Life has been an absolute whirlwind since January. The two years prior to that, I was in constant severe pain from my 3rd awake brain surgery... and honestly didn't want to see sunlight the next day, everyday because I kept waking up in worse, more pain. This past year I have hit a few roller coasters of it up in pain, then way down-almost gone completely. And then I'd get my hopes up-and it would just crash.
Now, a benefit is-I came off all my crazy, very strong pain medications that the doctor back in Philadelphia put me on. I have no idea how I was coherent. But being on those and with a lot of stress we had in our household, I kept having seizures even after that 3rd intense brain surgery. But ever since I came off all those and then balanced my seizure meds-It's been over half a year of no seizures. That is a miracle for me. That is a gift from God-like He was proud I was just personally demanding to come off all those crazy meds.
He gave me a very unique gift thru all this troubling, painful trial. Well, #1... I have connected with such amazing souls like you all--and met some radical ones in person that are best friends for life. I give God all the glory and praise for such compassion for my painful, faith challenged and weak few years. Having these friends helped me thru it all--and still does today--and I pray to never forget that.
Kind of amusing- my left side of my brain is my dominant side. Does most of all requirements-especially language for me. Nothing big ever negative came out of the first two brain surgeries-only amazing positives that were crystal clear!! But when all this pain flooded my body from the snip of the part that controls pain-I thought there was no positive to look for. But thru it all I started making those necklaces-which I never would have done ever in my life before. Then they I got better at it in time. I found this art place near where I live and got into painting pottery--an awesome escape from the pain. But recently Jesus blessed me to be able to actually use the paint brush on canvas-and it come out decent!! My right side of my brain-the artistic side took over for the lack of my left side left. So, I may have lost my organization skills, and have to search for words here and there... but He blessed me abundantly on the other side. And I thank Him forever more....
Instead of sitting here and counting all I missed out on, what I didn't get to do... what I look at is I am still here... I am feeling 80% better... my family still loves me as much today as yesterday... my faith has been restored by my heart re-opening from a discussion I had with a friend on Facebook and all he is fighting... and so grateful for all of my precious friends. All gifts from Jesus...
We sure can't understand God's roads and timings for us on all we go thru-all He allows, but we sure need to hang on tight-no matter how dark. Days were much more "comfy" in my pre-surgery days and having constant seizures. I was always talking about how amazing He is, How Mighty-full of grace and mercy--seeing me thru with answers every day. Everything then was much more smooth-and "connected" with Christ than my turn away from Him, close MY door attitude thru my pain trials. Walking with Christ for a decade now--He had to teach me the direct way.... not the by the Book way!
Whatever any and all of you are going thru--know He is there-with a magnificent plan mapped out for you!! Just keep in full contact with Him--He will never fail you--just have the beautiful term-- "patience!" :)
The coolest thing about this painting is--He guides me as I think about what to paint--and all have neat meanings. That is why I just love it so much!!! It is a one on one session of art with Jesus!!
Bless you all!! When my website is up--I'll post it--otherwise, pics are all posted on my Facebook and Twitter...
He never fails you...
Heather/Hetty
http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe
http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe
Beauty in Colors from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.
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