3/1/13

Feelings thru All

Great Feelings
Add to GoogleFeelings can be so amazing. Full of love, laughter, joy, achievement... even some wellness when almost always suffering from one thing to another.

I went thru that 3rd brain surgery on fire for Jesus--seeing the door He opened thru amazing prayers. The surgery was amazing--having to be awake for it all so they didn't take too much, too close to some very BIG NEEDS--such as sight. I noticed when they were getting too close to my area for sight--all these odd flying white-electric like specs looked like sight was going-luckily I spoke up-gift from God. My language was going to be a little funky if I didn't speak up on another. Hearing was another we were careful on. My senses basically I was a watch over for those. But during it all-I had a weird, bodily pain-some seemed hot like many tests will make your body feel. So tough Heather-not connecting the surgery-brain-bodily pain together--didn't say a thing about it. Come on, the brain can't possibly cause body pain all over-can it? Later thru every illness test, reading up and talking to my docs about where my surgery was done this time-wasn't only my left temporal lobe-heck most of that was gone anyway. There were several other areas that we did the in depth electrode testing, marking the areas that were seizure prone-then testing them a tad thru surgery-but we didn't have much time to test long, the numbing medication wares off quick-as it did with me. My neurosurgeon asked if I wanted to continue-thru the head pain I was in? I, tough Heather, off course said "Yes!"
Once all was removed, mind you I never said a word about the intense pain in my body then. I did notice oddly in my left hand, I lost ability to move it. Was so odd. So we splinted it-and within 24 hours-movement returned. So, I never connected a thing.

After being down for a couple months with headaches following-I jumped up and was active like nothing occurred. I think my brain and body were both ready to shoot me. As for just following some workouts etc, my blood gave weird numbers at the beginning of the severe pain-- then went to normal, my blood--but my body was down for 2 3/4 years following that surgery!! Felt like God vanished. But I know He never did. It has always just been my course, as a late follower. I must remain much more in need and vocal about our Amazing Creator as I suffer, than when I am not. I see so many blessings more thru hard times, than I do as one chasing for personal needs/wants that do not include Jesus.

Last September after a mini stroke that I thought I'd never be able to speak after again--I was healed of that, and my awful body pain from feet to shoulders!!! I was really doing well end of last year--for about 3 months, then there was a change in seizure pattern.
They were totally controlled for half the year last year! I was driving, helping others in hospitals etc. Last month we attempted an add on medication that at times, for some time, worked well for me-until in time it made me very sick. Instantly when I went on it, I was down for the count - anemic, then got the flu/cold. Came off of that one slowly-and went thru some awful pain in my upper abdomen. No answers- but I was getting thru it. Until 2 days ago that I was hit with seizures that were different than my norm. I had three at night- I just don't have them, knowingly in my sleep. Then had 3 in the afternoon yesterday-and 3 today--worse part is, they are with non-stop auras--weird aggressive feelings in my throat I always got as a child right before they hit-or it just teases you to think it's gonna hit. So, it has been a tough week. Along with my precious hubby who is needed so much thru Jesus-and totally by us!! The world is never the same when he is down... granted the world seems normal when I am. Just does. But it doesn't change the love I have for Jesus--makes me love Him more for choosing, me, the late late follower of Him... in perfect timing for my amazing daughter to love Him SO EARLY-- and to fall for a man who loves Jesus, instead of wanted to leave one cause he did love Christ. What second chances we get!!

Yes, I have been a self pity, agitated, turn from God soul... only to really realize turning away worsens every part of us. Doesn't take much for me to turn away from that. I do pray for answers and healings, knowing His plan is The Plan-and I try my best not to alter it!!

I am blessed by all of you-your kindness, faith, joy, friendship forever.... know that is how I am always with everyone of you--even on my silent days!

May you always be blessed by His Grace and Merciful Love and feel it never-ending!

In His Love,

Heather J Siebens

Our Love from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.