Big bro to Little Sis

My Brother is the Anxious Smurf I am the Artistic One

But in REAL life, yes, since my 3rd brain surgery I've gained the ability of art-which I NEVER EVER HAD.... but really, yes my brother is a very anxious person-that I swear my epilepsy halted me from being. But he is also a very intellectual soul. His Webster's is way wider and deeper I swear than the average. His words pass beyond my comprehension... but are enjoyable to hear-being someone that needs help finishing simple sentences now... ever since that 3rd brain surgery. The cool thing about Troy is he was actually there for me, and my family when I had my 3rd brain resection. My family are all filled with forms of anxiety, and just "can't" stop by hospitals. But he gave it his all and all-and was there-- and there-after. So, even being swarmed with darn anxiety, that I just don't understand-I was able to witness it and see how he has to handle it. And really, for the most part-with all the medical stuff he had to put up with me, even on his own when my husband was out of town-he would have to "man up" and pass the worries aside, pretending it didn't bother him--especially fearful, being the way his is-he would cause me anxiety. But I have a part of my brain, I swear that anxiety would usually come from, and it is made of iron. Nothing scared me or makes me fearful. I can get angry or upset over subjects-but not physical things like walking into doctor offices. THANK GOD FOR THAT-- HE KNEW WHAT MY LIFE WOULD ENDURE!!! If I was anywhere close to my brother-or even worse off is my mother, I would just be seizing. Instead, I am able to skip into all my pre-ops for my brain surgeries and be full of humor and joy. Even more humorous this last time was everything was done awake except cutting out the bone and screwing my head down to the table--I was just under normal light juice for that so they were able to wake me up, and get as many questions and cut outs done as quickly as possible, before the extreme pain ran down my head and face. But I was bucko to keep going. Now if I was on camera for my brother to see that-he would have first run in and personally knocked me out-then rush to the men's to let the worries out another way!!  :)  This is the man whose IQ is so high, I don't even know if I can count that high!!!  :)  It is just amazing how Jesus works. We never get everything easy-there is always an extreme struggle for all of us. And many, not just one or two!! That is why I know and say that no matter what my suffering is-it is never MORE SEVERE than anyone else's-no matter the fact you can see mine from the outside--some you cannot-but that struggle for what Jesus knows is extreme for them, is further than they can go, so anything else in my categories would push them past being drawn back to God. I've gone a tad past my true limit-which was Christ's way of calling back to me "Heather, I want your hand in mine for this road to go smoother!!" And when I re-accepted that, life started to smooth out. I have seen that happen in my brother's life. His attitude has truly changed over all his challenges in life and I am gracious for that. Although as a little brother and sister we can hit an edge and argue-his temper calms quickly-and recognizes faults even easier than I do-and I've been walking with Christ 9 years more than he has. Perhaps that comes with maturity in age-almost 2 years. But he'll then always be 2 years ahead of me!! :)
We had quite the blow out around a month ago. He busted out-and I was very cranky and tearful ever since. But deep in my heart, my giving him time to find him, I knew we'd circle round and be close all over again. I gave him that time... but I am not one BIG on requirement of apologies. I kept saying not to apologize- for I just understood... as I just know Jesus would. He already accepts me so wronged, dirty, and disgraceful... but yet HE sees so much RIGHT, Cleanliness, and grace throughout all I do. His love is so pure-and was the only way I got thru this close big bro/little sister tiff. And to Him, tonight, I am just so gracious for bringing us back together. My life, and my kiddo's life is complete again. As for it was hard to be hard hearted-and think of my baby girl's name (yes 11) named after Troy--Tory. I just woke up in my 8 month knowing it would be after Him and His wife for 13 years-also my friend, Moriah. I am gracious I made that decision--or that Jesus did. He works thru us way before we find Him. I am able to look back and see how now--and all I can do is praise and thank our Lord and Savior. I have this perfect family built up after such destruction after her birth-and her dad, legally, and in her eyes is not biologically--but the time he has been in her life, and helped her grow up her way--I am just so gracious to God how He works. They are quite the pair. And the way she loves my brother--calls him her "twin" due to their name and many commons-I see how He was working in my life, their lives way before I knew Him, she knew Him, or Christian re-accepted Him and my brother Troy found Him.
So, no matter what trial it is that gets one to come to Christ-no matter how long... all I can say is Hallelujah!! What change this is knowing Christ--it would continue on, not speaking to one another if we didn't know Jesus. THAT IS A HUGE JENSEN CHANGE!! Our family can be hard, bitter, and prolong it all. Nothing with true reason to.... so much healthier to be who Christ has been, and is still forming us to be...
To all this and more, I say AMEN!!!

Bless you all!!

Heather J Siebens

http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe
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Proverbs 10:6 The Godly are showered with blessings; evil people cover up their harmful intentions.

Ecclesiastes 9:12 People can never predict when hard times might come. Like a fish in a net or birds in a snare, people are often caught by sudden tragedy.

2 Corinthians 3:5 It is not that we think we can do anything of lasting value by ourselves. Our only power and success comes from God.

2 Corinthians 9:15 Thank God for His Son-a gift too wonderful for words!

Galations 5: 22-23

But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, He will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.