Whose Timing

Following Tonic Clonic Seizures and CPR

I wasn't sure after the beginning of this nightmare if I was ready- really ready for Heaven as my mind, body, spirit felt- or if it is an amazing trick of the brain. Either way, the second part of the beginning of this nightmare was completely held in Christ's hands. As we're all other parts, but this particular part had no fight with Satan in it.... Even during the fact my body was completely shutting down.

I will never know how to explain this. I am still trying to explain it to family so I can hear myself explain it to me. Most everyone knows my crazy history. Fearless Heather. Epileptic Heather. 3 brain surgery Heather- excited to have them. Extreme body pain Heather from the 3rd brain surgery. Artist Heather. Many hats, many others. But I am one the one in a million never stressed, one in a billion never worried Heather, just how my brain is mapped out. But I went into a total uncontrollable freak out session over my brain just totally jumbled. Unable to speak, to explain. 

My brain started to "closing time" around 2pm in our pool with my daughter. Just all of a sudden everything she was saying was so very slow, like she was high. So I was so confused if it was my brain or her. Cause she doesn't do bad things, my brain flips though. Never like this. So I text my husband a million times to get out there to see that ASAP so I could find out. I also text my brother to come out as well. I needed people to study and tell me if somehow Tory was truly a teenager acting up, or if my brain was going down, like I thought. And as I was in the pool.

They came out. Christian came in the pool. Immediately her odd actions stopped, but I looked up to my brother and he was trying to explain to me what I text to him and nothing was making sense, then no one did. Then this awful worry tone and cry started as I turned to my husband screeching "I have to get out, I have to get out!!!" I crawled out, then all over the patio saying things that made zero sense. I would grab my brothers leg, then aggressively crawl away howling for help. I was up against our wall bawling as my breath was leaving. My husband and brother held me asking me questions. I couldn't talk. Understood a portion of their words-when they were saying to take you to the ER I freaked our making a loud high pitch noise from my throat while spinning my left hand round and round hoping they'd unsterdand siren for ambulance. They called 911.

I fell into my brothers lap as my husband talked with 911. I thought I was speaking soft, calm, logical words to him. As my body was shutting down my mind, heart, soul knew where I was going. I was at such peace. My brother kept holding tight and so worried. I kept "speaking" to him. Telling him how special he has always been to me, how much he has coming in life yet, my life was complete having him along our ride. I then wanted my baby Tory by me and I explained to her in my jibberish language how my life changed the moment I knew about her to come in my life, how strong she made me, how much she had to live for in the way her heart wishes, and I love her always. I felt two tears drop on my right arm from brother-to me it felt like he was confirming he understands, he is with me and Jesus, he will be ok. I was at peace as my heart slowed down and I stopped breathing. I was looking at the beauty of love in family and preparing to enter Heaven when all of a sudden I woke up, heart started. As I opened my eyes to my precious husband giving me mouth to mouth. I was so touched, amazed yet confused and almost saddened my "Home" was not going to be pain, seizure, illness free in Heaven. I was going to have a harder fight.

Right now, still no one has a positive on what caused all of this. No one knows if these convulsions are completely done, or just temporarily calmed from an injection I had to have today.
I've had over 30 convulsions a day and some awful endless post ictal status. Couldn't speak forever. Some seizures would paralyze my legs and arms completely. Alter focus ability. Just wild ride. We are still figuring everything out and praying the hours it stayed away after an injection today, that it has just ended. 

I mostly pray my babies all come out un damaged from all of this. My friends and family just have beautiful hearts, and I know Jesus hears you all to be able to keep afloat.

I know we each have our timing in life from God. So I'll never know if I was supposed to go to Heaven Saturday but human power got in the way. Or if He gave us these brains to know to do things to keep our loved ones as long as we know how thru His guidance until His true time comes. I don't know, but as tragic as it all seems, that early on part still blows me away when I think of it-just amazed me.

Love you Christian, Tory, Troy, Mom, Dad, Steward, Linda, Grams and on and on all, family and amazing friends..... Blessed I am.

In His Love,

Heather (Hetty) Siebens

Acts 1:7
He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or seasons that the father has fixed by his own authority."

Ecclesiastes 3:2
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted.

Job 14:5
You have decided the length of our lives.
You know how many months we will live,
And we are not given a minute longer.


Donna Marie said...

Heather,Kristen was praying asking God for healing from these terrible seizures and heard the Lord tell her that in His time she would have healing. She was just 16 or 17 and is now 37 and the seizures continue as does all the medication side effects. I've come to believe our days on this earth are nothing compared to what we will one day experience and there healing will be complete. Here our bodies break down, become diseased and riddled with pain, some more mental than physical, but one day... no more! In the end We win because the work He did is complete and death has been defeated. My daughter will be whole and you will be as well. I still pray for that healing and for effective natural remedies.Thank you for sharing your life with us..mine has also changed quite a bit since Hubby's stroke. The future isn't ours to know, is it?


Libby Baker Sweiger said...

Heather...after all you've been through your writing...your thoughts come through clear as a bell like a message from Heaven. The first time I read this I was crying so hard I wrote to you in a text message. I was rambling. I love you so much girl. I'm so glad you are still with us and pray with all my heart that I can see you again! You are a precious miracle... And I pray the injection stops these things for good. Jesus loves you and I do too. Please be careful with yourself. Love your family too. Love Libby

Trachena Marie said...

Beyond beautiful words. Love you Hetty. Thank you for sharing & we are praying for you always❤️

Trachena Marie said...

Much tears❤️

Heather Siebens said...

I love you all so much. Crazy part is, it got so much more intense yesterday and last night. Talk about major hallucinations. Next blog I have to explain what Christ had in store-who I saw. Was a wild day/night! Love you all so much! Thank God for you all!