Cutting Brain Income

There is a HUGE difference between Philadelphia and Phoenix---obviously not how they sound their "f" out.... with the "ph" ....
I am one who needs doctors-and the ones that I took, for epilepsy, upon recommendation, I will not be making a ride down to his office any time soon.

I love what they can do in the medical field today--but I also love it when it at least SEEMS like they are doing it FOR YOU--and YOUR ILLNESS. Not themselves, and their homes, and cars. The man that is my doc here is very cold--very personality-LESS, and places people in the hospital without understanding, when come to find out-it is most all about him and the money he'd get for referring people for brain surgeries. He really doesn't understand that I am still getting over the 3rd brain surgery. My whole body is in pain-and on meds for that--I am praying that this severe pain will lift SOON!

I guess I was not used to the heart-less doctors... the ones that don't put their actual care into anyone's life-this is why I will continue to fly back to Phoenix to see my neurologist I've had for almost a decade, 3 brain surgeries, and thru severe overdoses after my ex beat me. I don't think one soul can replace this doc. But to be so far the other way---just heartless, was stomach sickening. I think doctors should have to pass a heart-filled test as well, and pass--not heart-less.

I know not to waste gas and go down there again. To the man pushy and thrilled to rip my head open for the 4th time.... just doesn't seem right. I will keep him excited and waiting for me to come back for the next year.... but my face will show in AZ... not there. This is where people with hearts win, in every job out there-when used right. My neuro in Phoenix has to be one of the brightest when it comes to not only the brain, but also the heart!!

I will always be traveling to AZ for all neuro care--as for not one doc out here seems sane.

Make sure the doc you see--is as amazing as the doc I see!!! They ARE out there!!

Blessings!

Heather

Walk Tightly

          

Thru all circumstances,

May you feel Christ's Love &

Peace the way I re-shook myself to wake

up and feel and give back. He is our all in all-

why we exist-but NOT why we suffer.

For HE has GREAT plans for us whom follow-

trials on earth will hit us, but we need to remember

WHO to GRASP-not WHAT. That is when the lightbulb turns

on bright and your life for Him is unchangeable. 

Worthy is all His Praise, well, or unwell. 

Blessings all!

The BIG WHY-was this miraculous 3rd brain surgery that a friend of mine made a folder for me for it. It contained as much of all of the prayer warriors praying for me while I was in the hospital Feb 1-14th for this 3rd, and awake brain surgery. Prayer warriors smoothly had this surgery happen-but after it, about a month and a half I was hit with excruciating pain from feet that traveled up my legs so fast it was out of this world!! Been back to my Mayo Hospital twice in patient and out patient. Nothing was jumping out at about every Doctor you could imagine seeing. And I had to move away from Phoenix to here, in Philly area. That whole year of 2010 all it did was worsen-but really took a toll this year. I am 34 and it is almost unable to walk some days. So, I really had BIG ups and downs with Jesus---as for we had so many prayers for the surgery-came thru so well, the moment I was better from healing-ready to get back to living-I was pain stricken--and it so far looks like for life, cause I haven't had a day off yet.

During this tragic disorder for me-has brought in an extremely big blessing--my Big Bro!! He is always with us, by our side-stays with us so he is here to help me thru the days. Lord I feel bad, as for he takes after my mother in anxiety. So when I hit extreme pain-he wants to fix it while his heart is pounding. But it is amazing how God draws family members together. I wouldn't give this up at all. I've wanted this close relationship with him since I was 19. He was hit with some big trials this year--but recently accepted Jesus--and my heart melts, knowing with the strangest, most painful parts of life-might just help another person. 

But once again, in life, even before you know and trust Jesus-His plans our laid out... we may alter them a hunch, but when we accept Him and try to walk tighter with Him, and more like Him--it is then when life begins to change BIG-some you notice BIG TIME and thank Him in tears on your knees, others are more slight changes, or even something that doesn't seem a blessing, but in fact in time (sometimes YEARS) turns into an AMAZING BLESSING with your love, trust, and continual walk and relationship with Jesus. Whether that is with jobs, spouses, children, health etc.... so much has hit my life so hard that I wasn't sure I could, or really wanted to breathe the next day. But as I turned back to Jesus and prayed in tears "what do You want, where do I go from here? will everything work out ok?" He will comfort all in a way that you just will be amazed at. And whatever tragedy is in your life, will soon seem small, as you know He is more than real-He is why you have so many gifts--such as my precious Tory. My ex gave her up-and my husband has been her daddy since she was 2--and I praise God for that. Too many kiddos that are lost and hurt due to divorce, but Christ knew she needed perfect timing-she is sensitive. And she is blessed with my husband, her dad-to walk her down the aisle one day. She is one little girl that has been on fire for Jesus since she was 2... very open. And for that-I thank Jesus for.

Without this man, my husband, Christian Siebens- I am not sure how and where I'd be today. Before I was living for Jesus-I was living for him... to get help to get over the ex beating me, or off the drug I abused to numb that pain. He lived in Seattle, while I was in AZ... and we have endless e-mails... that are so grabbing. Our Lord made us both grow close to HIM, and each other afar, and when he moved to Phoenix back in 2004. Jesus works wonders. We married still, after he dealt with all my seizures, my brain surgery #2 -and Phenobarbital addictions when we re-tried that medication. He is one amazing man, Godly, true, loving, with no raging temper. Shocking compared to my 1st. God taught me a lesson there. Our wedding we had on the date my ex beat me-to wash out the bad-make it a day to look forward to always. He walked us thru more seizures, 

I thank Jesus for my precious friends up in MN.... whom I first met on twitter and Facebook... but then in person up in MN. I am off to see them again end of July. These two are the sisters I never had--and are there in a flash when I need them. Know that there are those type of people still today... never give up!!! He has plans for us all.

My baby Tory... 3 1/2 praising Jesus to Chris Tomlin CD in my one bedroom apartment. We sure were a team!!!! Forever Mommy and Tory...

My precious sweet husband always reaching out to me with love... in all my pain...

I LOVE YOU CHRISTIAN SIEBENS!!!

Now here in PA.... I am too ill to find friends... but have the most precious hubby.... Forever thank Jesus for him!!!

God bless you all... know you are never alone. Mountains get very rocky... very steep... but you will reach the top and see pure beauty, again and again--as long as you keep trusting Jesus. He will carry you!!! No ones life is easier.. He knows all whom can handle--and not. He can take trials-and use them for amazing things in your life.... but even better, in others!!! 

However, unless Jesus comes to me face to face--and the docs with written consent that a 4th brain surgery will make all this body pain flee... I won't go thru this again... I'll just keep praying the pain flees.  :)

In His Love,

Heather

Ephesians 3:16-19

I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength thru His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in Your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, thru it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Gives and Takes away

He gives and takes away...

Jesus. My Best Friend.

He gives and takes away. How can that be one of my most awesome, loved songs... yet the lyrics are so brutal in certain ways. They have more than grabbed my heart and drenched it. Yet we cry those tears of love to Christ to "He gives and takes away..." He knows what we are to have and when--or what to go thru--I will never question that.

Now on a normal day, normal street, normal humans-we wouldn't look at it that way. Whomever gave us something amazing-then snatched it--we would be ANGRY!!! We might have hatred. We might not talk to for a while or so. But this is Jesus. His choices are right. His are clear to Him. His make our life an amazing one to keep living for Him, with His purpose. But it still hurts.

I had to deal with my 2nd surgery hurting my heart due to large seizure just prior 7 weeks and check up appointment with my neurosurgeon. And this song grabbing me both emotionally and with comfort. Letting me know that Jesus had  more plans after that 2nd brain surgery-and I just had to hold on and trust Him.

Did that hold back tears. No. But I had the comfort of Him talking to me, perfect timing, letting me know His plans still were to come.

I went thru years of suffering, seizures, medication illnesses, etc for my 3rd brain surgery to arrive in February of 2010. I was so excited. So thankful.

After the amazing awake brain surgery I was "well" and healing for two months from the pain. Once that pain left-I was ready to rumble. Be more than who I was over a decade ago.

I started working-out. It only took 2 weeks for it to crash my body limb by limb. Starting with the foot. Worked its way up to my neck-including my fingers as I type. Everything killed me and nothing with any appointment made sense or got better. I am still waiting for it to flee-or answers.

John Hopkins wasn't one thrilled to take my case now that we moved to Philly, away from my docs at Mayo in Phoenix. So we just were left in a limp serch on our own--having private neuros send me to Jefferson Hospital, and one private pain specialist is holding my case until SOMEONE takes it on--as for it is just unexplainable, unless I were God. I have additional body faults one by one quickly since that surgery. From the extreme pain all over to muscle jolts, and wonderful loss of memory and language in speaking. 

Most of all I was angry at God. I have never understood why He would keep one, who has been a good kid, decent adult, then when found Him, pretty darn on fire for Christ--enabled, unwell. How long does He plan to keep me down and why?

He has a reason for everything. And in time, we will see it unfold. Perhaps some of it---or again maybe some won't see til time is in Heaven with our Lord.

I have been able to slowly, painfully walk thru all of this. Causing blow up arguments we never have with my husband who now travels so much. I wasn't able to be home, on my own with Tory. I could hardly get a glass of water for myself--many times I couldn't. But there were several business trips he wasn't able to find anyone to come out, on our money, to help. And my heart would turn cold and feel beaten up--as for once again he leaves me stranded, in excruciating pain as he goes plays with the business guys. Raw deal. I think my heart was hurting--and shut off for understanding any other side of the story.

I found that Jesus was using my love for Him to totally change one of the most special people in my life--who was wrongly accused and put in jail. Not only the jail here in Philly that took him in for Denver, no, they made him take that atrocious van cuffed ride--10 days all over the nation--little food, little urine stops. But he had a choice--to keep the Jesus he found in jail, in focus--knowing that still is in plan---or to throw a tantrum, shake his fist at our Lord. My brother chose the first. AMEN. And on the tough ride kept peoples spirits up. He is now here again in our home-with so much faith and love of our Lord--after 8 years of my relationship with Christ, praying one day he'd see Him clearly too.

So this is where the strange blessings can come from our suffering--my severe pain. And as it continues, I pray it does more good for our Lord again, somehow, in any way Lord---just lead me!!!!

I may not be the work out queen anymore... but I sure know how to share His love--and the obvious touches of His hand for healing after those three brain surgeries. With Him--He carries us and holds us tight!!!

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 

We are pressed on every side by troubled, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Thru suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

Heather

Praying

I keep praying. Don't you? Seems like there is just never-ending reasons for prayer, for everyone for the last few years--with this one really kickin!!!

As pretty much ALL OF YOU KNOW.... I am sure, I used to be the Twitter/Facebook addict--and I really thought that I would be up and running full force again with all those social networks-sharing the deep, amazing love of our Lord and Savior--Jesus Christ: for you all-and dear Lord, never ending for me and my family.

I have been quite silent.

Some of you may know my causes-many may not. But Jesus chooses for us to take such different paths than we ever thought, read about, looked for, and ever prayed for. Actually, my first favorite part of the Bible is all about Paul--showing over and over how to praise Him and live for Him, no matter where you are, or what you have going on--HE WILL SEE YOU THRU--as for HE HAS GOOD PLANS FOR YOU-FOR ME-FOR US ALL!!!As we all grip Jesus with love and trust--He will have these amazing days we see are all directed by HIM--then others we do wonder where He has gone?? Is He ever coming back?? But Paul from the Bible didn't have those negative attacks. On all actuality, he was able to take such harsh, drastic struggles that were hard to understand--but He knows our Lord-how amazing and true Christ is. He didn't die on the cross and raise from the dead for humor or to be caught to make star hit blockbuster movies---no. It wasn't fun for Jesus--all He died for us that was atrocious in pain. Which is why I am even talking about this verse---you will catch that is a few coming up..... but Paul was ready and alive for our Savior--no matter the suffering, pain, illness, or struggles. We all have those-finally in life-once we are done shaking our fists, doubting the Lord of Lords-or for Paul-killing people back then who DARE to believe in Him (when he was Saul). I think that with me finding Christ so late-I have been marked one to have very many-if some how this lady actually finds Christ with the way she was brought up and town she lived in. I was not one up for all this "perfect" people stuff when I was first told about it.
And now I look back at the Bible--and I am almost a duplicate of Saul who was out to rid believers of Christ from my friendships in my 20's.... then oh wait a minute--same man--was talked to directly by JESUS!!!! Who knew what he had in him. And the tears roll--as we see the wrong--he was out killing others, I was working on myself with high doses of Phenobarbital-numbing all pain in life instead of finding HIM to give all troubles to--and ask Him to lead me. Heck-he knew every hair on my body before my mother even did!
I started reading the Bible in 2003 and attending a church where I also had a Bible study. There is where I heard so much about Paul. And I heard he more than accepted the new man he was-living all for Christ. Which struck me-cause this man-with illnesses, or being chained down in prison-was the happiest soul ever. He was given a new life-that living so lively-so on fire 24/7/365-that there was no flashback of his bad past-Paul just lived every day Alive for Christ and all for His Glory-with no regrets-just amazing days to come.

So having never grown up with the Bible-I was all lit up. It was just amazing how someone could take everything I have been going thru-and combine them in THEIR LIFE. Talk about struggles and major need for prayer. But I have found a bright, sunny, positive in my suffering--I know who to give it to... and as much as humans help...they do nothing that God has in store already. So don't have just your human friends lined up to help pray online, in church, by phone, at Bible Study.

Praying for ourselves is great--so we can gain strength to pray for everyone in dire need. Having that personal relationship with our Creator---But my greatest desire is to be one person, on fire---ALL THE TIME AGAIN-no matter how much pain I am in when my husband is away on business trip. I am sure He would like less stress for all of us.....that is one beautiful reason why He has Heaven. In the end of all of this Earthly chaos-we will praise Him all the time when we reach Heaven.
No stress in Heaven--and when New Earth is fully developed-no tears for others.

The best part of the last 3 months is far from my health--must not be in Christ's plan right now...my marriage is back to feeling like the first days-not just my severe pain. My big gift from Jesus--has finally announced his trials in life--which we walked with him in much of....explaining since 2004 how Jesus has plans-if He accepts and reaches out to Him. My cool brother, even knowing we were Christ-addicts-came to us for help a couple years ago--and I can't let him go. As for he hit rock bottom recently---which threw me in a line of major depression and marital issues due to my brother being gone who helped us-and my husband gone, no matter how severe the pain-and sadness of my brother incorrectly placed in jail.

I stayed connected to my brother-in prayer. I stayed angry at my husband who tried to meet travel change needs--but just weren't enough with this severe pain-not to me anyway.

We had a couple great friends come to help-we paid the air fare. And we had couple sour ones--that were looking for the normal "Heather help" but that was not what this was for. And still, in any prayer, they didn't understand it wasn't an at Heather's home council time for her. I am one to now see clearly I am to do personal Bible study-yet posting thoughts of scripture on line when in dire pain. But when in control--to go back to the "On Fire For Christ For All to Hear and Read...." I miss those "Paul" like days..... but he is teaching me-in pain he had no bitterness--just glory for Jesus-that's where I was, that's where I am heading back. Can anyone help by making sure I keep blogging and video'ing -sharing more amazing stuff to come???
I love you all-as for God put you all in my life for so many amazing things-you all have blessed me life, and I forever thank you!!

Troy---you will never know how you have once again changed my life. Big brothers are more than big--forever huge part in my life

You are my big brother-
My child's Uncle, yet "twin"
My husbands best friend
You keep me sane....
And I love you so much-
How can I love you even more
every day? I do.
Keep praising Him-He is all we need
to get thru all this crazy stuff-
and get to just relaxing time we love.
I love you Troy. I love you Christian. I love you Jesus!!!

In severe pain-and I love you all thru it. Jesus will take care of it today.

I love you all---and know, I have for a long time-I just let pain get in my way to remind you.  So here it is again-I love you all, such gifts to me from Jesus-and I praise Him!

Keep your chin up thru tough times too....if I am gonna, Lord, He gives all who call on Him the strength to!!

Have a blessed week!!

In His Love,

Heather Siebens

http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe
http://www.facebook.com/AliveinMe
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aliveinme@me.com

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Heart Brakes

God has blessed us with so much--that we have no way to return, other than to praise Him. Show Him HE is our #1! But losing close friends along the way hurts-and all the chaos in this world of drastic stunts people can pull--they can be sitting next to, blood related, someone you raised, one you married--just so much hurt out there and truly the only with answers to heal that pain for all--is Jesus.

I pulled drastic stunts when I went thru "unfair" pain. But my neurologist sent me to psychologists/psychologists and I agreed so I could proceed in getting better. But the biggest reason for my healing was I found THE perfect church, that had the Holy Spirit wrap tight around me. Jesus walked and talked directly to ME!!! And has ever since!!! But during my search, and prior--I was paying big consequences. I wasn't on a "favorite" list---He loves us all as ONE. But we have to pick up our cross--walk with Him, for Him, about Him-all for Him. That is what life is about. Not why don't I have money, or that car, or wellness, or the girl/boy I wanted, or did he divorce me etc.... we have to count on HIM that with our faith in HIM--HE WILL SEE US THRU---He knows the route, we just have to trust Him in this "leap of faith."

It has been one thing after another of severity since I was 25. I am now 34. And I just don't think it slows down as He keeps strengthening us--getting us out there with the win of each battle to share our Good News thru His Good News.

My road took another HUGE route that has me in more pain and seizures than usual--- people play evil games, when knowingly are doing evil. My brother is my bestest friend... but I cannot explain details right now.... other than in life, he has been very confused on what he has wanted. Therefore-divorced looking for more--when in reality, it was the void in his heart. Had it all---but lacked what was most important to keep it all together and blessed---Jesus. His ex wife has recently found Him, and my heart jumps for joy!! I keep praying for my brother, when here in such tragedy- keeps asking.

With all that confusion I lost his ex wife as a daily friend, which my daughter has her name as her middle name... known her since I was in Jr High..... amazing woman today. Hurts, cause I love her so much-but this is how the Devil works with our Free Will.

He proceeded with others I had to learn to adjust with his change--I did well. But he would quickly change as I formed a relationship with another.... looking at this you can see, his heart has a huge void---and still is not filled, as for last psychotic girlfriend end of last year-beginning of this--she and her mom pressed charges - which were all equal in reality--- but he was taken away, cuffed from my home, due to a heartless, non-follower of Christ. So now I have this heart that loves so much--that is fighting not to hate them-I just don't appreciate negative surprises... the "get you backs..."

I love my brother so much, no matter what happened--- 70x7 forgiveness per Jesus... we sure don't see that here anymore. All about revenge. That is a voided heart---my brothers ex wife has a filled heart and on His track... and I am forever grateful. We all live and learn---all takes two. Same as a close friend he dated a long time---forever her heart shows Jesus' love. Look around you and see does anyone you know close need to fill that void with Jesus? It changes all so drastically.

I was beaten by my ex--total ability to get revenge --press charges. Had all legal pics taken... I did not file--he did not do time. I know Jesus will do it on His own. My ex and I panned out friends, then just afar, he remarried, gave up our child to her "dad" to Tory.

How hard is it to go a day, then 2, then a week without hating one thing? Even the traffic. We are just blessed to have life. As I sit here half blinded and in severe pain from 3rd brain surgery.... I KNOW I AM BLESSED EVEN THRU THIS. I pray for those who need to knock down, to feel good....

I love you Maria... thank you for your heart....

And your info and heart has my head straight Lisa...

But I miss him... know wrong is wrong-- and I just pray God takes a big grip on this and bring Him completely to Jesus!! That is my hope and prayer....

While setting the wrong doers straight.... when they see You light, they will see what is truly wrong.

Love to you all out in FB and twitter land... life wouldn't be the same!! Amazing how many I have met---and will again meet this Sunday!! God is good!!

Lamentations 3:31-33 For the Lord does not abandon anyone forever. Though He brings grief, He also shows compassion according to the greatness of His unfailing love. For He does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.

Proverb 10:28 The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked are all in vain.

Reaching out Response

As I reach for Christ, He is ALWAYS THERE;
As I reach or look for past daily attention from my lover-
it is missing.

My whole life growing up-I felt the human touch of love. My family. None of us knew about our Lord and Savior-who died for our sins--to clear our plate of destruction, lies, etc.....
It took near death for me to wake up in my running to find Him. Nevertheless -HE KEPT ME FOR A PURPOSE---as He has each and all off of YOU! Remain tight to Him-all things do have a reason...
They are just so hard to begin to understand. So much tragedy in the 90's after I was presented this Man named "Jesus" occurred. But I knew they was a "Someone" or "Something" out there--for me to have made it thru the late 90's.
When He notices your wanders even more--even more miracles happen. Many bitter ones will look at it as cruelty-if there is any "God." The other section knows deep in their hearts He is just really trying to get all His "sheep" going the right direction--HIS direction. So when tragedy, pain, saddness appear--all you have to do is call on Him--He is the One to rely on. Who has your plans laid out. And with all you face that is difficult in your life, is for you to hand onto Him, trust Him-knowing He is using all for His Glory; not like the HUGE percentage others feel it is torture for any bad they have done. If you have truly accepted Christ into your heart, mind, soul-LIFE--He is always YOUR BEST FRIEND-with unconditional love! How radical is that!!! Our love can't ever compare' which is why we our supposed to live with our walk as close as possible with Him-study and read about all He has done, stil does-will continue to do!! WOW!!!
We are just selfish creations. I know He placed my hubby and I together for amazing reasons. I used to call my hubby my little Jesus He was so striving to be very gentle and loving--allowing all my faults--but loving me still.
Wasn't until our move to Philly that everything got rocky.
My health just shortly after my 3rd brain surgery took a HUGE dump. Which wasn't "perfect" timing for my husbands new career. The main office is in Philly. But he was given a choice; to stay in Phoenix where all our family is located-and all my docs for every illness I have-or freezing Philly to watch my pain worsen from natural pain that blows up my body 80 times more. The pain from the cut that controls some brain memory, looks like I'll be in utter pain- painful for even the "good" days the rest of my life. I accepted that, finally. But it has been hard without being near family, friends, my church-and my husband gone almost over half of each month. That wasn't the agreement. We moved so he would travel less than that-cause I can't make it on my own. But I truly feel like a single parent, with a wonderful uncle who lives here most of the time-praise God. But isn't the same as your husband, or Tory's daddy.
If I knew travel would be like this-- I would have stayed in Phoenix, until travel calmed-then moved where he felt best. But this has torn my health to shreds, my childs anxity has increased--feeling at the age of 9 she has to take care of herself--cause even when He is here, he is so diligent as if he was at work. She is 9!! My kiddo can't take militant aggressiveness for what he needs done; asking, telling, describing what he needs done is the best what my sweet Tory can handle it-and feel productive, not behind. 
My husbands mind is in this twirl of work, talking to the owner of our home about deals, detangling my necklaces is when those thought were in his mind-as I walked in--in a skirt he has wanted me to buy forever. I did. M past lover would have his mind off of everything and had said how beautiful I looked---seems a long time, except when His brain has time to--on Facebook.
As a sick one it does feel good once in a while to here how "beautiful I look" face to face. Not just talk about where are we going for dinner.
That isn't the only---but an example of how my heart hurts. 
Which is why I praise God I found Jesus---or there would be no one else logical to talk to about all this. I praise Jesus for close friends. to help get me thru my brain and pain complications-and husband always gone--even when he is home.
We will make it thru--if we BOTH stick to Jesus for our marriage, not just his work.


In His Grip,


Heather
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort of God.
Psalm 57:10 For Your UNfailing love is as high as the Heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.
               

Love that is True-

My Precious One

Making it thru---that I am. But it isn't on my own, or with doctors, etc... of course it is with Jesus-whom gave me two big gifts--my husband Christian, and my precious daughter Tory. Tory may only be going on 10-- but because of all of what I have gone thru, she has matured way too fast-especially in the medical field... how people are feeling. She really knows how to show support, her heart and love--and show hope thru Christ seeing all that He has carried her Mom thru. 

She was born a very "safe" child. In all ways. She knew not to run up to me on my first day back from my first brain surgery with my head wrapped-and jump into my arms. (PRAISE GOD) She just gently walked up to me, wrapping her tiny 1 yr old arms around my legs. Brilliant!! Nothing changed except she had come to know Jesus Christ BIG TIME for my 2nd and 3rd brain surgeries. And all my hospitalizations in between. She would share her faith. I sadly missed out on most of it---being the one in the hospital. But I sure heard the beautiful stories that amazed me--bringing tears to my eyes while I was at Mayo each time. 

My Tory always has such a beautiful personality--one that is full of love for Christ- full of endless love for me, and people surrounding me who suffer. Anyone in a bind, having tough times my kiddo has such a heart for--and doesn't understand why people treat a person so bad. So she is like the school "studier" of the shouldered children. And she seems to confront them--and easily make friends after a days work. Then she is really baffled at how people can just hate at looks or first day attitude meeting--could have just been a bad day or shy. She blows me out of the water. I was NOT that way as a child-yet I had NO idea whom Jesus Christ was. I just knew I was the "cool" kid--and I had my priorities--if ya looked a bit dorky, you weren't part of the "cool" crowd--simple. No sad. And my daughter, never having heard that story--already had a molded heart for Jesus-for love for people of all types-that makes mine beat triple times in praise to Jesus!!! That was the part of me I would have changed as a child growing up. And He must have known that--and did that with my beautiful child. I thank Him for His amazing work. Never did I imagine such a perfect daughter in my life.

We may have an "imperfect" set up to others. Christian is her dad-not my blood, but by love and soon adoption! As for the "biological" one beat me when she was young--and only tried her out long distance for a while--then his new wife and money supporting my kiddo became selfishly important---that is human--not me, but human. So he signed this precious child he barely knew into the strong arms of my husband today--Christian Siebens. And I praise Jesus for that. It was sure during times of trials--making sure I'd still keep my tight grip on HIM---but it came thru. And now she says she has 2 Dads----Jesus and her daddy---Christian. That is the lifetime gift for me. To fill the void--one that could have been empty, and confusing for years--filled right away by the love of my life. We thank God for a mutual friend who introduced us, John Stauffer--had he not--we never would have crossed paths. Amazing how HE works thru others for our good!! His Glory!! 

And my little Tory, as she grows will have a lifetime story of love and laughter-in a family that never quits, never gives up during any huge medical extreme, job decline to job inclines with lengthy moves. We hold tight thru all family issues-knowing we stand firmly in Christ's focus-His Way, His Truth, His Light in life---and we don't let others against Him shake us. For He is the one who painted this beautiful portrait of our family and got us going on His Plans... (as we all altar at times)  But we will love all--show His light and grace---but share His love and truth--as for our lives are completely changed for good--and for the good!!! And we praise Him.

Smiling Christ-Follower/daughter

The amazing part is---we have this little girl who has lifted her hands to HIM since she was 3... speaking out loud about how "Jesus died for us on the Cross" since she was 2---and she just gets more lively as she matures!!!! With that I say...

"Thank you Jesus---You do all things Good!!! To God be all the Glory for all the Good in our lives!!!! YOU keep us satisfied!!! "

Keeping my focus on Him--keeps my pain at bay... Keeping my love alive for Him... keeps my pain lessoned. Keeping my focus and love alive for my family and friends--makes life alive and in need to quench more for my thirst for Christ---in thanks for such blessings!!! With Him---I am alive!!! Always-thru everything. With you all--my heart grows bigger for more love for all you, more of His people---and always our God more!

I give my heart to Christ--Christian and precious Tory at the top of my list- whom I'd die for. But my list continues so long in family and friends that are like family that I just praise Him!! So I praise God right now for whomever is reading this---He placed something special in your heart that my heart thanks you for!!!

Know thru Christ-all things ARE possible. If my little girl believes this-do not waver as an adult!! Trust our Father in ever step you take-and pray about. He has amazing plans for you!!! 

Love to you all---always!!

Heather  @AliveinMe

ALWAYS:...

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  REJOICE ALWAYS!! Pray Continually, give THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES--for THIS IS God's Will for YOU in Christ Jesus!!!!  (AMEN!)

Every Family Movement from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.For all my precious friends........ most of all, my daughter Tory Moriah Siebens, hubby Christian Siebens---who both hold me up thru everything..

The amazement is--how Tory could even at 1--her faith became so strong at 2--and rocks today!! I am just so blessed!!!

Love you all!!

Severe Pain Brings Blessings

Third Brain Surgery Beginning-deep electrodes

How awesome is our God? How Mighty and Strong thru all of our trials-knowing each step we have to take--and yet to come...

We sit and groan thinking it is the worst pain or issue ever-when in fact, give it time--He will prove your strength-only thru your trust and faith in Him, as you hang on to even more rougher roads to come--you never thought YOU could handle.

I am one very fortunate person. He blessed me with not faith as a child or young adult, just fearlessness. Trust in parents. That later when I found Him at 26--became a HUGE understanding of Faith and His hands tight on me---even when I didn't know it.

I am one very blessed lady to have found Him in timing for 3 brain surgeries--for me to pray years upon them.... thru them, and the seizures and testing between the years of each of them--trying to seek His purpose behind the continuance. Today was my one year anniversary of the beginning of my 3rd brain surgery---that led to so much. It was miraculous. So many praying from East to West on twitter and FB--people I knew closely, others not. But I am a very open person about all my testimonies---praying to reach out to at least one lost person to come to Christ---then as many as Jesus blesses to. My mouth will talk all about my walk. And this 3rd surgery had so many positives that I dance up a storm about it. But not long after, it also had a huge crash--so there were tons of AMENS....then came a billion tears.

On the first of February---as the date is today, now a year ago--they first placed the in depth electrodes deep in my brain to read all seizure activity all over-to see how much to cut, where, what parts can't be taken out due to verbal, eyesight, etc. And they did testing with those deep in my brain for days-checking to see how it changes. It just was amazing. The pain let up a bit on the 2nd night-so the 3rd morning I was there-I was able to move more, talk, etc. So I broke out my lap top for the next nine nights leading up to my 3rd brain surgery to come----which the most radical part of this brain surgery out of all 3 was this one was done AWAKE!!!! So I could assist the docs in what was being affected!!!! Was so awesome--bit painful last 20 minutes....but every ache was worth that ability to tell them where to go-so you aren't blind. It's being part doctor!!!! Was fabulous thru our Lord to have that happen for me!!

I had such close connections thru phone, text, gifts, in person, internet--etc....prayer warriors!!! Christ made this surgery almost pain free!!! Afterward you usually pound for weeks--I did not. I smiled big thru the working of our Lord.

Now not everything lasts the way we want it to-so we sure are to take in those great moments and treasure them! As for I had a whole whirlwind ahead---pain-ALL OVER my body began when I began functioning-about 2 weeks of wellness then the body severely crashed for almost a year now.

For the most part, I am seizure free. Unless my medication is increased for the brain to control the sensing of pain. Then I have a few doozies. If I wasn't on that though-that surgery was a miracle--very seizure free otherwise.

I had time during the pain of the body after surgery---that I grew so bitter. No answers. I was mad!! And thought God just had it in for me. But after a month or so just offline--doing projects--I felt Him with His arms around me--assure me in saying--That there is much more to come--it wasn't all about me, the pain and suffering--to get my eyes off that and back onto Him, family, friends I love. And once I did---pain calmed--with me able to walk more!!!! Making gifts for others. Sharing fun times with friends near and far. He made a lot of good come out of pain---and with that--the pain sure has eased---as I focus on Him, and dear friends instead.

That February was an amazing time of my life. Changed it for the better. And this February is thanking all there last for joining in prayer---it has carried on throughout the year!!!!!!! God bless you all for seeing me thru this---I may have quite a bit less brain, but enough to know our Lord and Savior is so True and amazing---and how blessed I am with each of you as family and friends that carried me thru!!

God bless you all....today-tomorrow-----forever!!

In His Love,

Heather J Siebens

I have hair!!!!

Psalm 115:1

Not to us, O Lord, not to us,

but to your name goes all the glory

for your unfailing love and faithfulness.

Never too Late

We used to live in AZ-I was there for a couple years longer than my husband. It is where so much good and amazing happened, while I was fighting off the bad. I had my year of overdosing being very tough to ever get up-and make it thru the day. But I had my precious baby-and knew there were plans.
I fortunately found Jesus-my faith grew when I found Him and grew with Him, side by side--even when I was bawling but gripping Him tight.
Not long after my handsome, and most amazing soul for a man, husband, follower of Christ moved to Chandler--knowing that we WOULD be ONE once some of the issues were taken care of, in HIS timing.
Arizona was amazing for us... we had a bunch of different challenges, mountains to climb over, and deserts to cross abroad....
but anytime we we ever EVER thought we were not going to make it--we knew to check ourselves, and each other. Were we still going to church, Bible study, sharing His word daily? Were we still praying, and listening to His music? Or were we falling back a bit on everything--in addition to some irritation with our Lord and Savior, Creator and Best Friend--Jesus Christ? When my health would take a whopper that made zero sense--there were only SO MANY months I could go, without the human side of me--my flesh that cared less about faith to explode. Give Him the cold shoulder like I would handle it all myself.
Well none of us can. And I am far from some special being that can. Heck I am a late finder of Christ--late surrenderer... but one, when I did-I knew there was no turning back. He had saved my wrekless life too many times, I needed to use my hands, feet, heart, body, soul-For HIM, not me.
And that was taught really well. We finally reached the point of all finished by us what was laid there by Him for us to encounter-it was His time for us to move on in growth to another city and STATE. Which was just an amazing location--Philadelphia is where Christ called my husband with such awesome faith--to grow with it, and helping others to grow in theirs. His boss-new, just net for the interview was thrilled in all testimony talks he had of his own and me to us, it had him so excited and open-just what he was looking for -for the exact job my hubby was. I was thrilled with the location--I lived where we'd gotten the house we loved in Downingtown,  PA- when I was 17. All was just too perfect financially, location, faith and personality of who he'd work for. It was too perfect--
I fell into pieces not long after. Moves I guess can be tough--I have done it so much. But not with my little girl at this age, nor me unwell in several areas. One in particular that just was killing me--was the whole severe body pain---and 3 stories to this house. All found the beauty and all---but I saw the dark. I was angry and hard hearted for the severity of my pain--for over half a year. My husband was gone so much. But when he was here--he was the better husband he ever was--and I just wouldn't see it. I just felt the pain, and uncaring.  When there isn't any man that can meet standards much like my hubby-I should have been grateful and as humble and loving back--but not only was the pain pulling me out of my faith--not searching hard and finding the right church added right to it. I wouldn't even watch my churches sermons on line. I just curled up mad at the world--and on the way to dying in my heart.
I pulled away from Faccebook/twitter land---and shut the world out. But thru it all--I was helping the most precious family member of mine, and didn't even know it. Which led to him becoming more the new him--on well steps, and steps of faith thru Jesus. And that is where my heart turned. My husband was one reaching out to me--as I reached out to my brother. I knew the difference to make my personal help better and quicker is thru faith thru our Creator. Not just good words-and definately not medication in that situation. So my busy before Bible became my best friend in books again--as Jesus I called to wipe away my bitterness. He showed me easily thru my over expectations. I ranted and raved about my 3rd brain surgery dare rid seizures, but cause such awful pain that life isn't worth it. He showed me worse--He allowed that to come in, so what used to be a tender, loving head--became one judgmental. I had awful seizures hitting, IN ADDITION to severe, awful pain in every joint, every hour--that the walker didn't even help. I just laid on our couch for months-unable to hardle sip some water.
But even though the pain is still there, my heart and faith is back to battle it trying to control me. I am too young to "be dead" in my years. I may not be able to run fast, nor ride the horse with my kiddo--but my past sorrow butt can watch her--as she smiles so big knowing I have many years to come with her-all glory, praise and honor to our Lord, Savior, Best Friend---Jesus Christ.
We all have our fallbacks. That was my first harsh one that scared me. I won't let this pain take over His plans. You all are too precious to me--and I want to meet you all in months and years to come!! Keep your faith shining, thru every ache and pain. He loves you more than you can imagine!!
Love to you all!!


The Glory of God Forever!!


Heather (Hetty) Siebens

http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe
http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe
http://hiswill4me.blogspot.com/
http://heather4christ.blogspot.com/
hcbenz777@gmail.com
hetty4jesus@yahoo.com
lastbrainsurgery@aol.com

Hebrews 4:12-13 For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.

Hebrews 4:14-16   So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. ¹⁵ This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. ¹⁶ So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.


My "Baby girl" Tory Moriah Siebens