December Birthday Month Dear Jesus

December 15, 1976 - little birth of little ol me! Petoskey, MI

December Month Dear Jesus....

By Hetty/Heather Siebens

How bout you- 

let me able to use my back and walk

How bout you-

give me strength to be willing to talk

How bout you-

get my meds right and calm my body down

How bout you-

give me desire and strength to shop our little town

How bout you-

make all appointments made before my birthday

How bout you-

have me well to decorate, not just be in the way

How bout you-

keep my faith brightly shining thru all chaotic times

How bout you-

make sure I don't freak in pain waiting in the lines

How bout you-

my birthday month, bless me with my prayers

How bout you-

my birthday month, you're way more Christ's to be fair

How bout you- 

understand , my birthday month, you brought us so much joy

How bout you-

December, this month is for Jesus not just all these toys

How bout you-

dear birthday month, remind me each and every day

How bout you-

sweet December birthday month, remind me to pray

How bout you-

awesome December, realize what you've done for us

How bout you-

lively December just know I will try not to fus

How bout you-

darling December realize who used you to come and save our lives

How bout you-

precious December realize our Lord doesn't cut our promised ties

How bout you- 

December realize you've brought me so much glee

How bout you- 

December, I just know you and I were meant to be! 

I love you sweet Jesus, thank You for December, YOUR birth, and thank You for mine in that month too!!!! December, a wonderful month!! Amen!

Hetty/Heather Siebens @AliveinMe  

+Heather Siebens (Hetty) 

Thank You Lord

I took my night time bath to relax

Normal handful of meds to their max

But right away my brain felt a zap

My numb ears ringing; I needed a nap

I stared out yonder unsure what to say

Been a long time I've been attacked this way

My brain so confused; where I was, what to do

I had just taken my medication could it come from those few?

My heart beat skipped a couple beats it should have had

Man I thought "could my medication be this bad?"

My whole body tensed up I had no control of it

All I could do there for moments is silently sit.

Coming down from the heightened point of all this

My body killed, brain confused what did I miss? 

I text my precious hubby but got nothing in reply 

So I messaged my baby girl that got the news to fly

These are the moments you are twice as grateful for love

What would I do alone except pray to God up above

I probably would not be here right now with all they've pulled me thru

This is how my love for them, their love for me just grew

I hate the storms I have to face

But have the perfect family to embrace

Thru the tough times I have we will always make it thru

Without these precious souls I wouldn't know what to do

Thank You Lord for my angels in my home

Thank You Lord for my kiddo answering her phone

Thank You Lord for all the Love You keep inside us all

Thank You Lord, our Everything, even when we fall!

Love,

Heather/Hetty Siebens

November 29, 2015

Thankful

I'm thankful for your hand, thankful your touch

Thankful for my baby girl oh so very much

We as a dear family, as a whole make one

One beautiful family with which the Lord is never done

My brown eyed baby girl came into my life 14 years back

With all that we both went thru you would think I'd lose track

But her smile is so delightful her beauty such a glow

A personality in our home to keep us all a flow !!

Her best friend is like my other child

They both still think I'm young and wild

She's full of life and chipperness and brings us so much grace

She is one I love in our life; both girls' love so easy to embrace

When God placed my hot stud in my life thru very trying times

Somehow he got us thru, hung onto us and made us all shine 

He keeps us together, and our family a whole

Not one thing I'd change about his beautiful soul

I also have my big bro who makes me laugh to no end

We've had our fights and quarrels, all were easy to mend

He cares for me deeply sometimes worries about me so

But I try to remind him his love and laughter keep me ago!

So for all these little people that live within my home~

I love to go to the beach with them or text them on our phones

But I really don't want to share them too much, God gave them to me

I'll share them here and there with friends or one day spouses to be

Except dear hubby you know you are stuck right here

With me my love; I just pray you are always very near!

You bring the best of me out on toughest days of all

Makes me want to spoil you so, buy you gifts at the mall!

You all make my darkest days much brighter than all could

If I could give you millions for love, you all know that I would!

But for now you just have little ol' me who is blessed by each of you

My life has been so blessed; I would be so lost-you all get me thru!

Good Wishes To You

Why did it all have to start out with YOU?

All the chaos and trauma you put me thru.

You'd think I'd be long gone from suicide

But I had too much love and beauty to not let hide.

You thought that yelling and screaming would give me a clue

Of truly deep down in the future you were gonna do

I was always so strong before I got so sick

So sick in different cities you were with another chick

That wasn't the problem, that wasn't the issue

God knows boys make mistakes that was more than a few

But after my first brain resection I was in awful pain

I had to pick up my baby girl and move to Texas where all it did was rain

It came upon my fourth day there we found a place to live

That first night I was so emotional and you had no love to give

No instead you were filled with hate and could only scream at me

You didn't want to know what was wrong you just wanted me to flee

Your cold heart lost so much that night

So much beauty and love now out of your sight

You pinned me down and beat me hard

Until I let loose and ran out to our yard

I am so gracious you and I WERE one
It led to me and Tory having so much fun
A marriage that is strong
That will last past so long
For these I am gracious we WERE one

Searching for anyone to help or believe

That the pain you caused had to be alieved 

Your mind flipped out of control that night

So crazy would you ever have my baby within sight

But with that Coburn you didn't care

This truth to alter is a dare

Kicked out of our apartment you were

Could only visit us if you brought along a Sir

But that was too belittling for you

You knew exactly what to do 

But put classes and ranking before fixing a thing

That is where my daughter lost you and I got a new ring

Your brain works on one thing at a time

No matter how dirty or full of grime

Our relationship was from the very get go 

I was the strong one to really let you go

You'd call and beg to have me back as your bride

But listen the first time felt like I already died

So instead you bargained for retirement and money

I'm keeping my baby, you can have all funds honey

I am so gracious you and I WERE one
It led to me and Tory having so much fun
A marriage that is strong
That will last past so long
For these I am gracious we WERE one

Money gets you no where in life

If anything it causes a lot of strife

Happiness is in the living soul

That is where I'm very rich, totally full

Continue on your pretending to be happy life

I just know such a last choosing for a wife

You let her in and rule you over 

You might as well sit and hover

The Bible we read isn't just a book

It is Words of Life to get you a hook

Hook onto Christ, His mercy and love

And able to talk to Him from Above

I hope you have learned how to treat a girl

Otherwise your whole life is just a great twirl

Of disasters and cruelty, selfishness and glee

I won't even mention what you'd watch on TV

Good wishes to you, but thank you too

For being so weak you just blew

Blew off fathering your firstborn child

God kept her with me so meek and mild

I am so gracious you and I WERE one
It led to me and Tory having so much fun
A marriage that is strong
That will last past so long
For these I am gracious we WERE one...but done!

Beginning to End

The pain I endure never was desired

If I knew who gave it to me they would be fired

Each day is so troubling and tough to live out

The pain gets so atrocious and fills me with doubt

When in such pain and feeling so sad

You feel everything you do will make someone mad

The pills are not touching it nor is the heat

It truly feels like I've been dragged out and beat

How long really should one hang on for?

If you can barely function and extremely sore.

Life looks so dark, with no good ahead

Should I stay bitter and wrapped up in bed?

I am not anyone special that is for sure 

Just a young lady with health issues to endure

Daily I do it though because I have no other choice

All my prayers unanswered I must have an unheard voice

My family is so beautiful, happy, full of joy

I wish that was me; instead I am just a toy

A puppet God uses on good days and bad

How can one like me be help when always so sad

How long really should one hang on for?

If you can barely function and extremely sore.

Life looks so dark, with no good ahead

Should I stay bitter and wrapped up in bed?

So I am on pause, stepped out of game for some time to be

I am truly searching for a healthier, happier little me

Cause I can't help others when unwell and can't tell

Who I am or where I will be when it feels like only hell

But I love my family so very much

But right now I just feel a bit outta touch

Maybe in time someone will fix me

And once again my family could see 

I love you all from beginning to end 

I just pray to God He decides to mend

This pain gets in the way of all of our fun

One day we'll all be on that beach under His sun

I Can Feel

I can feel it the pain that won't go away

I can feel it the illness that wishes to stay 

I can feel it the misery it brings to my life

I can feel it wanting to exit on so much strife

I can feel it through all of my excruciating pains

I can feel it hurts so bad like I'm wrapped in chains

I can feel it in the morning but worse at night

I can feel it has brutal anger with my body it fights

I can feel it laying in my peaceful bed

I can feel it is going to my head

I can feel it throbbing walking around

I can feel it make me silent and not make a sound

I can feel it rule me showing me whose in charge

I can feel it pound so bad you'd think all would be large

I can feel it burn and combust right thru my skin

I can feel my heart harden letting no one in

I can feel this altering my whole entire life

I can feel warped as a bad mom, friend, wife

I can feel there are no answers so why should I even try?

I can feel that my heart hurts so much and doesn't want to cry

I can feel I've interrupted lives with sorrow and complaints 

I can feel I have been so pointless unable to do new paints

I can feel I shouldn't be here and you all should live life

I can feel you'd do better without me as I cause so much strife

I can feel this poem coming to a close

I can feel I really just need to doze.....

I can feel I just wish it was forever for you

I can feel then you two without me would be able to do

I can feel glad you could do so much without my presence here

I can feel none of this would happen without us both dear

I can feel though my engine has broken down

I can feel I need far far away from this town

I can feel I love you always

I can feel He has plans for your days

I can feel I was a benefit to bring such an angelic one

I can say my duty is complete and all my deeds here are done

I can feel you are a perfect dad

I can feel that doesn't make me mad

I can feel she delights everytime you are together 

I can feel you better do this for me forever 

I love you Christian 

The Prize of Life

I want to be free of all that holds me down

Cause right now all I feel is I'm gonna drown

One brain surgery to a second then to a third

The excruciating pain all caused not all heard

Heard how it changed my life put much on hold

Every day I'd wake in pain just praying I could fold

The number of doctors seen you'd hope for just one clue

But from state to state not one doctor knew what to do

That third brain surgery was very much my choice

I was grateful that my Mayo doctors heard my little voice

But hardheaded me goes in fearless and strong

I should have understood more to not do so much wrong

I am tough Heather wanting every negative part out

Had they done this brain surgery asleep I sure would have pout

I wanted to feel the wrong areas and guide them to cut out

No matter the tough guidance I gave would little me shout

I wanted every misfiring part to be out of my life

Never did I know toughing it out would cause such strife

I wish I could say the pain all ended there

But wow since then I've had so much to bare

I feel like a vegetable, one no one likes

As my EEG's keep showing such beautiful spikes

The body pain I thought was atrocious back in 2010

Doesn't compare to the pain this town has given

We live on the bulging beach that has so many shells

But what good is that to me when daily I feel in hell

I would love to see that firing sun rise

Before it all hits hard and I don't get that prize

The prize of life

The Prize of Love

Prize to conquer strife

Prize all from up Above

I pray this torment ends one day

Maybe I can help others not to fray

But as this keeps churning I feel hopeless

So I pray that it heals and this is not endless

You all mean so much to me

You all bring me so much glee

I am one quiet source I say

I sure hope to change that one day

Bless you all for your love and care

Without it not a part of me would ever dare

Dare to seek wellness to thank all of you

To be well and grateful for all that you do!

Blessings to all....

Heather/Hetty Siebens November 2015

Life is So Trying

The pain is atrocious

Wondering why you

It makes you ferocious 

Not knowing what to do

You listen to everyone 

So positive with no clue

Your pain makes you so done

No diagnosis is true

You hang onto tough life

Like a monkey on a tree

Years lived of endless strife

But not one soul can see

All you endure barely hanging onto your breath

All Family continue whether I'm here or diminished 

Does not one get my choice between life or death

Should this warped monkey continue when all seems finished

The sun comes up and the sun goes down

Such beauty out there that I cannot enjoy

Street lights and fun times I don't see down town

It feels like all against me, I am just a ploy

One illness leads to next one and 

Pain never ceases thinking it can stay

I wish I could rid it all with a majestic hand

Instead all trials worsen on this sunny day

I am one silent soul unsure what to say

The trials I've endured have continued for years

I feel like doctors are clueless and I'm just their clay

So I continue in distress, hopeless with endless tears

Life is so trying

Confusing what to do

Leaves one just crying

I bet many of you feel this too

I lift you all up

As I remain deep down

Take our Masters cup

I will remain with a bitter frown

Endless painful Heather/Hetty

Love to you all.

Never Falter

When we came upon one another

Not knowing each other's dreams

We thought we'd be closer than a brother

But much closer we grew it seems

We'd travel places giggling in love

Never knowing tough times to come

We hung on so tight, trusting Him Above

Searching for signs knowing He'd send some

Never was a tough moment

Not worth the risk

The risk of you, the risk of me

The risk of us so meant to be

We hung on tight and displayed love

A love that couldn't fade

Today where we are is incredible, so pure

Not one piece of this would I trade

Your eyes focus so deep

But your heart wins the prize

Our love is rich, so far from cheap

As we hold one another in one size

We will never falter, we will never fail

You and I brought together as one

Let's dream, let's dance, let's go for a sail

As for you and I, in love, are never done

Never was a tough moment

Not worth the risk

The risk of you, the risk of me

The risk of us so meant to be

We hung on tight and displayed love

A love that couldn't fade

Today where we are is incredible, so pure

Not one piece of this would I trade

Be my man forevermore

I will be your wife

I love when you walk thru our front door

That my love, my man, completes my life.

I love you Christian Siebens

Hope this means something....

Nov 11, 2015