9/7/15

He Still Responds to My 2nd Brain Surgery Letter


Wrote this to be opened March 28, 2005, after I already went in for my first part of my 2nd brain surgery.

This was so hard on Christian. He came from a family who rarely needed Tylenol or Band-Aids. There I was getting in depth electrodes put in to read my seizures before they hit, to turn parts of my brain on and off in order to see if it was ok to resect that part. This all made Christian so nervous. So scared. On top of it all, as my fi├ínce he had to take care of our beautiful daughter, Tory Moriah. That really flipped him out. So-last night I resent my letter to him, and this morning as I slept-He responded. Just to make me cry. Yes, tears of joy.. Some tears of why me-cause I sure was a lot better then. But wow it's beautiful!! 

Mine from March 28, 2005

Dear Christian~

 

I am not positive where to start. You are my everything. I learned slowly, you are not my air, as for God truly is. You are the life support that has kept me here mentally by “our” choice. When I was down, you picked me up. When I was unwell, you helped me feel better. A lot of it in the beginning, you just didn’t get. You just knew there was this creature God was providing for a reason. You didn’t have strong feelings for just fun and games. You acted on them as He intended you to and I am still here. We are together. We are both focused on God. I am on my way to surgery to become better for our family. We are both growing stronger together throughGod and with God. This all happened for reasons. I thank God everyday for my struggles. I won’t ever step away from Him. Once the Phenobarbital Heather vanished and the new Heather came out, a new Christian Siebens did too! One full of pure love and words I never heard within my family. I thank God for my memory. I can think of every month of our relationship and remember spectacular things that touch my heart. Even if Phenobarbital was somehow intertwined, you somehow made moments spectacular. You have so much awesome kindness that words cannot express your ability to heal me mentally with kind words. Unfortunately, that isn’t the way it goes with the seizures. However, I do know if you weren’t in my life, my seizures would be on going as they were when I was with Nathan. It would be a non-stop game until my brain is worked on. You have made this simpler for the most part. I apologize for the things I could not provide, and wish that I could. But for me to be the one you want and the one I want to be for you, I need to focus on God and focus on this surgery. I am going to come out in a bit of pain, but so much less pain than last time. I now have accepted God fully in my life and He provided me with such a living treasure. You. I watch you with our daughter and I am amazed you weren’t with her from day one. The comforting bond you two have is like the comfort you have with your own father. I need you in my life to share love, to learn love. I know what the subject is and I know when I do and how much I do. I just need to learn how to show it better. I am a Jensen and we are different. I just need you to know I do love you with all my heart, mind and soul. (I do have some mind) I will again be back for you. Let’s look forward to this surgery, my recovery, our relationship, our marriage, our family and the continuance of it all! We are worth it all and more. I never had this many memories with anyone. Not the good ones to keep. You have been through a lot with me and I credit you for it. I will be there for you always. That is why God wants me better. He wants me to be that awesome wife of great support. We are doing things right in His eyes. I am doing them happy and pray you are too. When you do things to please Him and that in turn pleases you, He will reward you in one way or another. Just  smile and know He is here with us both, or all three. The hard part is over. Going through things without His help. We both know we can’t. He now is in control of all of our issues and we have His love and support. Don’t ever think twice about me not pulling through all of this, He is with me. I will be with you until our earthly time ends! 

I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I look forward to this hospital stay, healing, and the funny hairdo afterward when I am better. Just buy me some make-up so some of me looks all right!  

 

Christian, I thank God for you. For Stauffer introducing us. For all of my issues that got us here. I love everything about you and more. Others couldn’t fathom having the life we have. Without love, we would die like the rest. Thank God for providing that!

 

While I am gone…read our Bible, take care of our precious one, visit me some, go to our church, update our friends there, talk with our family about it all…even if it seems the Jensen side doesn’t want to talk. You are the best father, I know it, she knows it, my parents see it, and God knows it for sure. It is your turn to recognize it. Enjoy that time, for when I return it will be crazy!

 

I love you my precious one!

Love,

 

Hetty

 

Philippians 4: 6-7
Don't worry about anything: instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.



In return -my precious hubby sent this today....


Sept.7 2015

Hetty,

Although 10 years have passed since you wrote this amazing, heartfelt letter, I know we still feel the same about each other. Actually, we have been through so much since then I know we love each other more.. More completely. My vow to you was to love and protect you through sickness and health. I may not do that always as well as I should, but my commitment is still alive and well. I am proud of you.. More than you know. Although you have struggled and at times wanted to give up.. You keep moving trying your best to be better for us all...you are a true fighter and outwardly you want to let the world know you got this. But I know inside your heart is vulnerable and you need you support, love and help. I will be this for you.. To the best of my ability you can rest in me. I will be your strength when you are down.. I promised you that.. And with God's help I will only become better at it for you, for us... For our family. I know you are scared of what is ahead.. But don't be. God has brought you through so much.. He has surrounded you with love, His and others he has is your life.. This is not by accident. He has plans for you still.. And no matter what, I am excited to see what those plans are.. Because as your husband.. I'll be at your side through them all.

You will survive, we will survive.. And together with Jesus we will thrive.. Whether in Florida, Arizona or wherever. 

Never lose hope.. You are a true miracle of God. Smile...your light is bright and I am confident the light emitting from you is still growing.

I love you beyond measure..

Always,
Always,
Always,

Christian 

Sent from my iPhone

Christian, I love you with all my heart, mind, soul, strength...this is all I need to push on. You are my EVERYTHING ... 

In His Love and Grace,

Hetty

Philippians 1:29 For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him.


No comments: