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| Great Feelings |
Feelings can be so amazing. Full of love, laughter, joy, achievement... even some wellness when almost always suffering from one thing to another.I went thru that 3rd brain surgery on fire for Jesus--seeing the door He opened thru amazing prayers. The surgery was amazing--having to be awake for it all so they didn't take too much, too close to some very BIG NEEDS--such as sight. I noticed when they were getting too close to my area for sight--all these odd flying white-electric like specs looked like sight was going-luckily I spoke up-gift from God. My language was going to be a little funky if I didn't speak up on another. Hearing was another we were careful on. My senses basically I was a watch over for those. But during it all-I had a weird, bodily pain-some seemed hot like many tests will make your body feel. So tough Heather-not connecting the surgery-brain-bodily pain together--didn't say a thing about it. Come on, the brain can't possibly cause body pain all over-can it? Later thru every illness test, reading up and talking to my docs about where my surgery was done this time-wasn't only my left temporal lobe-heck most of that was gone anyway. There were several other areas that we did the in depth electrode testing, marking the areas that were seizure prone-then testing them a tad thru surgery-but we didn't have much time to test long, the numbing medication wares off quick-as it did with me. My neurosurgeon asked if I wanted to continue-thru the head pain I was in? I, tough Heather, off course said "Yes!"
Once all was removed, mind you I never said a word about the intense pain in my body then. I did notice oddly in my left hand, I lost ability to move it. Was so odd. So we splinted it-and within 24 hours-movement returned. So, I never connected a thing.
After being down for a couple months with headaches following-I jumped up and was active like nothing occurred. I think my brain and body were both ready to shoot me. As for just following some workouts etc, my blood gave weird numbers at the beginning of the severe pain-- then went to normal, my blood--but my body was down for 2 3/4 years following that surgery!! Felt like God vanished. But I know He never did. It has always just been my course, as a late follower. I must remain much more in need and vocal about our Amazing Creator as I suffer, than when I am not. I see so many blessings more thru hard times, than I do as one chasing for personal needs/wants that do not include Jesus.
Last September after a mini stroke that I thought I'd never be able to speak after again--I was healed of that, and my awful body pain from feet to shoulders!!! I was really doing well end of last year--for about 3 months, then there was a change in seizure pattern.
They were totally controlled for half the year last year! I was driving, helping others in hospitals etc. Last month we attempted an add on medication that at times, for some time, worked well for me-until in time it made me very sick. Instantly when I went on it, I was down for the count - anemic, then got the flu/cold. Came off of that one slowly-and went thru some awful pain in my upper abdomen. No answers- but I was getting thru it. Until 2 days ago that I was hit with seizures that were different than my norm. I had three at night- I just don't have them, knowingly in my sleep. Then had 3 in the afternoon yesterday-and 3 today--worse part is, they are with non-stop auras--weird aggressive feelings in my throat I always got as a child right before they hit-or it just teases you to think it's gonna hit. So, it has been a tough week. Along with my precious hubby who is needed so much thru Jesus-and totally by us!! The world is never the same when he is down... granted the world seems normal when I am. Just does. But it doesn't change the love I have for Jesus--makes me love Him more for choosing, me, the late late follower of Him... in perfect timing for my amazing daughter to love Him SO EARLY-- and to fall for a man who loves Jesus, instead of wanted to leave one cause he did love Christ. What second chances we get!!
Yes, I have been a self pity, agitated, turn from God soul... only to really realize turning away worsens every part of us. Doesn't take much for me to turn away from that. I do pray for answers and healings, knowing His plan is The Plan-and I try my best not to alter it!!
I am blessed by all of you-your kindness, faith, joy, friendship forever.... know that is how I am always with everyone of you--even on my silent days!
May you always be blessed by His Grace and Merciful Love and feel it never-ending!
In His Love,
Heather J Siebens
Our Love from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.
