Truly thought I was going to Heaven this time around. I thought I was to go. It all started up on another intense psychosis/vision like round. I was standing at my bedside putting my wedding ring back on from my hospital bag while smiling a funky smile that began to go crooked. Then my body stiffened and was shaking tightly standing up, unable to move at all. My husband ran over and had to lift me like a board-straight everything-jerking. He laid me down as it all continued. Back arched, I made loud noises as I started to exit and go limp. Silent there I all of a sudden took a deep breath, looked at my husband and began to slowly talk saying Gooood bye, Gooood bye.... then conversed in complete english with him. Telling him "Jesus has come for me. You will be ok. It is finally my time. Tory loves you so much. You will do so good. PROMISE me you'll take good care of Tory!!! I need to hear it before I go, so I know everyone will be ok!! Oh my gosh, Tory, I need to say good bye to her! Go wake her up, I need to see her, hug her before I go! NOW!!!! (he didn't -knew I would be ok) Okay... then I guess you'll have to tell her. I love her. It's going to be ok now. I'll be waiting for you all. oh, Jesus is here.... Jesus just hugged you. I'm going. It's ok. I'll always love you. Good bye.
Then I went out. My heart began to slow in beats, breathing less. Until BAM!!!! I just sat UP RIGHT- eyes open!! In tears of joy!!! I was seeing Heaven- people in Heaven greeting me that I knew, missed and loved so much!!! I first shouted out- "There is Jason!!!! With no wheelchair!!! (Jason Mitchener) Oh my gosh!!! Then to my right- my breath taken, tears of joy- there is little Nickybear waiting for me-he knew me!!! My grandpa and grandma Botts!!! Barbara and Thelma... everyone is here.... THERE IS JESUS!!!!! I was taken over in tears of joy. Going on about the beauty and love. Then announcing how I am really going, not to be scared, I convulsed some on the bed- losing my hearing at that point, my chest beats slowing, pounding, and breathing going- I knew I was going. My husband got alert when I was gasping for air. He aroused me running his hands across my face and chest and my breathing came back without CPR. Even with all that beauty. He definitely had different plans. And me taking the "medical" CBD marijuana is just not made for my resected, malformed brain. I am seizure controlled without it, would like to stay that way.
Odd part about this round of convulsions is in between them, I'd have almost personal, hysteric delusions. I'd turn my head after a convulsion toward my husband or brother, and just start laughing over whatever my brain could barely think of- hysterically. Uncontrollably. Actually at least made this round a tad bit simpler to deal with. I am the Entertainer, says Billy Joel.
From this above to this below, to above again, and below again --as the "medical" CBD Marijuana worked it "wonders" for my body pain. I think my brain has to be taken into some consideration that things just do not route thru it normally, at all. I have had 3 brain resections for epilepsy. It is not of usual shape. All MRI's look odd, all EEG's look odd-especially if a neurologist knew nothing of my past. Here is what was going on in between after I took a dose of my medical CBD Thursday to calm some of the body pain down from convulsing.
Thankfully, I only had one small convulsion this morning. I think it is all fading finally. I wasn't sure for a while there. It is so far looking like me and CBD don't get along. That is what I took the day in the pool about an hour prior. That is what I took Thursday about an hour prior to the hit. Just wild. God has a reason for everything. I cling to Him.
Much love and thanks to all for their love and support.
In His Love,
Heather J Siebens (Hetty)
1 Corinthians 2:9
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
and no mind has imagined
what God has prepared
for those who love Him."