Praying

I keep praying. Don't you? Seems like there is just never-ending reasons for prayer, for everyone for the last few years--with this one really kickin!!!

As pretty much ALL OF YOU KNOW.... I am sure, I used to be the Twitter/Facebook addict--and I really thought that I would be up and running full force again with all those social networks-sharing the deep, amazing love of our Lord and Savior--Jesus Christ: for you all-and dear Lord, never ending for me and my family.

I have been quite silent.

Some of you may know my causes-many may not. But Jesus chooses for us to take such different paths than we ever thought, read about, looked for, and ever prayed for. Actually, my first favorite part of the Bible is all about Paul--showing over and over how to praise Him and live for Him, no matter where you are, or what you have going on--HE WILL SEE YOU THRU--as for HE HAS GOOD PLANS FOR YOU-FOR ME-FOR US ALL!!!As we all grip Jesus with love and trust--He will have these amazing days we see are all directed by HIM--then others we do wonder where He has gone?? Is He ever coming back?? But Paul from the Bible didn't have those negative attacks. On all actuality, he was able to take such harsh, drastic struggles that were hard to understand--but He knows our Lord-how amazing and true Christ is. He didn't die on the cross and raise from the dead for humor or to be caught to make star hit blockbuster movies---no. It wasn't fun for Jesus--all He died for us that was atrocious in pain. Which is why I am even talking about this verse---you will catch that is a few coming up..... but Paul was ready and alive for our Savior--no matter the suffering, pain, illness, or struggles. We all have those-finally in life-once we are done shaking our fists, doubting the Lord of Lords-or for Paul-killing people back then who DARE to believe in Him (when he was Saul). I think that with me finding Christ so late-I have been marked one to have very many-if some how this lady actually finds Christ with the way she was brought up and town she lived in. I was not one up for all this "perfect" people stuff when I was first told about it.
And now I look back at the Bible--and I am almost a duplicate of Saul who was out to rid believers of Christ from my friendships in my 20's.... then oh wait a minute--same man--was talked to directly by JESUS!!!! Who knew what he had in him. And the tears roll--as we see the wrong--he was out killing others, I was working on myself with high doses of Phenobarbital-numbing all pain in life instead of finding HIM to give all troubles to--and ask Him to lead me. Heck-he knew every hair on my body before my mother even did!
I started reading the Bible in 2003 and attending a church where I also had a Bible study. There is where I heard so much about Paul. And I heard he more than accepted the new man he was-living all for Christ. Which struck me-cause this man-with illnesses, or being chained down in prison-was the happiest soul ever. He was given a new life-that living so lively-so on fire 24/7/365-that there was no flashback of his bad past-Paul just lived every day Alive for Christ and all for His Glory-with no regrets-just amazing days to come.

So having never grown up with the Bible-I was all lit up. It was just amazing how someone could take everything I have been going thru-and combine them in THEIR LIFE. Talk about struggles and major need for prayer. But I have found a bright, sunny, positive in my suffering--I know who to give it to... and as much as humans help...they do nothing that God has in store already. So don't have just your human friends lined up to help pray online, in church, by phone, at Bible Study.

Praying for ourselves is great--so we can gain strength to pray for everyone in dire need. Having that personal relationship with our Creator---But my greatest desire is to be one person, on fire---ALL THE TIME AGAIN-no matter how much pain I am in when my husband is away on business trip. I am sure He would like less stress for all of us.....that is one beautiful reason why He has Heaven. In the end of all of this Earthly chaos-we will praise Him all the time when we reach Heaven.
No stress in Heaven--and when New Earth is fully developed-no tears for others.

The best part of the last 3 months is far from my health--must not be in Christ's plan right now...my marriage is back to feeling like the first days-not just my severe pain. My big gift from Jesus--has finally announced his trials in life--which we walked with him in much of....explaining since 2004 how Jesus has plans-if He accepts and reaches out to Him. My cool brother, even knowing we were Christ-addicts-came to us for help a couple years ago--and I can't let him go. As for he hit rock bottom recently---which threw me in a line of major depression and marital issues due to my brother being gone who helped us-and my husband gone, no matter how severe the pain-and sadness of my brother incorrectly placed in jail.

I stayed connected to my brother-in prayer. I stayed angry at my husband who tried to meet travel change needs--but just weren't enough with this severe pain-not to me anyway.

We had a couple great friends come to help-we paid the air fare. And we had couple sour ones--that were looking for the normal "Heather help" but that was not what this was for. And still, in any prayer, they didn't understand it wasn't an at Heather's home council time for her. I am one to now see clearly I am to do personal Bible study-yet posting thoughts of scripture on line when in dire pain. But when in control--to go back to the "On Fire For Christ For All to Hear and Read...." I miss those "Paul" like days..... but he is teaching me-in pain he had no bitterness--just glory for Jesus-that's where I was, that's where I am heading back. Can anyone help by making sure I keep blogging and video'ing -sharing more amazing stuff to come???
I love you all-as for God put you all in my life for so many amazing things-you all have blessed me life, and I forever thank you!!

Troy---you will never know how you have once again changed my life. Big brothers are more than big--forever huge part in my life

You are my big brother-
My child's Uncle, yet "twin"
My husbands best friend
You keep me sane....
And I love you so much-
How can I love you even more
every day? I do.
Keep praising Him-He is all we need
to get thru all this crazy stuff-
and get to just relaxing time we love.
I love you Troy. I love you Christian. I love you Jesus!!!

In severe pain-and I love you all thru it. Jesus will take care of it today.

I love you all---and know, I have for a long time-I just let pain get in my way to remind you.  So here it is again-I love you all, such gifts to me from Jesus-and I praise Him!

Keep your chin up thru tough times too....if I am gonna, Lord, He gives all who call on Him the strength to!!

Have a blessed week!!

In His Love,

Heather Siebens

http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe
http://www.facebook.com/AliveinMe
http://gallery.me.com/aliveinme
aliveinme@me.com

Love to you from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.






























                                                                                            

Heart Brakes

God has blessed us with so much--that we have no way to return, other than to praise Him. Show Him HE is our #1! But losing close friends along the way hurts-and all the chaos in this world of drastic stunts people can pull--they can be sitting next to, blood related, someone you raised, one you married--just so much hurt out there and truly the only with answers to heal that pain for all--is Jesus.

I pulled drastic stunts when I went thru "unfair" pain. But my neurologist sent me to psychologists/psychologists and I agreed so I could proceed in getting better. But the biggest reason for my healing was I found THE perfect church, that had the Holy Spirit wrap tight around me. Jesus walked and talked directly to ME!!! And has ever since!!! But during my search, and prior--I was paying big consequences. I wasn't on a "favorite" list---He loves us all as ONE. But we have to pick up our cross--walk with Him, for Him, about Him-all for Him. That is what life is about. Not why don't I have money, or that car, or wellness, or the girl/boy I wanted, or did he divorce me etc.... we have to count on HIM that with our faith in HIM--HE WILL SEE US THRU---He knows the route, we just have to trust Him in this "leap of faith."

It has been one thing after another of severity since I was 25. I am now 34. And I just don't think it slows down as He keeps strengthening us--getting us out there with the win of each battle to share our Good News thru His Good News.

My road took another HUGE route that has me in more pain and seizures than usual--- people play evil games, when knowingly are doing evil. My brother is my bestest friend... but I cannot explain details right now.... other than in life, he has been very confused on what he has wanted. Therefore-divorced looking for more--when in reality, it was the void in his heart. Had it all---but lacked what was most important to keep it all together and blessed---Jesus. His ex wife has recently found Him, and my heart jumps for joy!! I keep praying for my brother, when here in such tragedy- keeps asking.

With all that confusion I lost his ex wife as a daily friend, which my daughter has her name as her middle name... known her since I was in Jr High..... amazing woman today. Hurts, cause I love her so much-but this is how the Devil works with our Free Will.

He proceeded with others I had to learn to adjust with his change--I did well. But he would quickly change as I formed a relationship with another.... looking at this you can see, his heart has a huge void---and still is not filled, as for last psychotic girlfriend end of last year-beginning of this--she and her mom pressed charges - which were all equal in reality--- but he was taken away, cuffed from my home, due to a heartless, non-follower of Christ. So now I have this heart that loves so much--that is fighting not to hate them-I just don't appreciate negative surprises... the "get you backs..."

I love my brother so much, no matter what happened--- 70x7 forgiveness per Jesus... we sure don't see that here anymore. All about revenge. That is a voided heart---my brothers ex wife has a filled heart and on His track... and I am forever grateful. We all live and learn---all takes two. Same as a close friend he dated a long time---forever her heart shows Jesus' love. Look around you and see does anyone you know close need to fill that void with Jesus? It changes all so drastically.

I was beaten by my ex--total ability to get revenge --press charges. Had all legal pics taken... I did not file--he did not do time. I know Jesus will do it on His own. My ex and I panned out friends, then just afar, he remarried, gave up our child to her "dad" to Tory.

How hard is it to go a day, then 2, then a week without hating one thing? Even the traffic. We are just blessed to have life. As I sit here half blinded and in severe pain from 3rd brain surgery.... I KNOW I AM BLESSED EVEN THRU THIS. I pray for those who need to knock down, to feel good....

I love you Maria... thank you for your heart....

And your info and heart has my head straight Lisa...

But I miss him... know wrong is wrong-- and I just pray God takes a big grip on this and bring Him completely to Jesus!! That is my hope and prayer....

While setting the wrong doers straight.... when they see You light, they will see what is truly wrong.

Love to you all out in FB and twitter land... life wouldn't be the same!! Amazing how many I have met---and will again meet this Sunday!! God is good!!

Lamentations 3:31-33 For the Lord does not abandon anyone forever. Though He brings grief, He also shows compassion according to the greatness of His unfailing love. For He does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.

Proverb 10:28 The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked are all in vain.

Reaching out Response

As I reach for Christ, He is ALWAYS THERE;
As I reach or look for past daily attention from my lover-
it is missing.

My whole life growing up-I felt the human touch of love. My family. None of us knew about our Lord and Savior-who died for our sins--to clear our plate of destruction, lies, etc.....
It took near death for me to wake up in my running to find Him. Nevertheless -HE KEPT ME FOR A PURPOSE---as He has each and all off of YOU! Remain tight to Him-all things do have a reason...
They are just so hard to begin to understand. So much tragedy in the 90's after I was presented this Man named "Jesus" occurred. But I knew they was a "Someone" or "Something" out there--for me to have made it thru the late 90's.
When He notices your wanders even more--even more miracles happen. Many bitter ones will look at it as cruelty-if there is any "God." The other section knows deep in their hearts He is just really trying to get all His "sheep" going the right direction--HIS direction. So when tragedy, pain, saddness appear--all you have to do is call on Him--He is the One to rely on. Who has your plans laid out. And with all you face that is difficult in your life, is for you to hand onto Him, trust Him-knowing He is using all for His Glory; not like the HUGE percentage others feel it is torture for any bad they have done. If you have truly accepted Christ into your heart, mind, soul-LIFE--He is always YOUR BEST FRIEND-with unconditional love! How radical is that!!! Our love can't ever compare' which is why we our supposed to live with our walk as close as possible with Him-study and read about all He has done, stil does-will continue to do!! WOW!!!
We are just selfish creations. I know He placed my hubby and I together for amazing reasons. I used to call my hubby my little Jesus He was so striving to be very gentle and loving--allowing all my faults--but loving me still.
Wasn't until our move to Philly that everything got rocky.
My health just shortly after my 3rd brain surgery took a HUGE dump. Which wasn't "perfect" timing for my husbands new career. The main office is in Philly. But he was given a choice; to stay in Phoenix where all our family is located-and all my docs for every illness I have-or freezing Philly to watch my pain worsen from natural pain that blows up my body 80 times more. The pain from the cut that controls some brain memory, looks like I'll be in utter pain- painful for even the "good" days the rest of my life. I accepted that, finally. But it has been hard without being near family, friends, my church-and my husband gone almost over half of each month. That wasn't the agreement. We moved so he would travel less than that-cause I can't make it on my own. But I truly feel like a single parent, with a wonderful uncle who lives here most of the time-praise God. But isn't the same as your husband, or Tory's daddy.
If I knew travel would be like this-- I would have stayed in Phoenix, until travel calmed-then moved where he felt best. But this has torn my health to shreds, my childs anxity has increased--feeling at the age of 9 she has to take care of herself--cause even when He is here, he is so diligent as if he was at work. She is 9!! My kiddo can't take militant aggressiveness for what he needs done; asking, telling, describing what he needs done is the best what my sweet Tory can handle it-and feel productive, not behind. 
My husbands mind is in this twirl of work, talking to the owner of our home about deals, detangling my necklaces is when those thought were in his mind-as I walked in--in a skirt he has wanted me to buy forever. I did. M past lover would have his mind off of everything and had said how beautiful I looked---seems a long time, except when His brain has time to--on Facebook.
As a sick one it does feel good once in a while to here how "beautiful I look" face to face. Not just talk about where are we going for dinner.
That isn't the only---but an example of how my heart hurts. 
Which is why I praise God I found Jesus---or there would be no one else logical to talk to about all this. I praise Jesus for close friends. to help get me thru my brain and pain complications-and husband always gone--even when he is home.
We will make it thru--if we BOTH stick to Jesus for our marriage, not just his work.


In His Grip,


Heather
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort of God.
Psalm 57:10 For Your UNfailing love is as high as the Heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.
               

Love that is True-

My Precious One

Making it thru---that I am. But it isn't on my own, or with doctors, etc... of course it is with Jesus-whom gave me two big gifts--my husband Christian, and my precious daughter Tory. Tory may only be going on 10-- but because of all of what I have gone thru, she has matured way too fast-especially in the medical field... how people are feeling. She really knows how to show support, her heart and love--and show hope thru Christ seeing all that He has carried her Mom thru. 

She was born a very "safe" child. In all ways. She knew not to run up to me on my first day back from my first brain surgery with my head wrapped-and jump into my arms. (PRAISE GOD) She just gently walked up to me, wrapping her tiny 1 yr old arms around my legs. Brilliant!! Nothing changed except she had come to know Jesus Christ BIG TIME for my 2nd and 3rd brain surgeries. And all my hospitalizations in between. She would share her faith. I sadly missed out on most of it---being the one in the hospital. But I sure heard the beautiful stories that amazed me--bringing tears to my eyes while I was at Mayo each time. 

My Tory always has such a beautiful personality--one that is full of love for Christ- full of endless love for me, and people surrounding me who suffer. Anyone in a bind, having tough times my kiddo has such a heart for--and doesn't understand why people treat a person so bad. So she is like the school "studier" of the shouldered children. And she seems to confront them--and easily make friends after a days work. Then she is really baffled at how people can just hate at looks or first day attitude meeting--could have just been a bad day or shy. She blows me out of the water. I was NOT that way as a child-yet I had NO idea whom Jesus Christ was. I just knew I was the "cool" kid--and I had my priorities--if ya looked a bit dorky, you weren't part of the "cool" crowd--simple. No sad. And my daughter, never having heard that story--already had a molded heart for Jesus-for love for people of all types-that makes mine beat triple times in praise to Jesus!!! That was the part of me I would have changed as a child growing up. And He must have known that--and did that with my beautiful child. I thank Him for His amazing work. Never did I imagine such a perfect daughter in my life.

We may have an "imperfect" set up to others. Christian is her dad-not my blood, but by love and soon adoption! As for the "biological" one beat me when she was young--and only tried her out long distance for a while--then his new wife and money supporting my kiddo became selfishly important---that is human--not me, but human. So he signed this precious child he barely knew into the strong arms of my husband today--Christian Siebens. And I praise Jesus for that. It was sure during times of trials--making sure I'd still keep my tight grip on HIM---but it came thru. And now she says she has 2 Dads----Jesus and her daddy---Christian. That is the lifetime gift for me. To fill the void--one that could have been empty, and confusing for years--filled right away by the love of my life. We thank God for a mutual friend who introduced us, John Stauffer--had he not--we never would have crossed paths. Amazing how HE works thru others for our good!! His Glory!! 

And my little Tory, as she grows will have a lifetime story of love and laughter-in a family that never quits, never gives up during any huge medical extreme, job decline to job inclines with lengthy moves. We hold tight thru all family issues-knowing we stand firmly in Christ's focus-His Way, His Truth, His Light in life---and we don't let others against Him shake us. For He is the one who painted this beautiful portrait of our family and got us going on His Plans... (as we all altar at times)  But we will love all--show His light and grace---but share His love and truth--as for our lives are completely changed for good--and for the good!!! And we praise Him.

Smiling Christ-Follower/daughter

The amazing part is---we have this little girl who has lifted her hands to HIM since she was 3... speaking out loud about how "Jesus died for us on the Cross" since she was 2---and she just gets more lively as she matures!!!! With that I say...

"Thank you Jesus---You do all things Good!!! To God be all the Glory for all the Good in our lives!!!! YOU keep us satisfied!!! "

Keeping my focus on Him--keeps my pain at bay... Keeping my love alive for Him... keeps my pain lessoned. Keeping my focus and love alive for my family and friends--makes life alive and in need to quench more for my thirst for Christ---in thanks for such blessings!!! With Him---I am alive!!! Always-thru everything. With you all--my heart grows bigger for more love for all you, more of His people---and always our God more!

I give my heart to Christ--Christian and precious Tory at the top of my list- whom I'd die for. But my list continues so long in family and friends that are like family that I just praise Him!! So I praise God right now for whomever is reading this---He placed something special in your heart that my heart thanks you for!!!

Know thru Christ-all things ARE possible. If my little girl believes this-do not waver as an adult!! Trust our Father in ever step you take-and pray about. He has amazing plans for you!!! 

Love to you all---always!!

Heather  @AliveinMe

ALWAYS:...

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  REJOICE ALWAYS!! Pray Continually, give THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES--for THIS IS God's Will for YOU in Christ Jesus!!!!  (AMEN!)

Every Family Movement from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.For all my precious friends........ most of all, my daughter Tory Moriah Siebens, hubby Christian Siebens---who both hold me up thru everything..

The amazement is--how Tory could even at 1--her faith became so strong at 2--and rocks today!! I am just so blessed!!!

Love you all!!

Severe Pain Brings Blessings

Third Brain Surgery Beginning-deep electrodes

How awesome is our God? How Mighty and Strong thru all of our trials-knowing each step we have to take--and yet to come...

We sit and groan thinking it is the worst pain or issue ever-when in fact, give it time--He will prove your strength-only thru your trust and faith in Him, as you hang on to even more rougher roads to come--you never thought YOU could handle.

I am one very fortunate person. He blessed me with not faith as a child or young adult, just fearlessness. Trust in parents. That later when I found Him at 26--became a HUGE understanding of Faith and His hands tight on me---even when I didn't know it.

I am one very blessed lady to have found Him in timing for 3 brain surgeries--for me to pray years upon them.... thru them, and the seizures and testing between the years of each of them--trying to seek His purpose behind the continuance. Today was my one year anniversary of the beginning of my 3rd brain surgery---that led to so much. It was miraculous. So many praying from East to West on twitter and FB--people I knew closely, others not. But I am a very open person about all my testimonies---praying to reach out to at least one lost person to come to Christ---then as many as Jesus blesses to. My mouth will talk all about my walk. And this 3rd surgery had so many positives that I dance up a storm about it. But not long after, it also had a huge crash--so there were tons of AMENS....then came a billion tears.

On the first of February---as the date is today, now a year ago--they first placed the in depth electrodes deep in my brain to read all seizure activity all over-to see how much to cut, where, what parts can't be taken out due to verbal, eyesight, etc. And they did testing with those deep in my brain for days-checking to see how it changes. It just was amazing. The pain let up a bit on the 2nd night-so the 3rd morning I was there-I was able to move more, talk, etc. So I broke out my lap top for the next nine nights leading up to my 3rd brain surgery to come----which the most radical part of this brain surgery out of all 3 was this one was done AWAKE!!!! So I could assist the docs in what was being affected!!!! Was so awesome--bit painful last 20 minutes....but every ache was worth that ability to tell them where to go-so you aren't blind. It's being part doctor!!!! Was fabulous thru our Lord to have that happen for me!!

I had such close connections thru phone, text, gifts, in person, internet--etc....prayer warriors!!! Christ made this surgery almost pain free!!! Afterward you usually pound for weeks--I did not. I smiled big thru the working of our Lord.

Now not everything lasts the way we want it to-so we sure are to take in those great moments and treasure them! As for I had a whole whirlwind ahead---pain-ALL OVER my body began when I began functioning-about 2 weeks of wellness then the body severely crashed for almost a year now.

For the most part, I am seizure free. Unless my medication is increased for the brain to control the sensing of pain. Then I have a few doozies. If I wasn't on that though-that surgery was a miracle--very seizure free otherwise.

I had time during the pain of the body after surgery---that I grew so bitter. No answers. I was mad!! And thought God just had it in for me. But after a month or so just offline--doing projects--I felt Him with His arms around me--assure me in saying--That there is much more to come--it wasn't all about me, the pain and suffering--to get my eyes off that and back onto Him, family, friends I love. And once I did---pain calmed--with me able to walk more!!!! Making gifts for others. Sharing fun times with friends near and far. He made a lot of good come out of pain---and with that--the pain sure has eased---as I focus on Him, and dear friends instead.

That February was an amazing time of my life. Changed it for the better. And this February is thanking all there last for joining in prayer---it has carried on throughout the year!!!!!!! God bless you all for seeing me thru this---I may have quite a bit less brain, but enough to know our Lord and Savior is so True and amazing---and how blessed I am with each of you as family and friends that carried me thru!!

God bless you all....today-tomorrow-----forever!!

In His Love,

Heather J Siebens

I have hair!!!!

Psalm 115:1

Not to us, O Lord, not to us,

but to your name goes all the glory

for your unfailing love and faithfulness.

Never too Late

We used to live in AZ-I was there for a couple years longer than my husband. It is where so much good and amazing happened, while I was fighting off the bad. I had my year of overdosing being very tough to ever get up-and make it thru the day. But I had my precious baby-and knew there were plans.
I fortunately found Jesus-my faith grew when I found Him and grew with Him, side by side--even when I was bawling but gripping Him tight.
Not long after my handsome, and most amazing soul for a man, husband, follower of Christ moved to Chandler--knowing that we WOULD be ONE once some of the issues were taken care of, in HIS timing.
Arizona was amazing for us... we had a bunch of different challenges, mountains to climb over, and deserts to cross abroad....
but anytime we we ever EVER thought we were not going to make it--we knew to check ourselves, and each other. Were we still going to church, Bible study, sharing His word daily? Were we still praying, and listening to His music? Or were we falling back a bit on everything--in addition to some irritation with our Lord and Savior, Creator and Best Friend--Jesus Christ? When my health would take a whopper that made zero sense--there were only SO MANY months I could go, without the human side of me--my flesh that cared less about faith to explode. Give Him the cold shoulder like I would handle it all myself.
Well none of us can. And I am far from some special being that can. Heck I am a late finder of Christ--late surrenderer... but one, when I did-I knew there was no turning back. He had saved my wrekless life too many times, I needed to use my hands, feet, heart, body, soul-For HIM, not me.
And that was taught really well. We finally reached the point of all finished by us what was laid there by Him for us to encounter-it was His time for us to move on in growth to another city and STATE. Which was just an amazing location--Philadelphia is where Christ called my husband with such awesome faith--to grow with it, and helping others to grow in theirs. His boss-new, just net for the interview was thrilled in all testimony talks he had of his own and me to us, it had him so excited and open-just what he was looking for -for the exact job my hubby was. I was thrilled with the location--I lived where we'd gotten the house we loved in Downingtown,  PA- when I was 17. All was just too perfect financially, location, faith and personality of who he'd work for. It was too perfect--
I fell into pieces not long after. Moves I guess can be tough--I have done it so much. But not with my little girl at this age, nor me unwell in several areas. One in particular that just was killing me--was the whole severe body pain---and 3 stories to this house. All found the beauty and all---but I saw the dark. I was angry and hard hearted for the severity of my pain--for over half a year. My husband was gone so much. But when he was here--he was the better husband he ever was--and I just wouldn't see it. I just felt the pain, and uncaring.  When there isn't any man that can meet standards much like my hubby-I should have been grateful and as humble and loving back--but not only was the pain pulling me out of my faith--not searching hard and finding the right church added right to it. I wouldn't even watch my churches sermons on line. I just curled up mad at the world--and on the way to dying in my heart.
I pulled away from Faccebook/twitter land---and shut the world out. But thru it all--I was helping the most precious family member of mine, and didn't even know it. Which led to him becoming more the new him--on well steps, and steps of faith thru Jesus. And that is where my heart turned. My husband was one reaching out to me--as I reached out to my brother. I knew the difference to make my personal help better and quicker is thru faith thru our Creator. Not just good words-and definately not medication in that situation. So my busy before Bible became my best friend in books again--as Jesus I called to wipe away my bitterness. He showed me easily thru my over expectations. I ranted and raved about my 3rd brain surgery dare rid seizures, but cause such awful pain that life isn't worth it. He showed me worse--He allowed that to come in, so what used to be a tender, loving head--became one judgmental. I had awful seizures hitting, IN ADDITION to severe, awful pain in every joint, every hour--that the walker didn't even help. I just laid on our couch for months-unable to hardle sip some water.
But even though the pain is still there, my heart and faith is back to battle it trying to control me. I am too young to "be dead" in my years. I may not be able to run fast, nor ride the horse with my kiddo--but my past sorrow butt can watch her--as she smiles so big knowing I have many years to come with her-all glory, praise and honor to our Lord, Savior, Best Friend---Jesus Christ.
We all have our fallbacks. That was my first harsh one that scared me. I won't let this pain take over His plans. You all are too precious to me--and I want to meet you all in months and years to come!! Keep your faith shining, thru every ache and pain. He loves you more than you can imagine!!
Love to you all!!


The Glory of God Forever!!


Heather (Hetty) Siebens

http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe
http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe
http://hiswill4me.blogspot.com/
http://heather4christ.blogspot.com/
hcbenz777@gmail.com
hetty4jesus@yahoo.com
lastbrainsurgery@aol.com

Hebrews 4:12-13 For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.

Hebrews 4:14-16   So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. ¹⁵ This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. ¹⁶ So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.


My "Baby girl" Tory Moriah Siebens



So Young She Saved Me

Tory & Mommy

Only way I was able to raise Tory on my own for years, and have intense PTSD, was all because of Jesus whom I didn't know yet then... but was beginning to. It didn't take the tempting of the Devil--it took close to death to awaken me to His love, life here, plans, and trust. I was giving in to Satan, but Christ had too many plans for Tory, Christian and I to let me throw them away.
He could have kept beating me so hard I wouldn't be here....
I could have kept up on all my pill overdosing with no care, that I wouldn't be here....
I couldn't have had such an amazing angel child that almost guided me at 2 what to do!!!
She keeps me alive....with my faith, my love, my health.... Love to my Tory who made miracles happen.... my ex sign away. 

Here is a a quick video to let you know a small point of my Oct 19th masquerade ....

This one was all about me, as for I was still searching and had no clue life was about someone amazing! It takes these BIG hits, sometimes, continual...sometimes bigger to awaken to why He formed you, with plans before you were even in your mother's womb. This is the moment we have seek Him to get thru our "but's, and how dare they's, or why's or when is..?" We seek Him once we get the glimpse, cause I can -He IS THE ANSWER. And He will hold your hand thru every winding road yet to come.

He will lift you high-thru all your trials.... walk you thru all the desert roads. But soon He will be holding your hand tight, up high, on the mountain of God. Smiling what He has ALWAYS gotten you thru.

God bless each of you, know He is holding you tight every step, leap, and/or moan....

He is teaching us so much, we are just to open up our hearts and souls for Him!

In His Love,

Heather

In Comparison

Isn't everything compared these days? The house. Yes, what area do you live in, and then, making sure it is the top area that you also have one of the top three models of homes located in the perfect area of a street where you will have perfect view, and little sound. RIght? That always happens. Then the car. If you don't have the top notch, from out of this country car of course... you make sure it is somehow permanently at the car detail, or just people always miss you pull in and out of the garage. Cause that is just another "LOVE" of America today. Then it drops down to smaller but must haves best name brand clothes, huge gaudy jewelry even at a young age, and real Rolex and Gucci watches--PLEASE before fourteen years old.

Do I really mean all of that up there? No. But the fact is most of America and further on do. To the point that we lose love for what and who we she have all our hearts given to. I can type this all with knowledge as for MOST of what I typed above was from my childhood. We lived in a family, that yes, loved us completely. But as they grew more and more greens, the more and more they showed it was by sharing it openly. Then when marriage issues came about, to help coddle us was to give, give and give. Or was that to buy us in case of divorce? Either way it wasn't true heart.

If we want to use the true heart, we have to push that money aside, take our watches off, open our hearts and talk. Have time with family, kids, husbands, wives. Or you have to envision a very silent household having nothing much to talk about accept bills, or "and honey, did you take the trash out." Ultimately, money became each persons "friend" or "lover" ..one that took place of ever needing one to talk with or have common with. As for now everything one was dreaming about is already there, handed over on even a non special day. Not having to work for it, or wait for a special occasion. Then what will ever satisfy more if always been given, over given, literally needs no more? If a child their attitudes are usually molded thru this. And if you can't, as a parent give more-scary part is...they will usually look older and elsewhere for who can. If it is adult to adult (married couple) it is the usual-if the one providing all of this, which isn't looked at it like providing any longer--but as "wha't deserved and expected." That person doesn't wait patiently and kindly, they usually have high pitched, negative, tear apart "their right" fight, leading to quick negative choices, thoughtless behavior looking beyond all consequences. And pick up suitcases, and usually have #1 back up relationship with similar cash in take. #2 have lawyer papers delivered, with high alimony, retirement, percentage of housing etc on her side.

All of that above was around my life. I am here to say it is far away now. It made such a great positive impact on me as a child, even though I did not know Jesus. My husband today has always had his stress points of wanting to make more money here, and there etc-for me, for us. He had a time when we were dating, he was going thru a collapse of his company because of his divorce that he just spilled out all this stress to me, not sure what he could ever ever provide. I smiled. Now he grew up knowing Jesus, and I had just found Jesus in a drastic way about 8 months when he said all that. But I was on fire. And I remember his long e-mail of stress, and I e-mailed him back saying money isn't what matters to me AT ALL... I'd rather have Jesus, him, and Tory in the middle of the desert in AZ, at 135 degrees, with hot wind blowing a tumbleweed by--and still have all our love THERE, no matter what we didn't have with it, Jesus, us and love is what matters in order to be happy-and be happy to share His love to others. Those were pretty big words coming from small me, past wealthy family, just found Jesus a bit ago. But it doesn't matter. It is His plans. His love that lights us up.

And that is where His plan came from providing me with this amazing husband today--that lights me up!! He doesn't just light me up, of course he lights our kiddo Tory up. But he lights my family, his, his work, my doctors-so many. As for he is a truthful, kind, humble, caring man-who shows it to all in a Godly way. And forever I am blessed with him, and forever I will praise..... HIM!!

This may have been long.... and in a strange set up-but it is clear to me from my childhood life #1 (and what today is) to how I am living today!!

Love is precious and should never be taken for granted. It is way more rich than any ring of TV or car. And with my husband Christian Siebens @flyingchristian , I am very wealthy forever, no matter what!

To God Be the Glory!

Heather Siebens

Wealth

How Much?

Ecclesiastes 5:10  Those who love money will never have enough. How absurd to think that wealth brings true happiness!!

So what is that amazing true love to you? What do you find your focus on in need of always? Something or someone you can't live without?

With me my first amazing love goes straight to me Creator-for bringing me here to learn love, and show it. That is my other part of love-I love my husband Christian Siebens beyond understanding-just an amazing click. And my daughter will always be more than any daughter to me-she is extra special. We went thru some tide together in life with my psychotic ex, but I kept her peaceful, loving, excited for each day. She is quite on fire for Jesus, and I am so proud. My Big Bro Troy Jensen has made an endless impact on my heart-something that he never would have done before-as for he loved material things, money. That was how we grew up. But I saw how it could hurt my parents relationship then, I was not one who ever wanted it a big part of my life.

My greatest memory really is when my ex and, well became ex's due to his beating me. To clarify that-how did that benefit me? I was one to struggle, no matter how, to pay for a 1 bedroom, not the best nor best neighborhood apartment. I slept on the floor, with a lamp with no shade. That was classic. But Tory had her stuff, thanks to my parents. And we had the closest relationship thru it all. Nothing took our attention off each other-that is what I loved.

If I role play, happily married to a wealthy man, frequently gone on business trips-but brings in major dough for the kid and I-even gifts chosen...which would I choose? Believe it or not, with Jesus in our household focus-the one above. I've lived thru both-and most get drawn in, expect more, "need" more, want more, demand more... then all get hurt or defensive if it isn't reached. Humbleness is gone.

It isn't a criminal act to be well off. But you have to check yourself, before you wreck yourself--and more. I am one who wants occasional few new outfits, make-up, music, love to decorate. But overall-that happens far apart, sporadic, many are gifts to me in time. I do take the excited adventures when I feel well and go places amazing, trips etc. But I am more of a giver. Receiving is wonderful. But it feels amazing for the heart when you give.

So the battle of wealth. Do you find yourself looking at many others angry wondering why that isn't you? Or your car, your house etc? How much longer will you be made to work questions? The blessing is life is about the heart, not about something man made later in life that makes the heart thump with anxiety. The heart is God made just for you and me. It is in us-spreads throughout our whole body--our BRAIN!!!! SO we should know this!! Using our heart more for just a kiss is a big move. It is a must. Really teach it to love-everything it has, able to give, excited over family and friends, using it to reach out to others-use your heart for so much. For being you. For all you have had, have, and are today. For today is what matters-God only knows what tomorrow holds.

I bring this up because I have been around those who have struggled financially in life-went from rich to poor. And know have this bitterness, anger. None of it seems "fair" to them. Nothing in life in all comparisons would be fair. But sadly, everyone notices money issues to be most drastic more than deathly illnesses that kill young kids. That flies by many like this, with a "that is just ridiculous" an angry attitude there too... but no comfort. No heart. The heart will not change if they won the lotto-it does not by what the heart prevails in... love always. First few days would be giddy-but would fade-no Jesus, and no heart.

Money is not the answer to life. We can live thru it, that God. But isn't the answer. Jesus is-and He will lay all answers out for you as you keep walking His walk, whole heartedly-for Him, not money. God only knows what He has in store for you!

Love you all!!

In His Love,

Heather

Hang on with Faith

Hanging On Jesus
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."


I have been blessed to have gone thru so much in my mid 20's, that all shook me finally enough to find the Truth. John 14:6 Jesus told him, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one can come to the Father except thru Me!" The reason I am here-and STILL am with all I went thru, and then put myself thru. He works miracles for the moment we show Him humbleness, hope, a gleam of wonder if it is really HIM. Cause the moments you show more wonders, are the moments He has been grabbing your heart more.


It took many years of first me being introduced to who He is late in life, then tragically going thru so much (many blogs on that in here..) but the amazing part is the moment you lift your eyes-open your heart to Him, and allow your faith to endure thru everything you go thru-with HIM-the whole way He already has amazing plans for you. You just have to use that faith part for it to happen. For His amazing plans to endure. And as you open your heart more and more to everything tough that happens in life, knowing just to trust Him-have faith, He will help you run thru this trial with those amazing plans ahead. But if we stay angry, or bitter, or far away from God's love and faithfulness thru everything-then we won't get to see His-HIS next step in everything yet. Not until we are ready to invite Him back in.
I went thru my pouty stage. My why God stage. My-THIS CAN'T BE stage.... but I was refocused by so many-starting with my amazing brother whom swears I was the one who recently brought Him to Jesus. That grabbed me big. As I have prayed for years. Now we are so close-we are 2 peas in a pod.
Then I just have amazing family, neurologist, docs--and two very amazing ones that held my hand tight thru this was my psychiatrist for over 7 years at Mayo Clinic-- Dr. Cynthia Stonnington. Has such a grabbing heart and attitude about how you will succeed getting thru this illness. Then knowing I moved, she knew I'd be going thru a few years of pain with what is called severe Fibromyalgia- and she already has an amazing psychiatrist set up for me to call this week in Philly to make an appointment-stay focused on wellness. I was amazed at all she has to do, at what time she had before I entered her office. Always such a heart filled with joy. In addition was my brilliant psychologist Dr.Seri Roth-Roemer. She is such an amazing doctor full of life, laughter, faith-and with the focus she guides you with, just in days you begin to feel better and be better for others. But you have to have the right focus for yourself. She knows how to learn about you to find the right focus! Amazing what the brain controls. She is full of amazing gifts-one I'd love to take after if one day I am well enough to get back to school. But all my docs keep getting me thru it. All the tests galore-trying to see what is causing the severe pain-right after I healed from my #rd brain surgery, done AWAKE! Just one more test to be done. Otherwise, the low down is I have quite the case of fibromyalgia or it was caused from my brain surgery. Actually nicking a part that deals with pain. Cutting into vessels then going into the "Hot Spots" where seizures were recorded. My neurosurgeon would have me read, tell colors, keep talking etc while telling him any odd things happening while marking areas that aren't "affecting" me yet-to take out. Looking back, I kept my focus more on eyes that were gonna go if we took the whole "Hot Spot" out, so just some was taken from that and I have lack of periphreal vision. But one thing that I didn't think twice about was pain in my body, and temperture raising, and prickles. But all that can come from the medication they gave me to try to help the pain, while awake, and when it wore off, my brain was stressing overload for the pain on the brain surgery and body. It attacks the brain and where it sends its signals, for everything. Which leads to severe pain. Signals that stop pain get triggered and the body, unharmed is in severe attacks, severe pains all over-not knowing how it is supposed to make that pain go away.The signals are drastic-it is even hard to hug I hurt so bad. So I pray with this 4th brain surgery (cutting the brain in half-corpus callosum ) and medication, some knowledge of it now-I will heal quicker than how I was making it worse with such a negative attitude, laying around in severe pain-waiting for it to go away. God has different plans.So I have to take this plan and run with it.... He his worth all steps.
Blessings to all thru Jesus!


Heather
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THE TEAM from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.