Down-who will bring you up

Ecclesiastes 5:19-20 And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life-that is indeed a gift from God. People who do this rarely look with sorrow on the past, for God has given them reasons for joy.

Ecclesiastes 6:10  Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there's no use in arguing with God about your destiny.

Jeremiah 29:11  "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

I NOW know who brings me up. Who loves me unconditionally --and has had amazing plans since BEFORE I was born. That would be my Lord and Savior-Jesus Christ. The One who gave HIS life, so I could live my life-forgiven, loved, able to be side by side with Him one day in Paradise. Now why do we all sit here and whine? That is just amazing!!! He loves us no matter our personality glitch, our looks, our talents, and even our tempers...no MATTER WHAT!!! That promise is SEALED!!!

Yet, we humans have our bad days. Our tough times. And many wallow over it. Many despise HIM over it-thinking He wrongly twisted what THEY wanted. Others whom don't have a clue about Jesus-look for any reason, anyone to be wrong in a situation. And I personally know from a very difficult time when I didn't know Him, that I had to find something to turn to. Family wasn't there. Friends only go so far. This was BIG. My ex beat me. Someone or something had to cure it-numb it-rid me of it, at least for some time, as I figured life out. That is where overdosing came in. Drugs for many come in as the "god" the filler of the void-rather than knowing to-or just not running to the God with our plans. The God of comfort. Jesus watches every step--giving off signs left and right, that way is the wrong way!! But what are our hearts and souls open to? 

It still took me more learning-more tragedy-more "taps" to find out as I was going to my first Christian church-that it is all about HIM! He is the One with all my answers!! He is the One with all the comfort. He is the One with all the guidance. He is the One with true grace and mercy-even thru everything I got myself, my little one into. He gently held my hand-asking me to not just trust Him, give my life TO HIM, but to completely lean on Him, let Him carry me this next few miles as I grow closer. As I am molded more, and understand more. 

Down times aren't that down-when you have a close relationship with Jesus Christ. It is just a bump in the road. Swimming slower with floaties. Climbing a mountain with tons of belt and gear on tight. Until the moment you are lifted by His encouraging Words of Love-Words of Faith-Words of Hope-Words of Truth... that your mind begins to open again. And your heart beats twice as much per minute, out of pure excitement for what your Lord has shown you already!! Then you run that flattened road, swim fast without any floaties--He is above watching you!! And Climb what seemed like an endless mountain--with your bare hands--knowing you are climbing it FOR HIM!!

These are the amazing moments. Remember them each time you are down. Jesus is the One who will bring you up! He will also, along with that--be presenting more plans He has had--as you open your heart more, again with trust and obedience.

When down--I am here... but I am not Jesus! Turn your head to Jesus!! He is the One who created you-with amazing love and plans!! And is ready to keep this life rolling--with you-hand and hand!!

In His Love,

Heather Siebens

God knows the whole story of your life because He is the Author of your biography. He knows the last chapter, and He thinks you are wonderful. ~Jan Silvious

Reflecting and Understanding

Here to share my story-my faith thru it all....

Do we count the days that are good or bad? Or do we reflect, be thankful and continue on the way God has planned for us? Don't you get stuck in ruts that you look back at what happened, circumstances or what you pulled and kind of get stuck wallowing? Trying to figure it all out? I sure have. For many years. But I also, thankfully with HIS patience have been shown how everything turns out for Good-in His time, with our faith-His Love.
Every one I talk to, wanting to know about my past, my trials, why I have such faith--if they don't know me in person or by picture think I am at least in my 50's. That is because I chose a more complicated road to find Christ. Have had a lot of trials. I was presented all amazing wonder about His truth when I was healthy at 19--but my rocky marriage and pride got in the way. It was MY WAY. That is when Jesus gently started "tapping" me. From flat tires on the way to see wrong men- to rolling my car, but stepping out unharmed. He was honestly holding me tight from destruction of not finding Him one day-by putting a stop to a lot of things. When I just thought it was an irritating day, or some 'idiots" fault for leaving destructive materials in the freeways.
Then after how many break ups of my first marriage and different men during-he blessed me with pregnancy of my beautiful child I have today... while we were out planning divorce. We stuck it out, but it led to destruction-as for no one stepped up to the plate of needing Christ to make it happen. That was greatly needed for care and understanding on both sides-as for my seizures flew out of control and we weren't used to that. And that threw his plans of schooling out of line. Anger built up more. More wrong between us both. Instead of having a hand at all hospitalizations-I had someone with anger. When I was in for my 1st brain surgery in 2002-it looked promising. And it was. Until my baby and I moved to where my husband then was stationed-2 mos after the surgery. We got to Texas-four days after-he beat me...which led to my confusion, tears, and overdosing for my first answer-nearing death several times.
My husband today came into my life even more. He was rather confused. Always thought the times he saw me and I was so high, then crashed for hours was just epilepsy related. He has no background in family of health issues. Led to quite the course of confusion, tears, a break-up, and trying to share and understand. His heart sure went out to me. And my daughter. But he knew he couldn't fix whatever was wrong. We fortunately dated from afar-which helped keep things still sparkling on my sane days.
I lost my first job-trying to make money to support my baby and I, on our own. I wanted nothing to do with my ex, who was fortunately for us-stationed in Iraq right after he beat me. Gave me time to get thru it all-drastically. When I hit more depression other than what that was causing in my life-his beating me-I would pop more of my anti-seizure medication to numb that pain. And then it led to whenever I had to deal with my ex-I would pop ridiculous amounts. I had no one near me to talk to. One blasted night I saw this church sign (I go there still!) --my color purple-Cornerstone. I began to go. I went for 4 months without talking to a soul-just trying to get comfortable with it all-and understand it-and feel what others did. I had many nights it threw me into tears. Many nights I went blasted-but still felt "something." Sort of like cleansing me. I finally approached someone to talk about it all-all the Jesus stuff, and all I was going thru. To this day we are friends. Ever so thankful. It was from that day I was fighting to get well....
I had this wretched conversation with my ex, on the 18th of October 2003--all of a sudden he didn't "recall" his beating me October 6, 2002--even with military pics taken.... I blew up. I was hurt.
I "fixed" that the human way-not thru Jesus. I popped every pill and saved up pills for months for a bad day. I was blasted in hours that day-which I should not be here typing anymore--as for how much it was. I was taken to my hospital-where they pumped my stomach-and right before I hit coma-Jesus heard me crying--saying I wanted to change this. Needed His help. And little over 24 hours later-I did wake....which started a whole new outlook and health battle for me... all for His glory.
Many think they accept Jesus and all will be wonderful that day forward. That isn't the case. He molds us. Watches us try more to walk in His footsteps-with stumbles in between. He holds His hand out in every trial-and we have the choice to love Him and take it, or be bitter and turn. And the more I learned to grab His hand-the more I learned that His plans were amazing.
I went thru so many-uncountable medication changes. Seizures. HUGE ones in front of my baby girl, alone. And others for all to see. But the best part is, I grew up strong-knowing that as long as I took it on well, others would too. Never rejected, just cared for. Always a strong girl.
My divorce was taking a long time, because he was overseas and also-God wanted me to forgive and ask for forgiveness. As well as it gave me and my husband now, time to grow together-understand each other, growing with Jesus. And it was amazing. He had to adjust to me not being well, a great portion of the time as we searched for answers. He got to help me with me 2nd brain surgery-as my fiance. Which was a lot for him to take on. He watched my, now our little girl while I was there. 
Thru all the years of battling for answers since 1st brain surgery- we found more and more health issues getting in the way for medication to work. My absorption of many vitamins and iron were almost completely MIA. Which increases seizures and health. I got hit with the height of TMJ-jaw out of place for weeks, the severe RLS-up all night. Which both make it hard --impossible to sleep-which causes seizures. I have one kidney that almost completely doesn't work-reason for pain on certain meds. And I have air in my salivary gland-- which might make you laugh. Then there was great depression at times--where you cry never ending, no reason. And famous severe migraines. But thru all this-I finally figured it out. In 2009, when I hit the hospital hard-hardly able to walk, had to be carried to the bathroom... we looked for MS, cancer etc with my blood work. But that wasn't it. It was lack of Vitamin D and Iron, ferritan level-had injections and that leveled back to normal. My seizures were still there-but I was ever grateful to Jesus it wasn't MS or cancer. I hit my Bible twice as hard and shared it with all. Twittered to the world-reaching out to help others. Took my mind off ME--placed it on Jesus and others. And that whole year, while we waited for a date for third brain surgery, as for my body couldn't take 32 pills anymore-I focused on HIM. And He blessed me in HIS timing... a year later. With a surgery date-- and a successful one!!! One that was done AWAKE!! There for 15 nights... but healed so quick-with so much support here-and from twitter. I thank Jesus so much.
I am now seizure free. I never thought that would be hard. I have to adapt to the fact that I missed out on a lot. I look at pictures from my past at the glitches of time I was temporally well-and thank Jesus for that, yet am sad it wasn't long. My long term memory is so vivid it is all like yesterday-so it is adjustment.
Thru both my husband's trust and mine-we gained so much. An amazing marriage, and Tory is now his. Biologically was born to my ex, but he came in so late in her life, he stepped out. God saw how strong our marriage was, our faith... and still open to my ex-yet He decided what was best. And I received a step out phone call last year as I was waiting on my surgical date. All in a year. AMEN!
Another amazing part is-I am well now. I can look back and still see how well taken care of I was-my daughter was by our Lord and Savior, during some rocky times I had. And understand there is always a purpose-and I am just here to share my story and faith.


God bless you all...


In His Love,


Heather Siebens


@AliveinMe

Jeremiah 17:15 Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.
Ephesians 2:8 God saved you by His special favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God.

Our Plans vs Gods Plans

I thank God every day for sitting here typing to you all. As for I really shouldn't be-but He more than heard my cry-saw my heart wanting to get well-do well... with that, He saved me here. Giving me the chance to share His Word. 
And I thank Him for the trials I #1 mostly brought on myself #2 He allowed some to enter to get me to run to HIM!! He gave me multiple second chances. And I am so fortunate, as for I see life in a very different way-His way.
I don't sit here and turn back, regretting what I did. What I went thru. What I pulled. I look back amazed, yes, that I am here. My car is so dinged up from those days-I couldn't let it go. My husband and I still have it in our garage, my memento to look at-NOT PROUD-but amazed and thankful that I am still here typing-sharing His Word. That my kiddo is still here, loves me so much-no remembrance-and on fire for Jesus. And that my husband today, loves me-thru it all. Jesus sure has HIS PLANS.
So we sit here and we plan. When it doesn't go thru-what do most do? Get upset and retry. And if it isn't something that you can retry-most get angry. Now if aware of God-many get angry at Him. The plus with that is they know God-and that He does interact in our lives-whether we like the way or not. The negative is that they aren't realizing that even if it looks negative-loss of a job, illness, family struggles, addictions, etc.... that He is going to take that "negative" point in life to train you. To wake some up-call to many that He is who to look to-love most. Ask for HIS PLAN. He takes the issues and will turn for good... CATCH... it is in His timing. 
Which will include Him guiding you in your walk to find Him or closer to Him. Getting others to ask you about HIM. He loves molding those who have accepted Him-- taking all to another level in a walk with Christ. And it isn't just this ONE big time. This is our lifetime on earth. But that also means Christ is there for us-our whole lifetime on earth... with amazing plans-keep opening you heart and mind. That marriage will endure, that career will be built, that addiction will fade... as we seek Him and hang onto Him -- trusting that the ONE who created us-has awesome plans too!
So, thru every trial-instead of shaking your fist at Him, or being angry at others-hold your faith and trust up to Jesus. Knowing, in His time and His way-is the right way. I have watched certain people in my family begin to react this way. Listen, and trust Him. He loves us all so much.
Blessings to you all. As I adjust to His answer of my decade prayer. Getting all to adjust to me well-seizure free after ten years, is an adjustment-but a blessed one!


In His Love,


Heather Siebens
@AliveinMe

Micah 6:8 No, O people, the LORD has already told you what is good, and this is what He requires: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.

Titus 3:5 He saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins and gave us new life through the Holy Spirit.

Healing Steps

Amen!!!


Tory's 9th birthday was such a blessing!!! Yes, she got the great gifts she loves... got the amazing family from mom and dad and uncle to her cousins and aunt she loves dearly!! She got all that love she adores-and was able to return it!! She is such a precious jewel from our true gift-Jesus Christ. He blessed us big time with such a precious soul like Tory.
I felt deep emotions for the first time in a long time. I just had to figure them out. The first were elated "happy" tears-that I was so well for THIS birthday for Tory. I've always put together good birthday's and great history of them all. But this was the FIRST since her birth I was seizure free-very well for. That grabbed tears of joy, as I took the pictures I had taken and made music videos. Her smiles were so amazing.
Then came tears of loss. Loss of time. Loss of what I would have done over the years had I been more "well." This struck me because I was going on a field trip with Tory. We had been counting down days. Yet the night before, Tory had the "if I can go" statement. And that shook me. Who told her I wasn't going? Did she not want me there? So I asked her why she still wondered if I'd make it. And it was because of how sick I have been over the years-not able to do as much, or always follow thru. My heart sank. She was so sweet about it. Just making sure I feel good and my head doesn't hurt bad from surgery. But THIS IS MY KID. I love she loves me like that. But she shouldn't worry if I am going now. I am well-and will strive to make it all. We just hugged and talked about the prior years. I let her know Jesus has His arms always wrapped around us.... and if anything changes, she is sure one strong kid with an amazing heart thru Christ. But give any worries to HIM and talk to me!!!!  :)  It was a great field trip after that.
It is amazing what having a long term illness can do to how other people live. It is something when is healed, that has to be talked about-on how all are feeling about it now. Big change both ways.
She is such a doll. But is also amazing what is in their thoughts-which is why Jesus likes us to pray. To love-to yoke-to bring up-and to LISTEN.
Sometimes can be hard to listen to your 9 year old when you already have your directions in mind. But we sure need to.
Love you all....


In His Grip,


Heather


@AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures