..." "Could it be any Harder" .....
As I was holding her, I had been listening to all the sermons at the church I found and decided to go to every Sunday-and chose a dear friend, Karen to talk to.... so my Bible had markings believe it or not..... So I called my Mom and Dad...to come get us... as I waited, I held Tory tight and opened my Bible on my own for the 1st time and read:

Romans 4:20-22
Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was absolutely convinced that God was able to do anything He promised. And because of Abraham's faith, God declared him to be righteous. 

That was one of my first big steps into starting a relationship with Jesus. My hubby today, Christian, had also bought me a CD of Christian music. Now, I would normally be rocking loud to it-and feel something somehow-when I was blasted on Phenobarbital. But usually went back to my down music, on non-high days.
After that July Hospitalization for overdosing, I was really fed up. We couldn't find a medication to give me that would control my seizures-so we started giving me bi-weekly prescriptions. Even tried having my parents dish it out when I drove over there each day. But no one would notice, I would just slip them in my purse, or pocket. Half of me was not taking them, cause I hated them. But if I hated them so bad, why would I store them? I was just waiting for that "rainy" day. A few months later, it struck hard. So hard, I can honestly say, every ER person was amazed when they found out I lived thru it all-their numbers and actions were saying death is near-and ICU wasn't much better. There was a battle going on--and me sitting here still typing can say, Jesus won. That was a very special month, and date for the rest of my life. October 19, 2003. All over a fight on the phone with my ex in Iraq who decided to then, a year later, personally deny he ever beat me. I popped an uncountable, stored for months amount of Phenobarbital- past 9000 mg. But Him hearing me cry out His name, He knew He had me on His side-Jesus scored! But how does He save cardiac arrest, coma's... make sure the charcoal stomach pumping is on time??? He is our One True God--He can do anything.... this I know.
That hospitalization was long-but my attitude was so uplifting and different. My friend, one that I chose to make came to visit almost every day--she had the Pastor come to pray. This was when life began to change. He was preparing me for major seizures, as for that 1 brain surgery was not enough, without Phenobarbital. I had two more brain surgeries to go thru. The 2nd one was a breeze and helped a lot-yet still just not enough. The 3rd brain surgery led to a lot of despair, troubles, marital discord-on my end more, overly medicated in Philly, and me trying to turn away from God--as I thought He really gave up on me....
Never believe those thoughts--lies from the devil. It was 2 1/2 tortuous years thinking that off and more on.... and 3 years of severe pain....Interesting conclusion how I climbed out of that pit of despair.... next blog....
Bless you all!!!

Thank you for reading....come to me with any need or loss of hope... we'll get you back on the right path-HIS Path!

In His Love,

Heather

http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe
http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe
http://www.YouTube.com/HeatherSiebens
http://www.YouTube.com/EpilepsyCures
http://heather4christ.blogspot.com
http://trialstotriumphs.blogspot.com

Hebrews 10:35-36
Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised.

Master Surgeon from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Singled Out

It is amazing in life, what we have to go thru, how long we have to go thru stuff, in order to see the beauty in simple things. Instead, looking at this photo on one of those bad days, weeks, or months-we may compare it to ourselves as the leaf that has been singled out in a storm... being washed away!! And not seeing the pure beauty it already has, and that God is enhancing even more so thru that day, week and month.
Yes, as many know I have been thru a lot. And the list never seems to end. I've sorta come to terms with that with Jesus. His healings do happen here on earth-but also wait until Heaven for many. I believe for a lot of my health conditions, they will take until Heaven to heal, to keep me in line with Him. To keep me focused on Him as the Main Doc to guide me where to go, what to do. But things do get out of line, when I decide I can do it without Him. Things are a hair short of destructive. And I really don't want to visit that ever again. He has done too much for me to ever pull the upset card on Him. I know we can question... but I know, personally He already knows-so why question? Just trust. I was a late finder and follower of Christ. But found Him in time to save my life.
I've always explained this as quick and as short as possible. I never really want to bore the world with tragedy. But then I ran into and author who proclaimed the need of drama, the real drama in the writing-to get the reader to understand they aren't wasting their time. Well, I told that person, I have had 3 brain surgeries, I can only throw in as much truthful drama in writing as my brain will allow.

I want to start with why I ever began overdosing on my anti seizure medication. It blew me away. I couldn't understand it, really-cause I took it my whole life with never one temptation. But a lot of things changed in my life when I surprisingly got pregnant. It kept me and my ex husband together for a short time, for one. We were a disaster from the moment we eloped. But this little girl in my tummy, to me, was a sign that something was going to be ok. He wanted to abort at first, but then stuck with us.
We moved from California to Alabama, where he could finish his engineer degree. His family was a bit crackers-so we didn't converse to often. My seizures started to go crazy the moment I had become pregnant. His mother sent me to who she said was a well known neurologist there in Tuscaloosa, AL. Well, not sure what well known for. He just kept increasing my dose to cover every seizure I had. He didn't communicate with the OBGYN on what was safe and not safe for the baby inside me. By my 9th month, I had gone from my normal 180 mg's to 990 mg's....
So seizures were very much out of control trying to lower any amount of it. Then he'd change it. Mind you, I am post partum with a very high dose of Phenobarbital still swimming in my system-it depresses you big time... along with who I lived with. But he changed me to a medication that might as well be called Suicidal Ideation .... only many just don't think about it on Keppra, many go thru with it or attempt it big time.
So brilliantly, the neuro saw some psychiatric mood change in 2001 while he changed me onto that awful medication, along with still a high dose of Phenobarbital, and seizures. So he decides to take me off his hands for that time being and have me psychiatrically studied at a psychiatric ward. Splendid!! I never even knew what one was! I found out the very direct, and unpleasant way! Here is your bed, take these pills, you are in High Security-so be good-and there is no silverware...etc. That didn't really matter, as for whatever drug they forced down me knocked me out so hard. I barely woke up in the middle of the night, not truly understanding-like maybe I was watching a movie-but the room-mate I had (didn't even know I had) was secured big time in a straight jacket-and she was screaming at the two VERY LARGE African American gentleman that were trying to get her under control... well, I bet they wished it was me--as I just lifted my head a minute, then boom, zonked right back out.
I remember a lady all dressed up, dancing and talking to herself there. One would run thru naked... one demanded sex.... and so on and on. Things I never encountered like this. Things I didn't have. But they juice you up anyway.
I have little remembrance of how long I was there-I just remember the 72 hour thing kept getting prolonged. But when I did get out, I had never hated a state more than I hated AL even more at that point-and my daughter and I fled to AZ. Gave my husband, from back then, a choice-stay there and part-come back and continue. Took him time, he came out. But he was bitter-angry at me.
I found the hospital and doctors I still see today-that saved me from death-and were also the ones for my 3 brain surgeries. My husband from back then, had to make a choice... continue 3 jobs and school, or back into military to get free school and insurance for my brain surgery... was up to him. He went into the Army. And again was gone.
During that time while he was gone-we tested all the tests needed to map out my first brain surgery. He was busy with some boot camp, and cheating on me, again.
The surgery itself was remarkable. What was remarkable-I did pretty well, and seizure free- yet still didn't know Jesus. I did however buy a cross just prior the surgery. Like God was telling me "a lot was going to hit-so hang onto this-cause soon my child, you'll be hanging onto me!!"
So my neurologist gave me clearance, as much as he didn't recommend it, he knew we wouldn't work. He was right. He allowed me and my baby girl to move to where my husband then, was stationed. Tory was not quite 1 1/2 ... We were there four days, that fourth night, in our new apartment and just got Tory down to sleep. I was kind of down. Missed my city, my family etc. I just wanted a tad bit of comfort. My ex froze-his face full of anger and just announced "he wasn't going to listen to this...I am going to bed..." I cried out asking 'why, what did I do?' He named off a trillion things.... So the Jensen in me, no longer was crying, but was angry-I jumped up and told him to take the couch if he feels I'm that much of a pain... and as I closed the bedroom door-he busted thru it.... threw me down on "our" bed hands around my neck. He kept asking "did you really mean that??" Over and over.... And "You did this to us..." My thoughts of what he even was saying were blank---his hands were around my throat!! Then it began-- with one fist in the air.... then to another... kept striking me, anywhere my arms weren't held down by him. His anger had him very strong that night. And my surgery, sadness of the move had me very vulnerable.... I tried to show my true colors for a change, true feelings-and I was attacked all over and bruised. All I could think as a mom, was to keep quiet, so Tory wouldn't wake to his psychotic change-I would fix this... he won't be here when you get up... is what I kept thinking.
And that is what happened.
Tory and I had a late night together-took MY car for a drive, as he had NONE. Social Services on the base took care of my safety 100% God intervened there. I still didn't know Jesus yet... but in a few months from this point, all of this made my life turn completely for His glory in a radical, near death way.... and I am still here to tell.
I praise Jesus for every breath He gives me-cause with every breath comes a miracle somewhere! He is amazing... blessed beyond blessings I was able to find and accept Him..... even when I was blasted-overdosed to numb pain.... and later--in my next blog, explain how He saved me from suicide... epilepsy meds are not fun when very depressed from actions like domestic violence. It is hard just on the normal body. But just after brain surgery and on depressive medication... it makes the situation very tough to get thru, without a set back. And mine was overdosing....

Bless you all..... life can seem so dramatic.... but thru every storm is a rainbow...and a cloud with a silver lining!! Keep your eyes and ears mind, heart, soul--open for HIM!!!

Much love to all....

In His Love,

Heather

This picture was the morning my memory was slipping fast-back in Sept of 2012-- I wound up having zero memory of any words except my husband.... and was paralyzed for 4 hours from tongue to toes--didn't get any memory back for 4 days.... this story is a few pages away... but is beautiful how Jesus worked thru it!!! AMEN!!

Isaiah 30:21  Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the Way, walk in it."


True Love's the gift which God has given To man alone beneath the Heaven It is the Secret Sympathy, The silver link, the silken tie, Which Heart to heart, and mind to mind, In body and in soul can bind.  ~Sir Walter Scott

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. - Peter Ustinov
Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
~Robert Heinline

To Love Someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.  - Francois Mauriac
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life; that word is LOVE. -Sophocles
Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.  ~Ursula Le Guin

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it.  - Song of Solomon 8:7

"All people will know that you are My followers if you LOVE each other."
-John 13:35

Video with music in relation to above Blog-what I was going thru.... Bless you all!!! Amazing what God waits on--so long for us to find Him, when really He IS so obvious!!


Waited on that Line - Medium from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

God knows ALL

Back in Philly 2011

1 John 4:4-6

But you belong to God, my dear children, You have already won your fight with these FALSE prophets, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. These people belong to this world, so they speak from the WORLD'S VIEWPOINT, and the WORLD LISTENS TO THEM. But WE BELONG TO GOD; that is why those WHO KNOW GOD-LISTEN TO US. If they do not belong to God, they DO NOT LISTEN to us. That is how we know if someone has the Spirit of Truth or the spirit of deception. 

1 John 4:7-8

Dear friends, let us continue to LOVE one another, for LOVE come from GOD. Anyone who LOVES is BORN of God and KNOWS GOD. But anyone who does NOT love does NOT know God-GOD IS LOVE!

1 John 4:9

God showed how much HE LOVED US by sending HIS ONLY SON into the world so that we might have eternal life thru Him. This is REAL LOVE. It is not that we LOVED GOD, but that HE LOVED US and sent HIS SON as a sacrifice to take away OUR SINS. 

Our God is Amazing.... just make sure you stay in His walk- don't listen to all of the outside calls that are ways people twist the Bible way out of context. If you are unsure-go to your Pastor-friend... and me any time...... take a glance at this Blog, and definitely the scriptures.... but keep your heart pure and open for any and all that put you thru anything non-biblical, yet say it is. 

Matthew 7:15 

"Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep, but are really wolves that will tear you apart."

Matthew 7:21

"Not all people who sound religious are really Godly. They may refer to me as 'Lord,' but they still won't enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The decisive issue is whether they obey my Father in Heaven."

It was very difficult back in 2003, when I was a single Mom to precious Tory. I was struggling hard to be a mom, try to understand why my ex husband beat me 5 months October 6, 2002... which lead me to overdosing to numb that pain. I just knew my doctor's at Mayo Hospital were doing their best-but I needed even something more than my neurologist, psychiatrist, psychologist, neurosurgeon on board. I needed the One, Only One who knew EVERYTHING about me-and my daughter, and my life. I am so grateful God guided me to the church we still go to today. It is so real. And never close any doors to anyone-even if you don't see eye to eye. Cause at first-I sure didn't get it-and I was still welcomed and helped-basically bottle fed, but willing to be. People who have questions about their beliefs or think part of the church is wrong-they are welcomed open armed to come talk it out. No one is booted out-unless they do something illegal to the church or if someone just came to spread evil words to innocent believers. The church I go to first off-are amazing at teaching children-Tory was 2 and on fire for Jesus!! Our church also has nothing to hide, nothing to fear, nothing to shame or prepare for those who believe they are "true Christ believers." There is nothing over-observed or twisted verses to meet what particular other man made congregations look for and require in order to have any friendship or open-door relationship, ready and ok for questions or differences. Our church is by the Bible-exactly how it is written, and not how one twists it. Our Pastors always say if something seems iffy about a sermon-just pray and for us to go back to the book and re-read, understand it straight from God. But more and more man made churches-not Biblical Christ made churches-keep coming out with more twists-that if you really read it yourself-prayed about it-and if by then wanted a nondenominational churches imput-you'd figure it out. How corrupt so many can be. Many just build for the money...and even run. Some think it is from their heart-but Satan has a hold of their beliefs. Some just get swallowed into the popularity with growth. Many reasons... and many just forget the Reason is For Christ and His Church-His Coming-reaching to people to know His Real Truth. And I keep coming across more and more who twist so much-to meet what they want it to say. For their lifestyle. For their needs. For their business. But who are we really? We are daughter and sons of the Lord most High. Jesus came here to die for us-to wipe away all these incredibly awful and on-going sins... so that when we would wake up-reach to Him and know He is the Lord of Lord, King of Kings-our Savior and Best Friend-you would think we would do everything in our best to follow Him as close as possible, as Christ-like a man can be completely and a woman could be whole heartedly. His mercy and grace overflows everywhere we are, and everything we do, and every choice we make-even if it may not seem like it right then. He is continuing to mold us-even as we make awful mistakes. When we wake up from twisting words in His Book of Life--and begin to read it from our Christ-filled hearts that want NOTHING but to be and do nothing but what He wants to mold us into being. Giving up all our toys-knowing they will not follow us up to Home in Heaven anyway. 

It is so important to be on the right page, in the right sync with Christ. Not only have Him partially part of our actions cause it sounds catchy. But really, it's all selfishness inside our hearts when it isn't balancing right. When too much evil seems to attack you-and you attack back, instead of being humble with His beautiful Words of Life. That is the Armor to use. Watch our tongues-speak gently-keep your door open for people who are suffering inside-going thru trials from the Devil to pull them away. We are here to help them, gently back into the right walk again-not curse them for the parts of wrong doing. If we screeched about it-where would one listen to where they may be on a destructive path? If someone did it that way to me--I'd just go my destructive way even harder, usually. That is the usual human reaction. Kindness and care comes in somewhere from us thru HIM-that helps get us straight with Him....

Amazing part to re-think, all the temptations we go thru. Jesus had it hard on, straight from a weak point in His life

Galatians 6:1-3 

Dear brothers and sisters, if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are Godly should gently and humbly help the person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other's troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself. You are really nobody.

Galatians 5:22 

But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, He will produce this kind of fruit in us; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.

Galatians 1:8-9

Let God's curse fall on anyone, including myself, who preaches and other message than the one we told you about. Even if an angel comes from Heaven (Satan was an angel in the beginning....) and preaches any other message, let him be forever cursed. I will say it again: If anyone preaches any other gospel than the one you welcomed, let God's curse fall upon that person.

Galatians 1:4-5

He died for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live. That is why all glory belongs to God thru all the ages of eternity. AMEN.

Responsibility can be tough... but like the picture above... worth every tear and pain we have to go thru-that responsibility is required for in the first place. I was in so much pain from feet to shoulders in this picture.... but Jesus is always there. As we seek Him. He allows us in His life-His Heart-no matter how dirty, treacherous we are or even how little bit of our heart we put into it. He sees the lowest of the low and thinks of them the same as all. Beautiful. Precious, Loved, Clean. His Daughter or Son. Sees when we are struggling health wise. But to really feel that-feel Him, really know all good is HIM-you have to be going down the right path seeking Him, finding, re-finding, teaching, learning about our Savior. The Path is Love-for Jesus Christ--who will then help you thru your Christ like paths to come--but none of them that alter HIS WORD- the Bible, or throw out of context, as many cults have to meet their comfortable needs. If you cannot live the life His Truth- says in the Bible in Black and White to the best of your ability daily, then it isn't your time right now--you are not free yet. More trials will endure, to hopefully help you see His Truth. Until perhaps one day hits and He can see there is no changing you-then, He has to toss your lack of attention, care and love to the outside world today. I myself am thrilled to help anyone and everyone--and know I am secure in my faith with my Lord and Savior to come back to me-proud for what I have done for Him in such a positive way. I love His creations and don't want one soul to perish. 

Watch your backs to the new "religions" and new "churches" going up that do not stay "friends" because of very small disagreements.... those are big ones in Christ's eyes, especially if the person keeps blocking people out of connection. To be Christ-like is to connect... be open and in discussion of rights and wrongs. I think some have it all very confused-many sadly without meaning to-others meaning to have a whole set up-church or church to be very confusing to people who have learned the right way thru Christ and a Christ like church but see major alterations in new ones coming. That isn't just pocket books working for some good cash-sadly, and I pray for some I know-but that is the devil at big time work and winning right now with many. So stay alert!! Reach out when you can!

Salvation is God's work--His choice--His gift..... not ours...Praising Him and His Son!

Romans 9:15

For God said to Moses,

"I will show mercy to anyone I choose,

and I will show compassion to anyone I choose."

Romans 9:18

So you see, God shows mercy to some just because He wants to, and He chooses to make some people refuse to listen.

Matthew 25:7

"So stay awake and be prepared, because you do not know the day or hour of My return."

1 Thessalonians 5:6-11

So be on your guard, not asleep like the others. Stay alert and be sober. Night is the time for sleep and the time when people get drunk. But let us who live in the light think clearly, protected by the body armor of FAITH and LOVE, and wearing as our helmet the confidence of our salvation. For God decided to save us thru our Lord Jesus Christ, not to pour out His anger on at the time of His return. So ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER and BUILD EACH OTHER UP, just as you are already doing.

So please, if any of this is happening to you-and you don't know where to go, who to talk to, what to say--I will remain anonymous if you'd like to talk and discuss your concern of where you are going, or who is converting you right now or at some point... Would be better to get your heart straight with Christ now--then when it is too late!!

Many blessings to you all.... my love and prayers to each of you!

In His Love,

Heather

Jesus had been fasting-forty days and nights....

Matthew 4:3-4 

The Devil came to Him and said to Him "If You are the Son of God, change these stones into loaves of bread." ... Jesus said... 

"No the Scripture say,

'People need more than bread for their life;

they must feed on every word of God."

Matthew 4:5-7

Then the Devil took Him to Jerusalem, to the highest point of the Temple, and said,  "If You are the Son of God, jump off! For the Scriptures say,

'He orders His angels to protect You, 

and they will hold You with their hands

to keep You from striking Your foot on a stone."

Jesus responded, "The Scriptures also say, 'Do not rest the Lord your God."

Matthew 4:8-10

The Devil took Him to the peak of a very high mountain and showed Him the nations of the world and all their glory. I will five it all to You (Jesus) " he (the Devil) Said, if You will only kneel down and worship me!"

"Get out of here Satan," Jesus told him. "For the Scriptures say,

'You must worship the Lord you God;

Serve ONLY HIM."

Deuteronomy 6:5

And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.

Exodus 34:5-6

Then the LORD came down in a pillar of cloud and called out His own name, "the LORD," as Moses stood there in His presence. He passed in front of Moses and said, "I am the LORD, I am the LORD, the merciful and gracious God. I am slow to anger and rich in unfailing love and faithfulness.

Leviticus 19:11-18

"Do not steal.

Do not cheat one another.

Do not lie.

Do not use My Name to swear falsehood and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD.

Do not rob or cheat anyone.

Always pay your hired workers promptly.

Show your fear of God by treating the DEAF with RESPECT and by NOT taking advantage of the BLIND. I am the LORD.

Always judge your neighbors fairly, neither favoring the poor nor showing deference to the rich.

Do not spread slanderous gossip among your people.

Do not try to get ahead at the cost of your neighbor's life, for I am the LORD.

Do not nurse hatred in your heart for any of Your relatives.

Confront your neighbors directly so you will not be held guilty for their crimes.

NEVER seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone, but LOVE your neighbor as YOURSELF. I AM THE LORD."

Leviticus 19: 26

"Never eat meat that has not been drained of its blood.

Do not practice fortune telling or witchcraft."

Leviticus 19:31

"Do not rely on mediums and psychics, for you will be defiled by them, I, the LORD, and your God."

Exodus 34:14

You must worship no other gods, but only the LORD, for He is a God who is passionate about His relationship with you.

Exodus 15:2, 11

"The LORD is my strength and my song;

He has become my Victory,

He is my God, and I will praise Him!

"Who else among the gods is like You, O LORD?

Who is glorious in holiness like You-

so AWESOME in SPLENDER,

performing such WONDERS?

Hebrews 6:11-12

For God is not unfair, He will not forget how hard you have worked for Him and how you have shown your love to Him by caring for other Christians, as you still do. Our great desire is that you will keep right on loving others as long as life lasts in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God's promises because of their faith and patience.

Great songs to go with this discussion....

Only One Jesus - Medium from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Always

In His Love,

Heather
http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe
http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe

church I found Jesus at and go to still since Feb 9, 2003
http://www.cschandler.com
http://www.cschandler.com/hurumaproject.html
http://www.cschandler.com/ministries/missions.html

Blessed with Gifts

Amazing Time Together

1 Corinthians 9:25

All athletes practice strict self-control. They do it to win a priza that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. I am not like a boxer who misses his punches. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.

1 Corinthians 11:3

But there is one thing I want you to know; A man is responsible to Christ, a woman is responsible to her husband, and Christ is responsible to God.

1 Corinthians 15:53-557

For our perishable earthly bodies must be transformed into Heavenly bodies that will NEVER die-then at last the Scriptures will come true-

"Death is swallowed up in victory.

O death, where is your victory?

O death, where is your sting?"

For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. How we thank God, who gives us victory over sin and death thru Jesus Christ our Lord!

1 Corinthians 15:58

So my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is EVER useless.

Galatians 2:20

I myself no longer live, but Christ lives IN me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

Philippians 1:21-22 

For to me, living is for Christ, and dying is even better. Yet if I live, that means fruitful service for Christ. I really don't know which is better. (dedicated to Jason Mitchener ... RIP up there!!)

I love that Galatians verse.... that is where I pulled my @AliveinMe twitter name from--once we got ahold of my then, baby Tory-who was visiting my ex, her now ex dad she only knew as Nathan then anyway. He had remarried and thought he'd try to put some time into her. But he was required to answer my call every day--return anytime I called. Eight days--no return, no pick up. All of twitter and Facebook was on fire in prayers and telling me how to handle it. Just as I picked up the phone to see which of the two states he even had her in and report to the police--my brother had called him, got him to pick up--and used aggressive, yes, some very ripping and fowl language. But he was wanting that kiddo back with his sister--his niece that was named after him. I won't ever forget that day, no matter what quarrel Troy and I may go thru...I always love him--and am grateful for that day.

We all had such a great time at Tory's horse riding competition!! She has had a couple small ones before--but nothing like this. This was really awesome-big step for my kiddo. And a great time for her mom and dad to bond even more tight, given I just went thru some more "family related" issues again. Gives us time to see each other eye to eye and be able to see the real "us' thru our eyes-without having to say a word.

Now it is kind of funny I say that. We all got into conversation about dominance. Only reason I even put 1 Corinthians 11:3 up there... as a reminder to myself that, even though I am, on every subject or any subject-the dominant one in our family-it reminds me it isn't about "dominance." It is about knowing who really is the head of the house-the leader... and if everything crashes, who is the one, thru Jesus, that is responsible to execute a plan for his family for shelter, help... etc. I am supposed to lean on him when in need. And Lord knows, over the past decade off and on they have been big leans while Christ carried-and the last 3 years-Christ had to carry me while my husband carried me too...I think my kid even had to carry me some--that was how much pain it really was. And every time I feel it like it was before-all limbs--and really bad in knees and shoulders from doing nada, then the one thing I ever worry about comes ashore. It haunts me. But it has been a couple months now-and it is clock-work when I have that pain for about 5 days then it dissipates. So, I am very grateful thru all of this, Jesus #1 has been healing me... #2 gave me a husband that does everything and anything he can do to make everything as comfortable and "perfect" as possible thru every storm I go thru. It is like Jesus gave me a man from the "movies." You know-one of the "dream" ones. An extreme change from ex beating to gentle love and kindness. It took me time to adapt to it all. Sounds crazy, but just wasn't how I was raised either. But we click, fit like the iPhone 5 charger--- fits both directions!! :) And we are like me when I lived in Cali-- or anytime I drive... if I ever get a tad lost, I just flip a U turn and follow God's guidance. Always make it perfectly. 

I love the verses about athletes. Reminds me of me as being a competitive gymnast all while growing up... and now as a mom, my daughter competing in horse competitions. I just so enjoyed seeing her go at it this weekend. Not give up. She is very hesitant and fearful of A LOT of things. Reason she is not in gymnastics for sure... she balled thru a few sessions. But ever since she was born, she has gripped toy horses-or wanting to ride them. This from the girl who never wanted to learn to skate, or freaked over ever attempting bike riding lessons?? Just amazing!! But it is in her heart for good! And she sure proved it this weekend with the load of ribbons brought home! Today was absolutely perfect day!! The horse and her were in perfect sync! 

We all have gifts. And it is amazing when we find them. Some found so young. Some completely change later in life, like mine did--mine due to 3rd brain surgery. But God works on us all, and I know we all change over time, constantly. Sometimes we don't even reach for the talents He has sitting right there for us... either just stubborn, or perhaps need to get a little closer to Christ to really see and reach them. He has the answers to everything. The gifts are gifts that sure can bless so many others!! My little family is filled with gifts, and they are a gift. Kinda fits that Edwin McCain song really well- "I Couldn't Ask For More.... If I Tried..."  AMEN..... I love my family dear Jesus.... thank You!!!

And thank You so much for such dear friends--keep them sparkling with gifts... blessings all are to me!!

Bless you all.... much love!!! 

In His Love,

Heather

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Be on guard. Stand true to what you believe. Be courageous. Be strong. And everything you do MUST be done with LOVE.  :)

Differences Can Be Questioned...

Blessed Beyond Measure

But I am not talking about me and my husband having differences!!! :)

1 Timothy 2:5 For there is only ONE God and ONE Mediator who can reconcile God and people. HE is the Man Christ Jesus. He gave His life to purchase freedom for everyone. This is the message that God gave to the world at the proper time
1 Timothy 4:16 Keep a close watch on yourself and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right, and God will save you and those who hear you.
2 Timothy 4:7-8 I have fought a good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me--the crown of righteousness that the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that Great Day of His return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to His glorious return.
Titus 3:4-7 But then God our Savior showed us His kindness and love. He saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins and gave us a new life thru the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us because of what Jesus Christ our Savior did. He declared us not guilty because of His great kindness. And now we know that we will inherit eternal life.
Romans 16:1 Our sister Phoebe, a deacon in the church in Cenchrea, will be coming to see you soon. Receive her in the Lord, as one who is worthy of high honor. Help her in every way you can, for she has helped many in their needs, including me. (Paul)
Romans 16:3-4 Greet Priscilla and Aquila. They have been co-workers in my ministry for Christ Jesus. In Fact, they risked their lives for me. I am not the only one who is thankful to them; so are all the Gentile churches.

Now that is a lot of words.... I almost don't have to say a thing!!

Honestly... the Bible has so many pages. So many verses that are worded in a particular manner for what was going on then and what it was really geared to then. Then later you find another that basically contradicts it. So everyone goes haywire over the right and wrong. People break as friends, knock people off social media sites for their opinions. Deal about how you feel should be humbly discussed-not torn to shreds right away-announcing somehow will be going to the lake of fire for the way the read their verses. But the people being accused, I feel even more so have obligation to HUMBLY stand up for their belief-while listening and kindly debating their differences until both just say ok and understand there is difference-or until one just can't get thru to the others falling point and hand it over to Jesus in prayer. But it isn't for us to quarrel over. If we can't watch our tongues... we might as well become islamic and get a bit more physically aggressive. God will fix it or allow issues in peoples lives to hopefully wake them up to their wrong choices--as He has done in different areas with me. We just never know how far down people have to go in order to really realize they are on the waaaay wrong track, and maybe need some Christ-driven friends to help boost them back up now that they see something is wrong. Never be too proud--He is our everything and never ashamed-only very proud.

In the verses above, you will see a few that are a little confusing on woman in the church as "leaders..." -but leaders of what? I personally still stick to this one--who is head of Church? Yes, Jesus Man of God... Head of household--husbands--wives submit, respect and cherish what they do for us-no matter how tough it is.... they take care of us. Was how we were formed to be-since Adam and Eve--we just surely altered it a lot, so we just forget all of what Ephesians says.... Says the husband is to detach from his parents--take care of his wife and kids on his own thru Christ. Ironically, doesn't say wife has to detach... may be because women are/were so loving, clingy, needy attached to family that brought her to this world.... mystery ... but still shows, husband is to take charge.
So if we really lived that way-all of us... does it really look like we should be hopping into our Lexus or Toyota... just us chicks, all packed up to our church as head Pastor? We do not head anything at home outside of house needs, children care, and our husbands-supposed to, we all have our up and down reasons... that I know from bad health. Doesn't mean we are supposed to submit there-but then go teach the world something Jesus entrusted our men to lead our homes with. It is just disrespect. At least, the way I view it.


Ephesians 5:21-33
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her byithe washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.


I applaud women who get masters to teach Bible studies-for women... and really doesn't over bug me if it is just a Bible study for married couples--but when it goes to the head that now cause you've taught men, counseled them-one can be lead Pastor, I just think it is self desire to break that "glass ceiling of the Church" even more....

I personally respect everyones choices-and the fact it is for Jesus. I just don't know how you teach certain verses-unless just skipped around. Like anyone teaching with sins-usually all who are Pastors have conquered big sins and talk about them-why they became one. Others flip around the subjects completely and then we don't learn right. I am grateful for my church who spit out truths....

Anyone want to guide me differently, in a cordial way....please... would be great learning...

Bless you all....

Off to see my kiddo in her horse competition!!

In His Love,

Heather

http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe

2 Timothy 2:19
But God's Truth stand like a foundation stone with this inscription: " The Lord KNOWS those who ARE HIS," and THOSE who claim they belong to the Lord MUST turn away from ALL wickedness.

My Inspiration ...

"My Inspiration here"

That's my baby girl of 12 years up there.... 6 of them financially on our own. But her "dad" today-the only one she ever saw as dad-has been in her life since she was 1 1/2... and has taken on so much of her, due to my severe illnesses over the last few years. They have truly bonded-we are all so blessed. And she is legally allowed to be his-has been that way since 2009-never heard another peep. So we will move forward on that.
Off that subject... isn't it amazing though the talents God does give us? When I was young I was a full time, mega pusher gymnast. No fear ever in me. Then or now. Now my kiddo is a remarkable story of trust. My baby girl never wanted to skate, ride bikes, pogo sticks, swim, gymnastics, soccer, so on and so on.... still doesn't--except she swims a bit more. Her trust was not, and is not ready for that stuff. And I don't blame her after all she has been thru. She has seen me seize big time, too many times. Hospitalized at least twice a year. Three brain surgeries and several others if I named them this blog would go on and on to explain. Point is, she is very trusting of God and how He takes great care of me, so I could always come back and take good care of her. She always clung hard to me, partially because the ex was very aggressive, partially because she feared me going again. I think deep in her soul-she -SHE didn't fear those things to do as I said above-I think she feared if ANYTHING could happen, that MY feelings would be as sad when she would be hurt, in the hospital like mommy-and she never wanted to do that to me. That is her heart. Biggest heart I know of aside of Jesus.
So why horses? I believe it is God's animal of trust. Team work, like she and her Mommy-out expressing life cantering and leaping in the freedom they get-trusting each other, trusting God-showing mommy what  an amazing kid she has brought up. And I am so proud.
The talents and gifts God gives us are just amazing. I love hers-cause she has loved horses since a tiny toddler --knowing deep in her heart this was going to be her life. My kid knows everything about every type of horse. Blows my brain away!! I am just one very proud mom that she has found her way to "fly!!" To reach that part of the heart God created for us to keep feeling these amazing feelings--and keep reaching for more--never just stop at one. He is full of amazing plans that will take your gift to higher levels--excelling your current gift, and adding on more!! Our God is One Amazing God... and I am truly amazed He ever chose me for the ride as the mom of such a very sweet soul-with such sweet gifts from the heart.
I love you Tory... never lose that gift in your heart! Your love surpasses all the 12 yr old's I've met. You are one special angel.... I am just very blessed!!!
Keep reaching for your gifts, your talents God has in store for you!!! Most amazing moments can come from a simple accomplishment using it. Such as today... Tory got 3 ribbons... all first place! She showed us how she has excelled-and we are so proud!! Always have been-alway will be!!

Blessings to you all!!! Go snatch your gift--your talents--no, just go start them--you have them already!!

In His Grip,

Heather

http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe
http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe

Accomplishments in God's Beauty-Medium from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Caught Myself

"Different Roads"

I caught myself so many times, doing what Jesus is to do. Helping people down the paths He has in store for us. Our catch is, when are we going to fix our eyes, truly on Him-so He can start to unwind those plans? Plans of good, not evil!! I have several close people in my life that are really going thru "stuff" that I have personally tried so hard to help. I went thru some major stuff on my own, and thru Jesus-finding and accepting Him my life was spared!! So I just always feel it should be easier for one with this tragic story of mine of almost losing my life, by taking it-but saved by the Grace of God-as I called out for Christ thru my heart and soul. It just isn't that simple. Actually, if God made things simple, maybe I would have been raised Christian and understood all these trials etc-and not flipped out. No, even easier, before Adam and Eve's apple incident-where everything was just perfect. Imagine that!!? But when I think of that, how would we live learn and grow deeply in love with Christ the way we do when hit by trains of trials? He would just have us already programmed that way before the Adam and Eve incident. I just know-when I shake my attitude and questioning God and get back to His deep love and reason for allowing hard times in our lives to occur for many purposes-even outside of us completely. And when I bring myself back to understanding that again... I am back to Worshipping the reason I still breathe air today-Jesus!
It is very very tough to see a family member struggle so hard-not realizing what he is missing and how simple it truly is in the start--well to restart life, to get it on track. Accepting Christ truly from your heart, soul, mind, body-giving yourself to Him is a must in order to really find what you've been searching so badly for and just cannot find. He has been with us all from before we were born-and held us safe thru so much we should have drowned in. Did we ever see it in before Christ days-not then. But when you look back after you are in a true relationship with Him, you see His footprints all over since you were-well before born!! But there comes a time He just allows more in life to happen-makes us feel like this has to be the end of the world. But it is really a gift of tougher times to hopefully help one to finally fall to there knees and get it--WE NEED HIM!! If my family member got this-life would feel so amazing for them, and me-cause I would know he is ok, every day. But he is really having some wrestling with the devil days and nights that have caused so much friction in family, friends, acquaintances etc.
I pray for those wrestling with God--the halfway there match. It's hard when we, as Christ followers learned a hard way and know the right and only way-but watch people go thru similar issues wrestling, wasting precious time with Jesus as I did. But I retell myself to pray for them, and know God has HIS perfect timing... this I know as for I am breathing, married, and my kiddo is so happy and healthy.
We all have different roads we follow in order to find Jesus. Just going to a church doesn't do it. I went to a very well known one ( I didn't even know it was well known then) Saddleback, with Rick Warren. But because Christ was thrown in my face- I went there and all I saw were "perfect people" ... and I knew I was not. Once you find Jesus and enter that church-it is a whole new outlook-warm, worship, fellowship and amazing sermons!! His timing....
So hold onto your prayers for your loved ones too... or if you don't know all about this Jesus stuff and ever want to talk--message me on Facebook! Praying for you all-- Blessed by each of you!

In His Love,
Heather

Gifts From Jesus

It is so amazing... instantly finding and jumping into our gifts God has had in store for us. That part is a hoot!! What is sometimes mind boggling are the gifts we are never prepared for-and never personally seek out, that just come upon us slowly in life-but then BANG one day it hits you like a truck full of led.
Gifts we get as children (not those to un-wrap) we are thrilled about, usually. We look forward to each day we are able to use our gift. My personal one that I adored was gymnastics. A way to thrillingly use time as a child until exhausted, tumbling, flipping all over. My mother was so nervous. I never had a nerve in my body. I had epilepsy my whole life. She knew she had to let me do what I wanted to do. I was so blessed as for Jesus always made sure I would have an aura-long enough to get down off of the event to let the seizure pass... then I'd hop right back up.
I also know I was very blessed with interaction with people. The way I would listen, give advice, comfort. But that grew to be an even larger gift as an adult after I found Jesus. So I knew how to truly advise and direct thru and to Jesus thru all troubles of life. After having gone thru so much in life, He made me a very easy one to talk to-there isn't much you can say that will frighten or shock me-nothing that can change my look-out on how all of us can change and look to Him to be more than OK--to be free of all our worries and troubles.
I was blessed to be able to be very vocal-whether in front of 2 or 2 million nothing changes my personality and desire to speak about the things in which I believe in speaking about. I do know there are definitely different gifts among the church--we did a study on that and they would have you give your imput and they'd come back with where you belong. I am the people person. I sure realized looking at those and living my pre-Jesus and denying Him life-that my ex husband should have had the mechanical-back of the church gift. He was not one to speak out loud and get confused ones like me to listen to the ways he would explain it-and be thrilled to go figure it out. No-it made me mad how he explained it. So--if it is uncomfortable.... that is an area that one needs to work on in simple ways to get people to come to church, and not give right away low downs or condemnations. Otherwise-he has a great brain, and I know deep down he could have done a lot more... and still hope he does today. Plus was my first time ever hearing about it-so being so straight forward with me was hard to sink in with out me like Heather does-come back with avenges!!
It is amazing all we can do on line today!! How much we can reach others who know Jesus and worship with them. Connect with those who don't know Him, and love them always... and be open with our love of our Lord. We can share the music we love. Bible verses we adore. I love to share jewelry and recently paintings I have been able to make. Those are gifts that just shockingly hit me-and I along praise God. I am still in awe how I can barely draw stick figures one day-another I attempt to paint--and because of that 3rd brain surgery Jesus got me thru--He gifted me with several artsy gifts to get my mind off the pain I had been suffering. Praise Him....
So, finally out of the over 3 year in pain distress... and 13 years of continual seizures aborted--we are finally looking into going to Africa on a missions trip. Something my heart has wanted to do for so long-but I was always too sick. So we will see!!
Otherwise... looking forward to setting up a website for my art--to get things rolling!!
So what gifts has Jesus blessed you with--
You are ALL my gifts with smiles!!!
Much love...
Heather/Hetty
http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe
http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe

Gifts thru Pain

Life has been an absolute whirlwind since January. The two years prior to that, I was in constant severe pain from my 3rd awake brain surgery... and honestly didn't want to see sunlight the next day, everyday because I kept waking up in worse, more pain. This past year I have hit a few roller coasters of it up in pain, then way down-almost gone completely. And then I'd get my hopes up-and it would just crash.
Now, a benefit is-I came off all my crazy, very strong pain medications that the doctor back in Philadelphia put me on. I have no idea how I was coherent. But being on those and with a lot of stress we had in our household, I kept having seizures even after that 3rd intense brain surgery. But ever since I came off all those and then balanced my seizure meds-It's been over half a year of no seizures. That is a miracle for me. That is a gift from God-like He was proud I was just personally demanding to come off all those crazy meds.
He gave me a very unique gift thru all this troubling, painful trial. Well, #1... I have connected with such amazing souls like you all--and met some radical ones in person that are best friends for life. I give God all the glory and praise for such compassion for my painful, faith challenged and weak few years. Having these friends helped me thru it all--and still does today--and I pray to never forget that.
Kind of amusing- my left side of my brain is my dominant side. Does most of all requirements-especially language for me. Nothing big ever negative came out of the first two brain surgeries-only amazing positives that were crystal clear!! But when all this pain flooded my body from the snip of the part that controls pain-I thought there was no positive to look for. But thru it all I started making those necklaces-which I never would have done ever in my life before. Then they I got better at it in time. I found this art place near where I live and got into painting pottery--an awesome escape from the pain. But recently Jesus blessed me to be able to actually use the paint brush on canvas-and it come out decent!! My right side of my brain-the artistic side took over for the lack of my left side left. So, I may have lost my organization skills, and have to search for words here and there... but He blessed me abundantly on the other side. And I thank Him forever more....
Instead of sitting here and counting all I missed out on, what I didn't get to do... what I look at is I am still here... I am feeling 80% better... my family still loves me as much today as yesterday... my faith has been restored by my heart re-opening from a discussion I had with a friend on Facebook and all he is fighting... and so grateful for all of my precious friends. All gifts from Jesus...
We sure can't understand God's roads and timings for us on all we go thru-all He allows, but we sure need to hang on tight-no matter how dark. Days were much more "comfy" in my pre-surgery days and having constant seizures. I was always talking about how amazing He is, How Mighty-full of grace and mercy--seeing me thru with answers every day. Everything then was much more smooth-and "connected" with Christ than my turn away from Him, close MY door attitude thru my pain trials. Walking with Christ for a decade now--He had to teach me the direct way.... not the by the Book way!
Whatever any and all of you are going thru--know He is there-with a magnificent plan mapped out for you!! Just keep in full contact with Him--He will never fail you--just have the beautiful term-- "patience!"  :)
The coolest thing about this painting is--He guides me as I think about what to paint--and all have neat meanings. That is why I just love it so much!!! It is a one on one session of art with Jesus!!

Bless you all!! When my website is up--I'll post it--otherwise, pics are all posted on my Facebook and Twitter...

He never fails you...

Heather/Hetty
http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe
http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe

Beauty in Colors from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.