Pain Out of Control

I still try to be goofy me, no matter how much pain I am in.

But this has been very outrageous. 

Ever since I got here to FL it has all been on fire. My neck kills in pain, runs up to my head, my ears, my eyes.... and when there was brief relief-it was extreme body pain. Didn't ever seem to matter what medication I took-what infusion I got-it was never getting better. We are now on month #2- God only knows how many doctor appointments, how many horrific ER visits here in the south-wonderful Mayo Clinic-but day and night from mine in AZ. It somehow actually became humorous thru it all. But this just isn't ending. I will be up past 4 AM almost every night due to crazy pain making it unable to fall asleep- so language is a bit altered from that and short term memory. It is just so so frustrating. And everyone always wants to write it off as Fibromyalgia. Always. There is just more to it. Much more. It's fine to have "that" too.... but there is more to this when your brain has been resected three times. More has to be dug into. But Lord, we wouldn't want to go to far, now would we.??? Thank you Obama.... no matter how great your insurance is- how amazing your tests are- it still boils down to how much more do we have to do?? In 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 even 2011 and 2012 were okay? They'd do everything from the moon and back. But things began to get a bit harder. Less in depth. And hard part is- this is the worst pain I've had ever. What test is this dear Lord?

I try my best to remain positive. Active. Loving. In Love with my family and Jesus. But wow can I fall apart. It's just truth of the matter. I push myself so hard to see life from other people's shoes. My friend Alissa just went thru bone marrow transplant, another friend another drastic surgery for cancer-still in ICU months later.... my friend Ashley who has epilepsy who deals with daily stress with seizures- with her adorable young kiddos. And my friend Mary who has dealt with hard cards for several big illnesses, yet has it in her to look up so much info for me one late night. This is God.  And thank you Cathy for the 4 hour talk..... we sure were able to connect and vent such similarities!!! I am blessed in these ways- and hanging on... but wow- am I ever in pain.

My husband and daughter have hearts beyond the moon. As if they are standing in Heaven with Jesus. Christian looked up info where a lot made sense. Perhaps it is the Gluten in food. We will try that. I just don't know if that is what is affecting these quick come on's with my neck, head, ears, face pain. It is so hard to talk it hurts so bad. But I do. I can't go without that. I press on. I love you Jefferey for driving me home last night cause I whimped out at your house finally- I just talked to much. I have a limit. You are blessed Alissa.

I truly thank God for you all. You all always have so many kind words- uplifting for me. I know I don't say enough. It has just been so hard. I am trying. This blog is an amazing step. It is just very hard. Feels like my neck is broken. Funny thing is.... our new home- we live on Neck Rd. Now isn't that ironic. Does God get a kick out of these things, or what.

I am sure praying people aren't feeling like this- that maybe for once my prayer to take on other's pain came true... cause it is a lot. I couldn't imagine worse right now. But I sure know it is out there- that is the scary part. I am always proven that. For those words- I am praying for you all. You will touch so many lives.

All I can say is I try to stop crying and keep my head up... so to say.... and know I am not alone.... 

So much love and prayers to you all... I am never far away.... text, call, skype, message.

In His Love,

Heather/Hetty Siebens

Joshua 1:9
"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Matthew 4:24

News about Him spread far beyond the borders of Galilee so that the sick were soon coming to be healed from as far away as Syria. And whatever their illness and pain, or if they were possessed by demons, or were EPILEPTICS, or were paralyzed-he healed them all! NLT