My Man

MY MAN

The Man my husband is

Never comes very easy

Even when life's a friz

He stands ground to be cheesy

His love never fails, vanishes, or is put on the line

His love is so pure and true 

He is one in all circumstances to make all feel just fine

Christian always gets us thru

He is my stars, my moon, my sun

He is everything intended from above

I have never lost in life, only won!

Cause this man, my husband is full of LOVE!

We may have hard times wondering if I'll make it

My man has no doubt of His Divine plans 

So yes I struggle thru my health trying not to throw a fit

Cause you see, my husband Christian is my #1 fan!

So I never want to let my man down

If our big bulging sun should rise 

Or it is ghastly pouring rain all over town

We always live in love, not lies

Christian we live in a crazy world you and me

But there isn't a moment I'd ever erase

You are a man filled with our love, hope, and reality 

You my love I'll never lose but continue to chase!

Let's say good bye to Philly we won't be back 'round

Nor is Phoenix going to be our next town

Minnesota was so fun and I'll miss it forever

But let's keep trying Florida in hopes of moving never

As for you are my sunshine anywhere we go

You are my backbone in ragged times

There isn't one other soul I'd ever love like you- so

Let's sit on our back porch and listen to our chimes

You are my love, fresh air, reason I breathe 

Never think twice about the love I have in thee

You are my wants, needs, desires- my Everything!

Let's show the world that true love is more than Something!!!

I love you Christian Siebens,

Your less brain wife,

Early in the morning,

Heather (Hetty) Siebens

Your Satellite Princess

In response to:

My girl..

My girl is the one
She is full of fun
But when she feels bad
The world seems so sad
She is talented art
Because she has such a big heart
Soon my eyes will catch your glance
And we will begin our dance
I love you beyond compare
Even when you have all different color hair..


Love,
Your Man- Satellite King

1 Corinthians 13:13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE! 

Colossians 1:16-17. Christ made everything in the heavens and on the earth. He made everything that is seen and things that are not seen. He made all the powers of heaven. Everything was made by Him and for Him. Christ was before all things. All things are held together by Him.

Are We??? from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Question Everything?

When does life feel just?

When can you establish trust?

As for all the ups and downs in life-

Seems like we are all living in strife.

When that big yellow sun comes crashing down--

And all of those monkeys go rattling downtown.

Who out of all them seem to be telling twisted lies?

Who just continues doing so even causing brains to fry!?

This world we live in seems so jaded.

When everyone's goal is who to be hated!

When things come crashing down where do we turn?

When we lose loved ones, companies, who won't turn and burn?

Where is the trust of yesterday, the love of our family?

Why do we question everything that isn't full of glee?

It's like we truly live in this fake plastic nation.

That can only talk to us at 6pm if on the right station.?

Well that isn't how my life was prepped to live I say!

My family will make it thru any windy or rainy day!

I may be complex with a lot of complications!

But no illness can be worse than watching any TV station.

They fill us full of hatred and greed!

When all it takes is One True God to lead!

Lead us down our winding road wondering if we're lost..?

But taking the lead and trusting Him, not judging what it'd cost!!?

With Christ as my center it doesn't make life easy, it makes life hard!

We are to stand up for Him, for each other and remain on guard!

For each other's lives, each other's homes, down every winding road-

Just know I'd always stand up for you thru Him, til the very day I grow old.!!

Angelia~ Don't Fret

Angelia~ don't fret ...

Life was never easy for you,

Just a walk through the park. 

Some days seemed so amazing,

Yet so many trapped in the dark.

But you knew how to find yourself precious 

Bright light or pitch black out always handled things cool

When you had a goal you knew you'd have it, no end

But then came turns & jabs unexpectantly-you needed to know the fool.

Who could ever put YOUR babies life at risk without questions or consent?

Whoever could hold such a fragile being, as an object of science, not life?

I know who couldn't  & wouldn't it's You DOC MOM! You my friend are a gift from God, a present.

One who knew everything going on around her, and everybody's strife.

You are one tough cookie who continued life so positively as could be.

Thru all Nickybear went thru, most mothers would have already quit

But you kept pushing and including him, teaching and loving past degree.

He will never forget you girl, not one moment;just can't wait one bit!

Why? Cause you are a real mom. Dealing with reality of love and strife.

You knew the hardship realities of what this evilness could do

But you didn't let it get in the way of Nickybear living a young boy's life.

So much he did down here because OF YOU but sought him thru

You never gave up you never folded, you were a rock thru every step

I admire moms like you who chug away, fix, and push on then

Exhausted, 

Pain,

Moody,

Hurting,

Questioning,

Yet you love him so much you get up go again as if no fret

All you have created, all you have done, I just know you'd do it again.  

Your heart is still very full, full of his love here on earth

I couldn't imagine my child's life outside of giving birth

But you dear Ang take me by surprise 

by how much more you handle

Even between all your needed cries.

He is a precious gift once physically given to you a beautiful Sept morning

Who ever in this world would take that baby home with any type of warning

But so wise were you in seeking help fast,

In order to help all relationships with him last.

Now so many understand why you are mourning still.

He was straight up a gift from God born on a perfect fall date.

If only more could see the impact he made on little me who is ill,

Or believe not all are right some docs making mistakes-not fate.

But keep your chin as high as it goes.

Nickybear will send a butterfly to your nose.

He will talk to you in ways like never before.

The moment you lay it at Christ's feet not behind a door.

His promises are real and totally in tact

Never think once God never has your back

You are one super mom going thru mourning like Job

He will always understand that, give you time in your robe.

One day we will all meet up there where Nickybear has it set up his way

Which may be different than now, but I couldn't see how.

But I know that special all time angel- kisses you every day!

And one day you'll see or hear or feel him, and let out a crying wow!

Please don't forget me Angelia, you mean so much to me.

So much I wish I could tell you, or was able to take away from thee 

I know when He has plans there is always a Divine purpose never crystal clear

And leaves us to take hard times on unknowing cost and somehow give Him our fear

Today I say thank You God for giving Angelia and family such a very precious son

His birthday around the corner, here on earth just isn't as fun

But I know You have miraculous plans with all thru this thick and strife 

Some days just feels like a delusion but we know Nicky is there, alright.

Happy Birthday young man your mama misses you so

She helped me learn so much about you-I didn't want you to go

I wish I could have taken it on my 3rd brain surgery for you

But our God has way more plans Nicky, using you to get us thru!

Your mom is very special to me, please keep her in my prayers

She's truly an Angelic person with a heart you just don't dare

She is true and real and always in love with you

Please Nicky pass it on to Christ, to help get her thru.

One day when we are all out of this earthly circus walking on the wire

One day when we all were blown away about this young mans life

We will all gather up in Heaven talk about it all knowing not one is a liar

And carry on in Heaven above in love, friendship, but no strife.

I love you Angelia....and adore your precious son, gone too soon from Earth..... But still scoring 
points in Heaven, touching lives left and right.

Happy Birthday to you both this September 22nd...... Breathe thru it girl. Breathe his air he'll send!

Love you,

Hetty

480-717-0609

http://aliveinme.net

http://epilepsycures.wordpress.com

He Still Responds to My 2nd Brain Surgery Letter

Wrote this to be opened March 28, 2005, after I already went in for my first part of my 2nd brain surgery.

This was so hard on Christian. He came from a family who rarely needed Tylenol or Band-Aids. There I was getting in depth electrodes put in to read my seizures before they hit, to turn parts of my brain on and off in order to see if it was ok to resect that part. This all made Christian so nervous. So scared. On top of it all, as my fiánce he had to take care of our beautiful daughter, Tory Moriah. That really flipped him out. So-last night I resent my letter to him, and this morning as I slept-He responded. Just to make me cry. Yes, tears of joy.. Some tears of why me-cause I sure was a lot better then. But wow it's beautiful!! 

Mine from March 28, 2005

Dear Christian~

 

I am not positive where to start. You are my everything. I learned slowly, you are not my air, as for God truly is. You are the life support that has kept me here mentally by “our” choice. When I was down, you picked me up. When I was unwell, you helped me feel better. A lot of it in the beginning, you just didn’t get. You just knew there was this creature God was providing for a reason. You didn’t have strong feelings for just fun and games. You acted on them as He intended you to and I am still here. We are together. We are both focused on God. I am on my way to surgery to become better for our family. We are both growing stronger together throughGod and with God. This all happened for reasons. I thank God everyday for my struggles. I won’t ever step away from Him. Once the Phenobarbital Heather vanished and the new Heather came out, a new Christian Siebens did too! One full of pure love and words I never heard within my family. I thank God for my memory. I can think of every month of our relationship and remember spectacular things that touch my heart. Even if Phenobarbital was somehow intertwined, you somehow made moments spectacular. You have so much awesome kindness that words cannot express your ability to heal me mentally with kind words. Unfortunately, that isn’t the way it goes with the seizures. However, I do know if you weren’t in my life, my seizures would be on going as they were when I was with Nathan. It would be a non-stop game until my brain is worked on. You have made this simpler for the most part. I apologize for the things I could not provide, and wish that I could. But for me to be the one you want and the one I want to be for you, I need to focus on God and focus on this surgery. I am going to come out in a bit of pain, but so much less pain than last time. I now have accepted God fully in my life and He provided me with such a living treasure. You. I watch you with our daughter and I am amazed you weren’t with her from day one. The comforting bond you two have is like the comfort you have with your own father. I need you in my life to share love, to learn love. I know what the subject is and I know when I do and how much I do. I just need to learn how to show it better. I am a Jensen and we are different. I just need you to know I do love you with all my heart, mind and soul. (I do have some mind) I will again be back for you. Let’s look forward to this surgery, my recovery, our relationship, our marriage, our family and the continuance of it all! We are worth it all and more. I never had this many memories with anyone. Not the good ones to keep. You have been through a lot with me and I credit you for it. I will be there for you always. That is why God wants me better. He wants me to be that awesome wife of great support. We are doing things right in His eyes. I am doing them happy and pray you are too. When you do things to please Him and that in turn pleases you, He will reward you in one way or another. Just  smile and know He is here with us both, or all three. The hard part is over. Going through things without His help. We both know we can’t. He now is in control of all of our issues and we have His love and support. Don’t ever think twice about me not pulling through all of this, He is with me. I will be with you until our earthly time ends! 

I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I look forward to this hospital stay, healing, and the funny hairdo afterward when I am better. Just buy me some make-up so some of me looks all right!  

 

Christian, I thank God for you. For Stauffer introducing us. For all of my issues that got us here. I love everything about you and more. Others couldn’t fathom having the life we have. Without love, we would die like the rest. Thank God for providing that!

 

While I am gone…read our Bible, take care of our precious one, visit me some, go to our church, update our friends there, talk with our family about it all…even if it seems the Jensen side doesn’t want to talk. You are the best father, I know it, she knows it, my parents see it, and God knows it for sure. It is your turn to recognize it. Enjoy that time, for when I return it will be crazy!

 

I love you my precious one!

Love,

 

Hetty

 

Philippians 4: 6-7
Don't worry about anything: instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

In return -my precious hubby sent this today....

Sept.7 2015

Hetty,

Although 10 years have passed since you wrote this amazing, heartfelt letter, I know we still feel the same about each other. Actually, we have been through so much since then I know we love each other more.. More completely. My vow to you was to love and protect you through sickness and health. I may not do that always as well as I should, but my commitment is still alive and well. I am proud of you.. More than you know. Although you have struggled and at times wanted to give up.. You keep moving trying your best to be better for us all...you are a true fighter and outwardly you want to let the world know you got this. But I know inside your heart is vulnerable and you need you support, love and help. I will be this for you.. To the best of my ability you can rest in me. I will be your strength when you are down.. I promised you that.. And with God's help I will only become better at it for you, for us... For our family. I know you are scared of what is ahead.. But don't be. God has brought you through so much.. He has surrounded you with love, His and others he has is your life.. This is not by accident. He has plans for you still.. And no matter what, I am excited to see what those plans are.. Because as your husband.. I'll be at your side through them all.

You will survive, we will survive.. And together with Jesus we will thrive.. Whether in Florida, Arizona or wherever. 

Never lose hope.. You are a true miracle of God. Smile...your light is bright and I am confident the light emitting from you is still growing.

I love you beyond measure..

Always,

Always,

Always,

Christian 

Sent from my iPhone

Christian, I love you with all my heart, mind, soul, strength...this is all I need to push on. You are my EVERYTHING ... 

In His Love and Grace,

Hetty

Philippians 1:29 For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him.

Never Again- " Mayo Clinic" in Jacksonville, FL...

Well.... how it went......

Above- my disaster from Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL- ONLY....

To that I say-

It used to be due to several cruel people, really. But this one truly took the cake. No one can take someone (for example, myself), who has conquered so many health battles in life, and in turn use those same health battles against me. What I am referring to when I say this? The horrific "Special Notes" written in a biased and untruthful manner by Dr. Kristine M Thompson (a physician in the Mayo Clinic Emergency Room in Jacksonville, FL).

This place lacks dignity, care, testing, solutions, strategies. The core of the problem is the amount of staff, next problem, the type of staff.

We can all go back in 2003 and discuss...what I went thru, what my neurologist from Mayo in PHOENIX AZ... went thru without a wink- TO SAVE ME.... But I do not take judgements from ED people, who haven't chosen a specialty- who don't stay true to their patients..... and who do not bring up your history charts to see that you have never once sought out pain medication in your lifetime. Been in excruciating pain that my... MY doctors, no- MY SPECIALISTS in Phoenix, AZ Fight and test, and fight, and retest until everything is exhausted.... Then pick up again and start over.

So, in a move I think anyone would agree was a very well-reasoned, we decided on Jacksonville, FL - which so happens to have a large Mayo Clinic minutes from our new home. We all agreed that having Mayo Clinic so convenient and close to my house in Florida would help this pain disaster. Until we GOT back, we didn't figure but a second round for pain treatment would be needed for my ferocious pain here at the JACKSONVILLE MAYO AND  will be traveling back to the REAL MAYO- at Mayo in Phoenix, AZ.... since no one here calls back, and no one here tests or cares. Which is totally ok, I've ALWAYS LOVED THE ONE IN PHOENIX.... I named my cat after it. I had all 3 brain surgeries there and more. And they push on. Respect.

We HAD to go back to the ED in hopes these people, like Dr. Braggs, or really more off Dr. Thompson were just living nightmares, that may have repeated more than once or twice, but it could have just been their foul weather here, their bad short stocked nights, or really in fact, that they were just as horrifying as they really came across each and every time???! I give people more than second chances, right!!?? Well.... Dr K Thompsom belittled me in my pain, and discomfort to the point I was already nauseous from pain- but she threw it out of proportion. Judging me WHY I REALLY was there, what for, and she would control what medication to prescribe - which I don't have necessarily true allergic reactions to, but rather can have sensitive reactions to that defeat the purpose of the medication.

Did Dr. Thompson EVER read my 13 year devoted chart to Mayo, at least Mayo in Phoenix and Rochester? NO. She would have seen I invested as much time, energy, money, trust, and health into MY docs, that she had zero idea where I was standing today in life. She has poor judgment and clarity... For that should not be "caring" for anyone. As for hers isn't just a rainy day. Her additude is every night and day.

So due to Braggs, John, many others and of course, Dr. Kristine M Thompson, I will fly 3000 miles and back every week before I EVER drive 3 exits to see them ever again. The facility as a whole is disrespectful. There is zero care of your concerns... You are just a number at THIS MAYO IN JACKSONVILLE, FL.... THE REASON people in the Midwest to the West Coast NEVER HAVE HEARD A PEEP ABOUT THIS MAYO. The reason THIS MAYO even runs a LITTLE DIFFERENT SHIP and has its own "secondary" number as opposed to just the ONE Clinic number.
The Mayo in Jacksonville, FL won't end here... Neither will Dr. Kristine M Thompson. This is when things just begin. And you just wish you would have thought twice about NOT BEING IN THE MAYO SYSTEM OF RESPECT, INTEGRGRITY, NON-judgmental of your patients.... Like the Mayo in Phoenix, Scottsdale, AZ.... And Rochestser and all sister hospitals in MN. You have truly begun a nightmare Miss Kristine Thompson.... Unless you know how to apologize, admit failure, face to face and on paper work in the next 90 days.... You have so much to answer. I will be there. But you owe all, ALL OF MY WESTERNIZED MAYO's SORRY's. We live a bit different sharp life in Western America- which is I guess why people look for Western medicine. Start With my neurologist, I'd be thrilled to go down a list of people you need to include Ms Thompson. As for my doctors never fade. MINE DONT....

Keep working the way you wish.... I will keep traveling THE FRIENDLY SKIES to Mayo in Phoenix, AZ..... BLESSINGS.
IN HIS TIGHT GRIP,

HEATHER J SIEBENS

8-31-15

To God be the Glory, Honor, Praise!

Proverbs 13: 13

People who despise advice will find themselves in trouble; those who respect it will succeed.

Proverbs 24:12

Don't try to avoid responsibility by saying you didn't know about it. For God knows ALL hearts, AND HE SEES YOU. He keeps watch over your soul, and He knows YOU KNEW!! And He will judge ALL people according to what they have done.

For Dr. Joseph F Drazkowski, Dr. B Vargas, Dr. R.S. Zimmerman, Dr.Cynthia Stonnington .... This verse below applies to you all so perfect in my heart-with so many thanks! For God has used you all as a distinct tool and continues to in this generation-yes for me!!! But Amen for ALL. Bless you all ....this is for you....

Matthew 4:24

News about Him (Jesus) spread far beyond the borders of Galilee so that the sick were coming to be healed from as far away as Syria. And whatever their illness and pain, or if they were possessed by demons, or were epileptics, or were paralyzed-HE HEALED THEM ALL.

Cut and Stapled Many Times from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Below my amazing Epileptologist who saved me- 13 years- Dr. Joseph F Drazkowski. Mayo Clinic Hospital in Phoenix, AZ........

I will fly 6000 miles for ALL of you there..... thank you! 

My Precious Angel

My Precious Angel- Tory 

My daughter- a very special gift from God. One that was going to learn quickly and deeply about Jesus as I started to go to church when she was two. She soaked that up and shared all she knew with everyone she'd be with. "Did you know that Jesus died on the Cross for you?" It was beautiful... yet I hadn't accepted Him yet, so I was a bit mortified!! She has breezed thru all my illnesses and medical complications knowing God has a major purpose for me-one big one is being her mommy! And I am so grateful she views that. And is thrilled to tell kids what my brain has gone thru! My amazing girl just keeps growing-now has her own horses. Responsibility. Awesome child of God.
Blessed Christian and I forever.
I cannot express how much I love this angel -my precious daughter from Jesus to me! For all her amazing parts and pieces- I give God all the Glory, Honor and praise... for she has had a heart for comforting others way before any normal creature. She missed her mommy, me, whom was in the hospital for a week for my 1st brain surgery in 2002 when she was barely over 1... I was in SO MUCH PAIN.... but somehow, this princess knew not to hug hard-as she ran toward me to hug me, she halted, rested her left hand on my right leg, as she look up high to my wrapped head and swollen face and black/red swollen eye-she paused then just gently and slowly wrapped her arms around my legs to show her how much love she has for me-and I swear, even before she and I had started to go to church, that God was in her and she had some sort of 1 year old prayer going on... Tory Moriah Siebens is a very special gift to me, that I never could thank Jesus enough for... This picture is from her and I just yapping at each other from last night, about so many subjects. We've been thru so much together- and she and I are worth every trial... Hug your kiddos, they are the best gift and blessing God can give an awesome married couple. We are so blessed.... I am so grateful-- that He chose who would be the not only perfect husband,Christian C Siebens for me, but that Christian would be Tory’s perfect daddy at a young age- young enough to only see him as daddy, young enough to not realize that her biological beat me while she slept soundly in her room the first night we were in our apartment in Killeen, TX. Last time we were all together ever as a family. She never saw my ex as dad- he was gone figuring out his life most of the time. So his beating me, my pill popping then search for Christ was the most amazing intervene with zero regrets. She has a real family. We can throw humor out about the biological here and there- but mostly, he just has dissipated on his own choice. Which was good for her seizures that went away, self esteem, schooling. She is my Tory.
She has bloomed so much past all my brain surgeries and screw and plate removals, hospitalizations, etc. She is one strong, loving, caring baby girl thru it all. She has a very tender heart. I wouldn’t change anything in the world that ever began all my seizures going nuts- cause if I did, I wouldn’t be blessed with her.

I have major down days- hit with pain in the head and neck I’ll never be able to explain but horrendous … but she gets it all. And still is so gentle and loving with me, yet has such a blast with her friends. Understands my limits, never throws a fit. Yet we also have her perfect dad, my husband who has been here thru everything and there for everything. She IS his kid. His teen. Some days thru my sick days I get so jealous. But others I just thank God for the perfect match- I couldn’t imagine life any different. They are my one in all!

I truly thank God for my angel…. we’ve been thru so much, her watching me convulse for hours so young, divorce she didn’t get, brain surgeries 1,2,3… moving so many times due to my health. She is yet such a bubbly daughter I thank Jesus for. Most would throw tempers… she just throws love. I don’t know what else to do but praise You Jesus. She is a work of art from YOU for Christian and I. Thank YOU!

You are endlessly loved Tory, even as you grow. Your maturity amazes me. Your heart reminds me so much of this one person I know really well. You are my angel, yesterday, today, forever.

I love you Tory….

Your Mommy,

Mom

Hetty/Heather Siebens
To God be the Glory Honor Praise!!!


You and I Won Baby Girl from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Out of Control trying to Come to Control

                                    

This is the man, the doc, the neurologist at Mayo Hospital in Phoenix AZ....HE is an Epileptologist, Professor at Mayo, high ranked not just by me, but so many others. He is a son of 6, Husband, father to one beautiful daughter. He also loves to ride very nice motorcycles, and has an array quite a few. He is a very deeply caring doctor... Never wants to throw the towel in, no matter how complicated neurology is. Yet he is so loving and compassionate and fights for your rights. Not many neuros in this works like that. In fact they strain to take your drivers license away more than fight for you to have one. He is all about your quality of life being positive, or your seizure will go out of whack, and more.

I've been his patient since February 20, 2002 at 2:00 pm. Man when I first saw him, he looked rough like I had a lot to answer or have him to set me straight. No. He is very funny and as many on the 5th floor have named him, a teddy bear, very gentle and caring to all. 

I have been living this neck, head, forehead, eyes, nose bridridge, ears all killing me pain, off and on for months- it just exceeded worse today and even my eyesight is off- and I went to the ER here in FL to hopefully alleviate pain. It wasn't going far, nor were my calls to this neuro at the Mayo here in FL. Out of the blue, While crying in pain at the Mayo  here I just think is in la la land here in Jacksonville, FL....I got a call from my lifetime neurologist at the Mayo in Phoenix. Says if I can clear my schedule he'll set up all tests to figure out what to do. Cause I can't go on like this. I'm sure trying, miserably failing. 

I truly thank God for placing Drazkowski in my life. I wouldn't be alive today had he not been. He was a pusher for me in my over dosing days, after my ex beat me, to keep seeking God. He kept me proud I did. There just aren't many like this out there. His poor voice crackled to my tears.... We go so far back like we are blood related, uncle and niece....and he fears losing me. He has a heart no neurologist has- zero. And should have every award under the moon. My life is only sane and grounded and livable thru Draz. I sure thank Jesus for him in every life he is part of. He changes lives and health for the good, never to give up. These are the moments I can hold onto hope still..... I am blessed.

Bless you all...

From my journey to yours!

Heather/Hetty Siebens 

https://www.linkedin.com/hetty4christ

www.belive2shine.com

http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe

http://www.Twitter.com/AliveinMe

To God Be The Glory Honor Praise!

Yes That Was Me Baby from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Pain Out of Control

I still try to be goofy me, no matter how much pain I am in.

But this has been very outrageous. 

Ever since I got here to FL it has all been on fire. My neck kills in pain, runs up to my head, my ears, my eyes.... and when there was brief relief-it was extreme body pain. Didn't ever seem to matter what medication I took-what infusion I got-it was never getting better. We are now on month #2- God only knows how many doctor appointments, how many horrific ER visits here in the south-wonderful Mayo Clinic-but day and night from mine in AZ. It somehow actually became humorous thru it all. But this just isn't ending. I will be up past 4 AM almost every night due to crazy pain making it unable to fall asleep- so language is a bit altered from that and short term memory. It is just so so frustrating. And everyone always wants to write it off as Fibromyalgia. Always. There is just more to it. Much more. It's fine to have "that" too.... but there is more to this when your brain has been resected three times. More has to be dug into. But Lord, we wouldn't want to go to far, now would we.??? Thank you Obama.... no matter how great your insurance is- how amazing your tests are- it still boils down to how much more do we have to do?? In 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 even 2011 and 2012 were okay? They'd do everything from the moon and back. But things began to get a bit harder. Less in depth. And hard part is- this is the worst pain I've had ever. What test is this dear Lord?

I try my best to remain positive. Active. Loving. In Love with my family and Jesus. But wow can I fall apart. It's just truth of the matter. I push myself so hard to see life from other people's shoes. My friend Alissa just went thru bone marrow transplant, another friend another drastic surgery for cancer-still in ICU months later.... my friend Ashley who has epilepsy who deals with daily stress with seizures- with her adorable young kiddos. And my friend Mary who has dealt with hard cards for several big illnesses, yet has it in her to look up so much info for me one late night. This is God.  And thank you Cathy for the 4 hour talk..... we sure were able to connect and vent such similarities!!! I am blessed in these ways- and hanging on... but wow- am I ever in pain.

My husband and daughter have hearts beyond the moon. As if they are standing in Heaven with Jesus. Christian looked up info where a lot made sense. Perhaps it is the Gluten in food. We will try that. I just don't know if that is what is affecting these quick come on's with my neck, head, ears, face pain. It is so hard to talk it hurts so bad. But I do. I can't go without that. I press on. I love you Jefferey for driving me home last night cause I whimped out at your house finally- I just talked to much. I have a limit. You are blessed Alissa.

I truly thank God for you all. You all always have so many kind words- uplifting for me. I know I don't say enough. It has just been so hard. I am trying. This blog is an amazing step. It is just very hard. Feels like my neck is broken. Funny thing is.... our new home- we live on Neck Rd. Now isn't that ironic. Does God get a kick out of these things, or what.

I am sure praying people aren't feeling like this- that maybe for once my prayer to take on other's pain came true... cause it is a lot. I couldn't imagine worse right now. But I sure know it is out there- that is the scary part. I am always proven that. For those words- I am praying for you all. You will touch so many lives.

All I can say is I try to stop crying and keep my head up... so to say.... and know I am not alone.... 

So much love and prayers to you all... I am never far away.... text, call, skype, message.

In His Love,

Heather/Hetty Siebens

Joshua 1:9
"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Matthew 4:24

News about Him spread far beyond the borders of Galilee so that the sick were soon coming to be healed from as far away as Syria. And whatever their illness and pain, or if they were possessed by demons, or were EPILEPTICS, or were paralyzed-he healed them all! NLT

Twelve Years Still Counting

I am only still counting my years around this earth, because of this team right here. Twelve years ago, without these two, I wouldn't be sitting here typing still. She is my angelic daughter who kept me fighting for more, for life, for us. He is my miracle doc, feels more like family that cares than just any title of doctor. He is my epileptologist, my mentor, my earthly savior, my neurologist who also helped guide me to my brain surgeries, off wrong medications, on right ones- yet listens to my thoughts and feelings on them. Dr. Joseph Francis Drazkowski.... my miracle.
It was 12 years ago I had quite a few overdosings. Just several parked me into the Mayo Hospital to make sure I'd come out of it all ok. This one was following a tonic clonic seizure.... so I had extra phenobarbital to swish down. It was just more frustration in life- OD'ing was my answer.
I was searching for Jesus still at Cornerstone here in Chandler, AZ.... I just hadn't quite connected yet. It was so hard. So my filler of the void was to numb my pain with as much Phenobarbital as I had. A very strong anti-convulsant- first one truly created for anti seizures back in 1912. When I would see my neurologist I would feel so bad- he never made me feel that way- probably why I did. He had such a heart- still does. Kept pushing to fix me- knowing that I wanted to be fixed. I just was really struggling from my ex beating me 2 months after my 1st brain surgery... so he knew to figure out a plan. My July 23rd OD and hospitalization was my 2nd one with Mayo that year- I yet had one huge one to come that changed my life, and my medication.
He always has answers and plans. He and my others neurologist Dr Bert Vargas are quite the team. They have me going in, ironically the same day I went in July 12 years ago... only I am going into the hospital just for 3 hours- to infuse pain medication into my system-3 different types, in hopes that 3 hours of infusion for 3 days will rid this horrific pain I have in my head-two exact spots for 2 months that don't ever go away-and never change spots. Just horrific pain. So praying it subsides. Also having a MRA done- which is a long intense type of MRI- showing in depth pictures of the brain-to make sure I don't have aneurysms, stroke, bleeding, etc.... It is on my "good" side of my head- non surgical side. So we will see what all this does. My neuro, Drazkowski is talking about doing an EEG as well... even though I know humidity is the cause of my seizures- but we will see.
I am in a much better situation than I was 12 years ago. The best husband, daughter, family, and doctor.... all that helped me find Christ that year. Amen.....

Love to you all...

Much Love

Hetty Siebens

1 Corinthians 1:3 May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.

Joshua 1:9
This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go

Family Fun from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Christmas at the Siebens 2013

Christmas at the Siebens 2013

Honey, I love you so much-but we sure have crazy years

Hard to compare them all when really we should be ready for tomorrow

Last thing I want to do is spend a great percent of my years in tears...

But with your hand Christian you help me see good and not sorrow!

Jesus has a purpose for everything

This I know is true

We live where it snows and could go skiing!

It's just getting me well enough to ever make it thru!

I believe stronger Heather is coming back in some ways as before

Yet I know New Hetty has new focuses and opinions that may shock a ton!

But Hetty is so thrilled to be with you Christian-you're her rock that makes love soar!

With all I put you thru-with pills, needles, blood, no blood

upset doctors, irate nurses, no one understanding what we face together

At times it felt out of control-so I'd pray to Our Lord-"take me out by flood!"

But then I would look into your eyes and this word strikes me for good-FOREVER!

So keep a hold of me always

NEVER let me go

Rivers are raging hard

And this state has endless snow

Without a man like YOU,

I never would have lived

You kept my chin up with things to do

Thru the good and the bad I just wanted to give!

GIVE YOU my LIFE; the LIVING one!

One to learn more about

Then soon knowing US-to become ONE

Thru God I NEVER had one doubt!

We will construct this road Christian

It is YOURS and MINE to CONQUER! 

Let's enjoy each other, go fishing

And keep ME from going BONKERS!!!

Let's keep holding each other tight

as the sun sets each night

There is so much beauty in you and I

not a thing too complicated for us to try!

I Love you endlessly Hotty Hubby Christian,

In His Love and Grip,

Hetty, your blessed wife!

Second Brain Surgery Beginning

This was our picture about a month and a half after my 2nd brain surgery- which began today, March 28th 2005..... a decade ago!!! Time flies when we are having.... well so many brain surgeries still to come!
It was an awesome brain surgery, the 2nd. It rid my seizure issues to smell and music memories when my seizures were heightened-I'd have to turn off my favorite music. That is all gone now. We just still battled finding ability in more of a variety of anti-seizure medications, not just two killer meds in me-one that still affects my body to this date like chemo-and I am not even on it.

My precious finance` then, husband now-was so full of fear. He grew up in the band-aid family maybe once a year. We got to the Mayo Clinic Hospital nice and early in the morning-I was ready to get in there-he grabbed my arm and asked me to wait. He had a gift- and 30+ cards!!! Cause he had NO IDEA how long I would be in there for. We also decided to exchange letters on how much the other means to the other- and I could read mine then, but I said he had to keep his sealed until I was in the OR. So he prayed in the car-shaking and then off we went.... him scared to death-me excited for the new seizure free Heather/Hetty.....

My letter to my love Christian..... March 28, 2005

Dear Christian~

I am not positive where to start. You are my everything. I learned slowly, you are not my air, as for God truly is. You are the life support that has kept me here mentally by “our” choice. When I was down, you picked me up. When I was unwell, you helped me feel better. A lot of it in the beginning, you just didn’t get. You just knew there was this creature God was providing for a reason. You didn’t have strong feelings for just fun and games. You acted on them as He intended you to and I am still here. We are together. We are both focused on God. I am on my way to surgery to become better for our family. We are both growing stronger together through God and with God. This all happened for reasons. I thank God everyday for my struggles. I won’t ever step away from Him. Once the Phenobarbital Heather vanished and the new Heather came out, a new Christian Siebens did too! One full of pure love and words I never heard within my family. I thank God for my memory. I can think of every month of our relationship and remember spectacular things that touch my heart. Even if Phenobarbital was somehow intertwined, you somehow made moments spectacular. You have so much awesome kindness that words cannot express your ability to heal me mentally with kind words. Unfortunately, that isn’t the way it goes with the seizures. However, I do know if you weren’t in my life, my seizures would be on going as they were when I was with Nathan. It would be a non-stop game until my brain is worked on. You have made this simpler for the most part. I apologize for the things I could not provide, and wish that I could. But for me to be the one you want and the one I want to be for you, I need to focus on God and focus on this surgery. I am going to come out in a bit of pain, but so much less pain than last time. I now have accepted God fully in my life and He provided me with such a living treasure. You. I watch you with our daughter and I am amazed you weren’t with her from day one. The comforting bond you two have is like the comfort you have with your own father. I need you in my life to share love, to learn love. I know what the subject is and I know when I do and how much I do. I just need to learn how to show it better. I am a Jensen and we are different. I just need you to know I do love you with all my heart, mind and soul. (I do have some mind)  I will again be back for you. Let’s look forward to this surgery, my recovery, our relationship, our marriage, our family and the continuance of it all! We are worth it all and more. I never had this many memories with anyone. Not the good ones to keep. You have been through a lot with me and I credit you for it. I will be there for you always. That is why God wants me better. He wants me to be that awesome wife of great support. We are doing things right in His eyes. I am doing them happy and pray you are too. When you do things to please Him and that in turn pleases you, He will reward you in one way or another.  Just smile and know He is here with us both, or all three.  The hard part is over. Going through things without His help. We both know we can’t. He now is in control of all of our issues and we have His love and support. Don’t ever think twice about me not pulling through all of this, He is with me. I will be with you until our earthly time ends!
I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I look forward to this hospital stay, healing, and the funny hairdo afterward when I am better. Just buy me some make-up so some of me looks all right!

Christian, I thank God for you. For Stauffer introducing us. For all of my issues that got us here. I love everything about you and more. Others couldn’t fathom having the life we have. Without love, we would die like the rest. Thank God for providing that!

While I am gone…read our Bible, take care of our precious one, visit me some, go to our church, update our friends there, talk with our family about it all…even if it seems the Jensen side doesn’t want to talk. You are the best father, I know it, she knows it, my parents see it, and God knows it for sure. It is your turn to recognize it. Enjoy that time, for when I return it will be crazy!

I love you my precious one!
Love,

Hetty

Philippians 4: 6-7
Don't worry about anything: instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 4: 24
News about Him spread far beyond the borders of Galilee so that the sick were soon coming to be healed from as far away as Syria. And whatever their illness and pain, or if they were possessed by demons, or were epileptics, or were paralyzed-he healed them all!  NLT

Wires in, on and Brain OUT !! from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Holy Spirit in Your Life?

Who is marveled by the child they have in their life??? I sure am. I went thru so much before I got pregnant with her, then really went crazy while pregnant ....but nothing will exceed my aftermath. Other than, I oddly, no matter how tough the suffering truly was physically and mentally, it was the way God woke me up to take my daughter and find this amazing Jesus person. I was clueless. I heard very little at 19 for the 1st time and happily and harshly rejected it. But He allows trials to continue in our lives until we finally hear the "wake up" call and race for Him to accept Him. But there is also major free will He can only give us billions of signs left and right, yet many remain blind and deaf to it- Hard hearts. It is a trying situation, but when you finally give your life to Christ....you will be blessed with the Holy Spirit who will be with you constantly, guiding you, convicting you, helping you thru tough times, he is Jesus whom you will feel wrap around you, run down you spine, maybe painful good bumps, tears, because it is Christ in You thru the Holy Spirit- it is Christ thru you thru the Holy Spirit, it is Christ for others east to west thru YOU with the Holy Spirit with you! Christ is our shield....shield of love. Too much darkness happening out there, if you don't get involved with bible study in a group, fellowship, the heart will easily begin to grow cold. But when you are active in a church, bible studies, helping others- wow it is the most amazing feeling God sends me! I am so blessed by Him to have been born a giver. It is my humble Godly act. We all have purposes on this earth- I have more than that-thanking Jesus for that successful 3rd awake brain surgery has blessed me with gifts I couldn't use before due to seizures, but it also blessed me with talents of art! 

God is never on vacation, He is right beside you full of love and mercy! And thru Jesus I love each and everyone of you! 

In His Love,

Hetty J Siebens

We love you all so much!

Christ in US!!

Christ in US!! 

by Hetty Siebens  ©

Christ is IN US
Christ is THRU US
Christ is FOR US
Christ has NO SIN ON US

You my dear love are an example

of how to live more like HIM

others try to rule but should sample

how to live in His light which won’t dim.

There are days that seem so atrocious 

my tiresome illnesses can fill my thoughts of endlessness

but our precious, perfect God can be ferocious

His love and grace on us HE pours to end faithlessness 

Looking forward again to our future I see

The beauty of Christ in you, Tory and me!

I see days of beauty and fun, days unwell and tough

But we serve a brilliant God who can smooth out all rough!

As we keep seeking Him so much pain will evaporate

Jesus will guide us to areas out of our “comfort zone”

But reminding His plans are to prosper, not disintegrate

We’re to keep spending MORE time with HIM, even time alone    

We are yet to live like Christ-which is to die for Him

Rid again of all our faults and built up sins

Pick up our Cross-keep marching even when dim

The road may be narrow but He will let us in!

Our love dear Christian never loses it’s flame

Our Love Christian never loses it’s purpose

Our Love Christian never loses it’s faith

We are just watched over by the ONE with The Name

His Name is Jesus, His name Emmanuel, His name our Cornerstone

His Name is Counselor, His Name Good Shepard, His Name is Savior, His Name The Rock

And Our Risen One

His Name The Alpha His Name The Omega, The Beginning and The End, 

His Name Lord of Lords, His Name The Bread of Life, Lamb of God, His name Prince of Peace, His Name THE Messiah, 

And The Holy One

You and I have magnificent descriptions of our loves beauty

ones that I could never overlook

But our God out numbers us in splendor, trust, and mighty

that is exactly why all mountains shook !

But He is still so gracious to fill our cups up with love

they runneth over so you and I as ONE could show

our love wasn’t out of no where-it truly came from Him above

As we chose to live in His light, not fight, we send His love aglow! 

Let’s continue to burn His love for all this year

Share His Word, place all on display 

For our love in sharing Christ is delightful, no fear

Let’s be excited, never scared of what people say!

I love you Christian, you are my earthly rock

I truly thank Christ daily for your precious love

Let’s you and me go tell the town- see them shocked

At how you and I are excited for what is ABOVE!

I love you precious one… forever and eternity!!!

MERRY CHRISTmas baby!!  2014 by Hetty J Siebens ©

Our CHRISTmas Years -SD (480p) from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.