Thankful for LOVE

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the Truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


WOW!!! Love is amazing... it is amazing when we first feel it. It is amazing when we have it in tough times... it is awesome when we have it in great times. But man-- do we always recognize it? Respect it? The whole way we should...
I am first-- well since I am typing this to say, no. I do my best-- on most days to love as much as I can-- but then recognize how much more I really still can, no matter how I am feeling. I am very blessed today-- first off-- having found Jesus back in hard times in 2003-- so I could learn what TRUE LOVE really is. He blessed me thru that with an amazing husband to marry-- who is one that is so close to loving as close to being like Christ-- amazes me. Not for greedy reasons. Jesus blessed me with that in time-- to learn how to love thru Christ-- and learn how to love--- hand and hand. Therefore I could also be a better mom... learning more to love.. each day and every day-- hand and hand-- thru Christ. He brought this family together-- thru HIS LOVE. And that, I am so amazed at.
Before I found Him... before my husband today... before my daughter entered my life... I was part very loving-- but not as much from the heart-now that I look back. I was very unselfish... I was a big giver. But I also had this snappy selfish side. And when someone said something that was out of line-- I was quite the defender-- one who can sit in a debate for hours and days-- until the other collapses. And that I learned--- even though my family always looked at that as a "Jensen" gift-- was not a gift at all. Jesus wants us to be humble. Wants us to give-- even to those who mock us. Love our enemies. We can talk humbly to others who are falling off their walk-- but we aren't Christ to judge-- we are His children to share His Truth. And if they hear-- they get back on the saddle. If they don't--- He takes care of what we planted. But--- we aren't to judge-- we aren't to rip and tear--- we aren't to ASSUME--- we aren't to sit and argue. We are to LOVE-- and with Love share His LOVE. And even if that takes setting boundaries, so your love doesn't get inflicted with someone-- then set up boundaries. With someone who is living a very dark life-- but you love them dearly-- you can attempt several ways of help-- but you otherwise are not in control. Other than to LOVE, and set up boundaries... so you do not wind up hating.... or disliking. Just waiting for them to come back--- with love like you also have.
I am blessed. I have love on both sides of my family. I have an amazing daughter. I am blessed truly by Jesus to have this amazing husband--- who is a gift from HIM. All of you-- friends from Heaven.... Most of all, I have Christ in my life. And that is the most amazing LOVE ever--- UNCONDITIONAL. Thru His love-- I have learned to love all--- thru everything. Even my ex who beat me. Hate is not part of vocabulary-- may have strife-- but He shares His Love-- His Light-- and I soak that up--- when focused on our True Love-- Jesus Christ.
Here is this years amazing Love letter my husband wrote to me....
Heather~
At Christmas time I think of all the gifts...
That bring me great delight and sweet surprise,
But nothing in this world can bring such joy
As you do, when I look at you in your eyes.
When I contemplate what Christmas really means,
The caring and the giving-I must confess,
You've given me the things I want the most:
Your love, your touch, your kiss, your warm caress,
The Christmas tree we decorated reminds me,
That just the thought of you sets me aglow;
You light me up from deep within my heart,
Because I cherish and LOVE you so.
With you it's Christmas ALL THE TIME
I treasure every hour and every minute.
Your love is all I'll ever want because,
My life is so fulfilling with you in it.
Jesus gave us these three little words--I LOVE YOU
I really, truly do. These words should be used by us throughout the seasons...
Now and all year through
I thank Jesus He loved me enough to give me time on this earth with you
and I promise to be your loving gift just as you are mine too.
Merry Christmas 2009
(My Hubby Christian @flyingchristian )


When Jesus saved me and brought me to Him-- I will sit here and say-- that is when I really began to truly learn to love-- everyone-- unconditionally-- non-judgmental. I am far from perfect... but I am so grateful for all that brought me here. It makes Christmas true CHRISTmas... loving everyone who is there thru HIS LOVE!! Love you all so much...
In His Love,


Heather @AliveinMe

Christmas Past--CHRISTmas present

Christmas Past and CHRISTmas present. Why is one partially capitalized? What are the differences of your Christmas now-compared to your Christmas as a child? 
Sure, as adults we could say presents are fewer-and they sure aren't toys. Some can even say they don't do presents-focused on kids only. Others can say they are ALL ABOUT THE GIFTS ever MORE-- perhaps didn't get much as a kid. Then there is the decoration. Oh I LOVE TO DECORATE!!! WOAH!!!! However, it could be just the opposite of my mother. She was so not for it. I remember her having her scotch-laughing in her PJ's--to Christmas music we ever listened to-- rudolph and such.... and throwing on lights, garland, and bulbs-- and whatever ornaments we made as young kids in class-or her best friend made her. Just wasn't my mom's thing. Then there is me. I have a tradition to always purchase 3 ornaments that pertain to each of us, from Hallmark. And about 18 or so from Pier One that are sentimental-- and mean something. Each year tree just has to grow!! I love that part... but it still is not my favorite part.

He is the ironic part... I had zero clue what Christmas was about-- all my childhood. I just knew for the years of belief in Santa-- we needed to be tucked in bed. Which was simple on my medication. But I didn't fear Santa not leaving anything like my brother... he really feared the "Santa Watch" they had on TV when we were in Scottsdale, AZ... and it tells you when to get into bed--- when it said it was time-- he just freaked-- falling into tears-- fearing Santa would come out of the TV and see he was awake-- leaving him nothing. That wasn't me. I was very laid back. 

But then years went by-- my dad grew higher in wealth-- and we grew older as kids-- so it became just a selfish day. A day of getting. Getting for what? None of us had a clue what the day was even for. We were spoiled with amazing gifts-- yet not the TRUE GIFT....

I didn't, as you know hear about Jesus until I was 19-- which I didn't take to Him then-- took hard times-- and that is another gift I am grateful for. Because beginning at the age of 27 I began to truly celebrate Christmas in pure joy-- then-- with no money-- but completely rich with the Ultimate Gift-- Jesus Christ. Jesus, born-- in such a tragic set up. Not the platinum reward Marriott upgrade. Born- to a virgin mother-- chosen to bring the AMAZING MESSIAH into this world-- TO SAVE US-- no decor in that stable the Inn Keeper allowed them to go to... as for The Inn had No Rooms... he just didn't sound like today he would get a good comment card....

Now I worked at the Marriott's in California for years... we always found ways on sold out nights to squeeze emergencies in. Platinum or not-- had this been today at the desk if I still worked there-- I would have found a room. As for I squeezed in who is now a dear friend back in 1998 in Newport Beach, CA--on a very "sold out" night-- and he is who introduced me to my husband today, in 2002. 

As for what is Christmas to me... it is CHRISTmas. It isn't about the gifts we give or receive-- it isn't about the decor-- it isn't about food (for sure!!) it isn't about how many pictures taken-- it isn't about pleasing all-- it isn't about what relative says about you, or what one wears--- it is ALL ABOUT CHRIST. His birth-- WOW!! As for had that not happened--- I would be one doomed soul!! I am so grateful God sent His one and only Son--into this world-- in such an amazing way!! He is the TRUE GIFT--- ALL WE NEED. He tried to tell so many the Truth-- so many denied face to face. It takes Him dying on the Cross-- and rising-- for some to wake up... I am so grateful I WOKE UP...I pray for so many.... including all my family roots--- we see many tomorrow night-- pray He shines thru us!!

God bless you all!!!

Very Merry Christmas--- thru our AMAZING SAVIOR's Grace-

Heather  @AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures


John 3:16 
For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.

My Dear friend Jason Mitchener's Funeral Today

You all will think I am some bottle of health knowledge for others--as I have suffered. That is so not the case. Jesus just must have known I couldn't have taken losing close friends or family I knew well--until I KNEW HIM. And even knowing Him... it is so hard when you first find out. When you find out in a drastic way-- knowing he had been suffering some more prior, but he always pulled thru. Then was back on the computer talking to all... and setting up his new amazing website (in addition to what he has!!)

I always wondered how I would handle it. The death of a very close and dear friend. And I thank Jesus He made sure I would cry-- as for I am always a fighter of it. But that sure helped cleanse my mourning-- to bring me up to today. His funeral. I know more tears will run-- but not like if I had held it all back. So-- today will be a day of joy for Him -- as he is with our Savior for His birthday-- Jesus Christ. And A day I still know tears will build-- as for I sure do miss him. But he is one amazing soul in so many ways-- strong when very ill... as for I swear he hung on for my birthday here-- made it!!! Passed late the next day--and now is up in Heaven for Jesus'!! He just always has a heart for everyone else FIRST!!

I shared his story at my epilepsy support group-- and called to let Terry Graham know too-- as for I know he hasn't been very active on twitter. So more heart and love are with him today!!! And I thank you all for your support and love!!! And Gorgon Renfrow-- you are one amazing supporter-- and I thank you for all those amazing words!!!! As for I know Jason is thrilled with your support!!

I love you all and thank all of you for your love for Jason!!! He more than loves you back BIG from the heights of Heaven-- with Jesus right there WITH HIM!! WOW!! Up there he is singing the songs he wrote!!! Never held back by his ventilator!!!! AMEN!!

Blessings and Love to you all!!

Heather Siebens

Psalm 103:20-22 Praise the LORD, you angels of His, you mighty creatures who carry out His plans, listening for each of His commands. Yes, praise the LORD, you armies of angels who serve Him and DO HIS WILL! Praise the LORD, everything He has created, everywhere in His Kingdom. As for me--I, too, will praise the LORD.

My Dear Friend Jason Mitchener is HOME!

It is so hard to sit here and type those words for the title- but now I am trying to deal with reality- that he and I would talk about each time I went up to see him. We would sit there for 8-10 hours and talk about everything in life-- and he had one amazing life.

He was so humble. So true. So caring. So loving. And when he saw anything he felt needed correction-- stood up for his belief thru Christ!! And that was how we first met in January this past year- when I first started twitter. He simply saw my tweet- and it said something to the matter- when I was suffering pretty bad with my illnesses- I typed-- it just will be amazing when Jesus comes to get me!!! And he came back with-- something like -- No-- I want to live as long as I can-- no matter how stricken I am-- it is all for His glory--to bring more to Home to Him. ---- That woke me up again... and we built an amazing friendship--- and I am one to quickly ask him which facility is he at.... and bout a week later I was there with McDonald's he ordered- as I asked what I could bring. Each time I went up- I always brought him outside meals-- so it was "close" to getting outside. For a while-- he gave up Diet Coke for God-- any soda-- and I would bring him tea always--and he used that fake sugar!!! It was so amazing-- from day one-- such a humble, kind amazing soul... just kindly asked if it would bother me if I fed Him??? Didn't Jesus wash the disciples feet??? Jesus Christ-- our Lord and Savior-- humbled way below the fact HE IS GOD-- to wash THEIR FEET.... We are talking this amazing soul-- who always walked in Jesus' path-- once he found him... just in the nick of time-of his major suffering to come.... OF COURSE I COULD FEED JASON... or anyone. He would me any day of the week if he could--- he already had done so much for me...

We both shared amazing family life stories.... we both have the part where you live and learn-- and the part you just always love so much. That is family. And it is always a blessing to live and learn-- no matter how we do it-- as long as we get the LEARN part in.

I would be up there for hours--- his art was amazing---his music he wrote--his stories by his father--- I now have his book, tape, and art-- in my home--always--that I purchased face to face!! Stored up there in these amazing stacked boxes- all over-in the bathroom-he always knew where to send me!!! I bought for myself-- and also for others. I always knew where everything was located in that packed 8x12 half room shared. We'd talk from around 5-2:30 am...

The last talk was a tough one-- was right before I had to head out for Alabama-- for my MEG test--for my brain surgery to come. And right before I was leaving he was just in tears about life... and I stayed longer---we talked about how we WILL make it better... when I get back from my MEG-- we will make signs-- and certain schedules-for the nurses-when not in any trauma. And the fact he could only sleep on his left side-which stared at his cupboard--we were going to put up a sign-- uplifting words thru Christ. I came back from the MEG test I had done in Alabama-- and came down bad with H1N1 for a month. So I couldn't visit....

I was going to go up a week ago-- but was told by a family member- he wished I would not-- but if my gut said something else thru Jesus-- to proceed... I didn't want to step on family toes. So I waited.... My birthday was the 15th... I swear God had given me this weird feeling all week up thru THAT NIGHT of my birthday to go up-- but I waited-- didn't want to leave my husband on my birthday. Then it led to me heading up there day and a half after---as I said-- missed early post by his brother on his FB site-- as for I was getting ready for my doctor appt for my vertigo issue. Then went shopping for his Christmas gift-- doctors-- hit the freeways..............................

And I miss him so much. He is so loved by so many. SO MANY!! And those who met him--supported him-- Mike-- if you somehow catch this--THANK YOU-- you were one amazing soul for him!!! And dear Paul-- YOU know he is with Jesus--WOW! Jamie Lynn--- you will always be loved... As well as Third Day-- Bebo Norman-- His precious family--- I thank God for your amazing son/brother/nephew/grandson etc--you all had a major role--and I thank you--- and everyone!! He just amazed me, touched my heart, moved me, inspired me, and still does!!!!

He had amazing plans that God saw thru-- all this year he has had this van needed work-- to start-- tires, oil--etc--- got it finally going with help of many on twitter!! And his mom was able to insure him on her car insurance-- and he'd just get one trained or take a respiratory therapist with him-- to drive him to churches so he could speak- giving his testimony that touches the heart of so many!! Let's others know God will see you thru-- use ALL FOR HIS GLORY!! And just as all this came together-- was when he got sick and Jesus saw he accomplished all he had planned....wow.

Jason-- as you know-- I have been bawling-- and that is weird for me-- as you also know--- so you are truly loved and amazing--full of grace and mercy like Jesus.... know my husband's heart goes out-- and my precious daughter was bawling when I finally got home--- she loved you so much!!! We all always will-- as you keep your fire going--ALIVE up there with Jesus!!! If you can-- when I bawl-- just touch my shoulder-- tell me it's all ok..... maybe it will calm....

Will be amazing to see you there!! Dancing!!! Love you always my dear friend... keep dancing til I am there too!! We all will dance together with Jesus and Third Day!

In my Arms tight thru Christ,

Heather

@AliveinMe

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http://www.christianmemorials.com/tributes/jason-mitchener/

The Way He Works

Jesus works wonders-- is really how He works. He works in HIS timing. His Way. His Plan. For His Glory. We just have to re-understand that--and re-thank Him each time we go thru some sort of trial or hard time. He is not punishing us. He will never allow anything we can't handle--to enter our lives, even when we think it is past the limit-it is far from it. He has us in the palm of His hands.

Thru every step of illness I have gone thru--I can thank Him for having me turn to Him in time--before it all would hit. There are many parts of illness that have struck-- many times in the hospital that haven't been fun. The main one of course is my Epilepsy. And we are gearing up for my 3rd brain surgery. I am excited--and have faith He will heal me thru it. Each time He has worked wonders. He has a reason for everything. We just have to trust Him--the way He works is trust, love, obedience, faith. Whether we see Him or not---we trust Him. We all should hear from Him one way or another-- or we aren't quite praying or talking to Him right-- in His time-- He will always respond to you!! To me-- to us all. But we have to open up our hearts... we don't have to have amazing brains... it is the heart He is looking to grab. And if you open yours up... soften it... He will be able to WORK RIGHT THRU YOU!!

This I also know too well. I lived thru the hard heart life for many years. You all may know I am a blip-aholic. I love mostly my Christian music today-- as for it wakens my soul! But I also love to Blip the music of my past-- the days I was so confused and fighting against Him. Presented with all this "stuff" about Him at 19... then was hurt... emotionally, and biblical (even though then I could care less about the biblical part). It was adultery. And I wasn't going to live that out again--against me. So instead--- I would brake up with my now ex-- and go find another "to be." And if I counted how many relationships I went thru in a short span--you'd be like--- this is the same Hetty? But it was so before Jesus. Now I look back and just flabbergasts me! We are all sinners--fall short of His Glory--- but wow--when I did accept Him- it took me sometime to forgive myself. Granted-- this is the same person who beat me. So, that is where we both were wretched. But--that is where I look back at the music we'd listen to-- and see-- WOW this was where our marriage was going.

And today--knowing Jesus--following Him tight--thru every trial--illness--grief--issue....I know He has plans--love--and such love for me. And has given so much of it already!! Starting with Him dying on the cross for my sins!! WOW!!! Then blessing me with an amazing husband today---and beautiful child I can't even explain to you!!! And allowing my husband to adopt her---He just keeps on working thru us---and I am so grateful!! As for HE IS MY GOD---and He blesses ME!! WOW!!

I am one who wishes to give back--I always try--I hope the little I do do--is a beginning...and will amount to more and more as I get better thru surgery--- and following!!! ALL FOR HIM!!

Love you all-- and thank you for your friendship thru Him!! Sorry I have been MIA for a month--- H1N1 was NO FUN-- But HE SAW ME THRU-- and all with the help of your prayers!! God bless you all!!

In His Grip,

Heather Siebens

@AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures

Proverbs 16:20

Whoever gives thought to the Word will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.

Forgiveness, guilty we all are except Jesus, LOVE and forgive

Forgiveness is amazing... but we are always to guard our hearts for the RIGHT reasons...

FAITH-actions for good-never judge

James is such an amazing book in the Bible!!! WOW!! One to ALWAYS go back to..... 10 minutes just doesn't cover it.... Blessings!!!

Does He Listen???

Truly amazes me when we are born... how we are all raised... how we all decide to listen... who it is we seek in tough times--when we are out of the house, "grown-up" and moving on. When things are going great-- who do we thank... and who do we run and tell? It still, no matter what, depends on BIG TIME, how you are raised to find out the tiniest bit less confusing way-- of the fact that it is Jesus Christ, who died on the Cross for us-- to wipe away our sins... make us right in God's eyes... that we turn to HIM.. talk to HIM... pray to HIM... and yes.. HE MORE THAN LISTENS...

I had to take a long route. Not raised anything. Never knowing a thing about Jesus... other than one time... glancing at a portion of the movie-- that made my mother cry somehow-- and it was "Jesus of Nazareth." Now.. was I ever explained to what that was all about, for the portion I saw... or why the heck my mom, of all mom's would cry?? No. So, I shrugged that right off. But I still... somehow grew up with a pretty darn sensitive, loving heart... even growing up in a family that went thru some rocky times. The times where you begin to chose which parent.. because one decided to be with another for some time. Granted... thru perfect tough times that hit.. they are still together.. and I still think Jesus is working on my parents hearts-- to give their lives over to Him. Til then, I just keep praying.

But as a young married person... who just got married to get out of where I was.. and to perhaps start the family I always wanted to have... it sure isn't brilliant to say those vows-- mind you even at the courthouse.. if you lived in a family that had a tough marriage-- and then for some odd reason you couldn't announce YOU were getting married. That was a bad start. But I can look back today and see how Jesus worked thru it all-- thru my own free will choosing.. in such amazing ways.

Does He listen? He does. Does He do whatever we ask? No. Lord, if that were to happen, this world would have been destroyed so much long ago... and heck I might not even be here typing. He has His plans mastered... it is up to us to reach for Him... for Him to keep unfolding them... and when we make mistakes... we will more than learn whether it is after we find Him.. and look back just amazed at how HE IS THERE---ALL THE TIME.... we just didn't let our hearts open up and let Him in to recognize it... to be able to listen to HIM. He listens to us ALL THE TIME. He throws us hints, and kind signs... we have to be willing to receive them... and my whole life growing up-- I never knew OF Him.. but when I heard some about Him--in my early twenties... I easily rejected that-- once I was hurt. But it isn't Jesus who hurts us. We are all sinners-- we all fall short of His Glory.. I just didn't know that then... and didn't know that for almost a decade after my ex first cheated on me... but I can turn back today, and see all God still was working on with me... even when I was shutting Him out.

It came down to my first brain surgery--- I still didn't know Him... didn't accept Him... but my meds had me flying prior-- as for this one we found out always makes me basically drunk when I take it. So.. while I was drunk on it.. somewhere I shouldn't have been... I bought I gold cross. It was a week before my 1st brain surgery. Almost like God just told me something. Something bigger was coming. And that was true.

I had never taken it off... I felt almost like the cross got me thru. Not like Jesus did yet... something sure was connecting with it though. I kept touching it. Thru all I was going thru-- having to raise my kid on my own, while having seizures, alone. Then my ex was able to come stay with us from where he was stationed-- to help me heal-- for 2 weeks.

Fast forward.... as you all know... when I got to Texas, 4 days after, he beat me. That cross grew more important to me than ever. The gentleman I saw that dealt with my case on the Army base was also a Christian... the first one to introduce me to Veggie Tales for my daughter. He had such a heart about the case-- and I could see it was because he was living for Jesus...

When I finally got back to Phoenix... it was in those rough times... but also good times... that I realized I needed more than a person to talk to. More than human advice. I could sit and listen to my family slam my ex if that is what people feel are healing-- but that isn't it. I began to really learn that talking to God was the route I had to try to find. Even during the tough days of when I was popping pills... HE would understand what I was saying. HE listened to my every cry... even if it was one without tears. He scooped me up as His baby-- thru it all... listening to my unhappy points... and listening to my gleeful points. That is what is awesome about Jesus... He loves to hear it all. Most of us have friends or family that can only deal with the gleeful part... but don't get into the tough stuff... cause then we have a lot of walk-aways. I found so much ease and comfort thru the fact that He never walks away... He only has amazing plans... as we keep trusting Him... and talking with Him...AS HE ALWAYS LISTENS...

That must be why He blessed me with a husband that is so Christ-like. Who listens to everything. Asks about it all.... just is amazing. How Christ-Like are you today? I just know I just keep trying to be more and more like Him... never will be... but always trying to be closer. He has seen me thru so much... and still is... I love to try to help others know that HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR THEM... ALL THE TIME... LISTENING... AND DOES ANSWER PRAYERS....

May not be in our timing... and perfect liking at the time prayed for... but we will be able to look back and thank Him so much.... for doing it HIS WAY... or honestly... it is just a highway to hell if we don't accept Him... and it is living hell if we don't accept it His Way... as tough as it may seem at times.

I Love you all... you all bring so much joy into my life... I am off to my prayer answered in HIS TIMING... on the 17th... to have my MEG test done... so my 3rd brain surgery can move forward!! AMEN!! HE WORKS WONDERS!!!!

In His Love,

Heather/Hetty

@AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures @fillmyvoid

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Forgiveness with God's help

Forgiveness is amazing... as we listen to God's perfect timing... the Holy Spirit leads us.... love all... yet trust still has time to take--- while still loving them... boundaries for your faith's safety-- put up armor... yet love all...

October-ALWAYS-my Savior-my SAVE-YOUR

All I can say... is a BIG AMEN!! Jesus Christ saved me when He died on the Cross for us all over 2000 years ago... but October seems to be an amazing, blessed month for me--thru HIM!!

He saved me in 2002, back when I didn't know Him. My ex beat me. I can go a little more in depth on this Blog, as for I was entitled this day to write one... and this is the day our Savior SAVED me from death in 2003. I feel He needs a little more in depth detail to tell all HOW AMAZING HE IS.

I went thru my first brain surgery August 7th, 2002. Was quite painful... and stressful. As for #1 I didn't know Jesus. #2 my husband then, ex now... and I really had a very tough relationship. Had since the get-go in 1996... but worsened as for he was so angry my illness interrupted his schooling. Wasn't my goal. We got pregnant in 2000--- and my seizures which used to be controlled, just skyrocketed. Now granted, we got pregnant, the night we were kindly planning another divorce. I looked at it as a reason to stay together-- he was so angry, as for he was stuck. And was in another relationship he had to break.

Had my brain surgery in 2002, because my seizures just would not be controlled by anything. Tried everything you can name. And ones that even thru me into a psych ward back in Alabama in 2001, as for they didn't know how to handle all that change from pregnancy there. I will say, changing meds back and forth does not make you the most pleasant being, seizing left and right doesn't help... while raising a baby while exhausted all by yourself, because your other half is stationed elsewhere... mind you are never able to talk, as for he was having another grand time with another woman as well. So, after my 1st brain surgery... he was given a couple weeks to come out to help take care of our baby, while I healed. Was just a living nightmare. #1 He had never been around her--so he didn't know how. #2 He had such little care for my pain, that checking on me was more than a task. #3 Began true thoughts of despair of what was going on--he had so much pinned up anger. But a couple weeks after, he went back to Texas where he was stationed. Allowed my time of rent to be lived out thru September in AZ-very gladly. Mind you.. I still didn't know Jesus. I just talked to myself--whatever "god" might be out there on rights and wrongs. We had already been thru so much I haven't listed on this part...such as adultery, many break-ups etc.. that this was just getting to be wearing. Especially when trying to recover, and raise this kid. But when time came-- Tory (my daughter) and I, got on the plane-- flew out to Texas. There, within 20 minutes he was saying such evil words-- like "if you don't like it here--you can go back, but Tory will stay...." WOW!!! Never expected. But we pressed on from Austin to Killeen. And wow... he just grew snappier. I know I wasn't perfect. But in the past days, there used to be this comforter in him. It was distinguished. Even after-mind you not quite two months after my brain surgery. And our beautiful kid-finally together. No.. did nothing. His anger grew more violent. This coming from the one who thru all this Jesus stuff in my face in 1996-unexpectedly. Took up to the fourth day that we were there- that I was sitting there in our living room- finally had an apartment... got our kid down late... it was 11 pm that I was emotional. Hoping he'd be his old self and come hold me, say we will all get thru it. I was sitting there listening to my good ol' Counting Crow's- and missed Phoenix and family. And he just looked at me in disgust and said he wasn't dealing with it-all I do is complain. WOW... I hadn't even said anything... just wanted a loving touching hand.. and anger grew and grew.. then he got louder.. and I had to remind him we have a child... he was so aggressive, that I told him I was taking the bedroom he could take the couch if he couldn't talk--he busted thru that bedroom door--knocked me down... pinned me down, and began the bruising on me from there. Was a nightmare!! We had no phone!!! The neighbor was Army too--and wouldn't let me turn him in...get help... I had to wait til the next day... to get down to the base to find a phone. Had to sleep with my car keys--as much as I REALLY SLEPT!!

AND WOW!! That is where God works. I was bawling with Tory in my arms on a calling card to a dear friend-AFAR--what to do?? And an Army Chaplain walked by--stopped watching me bawl--asking HOW HE COULD HELP!!??? So many on lunch breaks, and off to meetings, etc.. many just don't have time today--we are all just so booked, but this soul felt Jesus speak to him... the #1 I was in despair, #2 I needed some nudge to Jesus....

We tried counseling very short term thru him, as for my ex would not accept the fact that he beat me--even with the social services having taken pictures to prove it. My daughter and I up for hours for that--on base--and the Police Department. She was shaken... I sure was too. The despair of it was, as much as I love my family, they would not believe me--that he beat me, and he was kicked out of the apartment. So hard to deal with tragic reality. So between it all--it began a severe feeling of despair and loneliness- as for I still did not know Jesus yet. So who to pray to??

I talked to lawyers, to neighbors, on the phone to whom is my dear dear husband today... my neurologist-Dr. Drazkowski-(I still see and thank Jesus for today).... looking for answers. Just hadn't found one true answer yet... as for I began to reach for my Phenobarbital-seizure medication, take extra to ease and numb pain. Would pound a great handful fly in my car up to Austin--the city. I loved it-I love cities. And I had a family friend there we'd visit. He could see there wasn't something the same about me. Took several visits... and invited my now husband down to visit in Dec of 2002. Asking a neighbor to watch Tory---NIGHTMARE. #1 I felt it was all wrong somehow-- and was just in despair from all I was going thru... #2 popped sooo many of my pills surprised I am typing... but-- it led my family friend (my dad's best friend from high school-Bill) to call my parents and say "GET OUT HERE NOW---SHE NEEDS YOU!!" And they were on the first flight finally... as for it was a blessing--cause my ex picked up our kid--wasn't supposed to--and found which hospital I was at-even though he wasn't supposed to have Tory-nor be near me. Shoved me there inside the hospital in front of our one year old---led me to calling cops... but in perfect timing--praise God-- my parents walked in that hospital door-- and we all left... and came back to Arizona. My ex just dropped it all. As for he was off to Iraq... and just was about hurting... control. God was working....
This is what leads up to October 19th... A day I will never in my life forget, no regret, now. All the year of 2003 I had been searching for Jesus FINALLY in my life. Even while higher than a kite---HE INVITES ALL IN. And the Holy Spirit can still get thru to you!! I was trying to be hard hearted at first--but wow!! Just started to grasp me with amazement!!! Started dating my now amazing husband Christian Siebens, from afar....he was in Seattle. And Tory and I moved into our own little one bedroom apartment--she had the bedroom--I slept on the floor of the living room--with a TV no cable for her--and a lamp--no shade. Most awesome time of my life to be honest!!! I had off and on periods of popping way too many pills-was seeing an amazing psychiatrist for that at Mayo-Dr. Hanson-then later up thru today is amazing Dr. Stonnington. In July-then September of that year began seeing an AMAZING psychologist for people with seizures, strokes, etc... Dr. Sari Roth-Roemer--blessing and a half--who has helped me become so much of who I am today!!
I had been silent the whole time attending my church-Cornerstone Christian Fellowship, Chandler, AZ--but one day--in July of 2003, bit tipsy on too many pills again-at a church service-something spoke to me BIG. And made me look FINALLY for just ONE person to talk to--vent to. Ask questions about life, Jesus, what to do. And there was this lady I had seen almost every Sunday sitting pretty still as everyone was leaving--and I just chose her to reach to...my very dear friend and neighbor Karen. I reached to her BIG that night. Granted pretty tipsy, so God knows she was wondering what is up with this girl.. but she sure listened and reached out!!! And we kept in contact thru the year--she was like another counselor for me!! On biblical grounds. I truly today thank Jesus for her--she has helped me in so many ways-be a good mom, get thru hard points, she was my maid of honor. I am so blessed.

Had several overdosing stays in the hospital that year... but October 19th---why the date of this Blog meant so much to me is amazing---I argued on the phone with my ex on the 18th... and that argument just hurt. I had been saving my Phenobarbital pills--not taking them since August because I "hated" them. But not flushing them either in case of a "rainy" day. That argument felt like it was pouring. Denying he beat me--after apologizing a couple weeks prior. So psychologically confusing. So the next day... I popped half of my storage in the AM--went the the gym with my kid and friend, and his autistic kid. Hyper-drive started to kick in---walking straight lines weren't happening. Then.. began to feel the bit of downfall.. took it all.... 10,000 mg's... granted my body had grown pretty tolerant over the year. But I shouldn't be here typing. Led to us at the mall... me shopping like a bandit--for things I couldn't afford--and still have today to never forget. But it finally hit me--when I thought if I popped the ending of that bottle--I could just quickly go to sleep without feeling any type of fear first---I was wrong. And God gave me the feeling of regret--and fear. And I fortunately had my neurologists cell on program--like God knew this would occur. I hit the button in tears and asked what to do (best I could speak)---and he said to get there NOW. And sadly--I didn't just ask my friend to take us from the mall to that ER (30 miles)... no. I packed my kiddo up in my car... and said follow me to pack for my stay. And FLEW down the 40 mph street doing 80!!! TALK ABOUT JESUS' hand on us the WHOLE WAY...

My friend got us a sitter... and called my mom... and took me up to Mayo. And on the way--I remember nothing. I only remember when I got there--and they STAT put tube down me to pump my stomach-- just before I went into coma-- I asked Him to somehow give me another chance...and following--when I woke up in a room--I was still coming down off a high dose...but something still began to feel different. And I was still tipsy enough to not be embarrassed to call Karen, let her know how dumb I was--how amazing Jesus was. She was up in SECONDS!! That was when I was amazed at Christian friends who are there for you thru EVERYTHING!! She even had one of our very dear pastors come up to pray for me!! WOW--I had never been so touched in my life... that awesome Pastor Tom Stone was the same one who came to pray for me for my second brain surgery too... awesome friends thru Jesus I was learning!! WOW!!

And it all put me ONE FIRE FOR HIM!! I jumped in the Bible---and was amazed at how He spoke, and speaks to US. HE IS OUR SAVIOR ALL THE TIME!!! We have to see that!!

And I am still sitting here typing, blogging, tweeting, Facebooking, SKYPE'ing,, ning'ing, Lord... etc.. reaching now out to others... with epilepsy, domestic violence, depression, overdosage, suicide, etc... Most of all... those searching for Jesus. He has done nothing but brought so much good into my life... I learned so much thru it all---we need to forgive ourselves--knowing HE FORGIVES US FIRST!! (learned that thru my Bible study teacher Amy!! AMEN!!) And we need to forgive others... or we can't live a good life. I learned seizures worsen with me without forgiving others. Took me 4 years to forgive my ex--but it was an amazing feeling when I did.

He has brought so much joy and good thru all the tough times--as I found Him, trusted Him, walked tightly with knowing He has plans, and will not turn on me!! EVER!! And He hasn't -- has turned all this yuck into so much good-- and able to use so much I learned for His Glory!


With that... I have great news of my daughter being adopted by my husband-Christian Siebens @flyingchristian  --whom she has always seen as her daddy-this coming year (2009) ...and my 3rd brain surgery will be to come (was in 2010-another big thing God has got me thru and still gets me thru since that 3rd awake brain surgery)--to lessen medications!! He works wonders... even thru all the tough--leads to amazing good!!! We took the day my ex beat me and married that day (October 6th) in 2007---so it would always be a blissful day--not one to mourn over. And I always send my docs cards on Oct 19th--for helping thru Jesus to save my life!! (and I always buy a Starbucks cup--and my daughter clothes from Gymboree (different store now that she is a teen!) --as for that is what I did higher than I kite--I do it sane with happiness now!!)

Know you are wanted and loved by so many!! Jesus #1---family and friends and ME #2---never doubt that!! Jesus is always my Savior--your Savior-- always there to be our SAVE-YOUR :) Know that!! No matter what you are going thru or HOW you are going thru it--HE WILL GET YOU THRU IT--as you whisper to Him for His mercy and help!!!

In His Love,

Hetty Siebens



@AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures

My very first verse I opened to on my OWN when I really turned to Him after I exited Mayo Hospital---ALIVE!!!
Romans 4:18-19 AND...
Romans 4:20-22
Abraham NEVER wavered believing God's promise. In Fact, His faith grew STRONGER and in this he brought glory to God. He was absolutely convinced that God was able to do anything He promised. And because of Abraham's faith, God declared him to be righteous.
WOW!!!!

John 1:1-5 In the beginning the Word already existed. He was with God, and He was God. He was in the beginning with God. He created everything there is. Nothing exists that He didn't make. Life itself was in Him, and this life gives light to everyone. The light shines thru the darkness, and the darkness can never distinguish it.

Galatians 1:4 He died for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
http://www.epilepsycured.com
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http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe
My Apologies Begin Here Before Anyone Else from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Doesn't matter how...

We find Jesus----JUST AS LONG AS WE DO IN TIME!!!! And when we do--we grow close to Him, learn what wrongs we have done, ask for forgiveness, though He forgives us the moment we accept Him... learn that we are really forgiven--so forgive ourselves along with anyone else who has hurt us. Leap into His Word--He so will talk to us--guide us as we soak up His Word. Grow close to other Christian friends to hold us strong in our faith--for us to lean on--as for once we accept Him we are new people cleansed in His love and grace. We are to stick with others to build our faith... and when we learn more.. have others that don't know Him, lean on us... but we don't turn to them for advice. We need advice thru HIM. Be yoked with believers... friends with non-believers, but allowing THEM to lean on us.... so we don't turn back to the way we were...

I have lived that life... the "were" life. The tough marriage. The failed marriage. The one where I married him unconsciously thinking that I could run off--build the family that my family was far from when growing up. Happy, loving, sentimental, four kids, about each other---mind you I didn't know Jesus. Well, that failed miserably. The moment he cheated on me within our first year of marriage---I became my dad. Don't you all find yourselves saying parts of your parents you will never be like? Mine was #1 Mom---I will NEVER get married at 19 like you did--not til at least 25!! WRONG---19!!! #2 I would NEVER cheat on my spouse--never be like my dad--I had to counsel my mother when my father cheated on my mom--I didn't think it hurt me then--Lord did it ever backfire years later!! And the moment my ex cheated.. I was on search for the next man-- didn't faze me. Searching selfishly for what I wanted to fill my void.

Thru it all... I am still blessed today-- moment thru all hard circumstances-- near death experience.. that brought me to Jesus-- has done nothing but bring Amazing Love for Jesus into my life... and He brought me amazing family!! Never have had such hard times feel so glorious as I look back on them!!

Have patience in your hard times.. look to Jesus.. HE MORE THAN SEES YOU THRU--WITH AWESOME PLANS. He is ONE TRUE GOD OF ALL-- and never NEVER LETS YOU DOWN. May not answer your prayers on YOUR TIME. Or the way exactly YOU WANT--but when you look back in time-- you can almost ALWAYS SEE WHY, bow down, and thank Him for holding you thru it all-- and giving you the strength to get thru it all- in His timing. THAT IS THE RIGHT TIMING!!!

Life without knowing Him was so empty now that I look back-- but I also can look back and see His footprints all over my life-- trying to get my attention so many times, so kindly... gently... Is He doing that with you today?? Worth every moment to ask any questions-- search for why He is tapping on your shoulder. I am only here to type this, as for He has plans for me-- and such a heart to keep me here!!

Love you all so much thru Jesus!!

In His Grip,

Hetty @AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures

Psalm 16:2
I said to the LORD, "You are my Master! All the good things I have come from You!"

Psalm 18:30-31
As for God, His way is perfect. All the LORD's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection.
For who is God except the LORD? Who but our God is a solid ROCK?

Psalm 33:20-21
We depend on the LORD alone to save us. Only He can help us, protecting us like a shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice, for we are trusting in His Holy name.

Psalm 120:1 I took my troubles to the LORD; I cried out to Him, and He answered my prayer.

http://manyepilepsycures.blogspot.com
http://twitter4christ.blogspot.com
http://epilepsycures.ning.com

Transparency-God's workings!

Transparency ... SUCH A GIFT Jesus can bless us with----IF WE ACCEPT IT!!!

We have, yes the choice of hiding everything, or things we think that will make people run... think that we are somehow an alien or devil ridden or just weird... or we can be open with all that is going on in our life- knowing God turns all trials, health issues, work failings, money issues, marriage failings, rapings, beatings.... gosh etc.... He can turn it ALL for His Glory--- as we seek HIM--HIS help-- Trust Him... look to Him to help us thru it all-- knowing HE WILL SEE US THRU-- or we can be the type to take all control. But I say good luck. I tried that before I knew Jesus... and Lord, I can now compare the two-- BIG day and night.

I have personally been able to take many "bad" stuff and "hard" stuff... and use it to help others. See the light there is hidden in it all. As we walk close with Christ. When my ex beat me October 6, 2002... I could have been the type to yap and yell and rage on about it to the world... including (right now) our daughter.... but I didn't. I first-- because of that-- ran to find Jesus. AMEN!! Second, knew if my little one ever heard about that-- even in her very tiny years-- it would mentally affect her for years to come. Divorce-- even when the child doesn't know that other half well, is hard enough. I had parents that shared way too much info on their tragic marriage with me when I was small--that is where you live and learn comes in handy. Thru my close walk with Jesus since I found Him in 2003... it took me 3 more years to forgive my ex--- but it sure felt awesome when I did. And thru that.... he came into Tory's life for almost 2 years... with me being cordial, working with him and his military schedule. With faith-GOD WORKS WONDERS. He wasn't happy that Tory never saw him as dad few times she saw him. Well, my husband today has raised her since she was 2... he is her dad. I can't twist her arm. He has to earn it. Just as we have to call to Christ-our Father... "be my Dad!!! My Savior!! My Everything.!!!" That is what my husband is to Tory. Always there for her. Not one who might call once every 3 or so weeks. Imagine is Jesus was only around THAT MUCH??? WOW!!! How would life be?? We would be really sinking!! Jesus saw the actions... and my ex decided to give her to my husband for adoption.. I signed the papers day before our anniversary... so it is almost complete... what an anniversary gift from Jesus. And I will say--it is when we walk tight with Him, and don't waver. Don't snap. Don't let anger overflow our love for Jesus and all people. Because still today-my ex and I can still have a decent conversation, when we need to talk. So things work out amazing--when we hold on tight to Jesus--thru YEARS of a trial--or just days or months of one--HE GETS US THRU!!!! No pill will. No other "god". Nothing--but faith and prayer to Jesus, as you trust Him, and walk with Him tight--trying to be more and more like Him. Talk about an amazing God...WOW!! He has worked wonders in my life---and keeps working more. Setting up my 3rd brain surgery. That I know He is ready to control my seizures--thru faith. I love Him so much. He just amazes me--thru every great day, and hard day...know HE LOVE YOU EVERYDAY...
Sharing these stories... I am one very open soul.... I take all I go thru--and share it with all. I have come across so many I have been able to help because my mouth is so BIG.. about my illnesses, my faith, my ex, my life change today. Hiding all you go thru, doesn't help the one that could benefit GREATLY from your amazing faith, and knowledge of what issues you endure--yet still have faith!! Still are uplifting and loving. Not bitter, or angry. You can hold your hand out with the knowledge that will touch ones heart FOREVER. My MOUTH, ME, I am very transparent and open. Here for all... come to me on @EpilepsyCures and @AliveinMe on twitter.com
or http://epilepsycures.ning.com
or http://www.facebook.com/AliveinMe
or http://www.YouTube.com/Hetty4Christ

A few I'd love to see you at!! You all are blessings to me!!!!!

In His Grip,

Heather (Hetty) Siebens

The glory of God, and, as our only means to glorifying Him, the salvation of human souls, is the real business of life.
~C.S. Lewis

Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills, as I have found out long ago.
~C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite books, yes it is: from 1955--- Harold and the Purple Crayon By Crockett Johnson :)

Found TRUE LOVE

How can I break this down....

I grew up knowing nothing. In a town-that if anyone knew anything about Jesus-they sure were quiet. Only time I ever heard a thing about this "Guy" (aside from His name in vane in my family) was that show Jesus of Nazareth. I was about seven...and clueless...but it sure drew tears.
Kept living life...I was an epileptic my whole life. As a child I was a gymnast-a competitor...and in my heart...I would talk to "someone" just didn't know who. Had dreams-talking to "someone" about them...not sure who...
My parents marriage got so rocky as they lived for money and their names to be high up in the town we lived in..President of this and that...that of coarse led to women wanting my dad for material reasons...and he folded. And with my dad cheating on my mom started a whole new relationship between her and I...I was basically her counselor. She and I were always close. But she needed someone to confide in...and she did it with me, the daughter of both the parents. Which I didn''t think hurt then...but sure affected me later.
When I was 18-we had made our 4th move in last two yrs of my high school yrs. I was in New Bern, NC. I was insane there...was not the place for me. Some southern drawl I didn't understand...then people lectured me on this weird church stuff...not where I come from!! We don't have to do this church stuff-I'd tell em.....while I was there, I met my 1st husband-lengthier marriage by God-not by choice. We just jumped into marriage knowing each other 3mos. He was a marine. We wound up moving to California (probably half the reason I married him) But we had fuzzy feelings. Then when we got there in Cali-this is all 1996-he decided to press this Jesus stuff He had never spoken to me about-ever. At first I rejected it hard!!! Almost left him even...but then something tugged me. Half the reason was-everyone at my work, when I'd go to them asking them to back me up for me to leave him, couldn't-they were total Jesus Freaks! :) So on the side, I was learning from a friend a little...and started to go to my husbands church...but it wasn't but about a month into my attempt in my walking to learn more-that he cheated on me. After what I lived thru with my parents as a child...I had no forgiveness...nor did I have Jesus in my life yet-so didn't have it thru Him either...I was out of there...began 1 of my several move outs and to another state from him. We filed 3 times, 4th was our final in 2006. But God still has reasons for everything-during our breakups he showed me that I wasn't to be with other people-literally BIG signs of rolling my car three times, only breaking my marriage finger. Flat tires the night one was going to propose. Countless number of relationships-- searching to fill that void--somewhere around 15 in like an off an on 2 years. God sadly blesses me with an amazing memory-perhaps to know never to do all that again--turn TO HIM, now that I KNOW!! But He always is there...even when we aren't looking for Him.
My husband then, and I tried one last time-after another big break up-to patch it up back in 2000. He had feelings that I owed him-even though we both were so equal in hurting the other...finally got to a point his temper was just too much-and we discussed it-he said he couldn't handle being with me anymore and was seeing someone else...I was all okay...at least he told me...almost before. So we decided to go out-eat dinner-drink a bottle of wine (which was the first time I ever did with him) and talk about who gets what. We were laughing about it all in the end-back at our apartment...which lead to the married couple's last time....except even that night something felt and showed me-it was going to be more than that last night...
Within 5 days I found out that was the night that got me pregnant. He was so angry-wanted to abort it. I-not into Jesus-still felt it was a gift from God. We somehow stuck it out. But my seizures got worse...and it thru his schooling off. He didn't have time to take care of me...and when I had our baby Tory-he couldn't take care of us both...so Tory and I went back to AZ where my family was-to find a good neurologist. There I was set to go thru my first brain surgery Aug 7, 2002, and my husband had joined the Army so we could have the insurance for it. I made it thru that-no seizures!!! We had such marital strife and sinning all along. 
We moved to Killeen, TX, where he was stationed. Four days after...he beat me with our baby asleep. Thank God for the Army...they kicked him out...took pics and records..I thought I was loosing my mind though...I was so lonely. I had nobody there. My family would not believe me-they can't deal with stress...so I had to pretend he lived there and we were happy and I wasn't abused. Thank God for my neurologist in AZ at Mayo-he stayed in touch. I told him what was going on to watch my seizures...and also this new problem that came on...overdosing with Phenobarbital-antiseizure med-to numb pain. I was so alone-listened to sad sad music, bawling with whatever amount of the pills and soda. Tears were uncountable. Finally...visiting a friend in Austin..we hit the ER 2 times...then they suggested I stay with them that night...but I said I felt soooo much better-when I could in reality, barely say those words. I got into my car...blared my sad Matchbox twenty song "Hand me Down" stopped at a Jack in the Box for a BIG Dr. Pepper...then aggressively took off...on repeat..on the 35...bawling-saw the rest of the bottle of my pills...while crying about how hopeless life is..picked it up and slid every last one that wasn't in me already, in me...downing with that Dr. Pepper...dropping 7...that upset me...took little time to realize...that if I didn't see an ER or H sign asap I wouldn't be around...somehow God provided that...somehow...and ripped my car over all these curbs into it. Going thru my first stomach pump. My parents were called by the family friend that I had seen and jumped on the first flight to come get Tory and I...there was God's hands at work there....
They were upset..but so loving. It was from that point on it was battle time. I didn't have them as the mom and dad I could talk about the beating with...upset them too much. Couldn't talk about my new addiction when I'd get upset and stressed over this divorce-he left Tory and I with nothing. I couldn't hold a job with my addiction issues...I found my church one day-when I was blasted...God called to me with that purple sign that said Cornerstone. I knew that was the only way I'd find hope. I started going...every Sunday...but I swear he always spoke directly at me...convicted me of so much! God answered so many little and big prayers in that tiny walk...beginning of learning...but I was still in a battle...wound up overdosing in June of 2003-more battle on line with my ex who was in Iraq-(gift from God to separate us that far-even though that was tough) The docs tried to change my medication-I really wanted Phenobarb out of my life-took about 12 days..at home reading to my 2 yr old on my lap on the floor...HUGE grand mal seizure...threw up everywhere...was out for 3 hrs-bonked my head on the tile. When I woke my baby was still standing there-2 1/2 hrs past her bed time-bawling her eyes out-pointing at me-saying "mama mama" ...ugh!! talk about tears...I barely could talk...
It took several more times of overdosing/hospitalizations after being put back on Phenobarbital (weekly, hand given-but stored by me) ...and one final time-in October of 2003-that I almost lost my life to...that Jesus saved me from death...heard tiny prayers...saw the little walk I was trying to walk...He needed to have me have more than a wake up call... HE SAVED ME FROM DEATH, on a major overdose. As I whispered His name, before I hit coma and they were pumping my stomach-HE SAVED ME BIG--more than 2nd chances. I lived to tell.
And I am blessed. Just following is when the love of my life-Christian-was shocked and amazed...over that yr...I as this new Christian on fire for Jesus...got him who grew up with Christ...ON FIRE!! And we dated the way God wanted us to! As my divorce was still going thru...God had that take time...and I look and see why now...it took about 4 yrs for me to really forgive my ex for beating me. It hurt me so bad emotionally...caused so much anguish-with seizures and overdosing...but with that overdosing...I have to look back and thank Jesus for it all...for I found Him...and it led me to going thru a second brain surgery-that was amazing!!! Following Him...in prayer-the second one was almost painless...which was a SHOCK-cause it was so much more complicated than the first!! The day after I got out...I was at Bible study!! AMEN!!!! I didn't get out of the house the first one for about a month!
With this walk came forgiveness...and when I felt God tug on me to do that....and I did forgive my ex for all he did to me-while also apologizing for what I also put him thru...God made me feel so awesome inside...like He gives you a new heart. And mine on fire for Him! Did it have aching times, yes. seizing a month after my second brain surgery hurt...but He has reasons for everything. I have been on a health struggle since 2000...and worsened since 2005. If I went down my list-you'd wonder how I still type! hahaha!! But the cool thing is...is that-no matter how many times I go to the hospital, and for what...He is there, holding me the whole time...
I have numerous health issues if anyone ever wants to talk-I am open! We are so blessed. Even thru battles of trials, came blessings! My ex has surrendered rights to Tory-our kid, and given my husband ability thru that to adopt. He has raised her as her dad since she was two. And a successful 3rd brain surgery-cured my Epilepsy...they did it while I was AWAKE. God was more than there! And amazing people-near and far from Twitter were also there thru it all! I love you all so much!! My precious hubby updated it all on http://manyepilepsycures.blogspot.com
I was able to enjoy life, working out, many sports I loved but couldn't do with Epilepsy holding me back. 
But, I am on pause for the moment again, being tested for numerous illnesses that ate my nerves/muscles up so quickly-and out of no where. But I know He always sees me thru... and has amazing plans-as I walk with Him and trust Him.
God has amazing reasons for everything...even when it is a battle with health. It somehow is a light-not only in my life, but in others too. I am able to share His awesome love and Word thru these struggles and how awesome He works thru them! Never would regret a moment of it...


Blessings to you...

Hetty Siebens  @AliveinMe

Jeremiah 17:15 Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.


2 Corinthians 12: 8-9 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me.

1 Peter 5: 6-7 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you. Give ALL your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you!

Precious one-Forever

For my dear precious hubby....

Blessings!!!

Blessings are amazing...and all of you are sure BIG BLESSINGS!!

Blessings can sure be hidden when we don't open are heart to them surrounding us. Even during hard trials...there are such amazing blessings that occur thru them. We just have to recognize them...and be gracious and thankful. Sometimes that can be so tough.

It has been a tough few months for me...with my child MIA with my ex over the summer...from lack of communication. But I had to put my trust in Christ...no human power. And He saw us thru. Not only that...but He also blessed Tory and our family with my ex deciding to back out...to do what is best for Tory. Yes, part selfish for money...but also realizes who she sees as her dad from lack of being there...psychologically it is best for our child...and in time she can make her own decisions. But her dad is here in our home...has been for her since she was 2. So even thru those tough days in the summer...with faith and trust..Jesus more than blessed us and Tory.

As well as health....we have to rely on Christ. We never know why..it is all going on. When it will all stop. But we know He ALWAYS has us in HIS HANDS as we love and trust Him...He never lets us down. So even seizure after seizure...turning into more health issues I keep having over and over...which is lack of ability to walk...lift arms...that hit again last weekend. I was scared. It hits....but it hit HARD. But He saw me thru. Even with my nurse snapping at me with little care...I praise Jesus for my neurologist who called me back. He has a heart of GOLD. And will re run blood work AGAIN. I have a real fun system that doesn't absorb vitamins well...so if I lack several and haven't had them infused lately...I fall to pieces. And it very much handicaps me. So...we will see. I take so many meds for my seizures right now until surgery is done...that those don't help. They just add to it...but I try my best...to keep up on them..and always see that light Christ has for me thru all of this...to share with others.

As for the hardest part..I clammed up for sometime do to family issues. My brother's sociopathic problems. My parents just take him in again...and don't understand tough love. And he has been this way...since childhood. He needs to learn..hard...that WE WILL BE THERE..once he himself..goes and gets help...and stops using everyone. Using every drug..but if one keeps coddling him...he will never get better. And then they have no right to complain for all he has taken from them...so...it is tough..if there is one in my family who uses their heart...it has always been me. One who is the one ALWAYS THERE...loving..in all times. But I am shut out now due to tough love. And I pray that he will get help...and they all will re-love me when they understand why I am doing this. All I want is for my brother to get better...I have been in very similar shoes. So it hurts when someone you love dearly...is just hurting not only themselves...but everyone you love around you. He has so much potential.

I know God will see it all thru...Christ has worked wonders in my life. That is proof He can and WILL in ALL lives...who are ready for Him to!! Just reach out to Him...ask Him into your life...and WOW...you will watch amazing changes to come over the years of your walk with Him! Just amazes me every day...HE NEVER GIVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE...but sure blesses us A TON!

And I am blessed to know all of you!!

So glad to be back up...ALIVE IN HIM...AS HE IS ME...On Twitter..Walking better...typing more!! And my mouth is a go!!

God bless you all!! Tweet me!!

((HUGS)) from me thru Christ!

In HIs Love,

Heather (Hetty) Siebens

@AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures

http://www.epilepsycures.ning.com
http://www.youtube.com/Hetty4Christ
http://www.facebook.com/Hetty4Christ
http://www.causes.com/epilepsycures
SKYPE AliveinMe
Google hcbenz777

Blessings!!