Hanging Tight

This has been a real whirlwind couple of months... Now working into just another that doesn't look much more bright and intriguing. But thru tears, I keep hanging tight onto Christ. As for He, in the end of each treacherous day, is the only one who really gets me thru. I have amazing love and support in family and friends. I just know even that wouldn't be enough without our Lord. 
I watch close friends go thru so much anguish in their health, and I just wish, with all I already carry and seem to have more on my plate already, just top it off. I'd much rather a friend be clear of all the horrific illnesses that have entered our world and place them upon me, as for I have so much anyway. And my love for them is extreme. I am a person born with zero anxiety. I walk into brain surgeries, even the awake ones I had done like it is a fun carnival. Thrilled to rid health issues. Fearless to do it. I however have been blessed with such amazing friends up here in MN, and a few I love dearly in my family that have really bad anxiety. It is so hard for me to truly understand, but I have been thru so much in life I can get a glimpse. I think it is my duty, per God to help reach out to all these people, help show them there is so much to life when you take that first step. Put some trust into me, humorous Hetty, and we will have a ball! I'll even show you how I drive really really fast!! ☺️ It's been a goal of mine, at least when God gives me good days when I am feeling better, and more up to it.
But lately, and over the past year and a half, things have gotten a bit darker in my "well" land, and I have weeks that I have the strength to do for all, but recently more has hit my frying pan.
I have horrific tremors that will not stop. This typing is very difficult, and is every day. Everything ai do, has lessened or ceased as for when you tremor really hard, you just can't do anything. I don't just tremor in my hands. It has worsened. As it has done this before on and off and we always blamed my anti seizure meds. We just can't now. There has been 0 changes in years. Not only do I tremor in my hands so bad I can't do anything (humor really to try to watch me button or put on eyeliner) but my legs do when I walk, and my vocal chords when I talk.... And soon my tongue even paralyzes.
So, in tears I called my neuro done in Phoenix at Mayo Clinic Hospital. Instantly with what I described they are setting me up with tests in regards to movement disorders. The one she was talking about that sounded so similar, and perhaps a secondary illness due to my brain surgeries, MSP, Multi System Atrophy.... If that is really the case, once found, you are usually only around another decade or so with fast acting side effects. No cure. I am praying I am just suffering once again from the chaos a very risky anti seizure medication did to me in my past. It was FDA approved in 94, then yanked when within 10 months 10 people died from aplastic anemia, liver damage. I always am anemic, every month since I was on it in 2009- and it knocked me down to 86 lbs in weeks. Unable to eat. I had a very bad count in my blood and kept seizing till we got it in control. 
Meds can be good, they can be horrific. And here we go again. 
With all that....I honestly have not much room to cry. Christ has gotten me over every mountain...thru all the deserts where we never thought I'd return from. And even with so much brain on my dominant side missing, He blessed me with the new gift of art....right now only when He gives me strength and can get thru my tremors. So it may have been a short lived blessing, but He always has more in store for us as we keep seeking His truth and love. Had I never found Him, I would have been dead years ago. He gave me more time here to share His good news...to love my family and friends, and trust His challenges.
Anyone looking for a real challenge ...a wake up call. Go to www.nickeybear.com
This family is holding Christ tight, as He works hard thru His love on precious little Nicky. WhenI read the entire blog that started just after my 3rd awake brain surgery thru now.... I was in tears of sadness, yet joy that this family are all Paul's. They see Jesus' heart thru every step. They see human mistakes but never blame Jesus! They look to Him for comfort and answers and healing! He loves them so much. This family -the George's - are feeling God's pain watching their baby go thru cancer of the brain-after treatments looked great, he was so well....are now watching the treatments attacking his sweet soul. Giving up your baby would be terrifying, and very cold hearted in most cases. But they look to our God for healing....and if not- to take him and his pain and misery away to his creator. Your plans they trust. They have me in awe! And just as God did for Abraham as he took his son Isaac to be sacrificed- as God instructed.... As Abraham followed all directions God told him.... God withdrew the sacrifice directing Abraham not to! That all Abraham's true trust in our Lord, right down to his real son, Abraham's only son...from that day on he was to be blessed -multiply his descendants!  As I look at this family and how this mom pushed thru with such love and grace for Nicky, her whole family- trusting God knows what He is doing- He blessed them with amazing twins last September! Our God is good! This kid has made impacts all around the world thru this amazing mom and dad! He has changed lives, faiths, attitudes. Never to be forgotten. Nicholas and Angelia are very humble loving souls to this world, their family, ultimately Jesus Christ. My heart will never be the same after their impact. Bless you all....and her brother Anthony... You all make a difference! 

As I tie this up... Please say a prayer for my precious friend Nancy Brennan Oliver who just lost her dad in hospice. He was one very very special man. Told my dear friend Tommy Monje everything he needed to know in life. Bless these people Lord. Lift them up and hold them tight. Papa is dancing with Jesus...Godspeed. Love you all! 

In His Love,


2 Peter 3: 8-9
But you must not forget friends, that a day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord isn't really being slow about His promise to return, as some people think. No, He is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to perish, so He is giving more time for everyone to repent.

1 John 5: 14-15
And we can be confident that He will listen to us whenever we ask Him for anything in HIS WILL. And if WE KNOW He is listening when we make our requests, we can be sure that He will give us what we ask for. 

Lamentations 3: 22-24
The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance;therefore, I will hope in Him!" 

Lamentations 3: 31-32
For the LORD does not abandon anyone forever. Though He brings grief, He also shows compassion according to the greatness of His unfailing love. For He does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow. 

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